Addie stared at the hand holding onto hers. Maze had made a similar gesture back in her mother’s house, and just like now, her will crumbled. Why did she feel so wishy-washy when it came to these guys? What frigging power did they have over her? Why did she want to give in?
“I…” Her voice came out soft, “I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like one of you.” Addie should’ve taken her hand away, because she’d just met Dylan and this seemed a bit too fast, but for some reason, she didn’t. She couldn’t.
“Give your inner wolf a chance to come out,” Dylan pleaded. “Then you’ll know, one way or another.”
Addie wasn’t so sure. “Once my…inner wolf is out, though, there’s no putting her back in.” It was a decision she definitely wasn’t ready for. Feeling his hand squeeze hers, his warmth slowly seeping from his skin into hers, she sighed. “Fine. I’ll stay a bit longer, but I really don’t want to hear any more talk of mates or anything like that. Deal?”
The smile spreading on Dylan’s face mirrored Maze’s, different only in that his was slower. “Deal,” he said, still not letting go of her hand.
She chuckled. “Maybe we should start by letting go?”
“Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry,” Dylan quickly said, yanking his hand away. As he did so, he hit his book with his elbow, knocking the book to the floor for the second time. Not a coordinated one, was he?
Addie held in a laugh, not wanting to embarrass him, as she bent to pick up the book for him. She heard him mumble something, telling her no, that he could get it, but it was too late. Her fingers were already bringing the book up, her eyes already on the spine. A four word title that made her mouth fall open.
“Gone with the Wind?” Addie asked.
Dylan blinked, heat creeping up his neck and swirling in his cheeks. So much for not embarrassing him. “I, uh, I read when I get bored, and I…” Nothing he said would make him feel better, she knew, so she did the only thing she could.
She handed him the book. Addie thought about making a comment along the lines of even I’ve never read that, but she knew it would only make him feel worse, more embarrassed. And although he was cute, she didn’t want to be mean about it. So Addie said nothing, only smiling at him.
She only spoke once she figured out something to say that referenced his reading but not the particular book: “Does Maze read too, or just you?”
Dylan chuckled once, a soft sound, still a bit awkward, but less so than he was a minute ago. “No. Maze doesn’t even read the instructions when putting something together.”
Addie wanted to say she didn’t know anyone who read instructions religiously, but she was still stuck on the whole Gone with the Wind thing. Her eyes locked with his when she asked, “Do you like romances?”
God. A question she probably shouldn’t have asked, because it was both embarrassing and information she didn’t need to know. The more she learned about these guys, the more she might like them—and liking them was out of the question, considering she was going to leave, whether it was today, tomorrow, or whenever.
“Is it weird if I say yes?” Dylan whispered.
He and Maze were two peas in a pod, weren’t they? Maze had said something similar back at her mother’s house. Addie would tell Dylan the same thing she’d told Maze. “No. You’re allowed to like whatever you want. It doesn’t make you weird or gay or a pussy—” She stopped, eyes widening.
What the heck? She didn’t mean to say that word.
“Sorry,” she was fast to correct herself. “It’s just something Maze said before.”
Dylan only nodded. “He has a mouth on him.”
A mouth, yes. Along with a few other things Addie should not have seen. Things she should be unaware of, including but not limited to how his junk looked. His junk, his butt, the musculature of his hips without any clothes covering it…
“I’m going to take a nap,” Addie said. Maybe she was so exhausted she had no filter. Maybe her tiredness was the reason behind the strange way her body was reacting to the guys.
Yeah. That was it.
Chapter Ten
Addie could see nothing but forest around her. Trees, towering high above her, blocking out the sky. Though she could not see it, she knew it was a dark, starry night. Cloudy, covering the moon, otherwise there would be more light shining through the branches. That familiar beating, the heavy breathing right behind her, in tune with her heartbeat. Just like before.
Only this time, she could see—a bit, since it was so freaking dark, but a bit was more than nothing.
