If I could do all that alone, then carrying and raising a baby alone was definitely doable.
The fact that I didn’t want to didn’t come into it. Even if I wanted to find Marshall and tell him about our baby, I had no idea where to start looking. He had been one of a hundred or more military personnel helping in the fire zone that week. It would be like looking for a single flea in a shag pile rug.
Impossible.
CHAPTER THREE
GRILL
“Fuck, fucking cocksucker!” I shouted as I slammed the landline phone back down into the cradle. “How fucking hard is it to find one goddamn woman?”
Frustration and anger rolled through me. I had been back for three weeks from the last deployment and I was no closer to finding Addy than I had been before we left for Darfur. I never realised how many animal conservations had been involved in the bushfire relief effort, nor the sheer number of volunteers. Add to that, the fact I had no idea of Addy’s last name, where she came from or anything helpful other than she had been the single most amazing sexual experience of my life.
My balls tingled and my cock jolted behind my zipper at the memory of that night. The way her gorgeous brown hair had looked all spread out on my pillow, the desire in her eyes, her kiss swollen lips and her perfect moans. Fuck, I could come from that memory alone.
“Marshall is there any particular reason why you are cursing a blue streak in my house?” My aunt’s stern voice came from the other side of the dining room.
“No, ma’am, just pissed off with the lack of progress I am making with finding this woman,” I answered, discreetly adjusting myself before turning around to face the woman who had raised me since the age of six. My mother’s suicide set off a chain of events not only for me but for her sister as well. My mum’s younger sister and only living relative, not looking for a family, let alone a six-year-old with an attitude got more than she bargained for all at once. I gave her a hard time for a lot of years; the child psychologists talked about PTSD, trauma from finding my mum slumped in the bathroom after she swallowed a bottle of prescription sleeping tablets the reason behind my anger. And maybe they had been right, but to be honest, I barely remembered that day when I walked into the small bathroom and found my mum lifeless on the cold tiles.
Thirty years had passed and I could safely say I was over it.
“Marshall, do I need to wash your mouth out with a bar of soap? Honestly, your language is getting worse more and more each day,” Faye grumbled, walking into the kitchen. It didn’t matter to her I was a man of thirty-six, or a soldier in the Australian Army, to Faye I was still the young smart-mouth kid.
“Sorry, Faye, I just can’t find this chick, and the more time that goes by, the more time I am missing if she is pregnant,” I told her, following her and taking a seat at the ancient wooden kitchen table. Faye knew about what happened, well I didn’t go into detail of the specifics, but she knew the condom broke and my worries about a baby cooking inside Addy with my DNA.
“Okay, so what do you know? Did you see a uniform, maybe an insignia on her shirt?” Faye asked, flipping on the kettle and getting two cups from the draining rack.
“It was late at night when we met, and she had on a dark hoodie. I didn’t take much notice of her clothes when I was taking them off Faye,” I drawled, smirking at her.
“Ewww, TMI nephew. Geez,” she shivered, frowning at me.
“I reckon it’s time I asked for some help from the club. Ford is a computer genius and has helped out in a tonne of personal matters for the members. I’m not a patch but I am sure Booth won’t mind letting Ford give me a hand in finding Addy.” After yet another day of dead ends, it was time to get some outside help. My way wasn’t working all that well, and maybe the club could do better.
“Do … do you like Booth?” Faye asked, her voice stammered as she asked me the out of the blue question. Her back was to me, so that I couldn’t see her face, but the question seemed out of left field.
“Sure,” I answered with a shrug. “He is a great man; an excellent father and his reputation precedes him in the commandos even after all this time. Why? Do you know him?”
“Nope, but even here in Creswick, I hear about the Wounded Souls and their generosity to the community,” Faye answered quickly, turning to place a cup of hot coffee in front of me, her hand seeming a little shaky to me. “Just wondering, that’s all.” Her smile appearing forced.
“Okay, sure you can go with that shit if you like. Just remember the man has a wife he worships and is nearly twenty years older than you,” I replied, guessing she was yet another female that had the hots for the former president of the Wounded Souls.
“Oh, blow it out your arse,” Faye spluttered, making me laugh out loud.
“Should I go get that soap, or would you rather the dishwashing liquid.” My smart-arse reply getting me a clip across the ears.
“Little shit,” my aunt mumbled, but the grin on her face replaced the frown, so I took it that I was right, and it was nothing but a crush.
“Have you considered that she wasn’t just volunteering her time but her skills?”
Shaking my head, I looked at my aunt, slightly confused by the sudden subject change.
“Huh?”
“Addy, have you thought that she could be a vet? It might be easier to get a list of vets than just a member of the public offering their help. Maybe that is the way you should be heading with your search.”
“Fuck Faye, you might be onto something. I remember her saying something about having to euthanise koalas too badly burned. Fuck, why am I just remembering that now?”
“Well, there ya go. I am sure they don’t just let anyone do that,” Faye agreed as she started to walk out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” I called after her.
“To get a bloody bar of soap!”
