I will miss the dining hall and the finely cooked meals. I don’t imagine I’ll be eating very well once I leave here. And I certainly doubt I’ll have the same kind of adventures around my own table as I’ve had in the crowded dining hall. Believe it or not, I hit a man the other night.
Penny stopped reading. Her mouth hung open. She had to reread the line to make sure she’d seen it right. She had never imagined her Thomas was capable of striking another man. There must be some explanation. She read on.
I hadn’t planned to. I heard the foul direction his words were going in and anger overpowered me. I believe the man received several months’ worth of my pent-up frustration in that blow. All my anger in one solid swing. I’ve had battles in my day. Battles of wills and of words. Striking a man was a first. I walked away feeling weak. I looked at my own hand and wondered what I’d become.
I thought perhaps I’d be an outcast after my angry display, but the good people of this town seemed to find amusement in it. Admiration even. Little do they know I acted outside of my control. I should have tried harder to convince them that I’m not as noble as they believe. But part of me wants to believe I could be what they see in me. A defender of goodness rather than a man who is simply looking for a target to throw his anger at. With that blow, I like to believe my anger left me. I’ve turned a corner.
Restless and searching,
Thomas
“Does he fare better than before?” Dinah asked as she walked up to the corner where Penny sat.
Penny jumped to her feet. “I’m going to Alexandria tomorrow to find Clara. I have to. There’s a man out there trying to make a life for himself, and I can’t help but believe his life will be more fulfilling if he can share it with the woman he loves. Besides, he’s not the man he was when he left. I feel his goodness, but something in his past causes him to doubt it. It’s holding him back.” With each word, the passion she felt crept into her voice. “He has a life ahead of him, but he’s afraid to seize it. Will you come with me and help me find her?”
“Yes.” Dinah’s voice was low, but her eyes were bright. “I’d love to go with you. If I can convince my parents to let me.”
Penny squeezed Dinah’s hand. “It’s for work. We will be putting a letter in Clara’s hand. Besides, you’re entitled to a life of your own. We both are. We have to seize it while we can. And Clara should get to choose too.”
“Your father would be proud,” Dinah whispered. “You can’t tell me that uniting two lost and heartbroken souls is not something worth writing home about. It’s an adventure, a small one, but an adventure all the same.”
“I think he’d still chide me for not being married. But he’d be proud that I believe in others. He always had time for a stranger.” Penny folded the letter back up. “He also believed in love. I only wish my father—”
“No matter your father. Mr. Douglas is coming. Put that one in your pocket and tear this one open.” She handed her an unopened letter. “Quick.”
5
Are you ready?” Penny asked the moment Dinah opened the door.
“Yes. Let’s hurry before my mother doubts my story. She’s having trouble believing I have to work today.” Dinah pulled her arm through her coat.
“Of course she doesn’t believe you. She thinks you’re sneaking off with Lucas.” A child poked her head out from behind Dinah’s hip.
“Hush, Brigette.” Dinah’s voice was sharp as she glared at her little sister.
“I wasn’t going to tell her about you kissing him.”
Penny nearly laughed aloud when she saw Dinah’s face. Her lips were firmly pressed together in a straight line, her brows one solid line of rage, and her cheeks flushed. “Enough!” snapped Dinah.
“Come on, Dinah. We can talk on the way.” Penny pulled Dinah away from the apartment.
“Dinah! Slow down.” Penny gasped when they’d walked three blocks as though they were fleeing a fire.
“What is it?”
“Tell me about Lucas,” Penny said. “We are supposed to be enjoying our day together and I think I’d very much like hearing about the man who has your face turning so pink. And I have to know about this kiss. Tell me everything.”
Dinah slowed her steps but not much. “I should have known Brigette would not keep it a secret. She’s a horrible little pest.”
“She’s so young. I doubt she meant anything by it. Besides, I may never have heard about Lucas if she hadn’t spoken up.”