And maybe it was because she could see, but she grew fearful. Frightened. Scared. Addie knew she had to run, had to escape whatever was so close to her back. Would it chase her, catch her, hurt her? She didn’t know. She had no idea, and it was the scariest thing of all.
Addie’s feet took off, and she ran as fast as she could. More like a life-or-death sprint, her all put behind the pumping of her arms and the crisscrossing of her legs. If she didn’t make it, if that thing got her…she couldn’t think about it. She just had to move, to get out of the forest. If she made it out of the forest, she’d be safe. Deep down, she knew whatever it was couldn’t leave the confines of the woods.
Her legs could only take her so far though, and the thing was right behind her, tailing her expertly. It kept up with her, but did not pass her, didn’t attack her. Addie knew it could’ve, but she had no idea why it wasn’t finishing this. Did it enjoy the chase? Did it revel in her fear? Why didn’t the thing end it for good?
Her blood pumped through her veins at speeds she didn’t know it was capable of. She grew hot, her lungs feeling like they were about to burst. How much longer could she run? How much farther was it to the edge of the forest? Why did it feel like she ran in circles? She was getting nowhere. Addie was not the type to give up, but her hope continued to dwindle, like a flickering flame losing the air it needed to keep going.
Just when she thought about possibly spinning on her heels and facing whatever chased her, the tip of her right foot caught on something. A root, a broken branch, a stone. It didn’t matter. Whatever it was, it was hard and it made her stumble.
Addie was not fast or coordinated enough to catch herself before she fell into the dried-up leaves below. She landed on her arms, her face inches from touching the ground. The smell of mold and dampness entered her nostrils; not a smell she liked. Too earthy. While she loved spending time around her pond at home, this was…well, this was a bit like a nightmare.
She felt the fall in her arms, mostly her elbows and her wrists. As Addie struggled to get back up, she heard the heavy breathing behind her circle around her, stopping as it moved in front of her. Her eyes stared hard at the dark ground, the night air blowing through her brown and pink hair like some kind of sick caress. Whereas it might’ve felt good in another time, here it felt wrong. Like one final kiss from death.
Addie was measured in bringing her eyes forward, freezing as she spotted two clawed paws, covered in brown fur. Claws that could easily tear skin from bone and innards from her stomach.
Were those…wolf paws?
She continued to lift her gaze, stopping only when she was staring into the eyes of a four-foot-tall wolf. Shadows covered its body, but she knew its fur was brown. And its eyes, as they blinked, flashed a brilliant, bright green. A green that was both familiar and foreign. A green that made Addie’s skin clam up.
She’d seen the color before, hundreds, thousands of times…each and every time she looked in the mirror. Those were her eyes.
The wolf’s breathing was calm, not ragged, but it was so very loud. In and out through its opened muzzle, its long snout, the sound drowning out anything else that might’ve graced Addie’s ears. She could hear nothing, focus on nothing else besides the wolf. The wolf who currently stood before her, less than two feet away, taller than her collapsed, fallen form.
“Why aren’t you attacking me?” Addie whispered. She didn’t know much, remembered even le
ss, but she knew what a wolf did. Wild, untamed creatures. The one before her had stalked her, chased her all this time, and now she was finally down, it wasn’t going after her. Why?
As a response, the wolf lowered its head somewhat, though its green gaze never left hers. It took a tiny step forward, and as it did, Addie saw it, and her heart rose to her throat, making it hard to swallow the shock that built.
The wolf’s head had pink stripes, just a few strands here and there. Enough to startle Addie. Enough to make her sit, stare at the wolf, and reach for her messy brown waves. Brown hair that had pink stripes. Just like the wolf.
Or was the wolf like her?
Pink and brown was definitely a strange combination of colors for a wolf, as were green eyes. The entire creature looked almost fake, but as it stood in front of her, breathing loudly, staring at her, Addie knew the wolf was the opposite of fake. It was real, and it was a she.
The wolf was a female.
