by Jana Petken
“Nobody will stop that wedding,” Danny replied.
Susan said, “You didn’t tell us what the doctor at the police station had to say.”
“He said that at least two of my ribs are broken. My body has sustained serious injuries from that thief’s booted foot. Christ, he did a better job of hurting me than Dai’s van did. It’s ironic. Apparently, I need to rest for at least three weeks before I join the army and get killed by a bloody German …”
The next morning, Jenny slept late. Awakened by Susan, who was carrying a cup of tea in one hand and a slice of bread and lard in the other, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Sorry, Mam. I didn’t get to sleep until the wee hours.”
Whilst Jenny ate, Susan discussed Danny’s impending wedding, his enlistment, and what a big mistake it had been to sell the engagement ring. Jenny opened the drawer on her night table and took out bank notes to the value of thirty pounds. She was not surprised when Susan’s objections to selling it dissipated the moment she was handed the money.
“That’s for your journey to Wales for the wedding and for some extra comforts here at home. And I’ll thank you, Mam, not to say another word about my decision to sell the ring. How is Danny this morning?” she asked.
“I’ve just taken him breakfast. He’s in a terrible state. The poor lamb can’t move. I had to help him sit up so that he could drink his tea. I’ve told him to stay in his bed all day – and tomorrow too. Oh dear, what a terrible experience you both had, and in the very centre of the city.”
“It was awful. I’ll never forget that man’s hands and the knife pinching my neck. I thought they were going to kill me.”
“Oh, Jenny, don’t terrify me. I’ve always been afraid that something like that might happen to you. That’s why I never let you out alone when you were growing up.”
“Stop.”
“Stop what?”
Jenny stared hard at Susan. “I won’t be a prisoner at home anymore,” she said. “I’m a grown woman, Mam, and I survived, just like I’ll survive whatever else comes my way.”
“Well, that’s very brave of you. Thank you for the money, darling. How marvellous. And now I have some very exciting news for you.”
“You do?”
“Yes, it’s about your John. A telegram has just arrived. He will be here sometime today.”
“I see.”
“Is that all you can say? I thought you’d be happy. You do know what this means, don’t you?”
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” Jenny was shocked by her apathy. She was not in the least bit thrilled by the news. She felt more like a woman about to walk up the steps of the gallows.
By midday, she was wearing her most fashionable gown, her elegantly styled wig, and rouge on her lips. Resigned to a long wait, she sat in an armchair with her back to the parlour room window and went back to reading A Christmas Carol. Actually starting to enjoy it, she was determined to finish it.
When the door knocker banged loudly, both Susan and Minnie went to greet the visitor.
Jenny closed her eyes and calmed herself. What was about to happen could change everything in her life, and for once she had control over her future, not John and not her mother. She had never imagined that making a decision could be so difficult.
“Look who’s here,” Susan said, ushering John into the parlour.
Jenny refused to rise. Staring up at him, she watched his self-assured figure come to stand in front of her with not a hint of guilt or apology written on his face. Susan offered him a cup of tea, whilst Jenny observed him in silence. His charming smile had not altered, nor had his pale complexion on his freckled face, she thought. Eyes that used to gaze adoringly at her were still the same shade of blue, and his thatch of fair hair was, as always, perfectly styled and neatly combed. He looked fit, healthy, and still reasonably attractive, yet he was a stranger to her.
“Hello, John. Are you well?” she asked.
“I’m grand, Jenny. How nice it is to see you looking so much better.” He kissed her gloved hand and was then invited to sit in Minnie’s chair, strategically placed facing the window and directly in front of Jenny. In the ensuing silence, Susan and Minnie also sat down.
Jenny stared at John, who was fidgeting uncomfortably now, as though all his cockiness had suddenly ebbed away. He repositioned his tie knot, even though there was nothing wrong with it. Sitting back, he crossed his legs and then uncrossed them, and finally he coughed.