“I didn’t tell you because of all your romantic notions. You’re always talking about true love and broken hearts. It doesn’t seem fair for me to have someone when you want a love story of your own. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Your happiness could never hurt me.” Penny said the words and listened to her heart, wondering if it would ache in envy, but it did not. She sensed only the same familiar desire to be cared for that she always harbored. But at the same time, she felt her heart leap with joy for her friend. “Is it love, then? Tell me all of it. I’ll be happy for you, I will.”
“Are you upset I didn’t tell you?” Dinah finally met her eyes. Penny expected to see them shining with delight, happiness. Something. Instead, they were the same calm, practical eyes Penny saw every day.
Penny managed to shake her head.
“I should have told you. I did want to. I am sorry I kept it from you, but . . . well, I hope you aren’t angry.”
“I’ll be upset if you don’t tell me the whole story right now! Every detail.” Penny smiled at her friend, hoping to encourage her. “But I could never be upset with you. I’ve prayed so often for you. And now you’re telling me you’ve a beau!”
Dinah shook her head. “It’s a simple story. I met him walking to work. He made some comment about the leaves being so green and then every day we talked a bit more. It’s not a very exciting courtship.”
Penny sighed. What Dinah had said was true—it was not a thrilling story, but it was still sweet. “What happened then?”
“We walked and talked every day for a few weeks. He works as a clerk in the legislative building.”
“What’s he like? Is he tall? Short? What do you talk about?” Penny couldn’t hold back her questions. “I want to hear it all.”
“Well, he’s a little taller than I am. He’s twenty-five and has been living with his family. He’s eager to get out on his own.” Dinah blushed. “I don’t know what to say. He’s friendly and kind. We both believe in hard work. Some mornings we walk in silence. Other mornings we talk about the letters, the weather, or his job. I’ve told him how hard it is at home. And he’s told me about his own family.”
Penny raised her eyebrow. “Is that all?”
“For a long time that was all we did. Then he asked me to dine with him and I agreed. I had to sneak away, but it was worth it. He took me to a real restaurant.”
“That’s exciting! Was that the night Brigette saw you kissing?”
Dinah rolled her eyes and groaned. “She’s always spying on people and forever getting into trouble. I had to bribe her to keep her from telling everyone. It wasn’t nearly as passionate as she made it seem. Just a kiss on the cheek, but it was my first kiss.” They stopped just outside the stables. Dinah put a hand on Penny’s arm. “Don’t tell anyone. I don’t know what will come of it all.”
“I have no one to tell. But is it love?”
“I hardly know. I admit it’s different from what I had expected, but it’s not so bad. I want a man I can rely on and trust. A man who will get me out of that crowded apartment before I’m too old to ever leave. I hear my mother telling everyone I may never get married. She’s not very quiet about it.” Dinah wrung her hands together. “It’s humiliating.”
“I understand overbearing mothers. But I don’t want to marry simply because it solves one problem but adds new ones. I want something more. I want love. I want a man who would stop by the candy shop just for me. Someone who would adore me.” Penny scrunched her nose as the smell of t
he stables wafted through the air. “I thought you did too.”
“I’m not sure I have time to wait for butterflies in the pit of my stomach. He’s a good man. I know that. When he goes into his building for work, I sometimes watch and he opens the door for others. Honestly, I gave up on love years ago and now I’ve Lucas.”
“I’d rather never marry than marry for any reason but love.” Penny studied her friend’s calm eyes. They showed so little emotion. Where was the feeling, the joy? “What does your heart do when you’re with him?”
“It beats like it always does. He’s a fine man and he’s kind. I could do much worse.”
“Don’t you want something more? Someone you cannot imagine living without? My father said when he met my mother, he knew his life would never be the same.”
“I think I could feel that way about Lucas. I believe with time we could build a life together.” Dinah sighed. “The truth is, I still live with my parents. I’m not building anything right now. I’ve been giving them my entire paycheck for years. I share a bed with an eight-year-old who changes positions every half hour and a four-year-old who still wets the bed. I think with Lucas I’ll get to experience something outside my father’s home. You talk of adventure. This may be mine.”