And then, suddenly, strangely, it clicked. Addie just knew. She knew. Why didn’t she realize it sooner? The reason the wolf hadn’t attacked, why it looked so much like her—her wolf. Her inner wolf.
“You’re my wolf,” Addie said in a bare whisper, speaking softly, afraid if she spoke any louder, the creature would run off. But she wouldn’t, because they were one. This wolf was a part of her. “You’re me,” she added, no longer fearful of the beast, only confused.
Why had she felt such fright at it before? The wolf would never hurt her.
The wolf glanced back at its hind legs, and Addie realized the wolf was thin, smaller in places she shouldn’t be. She was hungry. When her green eyes locked with Addie’s, she knew more: the wolf wanted to be free. The longer she waited, the weaker the wolf became. How much longer until the wolf simply ceased to be? Could that happen?
Addie felt her heart start to ache at the mere thought of the wolf fading into oblivion. She couldn’t let it happen. This wolf, the beautiful beast before her, was a part of her. She couldn’t let her fade away. To do so would be to lose a part of herself; she wouldn’t be whole without her, even if she’d never known her until now.
Not never known. Addie supposed she did, she just didn’t know she was there. But she was. The wolf had always been there, in the back of her head, locked away, kept from the world. How could she possibly deny a part of herself? How could she look into her own eyes and declare she was no shifter?
This wolf proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
She tentatively reached out a hand to the wolf’s head as she whispered, “I’m sorry.” Sorry for it all. Sorry for denying her, for trying to hide her away. Sorry for everything Addie had done in her life that had only hurt the wolf dwelling within her. If she’d known…maybe the creature before her wouldn’t look so malnourished and sad.
The wolf tilted its head into her hand, closing its eyes as it leaned into her. The creature needed no apology, because they were one in the same, but Addie still felt like she had to say it. This wolf…after meeting her, there would be no denying her. Only a monster could sentence a beast like her to death.
Addie might’ve overreacted to things, may have somehow attacked her professor with a floating book, but she was no monster.
Her will hardened. Addie spoke, “I won’t run from you again, girl. I promise.”
The world around her faded into black, the wolf in her hand disappearing. The sweet arms of nothing welcomed her, and Addie jerked awake, eyes flying open to stare at an unfamiliar white ceiling. She lay on a bed she didn’t know, under covers that were not hers.
It was…a dream? It felt so real, so raw. The wolf, her wolf, was the saddest-looking creature she’d ever seen, including those dogs and cats in the sad, long commercials about the animal charities.
Addie was slow to sit up, breathing in deeply, feeling her lungs fill entirely before she let the long breath out. Why did she dream of her wolf suddenly? Not once in her life before this mess did she ever dream of running through some dark forest, away from an animal. Maybe because her mind was open to it, her wolf was finally able to reveal herself? Either way, it made things more complicated. Saying no to this pack was going to be harder than she thought.
She could always ask her mother to scratch her, to help her turn. From what Addie understood, it was only tradition that an alpha did it during a full moon; it didn’t need to happen during a set time, and she was ninety-nine percent sure any wolf shifter could do it. Any wolf could be the key to unlocking hers. She didn’t need this pack or their weird, controlling ways.
But she’d promised Dylan she would stay, give them a chance. Addie wasn’t a liar, so she would stay for a bit.
Speaking of which…it was high past time she called her mother.
Addie swung her legs off the bed, moving to the door, closing it and locking it—though, she thought, a wolf could probably break through a door like this in one try, so it wasn’t much of a reassurance. Her fingers snaked around to her butt, grabbing her cell phone, which desperately needed a charge, she noted.
In the next second, she had her mother’s profile pulled up and dialed.
Sarah picked up almost immediately. “Addie, I told you to call me right away!” Her voice was loud on the other line, and Addie had to hold the phone a few inches from her ear to not lose her hearing. “What’s going on? Are they treating you right? Did something happen? Do I have to drive over there and kick everyone’s butt?”
Her mother was not much for swearing, and now was no different.
