‘See what?’
‘There was no German bullet.’ He faced her, his expression bleak. ‘I did this to myself.’
Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name …”’
Anna clenched her teeth together to stop them chattering. The summery weather had cooled, giving way to darkening skies and rain, and inside the church a damp chill seeped from the thick stone walls. The murky stained-glass windows kept out all but a dim light, casting a deep gloom over the pews.
‘“Give us today our daily bread …”’
Anna opened one eye and looked around. Across the aisle from her in the front row sat Matron, very upright in her black dress and elaborate starched headdress. The ward sisters sat in a stern-looking line beside her.
‘“And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us …”’
She shifted her gaze to Eleanor, sitting in the pew in front of hers. Her head was bowed, hands clasped. What was she praying for? Anna wondered. Forgiveness for the way she’d treated her room-mate? She doubted it; Eleanor Copeland was so self-righteous, she’d never believe she had any reason to reproach herself.
Anna stared at the back of her neck, the stray hairs escaping from underneath her cap. It was barely ten o’clock in the morning, and Eleanor had already snapped at her twice, once for leaving her shoe lying around where Eleanor could have tripped over it, and then for humming under her breath while she did her hair.
‘Do you have to make so much noise?’ she had snapped. ‘I have a headache.’
Perhaps she was just spoiling for another fight, Anna thought. But Eleanor seemed different lately, tense and distracted.
She had been the same all the previous day. Sister had given her hell for emptying a patient’s bedpan down the sink when they were supposed to be measuring his urine output.
It was the kind of mistake Grace Duffield might have made, but never Eleanor.
And then Anna had found her in the kitchen, the kettle in her hand, staring blankly at it as if she had completely forgotten what she was doing.
‘Are you all right, Copeland?’ Anna had asked her, but Eleanor had only turned on her and snapped, ‘I’m fine. Just leave me alone, will you?’
Anna wondered if it had anything to do with her brother. Harry had been wretched all the previous day too, ever since she had left them together on the terrace. He had spent the whole day in bed with his face turned to the wall, just as he had when he was first admitted. And when Anna had suggested they resume their game of chess, his only response had been a listless shrug.
She hoped Eleanor had not upset him. It had taken Anna weeks to coax him out of bed. She had just started to encourage him into taking an interest in the world, and now they were back where they’d started.
Finally, the morning service ended. As usual, they waited for Matron and then the sisters to leave, and filed out after them, staff nurses followed by humble probationers. They hurried into the rain, pulling their thick navy blue cloaks around them.
And as luck would have it, Anna found herself beside Eleanor Copeland.
She sent her room-mate a sideways glance. As usual, Eleanor strode along, her chin lifted, presenting a confident face to the world. It was only when she looked closely that Anna noticed the tightly set lips, and the purple shadows like bruises under the eyes.
‘Are you all right, Copeland?’ she asked.
Eleanor shot her a glance. But before she could reply, Miriam Trott came up and started talking to her about the drive she was organising to sew sandbags for the trenches.
Eleanor turned away from Anna immediately. The next moment she had linked arms with Miriam and they were walking away, putting distance between themselves and Anna.
But she had seen the unguarded look of despair on her room-mate’s face.
It was none of her business, Anna told herself. Whatever problems Eleanor had, she certainly didn’t want to share them with the person she most despised.
Besides, Anna had better things to think about than Eleanor Copeland.
When they reached the Nightingale, most of the nurses headed back to the main hospital building. But Anna was lucky enough to have the day off and planned to spend it with her family.
She was looking forward to seeing her mother and sister again, but as she turned into the elegant Belgravia Square, Anna felt the familiar feeling of unease uncurling in the pit of her stomach. Liesel might love her grandmother’s imposing house, but to Anna it seemed soulless, as if something dark and cold lurked within its walls.
It wouldn’t be for long, she told herself. Now her grandmother was back on her feet again, there was no reason why her mother and sister couldn’t move back to the bakery. Then they would be a proper family again, back where they belonged.
Hester Grey was waiting for her in the parlour. She looked suspiciously well for someone who had so recently been confined to her bed. In fact, she seemed to be in better spirits than Anna had ever seen her. She even managed to greet her granddaughter with something like a smile.