Penny felt her shoulders slump. “Does he know this? That you feel this way?”
“He knows I care for him.” Dinah looked out at the vast city before them. “We don’t all get to be Thomas and Clara.”
Penny swallowed hard. She’d always known some women and men married strategically. Their unions were merely means to specific goals. Could those marriages grow with time? Suddenly, she felt very naïve and unsure of every belief about love that she held on to so tightly. If only she could ask her father the many questions that swirled inside her.
“I do hope you find happiness and love.” Penny took Dinah’s hand and grasped it tightly. “I care about your happiness. I didn’t mean to upset you. Marriage, courtship—they’re just different from what I’d dreamed of. Maybe I need to grow up and stop dreaming. I shouldn’t doubt you.”
“I doubt myself often enough. Love is much more complicated than I’d expected. I believe, well, I hope it can grow with time and work and kindness.” She reached out and grasped Penny’s hand.
Penny swallowed. “I hope you’re right. Today, let’s hope Thomas and Clara’s love is perfect . . . and simple.”
Thomas pulled his hat from his head and wiped his brow. He longed for the evening hours, when the sun would set and fill the sky with oranges and reds. Then, if today were like the others, he knew he’d lean his tired body against the side of the house and watch the day draw to a close. In those moments when the sunlight was giving way to darkness, he felt peaceful. Just knowing the sun would leave and then rise again gave him a bit of comfort.
One week was all he’d spent at the old Dawson place. Each of those seven nights he’d stopped what he was doing and marveled at the setting sun. He liked putting his tools aside when the day was done, knowing he had put in a full day’s work. Tight and strained muscles proclaimed that he was still alive.
Alive and working.
Little things done over and over again were his life now. Today, for the first time, he had passed through his garden and seen tiny green shoots breaking through the soil. His plants had begun making an appearance. His hours of work had already started bearing fruit. Thomas had knelt in the dark soil and touched the tiny shoots with his large, recently callused hands.
Six of the seven days he had spent in complete solitude. It had been just Thomas and his land. Well, not just his land. Birds had visited in the morning and deer in the evening. This morning, though, after he’d greeted his sprouting seeds, a man had stopped by.
“I been riding by this place for months, just looking at the empty house with its fences and barn. It’s pretty quiet this far out of town.” The stranger swung his leg over the side of his horse and walked toward Thomas. He walked with a confident swagger, his hands loose at his sides. The man was large and muscular, with dark, leathery skin. Thomas had learned to spot a man with a motive and this man had one. What it was he’d not known right away.
“Jeb Danbury,” he said as he stuck out his hand. “I live with my wife, Eliza, on the big spread next to you.”
“Thomas Conner. I was headed west and fate landed me here. No wife, just me.” Thomas shook the man’s hand. “It’s good to meet a neighbor.”
Jeb let out a low chuckle. “Call it fate if you want. I think it was good ol’ Hugh.” The man’s laugh was hardly a friendly one. Thomas sensed something more than humor behind it. Something about the sound of his voice and the narrowness of his eyes made his skin crawl. “Hugh’s always been jealous of what I got. He couldn’t stand the idea of me getting this place. His place ain’t nothing but rocks. Since we were boys, I’ve known he couldn’t handle me always succeeding where he failed. I think he’d love nothing more than to wring my neck.”
“Fate or Hugh, it doesn’t matter, seeing as I live here now,” Thomas said, using the calmest voice he could muster, which wasn’t nearly as calm as he’d have liked it to be. “I’ve been wondering who else lived out this way.”
“Not many folks. I own most of the land around you. I’d like to own this piece too. You done much farming before?” Jeb’s eyes scanned the property, slowly roaming over the crooked rows and then the untouched fields to his left. A mocking sneer formed on his face. “You aren’t making much progress. That soil was already turned and it’s nothing but weeds now.”
Angry heat rose to Thomas’s face. How dare this man set foot on his soil only to spit on it with his words.