***
An hour later, I was striding through the main room at the compound. I had called ahead and asked Booth if he had a few minutes to talk about an issue I was having, he, of course, agreed to hear me out and would help if possible. I just hoped that Faye’s suggestion that Addy might be a vet was going to lead me in a better direction. Time was passing and that was not sitting well with me, not even a little bit. Was she pregnant or wasn’t she?
It wasn’t just that she bolted the next morning leaving me sleeping or the sad note she left me, something passed between us that night, something more than incredible sex. I felt something deep down in the pit of my gut, a feeling I had never had with anyone else. I was far from a man whore, but I’d had my fair share of women over the years. You didn’t get to my age without more than a few conquests, I didn’t think highly of myself, but I wasn’t ugly. I attracted women younger than me, one or two of them even staying around for more than one night. My longest relationship had been in my mid-twenties. Cora, my first proper live-in girlfriend and I lasted three years. We split up because she didn’t want to follow me from base to base. She liked living in Sydney, and by that time, Gabe had secured the apartments in Queenscliff and the permission to base ourselves from there and part-time here in Ballarat.
Our breakup had been very amicable, with no fuss, mess or tears. That alone had been a red flag that she had not been in for the long haul. Hell, she never even worried about me when I went on deployment, and I rarely got care packages from her like Bastian got from Wren, who at the time had only been best friends with my LT. Now they were engaged and waiting for the arrival of their first child. Deck’s health had put the wedding on the back burner, Bastian wanting to wait for his dad to be completely cleared by his surgeon and GP before making Wren his forever. I had no doubt that it was coming soon; in three weeks, I saw an amazing change in Deck already. Not that I was surprised, the SAA wasn’t one to let something like a heart attack keep him down for long.
“Hey Grill, I didn’t think you were going to be here today,” Gabe called out to me from behind the bar, a surprised smile on his face.
“Hey, Tank, yeah, I have something to ask your old man, a favour of sorts,” I explained, leaning on the bar.
Gabe nodded but said nothing, didn’t ask what the favour was, or why it was his father I needed to see. He wasn’t one for prying and I was thankful for that. I hadn’t told any of my teammates about my night with Addy, or the chain of events after it. It wasn’t affecting my performance or taking away my focus on the battlefield … yet. However, if I didn’t find her soon, then maybe that would change. Until then, the fewer people who knew, the better. I didn’t know Addy all that well as a person. I knew her body pretty fucking good, but I was sure considering she agreed to no last name, her privacy was important to her and wouldn’t appreciate me putting out an APB on her whereabouts just because the rubber broke. Something she probably had no idea about.
“Want a beer?” Gabe asked indicating the bar tap.
“Nah, I have to drive back to Creswick after I see your dad. Faye wants to demolish the old swing set and playground in the backyard. She reckons it’s safe I ain’t going to be playing on it now that I am a grown arse man,” I chuckled, Gabe joining me. “What are you doing behind the bar, anyways?”
“Steel went off to take over the afternoon, and I offered to fill in until Dev gets off work at the tattoo shop. Then we are going to look at wedding venues, and she finally narrowed down a date, so I am jumping on it before she changes her mind.”
“As if she would,” I scoffed good-naturally, “Devon is so far gone on you, it’s a wonder she hasn’t gotten Doc to tattoo your name on her butt.”
Gabe growled at me. “Do not talk about my woman’s butt, and don’t mention a man, friend or not, putting his hands on it either.”
“Copy that Cap, no more talking about Dev’s cute …” Laughing when Gabe vaulted over the bar in one smooth fluid move, I backed up with my hands in front of me in surrender. Gabriel Booth was not only a damn fine captain; he was one of my closest friends, and he was easy to get along with, and really easy to talk to as well. He was also so deep in love with his fiancée; I had to admit I was somewhat jealous of their relationship. I was surprised they weren’t married with a baby on the way yet, but Gabe had mentioned that he wanted Devon to have the wedding of her dreams. Her mum died when she had been very young, and then there were the two bouts of cancer and the neglected childhood; Gabe just wanted to give her everything she deserved, and if that meant waiting to find the perfect wedding venue, then my captain would do precisely that.
“Sorry, Tank, couldn’t resist. I better go find your dad before you show me some of that hand to hand combat you are so famous for or is it knife skills?” I pretend to ponder, my thumb and forefinger on my chin.
“It was one fucking man and it was to save Ammo’s arse. Jesus, when are you lot going to find someone else to annoy with that shit?”
“Whatever you say, Cap,” I murmur, walking away, still laughing at Gabe’s grumbling about his legendary knife fight that just refused to go away, mainly because none of us would let it. Gabe was fun to rile, but it was all in good fun. In all seriousness had he not taken on that insurgent in that knife fight, Ammo might not be with us today. And that wasn’t worth contemplating.
Making my way quickly down the long hallway, I stopped in front of the open door to the war room and rapped my knuckles on the door frame. The war room was a place I knew all too well. It was a place both Team Fives talked about… well, war. After some, not all, deployments, but always after a bad one, we sat and talked, relived the horrors only the men in the room could possibly understand. It was a place of no judgement and support, a place I needed more times than I would have liked.
“Come in, Grill,” Booth’s deep voice called from inside. Walking in, I saw Shiloh Johnston sitting at the head of the table, Booth sitting beside her in the seat normally reserved for the VP.