Laughing, Addie said, “Nobody’s butt needs to be kicked…except maybe Henry’s. And Maze’s. Did you know I’m apparently already promised to three wolves?” It was still odd talking about wolves like they were people, but that’s what shifters were. It was something she’d have to get used to, especially if she let her inner wolf out.
And she had to, because she wasn’t going to let her wolf die.
“Oh, my. That’s…things must’ve gotten worse. When I was there, two was the norm.”
That was not what she thought her mother would say. “Before you ran off with my dad, you were supposed to be with two guys?” The thought of her mother with one guy, let alone two, made her feel grossed out. Yes, her mother had been young once, but she was her mother. It wasn’t a thought she wanted to have, like, ever.
“No, because of the moon cycle I was born in, I was supposed to mate with the pack’s future alpha. The wolf was years younger than me, and, well. I’d already met your father when the edict came out.”
Addie didn’t know how to take the news. Thinking of her mother mating with anyone—yuck. The yuckiest yuck there ever was. She had to change the subject and do it fast. “Did you ever dream of your wolf?”
“No, honey. Can’t say that I have.”
“So, you’ve never met her? Not once?”
Sarah sighed into the phone. “Not once. Why? Did you?”
“Maybe.” There was no maybe about it. Why would Addie have asked if she didn’t? Her mother knew it, she knew it. “She didn’t look good, Mom. She looked…really bad. Thin. Almost sick. And her eyes were sad.”
Her mother thought on it. “I’ve never heard of that before, but I think it’s your wolf trying to talk to you. She wants out, I’d imagine, but the choice is up to you. Don’t let anyone or anything—even your inner wolf—try to control you.”
Addie picked at the hem of her jacket with her free hand. “Do you need an alpha’s scratch to let the wolf out? If I came home, could you do it?” Her voice grew quieter. Wolves had super good hearing apparently, and she didn’t want Dylan or anyone else who might’ve wandered into the house to overhear.
Just because she’d said she would give it a few more days didn’t mean she’d change her mind.
“I…suppose I could,” Sarah said. There was silence on both ends of the line. A heavy silence. Addie didn’t want to stay in the pack, but she wanted her wolf free. If she went back to her mother, relied on her mother to help get her out, what if
it wasn’t enough?
What if her mother’s wolf was weaker than hers since she’d been locked up for so long?
What if she went home and her mother’s wolf wasn’t enough?
She did not want to sentence her inner wolf to die, not after seeing her, meeting her. Not after gazing into those eyes—her eyes—and seeing how depressed she was. Addie was not sure if it was a chance she was willing to take.
Ugh. Why couldn’t things be easier? Why were things so hard and complicated? Addie did much better when situations were straightforward, when there was no question about results. Grey areas were not her forte.
“Addie,” her mother spoke softly, “I won’t be mad if you choose the pack. If your wolf wants out…it’s a decision only you can make. All I ask is that you choose carefully, because once she’s out, she’ll always want to be out. It will be hard to keep her caged inside.”
“But you did it.”
“I had your father. He was a great distraction.”
“Okay, ew.”
Her mother chuckled. “Whatever you’re thinking, I didn’t mean it like that. I think those wolves up in Crystal Lake have your brain addled.”
“They do not.”
“Oh, no? So you don’t have any feelings for any of them? Even that Maze boy? You seemed to stare at him quite a lot when—”
Addie wanted to end this conversation now. “Mom!”
“Honey, I’m just saying. It would be natural if you did. I would never think less of you, you know that. No matter what you choose, you’ll always have me on the sidelines, cheering you on.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” Sometimes her mother could be downright sappy. There was a time and a place for sap, and this wasn’t it. “I should probably go. I’ve been napping and…”
“And you want to go ogle the boys. I understand.” Before Addie could say she was wrong, Sarah added, “Call me later. I want every detail, okay? Every detail, even if it’s too much information. I love you, honey.”
Limitless: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (Crystal Lake Pack Book 1) Page 8
