by Mallory Funk
I guess there is a big ol’ softy under there.
I sit with the women in the backyard while we eat and laugh. Tyson is on the other side laughing and talking with is brothers. I don’t think that I have seen him more relaxed. The treatment facility must have done him some good.
There is the lingering worry of Reaper in my head, but I force myself to think about that later. This is Tyson’s night and I don’t want to put a damper on it.
I smile at everyone, but it feels forced now that I’m think of Reaper. How did he get away?
I end up excusing myself early. When I make it to my room, Tyson is right behind me with concern in his eyes.
“Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself,” he asks.
I nod my head and then shake it. Tears well in my eyes before I can stop them.
I end up throwing my hands in the air in defeat.
“I don’t know what to think. You said he was gone. Your father said that they were all taken care of. He was the worst one. Most of my nightmares are of him. How did he get away? I don’t remember seeing him after Katy escaped that awful room, and now he is coming after me like we are some long lost lovers when the thought of him makes me want to run and hide. I spent the last few months working on my strength mentally and physically and it feels like it all had been wiped out in an instant when I read those messages. How can this happen?” I sob into my hands at the end.
He wraps his arms around me and I instantly feel calmer just by his hug.
“I don’t know what the fuck happened or how he slipped out from right under our noses, but we will get him. Nothing will stop me from finding him, you hear me?” he says and I nod my head.
“I think that it’s time to have Church. I was going to save it for morning, but I think we need to now,” I hear Derek say. I pull away from Tyson and immediately wipe at my eyes.
“I’m so sorry that you guys are having to deal with all of this,” I say.
“None of that, you hear? I’m sorry that I thought he was gone. We aren’t going to let him get away this time. We will do whatever it takes to make you safe again,” Derek says as he quickly gives me a hug and then he and Tyson leave towards the other side of the clubhouse.
I walk to my room and exhaustion takes over. I hate this feeling. I had spent so much time trying to recover; trying to think of myself as a survivor and not a victim.
He is not going to win this time.
Tyson “Torch”
I can’t help but grit my teeth in anger as I walk to the room where we hold Church.
This may not be what I wanted to walk into when I got home, but there’s nothing else I would rather do than make sure Camilla was safe.
I was able to take care of me for the last three months, and every day is going to be a challenge. I wanted to be better. For me, and for everyone else.
I miss the fuck out of Stacey, but I knew that, once my head had cleared, I would realize she would have hated who I turned out to be.
Being part of this club is what I live for. When I started letting the other brothers down, I should have known that I needed to do something. They were right though, what if something happened and I couldn’t protect anyone because I was always drunk? I’d fucking hate if something like that had happened.
Every brother in here is sitting with angry looks on their faces. I know exactly how they feel. How the fuck could this happen?
Tech is the last to arrive with a folder full of images.
“Well, I have been looking into the man who we all know as Reaper. As you know, we have all of the information they had when we took over the warehouse and the house where the rest had been staying in, but there was nothing on Reaper,” he says.
“What do you mean there was nothing? There has to be something on that fucker?” Bear says angrily.
Tech nods his head. “I know that there has to be, but fuck there wasn’t anything. It’s like he wasn’t part of the Devil’s Souls. He had to have known that we were coming because it was all wiped clean of anything that placed him there. I know he was the head of them until Charles showed his face.”
“Camilla just said that she didn’t remember seeing him after they got Katy out. Is it possible that he knew what happened and took the chance to flee?” I ask.
“It looks that way. Fucking coward,” Tech mutters.
We all grunt in agreement. Even if you don’t think you will make it out, you stand with your brothers. We are a team. He fucking fled like the little bitch he is.
“We need to do what we can to find him. From now on, all eyes on Camilla. We are going to need to keep her safe. If he’s been watching her, there is no doubt that he followed her here,” Prez says.
Everyone agrees, and we make up shifts for watching Camilla. Her brother sleeps in the same room as her and we already know that he will do everything that he can to protect her, so that helps too.
We go through other club business and they get me up to speed on everything. It’s tough knowing that I need to be caught up because if I wasn’t a mess in the first place then I wouldn’t need it, but then I also have to think about the importance of taking the time I needed to take to heal.
It wasn’t just about finding numbness at the bottom of a bottle. Everyone was right. I was using it to mask my emotions and, really, they just built up until I couldn’t contain them any longer. When I was finally sober and looking at them for the first time, I was ashamed of the way I acted. I may have been the quiet and brooding brother, but I was almost succeeding in pushing everyone away. If it wasn’t for my innocent nephew Hale, I don’t know what would have happened. Would I have realized what I was doing and dedicated myself to sobriety and healing without the conversation I had with Hale?
I’m afraid I already know the answer to that because even after I yelled at my mom and Camilla, I was still a drunken mess. Thinking about that now, I feel additional guilt for not caring enough about how terrible I made them feel.