Jenny glanced at Susan and Minnie, looking as though they were eagerly waiting for a musical show to begin. Am I the only one of the three feeling uncomfortable? she wondered.
“I would like to speak to John alone, if you don’t mind,” she said.
“Don’t you think we should all hear what he has to say?” Susan asked.
“No, I don’t. He has come here to speak to me, not to you, Mam.”
Susan rose reluctantly, followed by Minnie, who tutted with disapproval. “This wouldn’t happen in my day,” she said, leaving the room.
After they had left, Jenny smiled sweetly. She had nothing to say at present. She’d let John do all the talking.
“What brings you here?” she asked coyly.
“Aw, Jenny, you must know. I made a terrible mistake, and I’ll be forever sorry for it. I realised when I went back to Dublin that I still loved you,” he began emotionally. “I was such an eejit. Shocked I was when I saw your poor face, thinking you were going to die. I just couldn’t bear the thought of that. It scared the bejesus out of me.”
“So you ran away like a coward?”
“No, no. Not a coward. You could say I had a temporary lapse in judgement. But I’m here to make it up to you. I want to marry you. I know that now.”
“You do?”
“Yes, it’s as clear as a summer’s day. So what do you say? Would you like to come back to Dublin with me? Your mam and granny can come too, if that’s your wish. I’ve seen a house for us, and I know you’ll love it. Just say yes and it’s yours. I’ll employ a housekeeper for you, like you had in your dad’s house, and you’ll have all the modern comforts. My father will arrange for the marriage bans to be read the moment we set foot in Dublin, and he’ll put public notices in all our newspapers so that everyone knows about the happy occasion.”
“I bet he will. So you want to get married soon?”
“I do, as soon as possible. Sweetheart, I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but I’m ready to offer you a grand life. You’ll be treated like a queen and you’ll never have to work or worry about where the next penny is coming from. And I promise you, darlin’, I will be true to you.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course it is. I mean every word I’m saying.”
Jenny stared at every feature on his face, from his eyes to his lips. She would let him talk for a bit longer …
Chapter Forty-Five
Kevin hadn’t slept or eaten since leaving the trenches. Intoxicated by the thought of reaching civilisation, he hadn’t even bothered to look for a quiet spot to sleep on the crossing over to Folkestone. He wanted to live and breathe every minute of freedom and celebrate his survival.
It had been such a short journey between hell – where the sound of explosions deafened the ears and rattled men’s teeth – and the paradise of home across a narrow body of water. He’d heard stories of soldiers on the ships so overwhelmed by relief that they had suffered convulsions. Some men fainted upon seeing the English coast; others wept. Soldiers were often traumatised, and in severe cases, they had no recollection of how to make the journey home to their families. As for him, he was exhausted but also ecstatic.
Being an officer had its benefits. Men of rank were permitted to disembark the leave ships before the enlisted, and because of his timely exit from the dockyard, he had managed to get on a train which was just about to depart the station.
His first stop in London had been his bank, and then he’d gone to the jewellers on Bond Street, which he patronised from
time to time. Picking a ring had been easy for him. An emerald the colour of Jenny’s eyes called to him the moment he saw it. It was surrounded by diamonds and mounted on gold. He hoped that she would love it. He’d seen her last engagement ring, and his was much more elegant, in his opinion.
He strolled along Minnie’s street. He didn’t see the point in arriving at her house panting for breath and talking gibberish. Tiredness was making him feel dizzy. He put his hand in his inside jacket pocket, pulled out the ring box, and stopped walking. Looking at it, he had a strange thought. He was suffering from battle fatigue. Even in this peaceful street, his mind saw dead men lying on the ground, yet at the same time, joy was pouring into him. Within the hour, he’d be betrothed to the woman he loved, and God willing, inside a week, they’d be married in a civil ceremony. As for a honeymoon – Brighton, perhaps, or maybe Ireland to meet his family. He had ten blissful days between him and hell on the other side of the channel, and he intended to enjoy every moment of them.