“I’m learning to farm as I go.” Thomas rubbed his tired forearms in a vain attempt to cool his rage. “I hope to grow faster with time.” His jaw clenched.
Jeb gnawed on the tobacco in his mouth, then spit. “Well, when you can’t get the land to produce what you want and your cupboards are empty, I’ll take this place from you. I was a harvest away from buying up this land and adding it to my own. Everyone in town knows this place should be mine.”
“I plan to make this business mine.” Thomas put a hand on the post next to him, steadying his swaying body. He could hear his own voice from the past. The voice of who he’d been—a man who got what he wanted. He looked up and met Jeb’s eyes. He realized he knew Jeb’s kind. He knew about wanting more. About never being satisfied. Deep down they were both shrewd businessmen, or at least that’s what Thomas had been. Men who cared more about their own wallets than anything or anyone else.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Thomas’s voice was low and tense. “But I aim to make a go of it here.”
Jeb reached for his horse’s reins. “It’s a tough land. Some years the weather cooperates, others it don’t. Then you get a good year and find out the prices are bad. Sometimes it feels like you can’t win. Only the right breed of man can succeed. I don’t think you’re the right breed.”
Thomas ran a hand over his chin. “You’ve managed.”
“Farming’s in my blood. Besides, I got men working for me. We’re working all the land I’ve got and it won’t be long ’til we’re working more. I own equipment no one else in the county has.” Jeb spit, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I never lose. Not at farming or anything else. I’d like this piece too. Remember that. I have a history of getting what I want.”
There wasn’t much use arguing. The set of Jeb’s jaw, the squint of his eyes. Thomas knew the man had no plans of backing down.
Jeb was the husband of the beautiful strawberry blonde he’d seen in town, the one Hugh had said had changed for the worse after she took her vows. She was married to this self-promoting, pompous man. Thomas’s knuckles were white at his sides—this situation wasn’t right.
“You’re married to Abraham’s daughter?” Thomas asked through gritted teeth. “She another thing you won?”
Jeb spit again. “Call it what you will. She was the pretties
t girl in town and now she’s mine.”
“I hope it’s a happy union.” Thomas’s voice rang with sarcasm. “Marriage is a long sentence otherwise. Or so I’m told.”
“It is what it is. Look, I didn’t stop by to talk about women.” He swung himself back into his saddle. “I just wanted you to know we’re neighbors.”
“I’m glad to know who’s nearby.”
The man smirked before leading away his horse. “Welcome to Azure Springs.”
6
Drop us off here,” Penny said to the driver. “We’d like to get out at the post office.”
“Very well,” the man said. He pulled back the reins, stopping the horses.
“You ready?” Dinah asked as they got out of the carriage and headed toward the post office.
“Yes! I’ve been thinking of Thomas and Clara for weeks now. Don’t you feel as though we’re doing something important?” Penny straightened her collar and smoothed her pleated skirt. “I feel as though I’ve been standing at a crossroads, and somehow delivering this letter changes everything.”
“I should’ve known you would see this little adventure as a pivotal moment in your life.” Dinah stepped closer to the large post office. “Crossroads or not, it’s an exciting diversion.”
“I think somehow it will prove to be pivotal. Today, I’m deciding to go and do something. I decided it on my own. Desperation did not dictate my choice. That’s something.” She took a deep breath. “And now I’m going to go into that post office and ask the postmaster why this letter didn’t make it. And then I just know he’ll point me in the right direction.”
The post office was large and narrow. Through the glass windows, Penny could see rows and rows of what looked like little boxes stacked on top of one another.
“Isn’t it funny that we handle letters every day, but I rarely go to the post office? I wish I had a reason to.” Penny put a hand on the door. “Wouldn’t it be lovely to have someone of my own to write to? I think I’d like getting mail. Waiting for it and then finally holding it in my hands. Can you imagine?” She pushed the door open without waiting for a response. A little bell above the door announced their entry with a chime. “Did you hear that? I love the sound of bells.” She breathed deeply. “It even smells good in here, like paper and cinnamon.”
Yours Truly, Thomas Page 6