We spent a good amount of time in Church and I feel confident that I’m up to speed. It’s late by the time we are done and I grab a snack from the kitchen. Lots of people have already gone home, or are already in party mood.
Since I don’t want to party and I’m concerned about Camilla, I’m torn between staying here and going back home. It’s been awhile since I have been home, and I know that only my sister had been in my house. I had left my parents a message that she was the only one allowed in and, as far as I know, she hasn’t told anyone what I was doing to the place.
My sister comes walking into the kitchen as I’m making a sandwich and she gives me another hug.
“I’m so glad that you are back and that you are on the right path,” she says to me with tears in her eyes.
“Hey, what’s with the water works?” I ask
She shakes her head slightly as if that will get rid of them.
“It’s just that I know how hard this is for you. She was my best friend and I miss her too, but I’m glad that you are finally in a place where you can smile and laugh with your brothers without feeling guilty for living your life,” she says.
We both take a seat at the stools. I make another sandwich when she steals mine. I roll my eyes. It’s honestly not surprising.
“I feel lighter if that makes sense. I feel like it is okay to smile and laugh with everything because it doesn’t mean I forgot Stacey, or that I’m hurting her memory by living. She took my heart and our love was something I will never forget, but I also can’t forget that it is okay to be happy,” I tell her.
She nods her head in understanding. “Exactly. I miss Jeff every day, but if I let that guilt of living take over me then I wouldn’t have Damien or our family. I don’t think that he actually pictured me being a part of a biker club but, still, he would have wanted me to be happy. It took me a long time hearing those words to actually start believing them.”
I wrap an arm around her as we finish eating in silence.
“You should go home. C
amilla will be safe here. There are tons of brothers staying the night and I think that you miss your house. By the way, it look amazing and I can’t wait until mom and dad can see it,” she says with a wink as she heads down to the rooms since I guess that she’s staying the night here.
I decide that she’s right and decide to head home. I go to grab one of the club vehicles when I see my bike sitting in the garage looking as shiny as ever. It looks like someone made sure to keep up the maintenance.
Crash comes in the garage and sees me and nods his head. “We couldn’t just let her sit. She’s ready for you to go, brother. Take care of yourself, you hear? Fucking glad you are back,” he says slapping me on the back and I nod my head in response.
I don’t say anything as I get on my bike and head home. I don’t know how long I stand in front of my house staring at it, but I blow out a big breath just before I walk inside.
The house is silent when I get in. I don’t know what else I expected, but I can see how I felt the loneliness a lot when I was at home.
Everything is clean and I know that’s Ella’s doing. She’s the only one who has been here, so I will have to thank her next time that I see her.
I make it to the room I claimed as mine and can feel the exhaustion hitting me.
I turn on a movie in my room and lay on the bed until I fall asleep.
This time, I’m not scared to fall asleep. I know that any dreams I have of Stacey will be her letting me know that she’s okay. Even if she is saying other things in the dreams, I can tell myself that they are not true. I’m not scared of them anymore.
I can do this.
It’s time to let myself live and be happy.
Chapter Fourteen
Camilla
It has been a few days since I have been at the clubhouse and I’m already bored out of my mind.
I feel restless and antsy without being able to go to the gym.
I’m currently sitting in the main room drumming my fingers on the bar top. I’m not drinking anything since it is mid-morning.
Looking around from side to side, I let out a deep sigh.
I hear a chuckle from behind me that makes me jump.
I gasp as I turn around to see a brother that usually has a smile for me, but I haven’t talked to him before. “It looks like you need something to do,” he says and I eye him warily.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Sorry, that sounded kind of creepy. What I mean is that you look bored.”
I nod my head and raise an eyebrow at him.
He rubs the back of his neck and a little flush comes to his skin.
“Well…What I mean is… I don’t want to intrude… okay, I’m being awkward about this. What I am trying to say is that I hear that you were practising self defense. We have a gym down the hall that has lots of space if you want to keep practising,” he says. I can’t help but smile at his awkwardness.
I nod my head eagerly. “I would love that. Though I must warn you, I have gotten pretty good,” I tell him and he chuckles.
“Alright, well let’s do this,” he says and we head in the direction of the gym.
I can’t help but gape at the size of it. I also can’t believe that no one told me that there was a gym here.
“Mostly everyone works out in here, so hopefully you don’t mind brothers and Old Ladies coming in and out of the room. It’s a safe place for everyone to work out- a judgement free zone,” he tells me as I nod my head.
That’s a good thing to know. While I have gotten more comfortable working out and being around people, I still have some apprehension, as I think most people do, about working out in front of other people.
“Since it is still early, there aren’t that many people here, but it should pick up soon,” he says as we walk to the other side of the room where there are mats for sparring.
“Shit, I… well, do you need to change clothes or anything? I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it before we walked here,” he says.
I shake my head. “No, this is fine. I usually work out in clothes like these,” I say as I gesture to my long sleeve shirt and leggings. I had bought more that were specifically for exercise, but they were comfortable so I wore them all the time. I was also wearing a sports bra since I haven’t really worn anything with a wire in a long time and I don’t find them comfortable anymore.