Before he reached Minnie’s gate, he stopped to look through her parlour window. His piercing gaze deepened. Disbelieving eyes fought with his mind as they bore through the glass. His stomach lurched with dismay and surprise. It was growing dark. Candles had already been lit, and he saw every detail inside the room. Jenny’s back was to him. Her auburn hair in a loose bun at the nape of her neck was a vision of loveliness and just as he remembered. Sitting facing her was John Grant, dressed in his best suit, by the looks of it.
As though sensing him, John looked out the window. Kevin drew his breath and held it. He’d been seen. John leaned in towards Jenny and appeared to kiss her on the mouth.
Kevin staggered backwards on the pavement, unable to take his eyes from John, who then sat back and smiled directly at him.
Without a second’s hesitation, Kevin turned on his heels and strode back down the street in the direction from whence he’d come. He swallowed bitter tears of defeat and grief, and then those feelings were replaced by resentment. He halted and fought to catch his laboured breath. Looking down he saw the grime on his uniform, the thick dried muck, and spots of blood. He was an idiot. He looked like he’d just climbed out of a fuckin’ trench on his belly. He hadn’t even had a wash, yet in his euphoria, he hadn’t cared how he looked. His only thought had been to get to her as soon as possible.
Walking on, heedless of people and traffic, he decided to find a hotel room for the night. In the morning, he’d go home to Ireland. He had parents who loved him. They’d welcome him home with open arms. To hell with Jenny. She had played a pitiless game with his heart. Why? He didn’t know, and he didn’t care to. To hell with all the Carmodys!
John’s face was turning red with anger. “Jenny, are you going to listen to me prattle on all day or are you going to actually say something?” he asked.
Jenny stood up and went to stand in front of the curtains. After drawing them closed, she sat back down. She had come to a decision. Her powerful desire for marriage and the protection it would bring was undeniable, but her need for candour and love of self had grown in the past weeks. She didn’t love John, and he didn’t love her. That was palpably obvious when he’d kissed her with tightly closed lips and eyes wide open. Yet for all the evidence she had gathered about the person that he really was, this had still been a difficult choice to make. If he left, she’d be faced with a future with Mam and Granny, living in a house no bigger than a hatbox. There would be no luxuries in her life and no freedom to aspire to better things. If she accepted him, she’d find herself in a gilded cage without ever feeling that heart-warming love that had been present with Kevin...
“Jenny, for the love of God, will you not speak?” John said impatiently.
“I will, but I will not blether on as you did. I’ll say what I have to say in five minutes and be done with it.”
“Thank Jesus for that.”
“And thank him too for waking me up and for finally allowing me to see what a little weasel you really are. It would be a simple matter to marry into your family and have all the comforts that have been denied me, but I do believe I would rather live in the poorhouse than become your wife. You disgust me.”
Visibly taken aback, John said, “Be careful what you say next.”
“I am choosing my words very carefully. Did you really think me incapable of seeing through your insincerity? You’re here because you were ordered to come, not because of love or respect or even guilt. Did you think I would forget about that hideous look on your face when you saw me in the hospital? That was the expression of an honest man, showing me his true feelings, not the one before me now, lying through his teeth about being faithful and loving.”
“I really think you should consider the consequences …”
“Oh, shut up! I know very well what life lies ahead of me, and it’s a damn sight better than walking down the aisle with you. So you can go back to Ireland and tell everyone in Dublin that I rejected you. Or you can make up whatever story you like and keep your reputation intact. I’ll not contest it.”
“Are you daft?”
“Why?”
“Why? Look at you! Who is going to have you with that bald lopsided-looking eye of yours and a theatrical wig plopped on your head? And that hole there – that used to be part of an ear. You look like a bloody circus freak! I took the time to come all this way, and I was willing to marry you because I’m a decent man. Yet there you sit, Jenny Carmody, the spoilt bitch that you’ve always been, despite having nothing and no one.”