“Hello, Grill,” Shiloh greeted me warmly, she was the current president of the club, Booth having stepped down to spend more time with his wife. Gabe told me the change in his father when he handed over the leadership of the Wounded Souls had been nothing short of miraculous. Gone was the shadow in his grey eyes, the intensity in him diminishing just enough that he didn’t have to use the rubber band on the wrist therapy any longer.
Walking around the table, I leaned down and gave Shiloh a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey, Squirt, how you doing today?” I asked then turned my attention to the man I practically worshipped.
“Booth, sir, thank you for seeing me,” I said respectfully, offering him my hand.
“Enough with the sir shit, Grill, I am not active and haven’t been for a fucking long time now hearing that just makes me feel old,” Booth growled, taking my hand to shake.
“So, what can I do for you mate? Your call was a bit vague in the details,” Booth said, getting straight to the point. No small talk with Vincent Booth.
“Um, would you like me to leave you alone?” Shiloh asked suddenly.
“Nope, Grill is asking for the club’s help with something Squirt, it’s ultimately your call if we help him,” Booth announced and just like that I was a thirty-six-year-old sniper squirming in his seat. How the man could intimate me like he did, baffled me, it wasn’t in a bad way, but he never ceased to amaze me with his commanding personality.
“Oh, okay, so Grill, how would you like the club to help you?” Shiloh started, sounding very much like a leader. Obviously, a trait that ran in her family.
“Well, basically, I met a woman, and I need to find her, but the problem is I have very limited information on her.”
Looking between Booth and Shiloh, I couldn’t help the sweat forming on my palms, but I would be damned if I was going to admit to it or risk rubbing my hands on my pants. Instead, I sat taller in my seat and waited for their questions.
“Exactly what do you know about her?” Shiloh asked first, a smirk identical to her brothers on her face.
“First name,” I answered.
“And?”
“That’s basically it.”
“That ain’t limited Grill, that is fuck all,” Booth muttered.
“I realise that, sir … Booth, but that is about all I have, other than I think she might be a vet. I met her when we went to Gippsland to help in the bushfire evacts and transports. She was volunteering for one of the wildlife organisations. We … spent the night together and agreed to only first names, I gave her my real name. I don’t normally give that out, so that tells you why she is important to me.” Licking my lips that had suddenly dried as if I was back in the desert.
“Doesn’t tell me what I want to know, son. What aren’t you telling us?” Booth asked, his grey eyes demanding my attention.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I went for broke. “The next morning she was gone, I woke up to a very cold side of the bed, and … a broken condom.” My voice stayed strong when I told them the last part, but only because I called on all my training to remain unaffected. On the inside, it was a different story.
“I grew up without a father, my mother took her own life when I was a young kid, and because of that, I will not let a child of mine grow up without knowing who I am, or where he or she came from, including my side of the family. If there is a child, my kid will not grow up without me, period,” I finished, my voice stern and final. My childhood, after I went to live with my aunt, had been pretty good, apart from my constant acting out. Before then … all I remember was sadness in our small house. My memories of my mum were just of her being sad all the time, and I didn’t have one memory of her laughing or having fun with me, cuddling me or telling me she loved me. It was just depressing sadness. If it had not been for Faye coming around and taking me to playgrounds and out for hamburgers, I seriously doubt I would have any fun at all.
Booth stared at me; he had not said a word or changed his facial expression from his mask of control. I was about
to ask him to say something, anything when he reached into the inside pocket of his cut and pulled out his phone. Swiping his finger across the screen, he lifted it to his ear, all the while looking at me.
“Ford, need you in the war room now,” he ordered quietly, then placed his phone back in his pocket. His grey eyes still intense, but behind all that intensity was compassion.
“Let’s see what Ford can do.”
“Okay, that should do to get me going,” Ford declared, shoving himself clumsily out of the seat and to his feet.
“Really? It isn’t much,” I admitted, but for the first time since I discovered a broken condom on the end of my cock, I had a glimmer of hope. Ford had come into the war room with his usual feet tripping bustle, but once he opened his laptop, and started asking me questions, my anxiety– that this was nothing short of a waste of time, diminished considerably.
Ford gathered his numerous devices up into his arms, the tattooed and pierced computer geek biker gave me his trademark grin.
“I have found someone with less than you gave me, Grill. I agree that we are looking for a vet, given what you told us about the koala. All I need to do is … well, I won’t give away my trade secrets, but rest assured, I reckon I can find Addy for you, mate.”
Standing up, I reached out to shake Ford’s hand when the beeper on my belt, my constant companion, went off.
“Shit,” I clipped, pulling it off and glanced at the small screen.
AFGHANISTAN.
One word, but it spoke volumes.
Booth jumped from his seat, his face hard with worry.
“I need to find Stella,” he announced, stalking around the table, stopping in front of me, “we will take care of this, you need to focus on keeping yourself and your team safe. My son needs his sniper clear and steady.” Booth’s unspoken warning did not miss its mark, and I understood what he meant.
Grill (The Wounded Sons Book 3) Page 3