He nods his head. I show him what I have been learning and he looks genuinely impressed. A few people walk in the room to work out. I’m surprised that I don’t feel scared or cornered by any of the men. It just goes to show how much I actually trust them. Trust never comes this easily to me.
We pause for a water break when we are both breathing heavily, and brothers come to talk to us and look happy that I know most of the moves.
“Wow. That’s great that you have been learning all of that,” Damien says with a nod.
“Thanks. It’s been good for to learn how to defend myself if I ever need to, and also it helps to release any pent up anger or frustration,” I tell him, and he nods his head like he understands.
“I can see that. I have been trying to get Ella to take some self defense. You know, in case she ever needed it. Maybe she can practice with you? I think it might help,” he says.
“I would like that. I think that it’s important for anyone to know, really,” I tell him.
“Thanks. I’ll let her know that she can join you tomorrow,” he says before he heads back to the weights.
“What’s going on here?” I hear a voice ask. I turn around which was the wrong thing to do seeing as I was in the middle of taking a drink of water and ended up slightly choking on it and splashing it all over myself.
“Hey, are you okay?” Crash says to me with concern in his eyes.
Tyson comes walking up narrowing his eyes on the hand Crash has on my arm.
“I’m alright,” I say slightly stepping away from Crash’s touch and Tyson’s eyes.
“Well, what’s going on here?” Tyson says as he crosses his arms over his chest. He’s clearly here for the gym because he’s got a muscle shirt on. I can see the muscle on his arms and the tattoos he has covering them. Plus the shorts he has on really don’t do much of hiding anything.
I let out a sigh that was completely unintentional. They both hear it based on the smirk on Tyson’s face and the smile on Crash’s. I also hear a couple chuckles which causes me to blush. Damn, I guess it wasn’t quiet at all.
“Well, I have been getting bored and Crash here,” I say pointing to him, you know, in case he doesn’t know who Crash is. “Well, he suggested I work on my self defense and, well, that’s what I usually did with my time at home. Read, write, exercise, therapy. You know, it was a great way to protect myself, so I can’t let myself get rusty or anything.”
The whole room goes silent and I swear I hear a cricket.
A few more seconds tick by before everyone lets out a laugh.
“Sounds good. Well you better get back to it. Wouldn’t want you to get rusty,” Tyson says with a smirk as he heads to where Damien is working out. I let out another sigh when he turns his back and I see his butt in those shorts. Damn, he can make them look good.
I watch as he shakes his head and pauses a step for a minute, but I’m just going to pretend he didn’t hear that one.
I’ll analyze the fact that I obviously find him attractive later.
I get into fighting and end up blocking everything out and concentrating on my moves.
I can feel Tyson’s eyes on me, but I try my hardest to block that out.
No distractions.
Tyson “Torch”
I can’t help but watch as Camilla spars with Crash. She moves with confidence and you can tell that her focus is on nothing else in that room but what she’s doing. I’m glad to see how well her classes have helped her and how seriously she is taking them. I wouldn’t think I would see her move like that if you would have told me months ago.
It’s great to see her finding herself.
/> She has changed from the scared almost broken women we found to someone else entirely. With the way she is rocking the moves, you wouldn’t have known that was her.
We all watch in shock as she takes Crash to the ground time and time again.
“Damn, she’s pretty good,” Steal says as he walks into the room.
We all nod our heads in agreement.
“She’s going to help Ella learn. I don’t think that she knows that Crash is actually a certified instructor, but it might help with Ella and the other women wanting to learn by seeing Camilla knowing how to do it,” Damien says.
“That’s true. We will have to round up the ones who can join. Maybe Crash can get that class going like he has always wanted to,” I say.
“I think this will be good for the club. Not only will it help us be more at ease with the women knowing a few moves should some fucker catch them unaware, but it will also be a good skill to have handy for everyone,” he says and starts making plans to start classes tomorrow.
I can’t help but shake my head. but I know that he takes Ella’s safety seriously and is going to do anything that he can to make sure she’s protected at all times.
When they are done sparring, I watch as Camilla laughs at something Crash says and something ugly turns inside of me.
I don’t like it.
I have no idea why I don’t like it. When he put his hand on her arm, I had this overwhelming urge to rip it off and break it.
I feel like I’m on the verge of losing it.
Sure, I had protective and possessive feelings like this about Stacey; however, I feel like this is stronger somehow, unless I am remembering wrong how it felt to see another fucker touch her.
I shouldn’t have the urge to hurt a brother who checked on her with concern. Fuck. What is wrong with me?
I shake my head from the thoughts.
I’m just adjusting to being home. There is no way that I can think about Camilla in terms of how I want to kill any one that touches her.
I decide to take a run on the treadmill since my mind is not focused enough for heavy lifting right now.