“I have a family who loves me and brothers who would die for me!”
“Sure, that might be true, but no man will ever look at you without feeling sick!”
Jenny desperately tried to keep the tears at bay. She fought them with every ounce of strength and will. When the first tear fell, she gathered her wits, went to the door, and opened it. Susan and Minnie were standing outside in the hallway. Susan’s face was ashen, and for once she was speechless. Minnie stood with clenched fists, a tiny woman looking like she was ready to fight the devil. Jenny turned and stared unwaveringly at John.
“Goodbye, John. You can see yourself out,” were the only words she could muster.
He walked past her without a word or a look, and then he turned back. “I’ll be having my engagement ring back, if you please,” he said.
“No, you won’t. It was lost in the explosion. Get on your hands and knees and look for it in the streets of Deptford, if you like,” Jenny hissed at him.
Ignoring Susan and Minnie, he collected his hat from the coat stand, opened the door, and left without a backward glance.
Jenny stood shakily in the hallway, staring at Susan. “I hope you heard every word of that, Mam. That was the man you wanted me to marry.”
Chapter Forty-Six
January 1917
After a quiet Christmas and New Year, the Carmodys set their sights on Danny’s wedding. A letter had arrived from Anna at the end of December. Everything was prepared, she’d written. Lodgings with neighbours had been arranged for Danny’s family. Dai would be waiting at the railway station with the truck to take them to Bala. After the church ceremony, the celebrations would take place in her father’s house, and at Danny’s request, she had booked a log cabin for two nights, on the shores of Lake Bala, for the honeymoon.
Danny’s enlistment papers had also been delivered by the postman two days before the end of the old year. He was to report to a basic training camp in Nottingham on the 14th of January for an unspecified time, after which he would be deployed.
After discussing the correspondence with the women of the house about how and when he should tell Anna, Danny reached the decision not to say anything about the army until after the wedding. An argument had ensued. Minnie thought it deceitful to keep his bride in ignorance when it would clearly affect her life as well as his. Susan’s point of view had been conciliatory. It was not deceitful. It was considerate of Danny not to upset his wife- to-be before the happy day, she had poi
nted out.
For days, Danny had agonised over the matter, wondering whether fear should outweigh honesty, or vice-versa. Starting married life with a lie was not what he wanted. What man could stand in a church speaking vows of honesty and trust, faithfulness and respect, knowing that he was keeping a terrible secret? Perhaps one like him, who was terrified of losing his bride should she find out that she was marrying a man who was leaving her four days later. And not just leaving her for any old destination but for a war that he might not come back from. In the end, he had concluded that it would be better all around to follow his mother’s advice and tell Anna when they were on their two-day honeymoon.
Danny accompanied Jenny to Shooters Hill hospital three days before his departure for Wales. In the waiting room, he worried that she would renege on her promise to attend the wedding. In the previous week she had told everyone that she was going, regardless of what Doctor Thackery said. But she was melancholic, unwilling to talk about what was on her mind, and she often disappeared for hours at a time with no explanation. Whatever his mam suggested she do, Jenny would do the opposite. She was very often deep in thought and staring out the window as though waiting for someone or something to happen. He had not been present at her meeting with John, but every cruel word that he’d spoken had echoed up the stairs and into the bedroom. Danny recalled listening and trying to get out of the bed but being unable to move. Not having the opportunity to confront his old friend was something he would regret for a long time. John was one of life’s biggest disappointments, Danny thought.
In a way, he was glad to be leaving London, and he was happy about Anna not having to live in Greenwich. The sober mood in Minnie’s house was enough to chase any new bride away.
On the 9th of January, after a long journey from London involving numerous trains, the Carmodys arrived at Blaenau Ffestiniog, a town situated some twenty miles from Bala. Once they had disembarked from the train, Minnie and Susan took a seat on the platform, whilst Danny and Jenny went to look for Dai.