‘Hello, my dear. Would you like some tea?’ She picked up the bell without waiting for an answer.
‘Where are Mother and Liesel?’
‘Your mother has gone upstairs to compose herself. I’m afraid she has had some unfortunate news.’
Fear washed over Anna. ‘What sort of unfortunate news? Is it about Papa?’
‘I’ll let her tell you herself. Ah, Morton. Some tea, if you please.’
Anna stared at her grandmother. Hester Grey seemed to be enjoying herself, she thought.
‘I need to see Mother.’
‘All in good time. I told you, she has taken a moment to – ah, here she is now.’
Anna swung around. Her mother stood in the doorway. She seemed calm, but Anna could see the ashen pallor of distress in her face.
‘Mother, what is it? What’s happened?’
Dorothy Beck turned to her, her fragile composure crumpling.
‘Oh, Anna! I’m so sorry, my love. It’s the bakery …’
‘I had word from Mrs Gruber, whose husband has the pork butcher’s on Columbia Road. She said a gang of them went on the rampage yesterday afternoon with bricks and clubs.’
Dorothy reached for Anna’s hand, her face full of sorrow. ‘I’m so sorry, Anna. I know how hard you and Tom worked to put the place right.’
‘How bad is the damage?’ Anna asked.
‘She didn’t say. Poor woman was so terrified, she fled as soon as the trouble started. She really thought they were going to kill her …’
‘I suppose you can’t blame them for wanting to take revenge, after what the Germans did to the Lusitania,’ Hester Grey said as she poured herself a cup of tea.
Dorothy Beck stared at her mother. ‘You think it’s right to put an innocent woman in fear of her life?’
‘I didn’t say it was right, did I? I merely said you couldn’t blame people for being outraged.’ Hester sipped her tea. ‘Remember,’ she said, ‘innocent women died on that ship. And children, too.’
For once, her grandmother’s barbed comment barely touched Anna. All she could think about was that they might never go home …
‘I want to see it,’ she said.
Her mother shook her head. ‘Better not. It might be too upsetting.’
‘I want to see the damage,’ Anna insisted. ‘I need to know.’
‘Then I’ll come with you.’
‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’ Hester interjected. ‘It might be dangerous.’
‘All the more reason not to let Anna go on her own. Besides, she’s right. We need to see how bad it is. You never know, we might be able to repair it.’
‘Repair it?’ Hester’s mouth curled in disdain. ‘Why on earth would you want to repair it? They’ll only come and destroy it again.’ She set down her cup. ‘Better just to board the place up and leave it, if you ask me.’
No one’s asking yo
u. Anna looked at her grandmother. It was the first time Hester Grey had stopped smiling since she had arrived.
Anna’s nerve failed her as they turned the corner into a rain-soaked Chambord Street. She clung to her mother’s arm, sheltering under her dripping umbrella, eyes turned towards the ground.
‘Oh, Mother, I can’t look,’ she whispered.
But as it turned out, the damage wasn’t nearly as bad as she had feared. The front windows were smashed, and round the back someone had kicked the door in and thrown paint all over the kitchen.
‘But it’s still standing, and that’s the main thing,’ her mother said bracingly. ‘It will be all right once we’ve cleaned up a bit. Perhaps Tom could help us.’
‘No,’ Anna said shortly. ‘We can’t ask him for more help.’
Her mother frowned. ‘Why not?’
‘I just think it would be wrong to impose on him any more.’
The truth was, Anna hadn’t seen or spoken to Tom since their argument two weeks earlier. And she wasn’t inclined to see him, either. She was still furious over what he had said about Edward.
Or perhaps you just don’t want to know the truth, a small voice said inside her head.
‘I’m sure he wouldn’t mind …’
‘I don’t want to speak to him, Mother!’
Her mother sent her a long look, but she didn’t press the point. ‘I’m sure we can sort it out ourselves,’ she said.
Anna put out her hand to touch the splintered wood where the back door had once been. ‘How will we tell Papa?’
‘We won’t,’ her mother said firmly. ‘It would break his heart.’ She looked around. ‘We’ll get the door and the windows mended, and this paint cleaned up, and—’
‘What’s the point?’ Anna said. ‘Grandmother’s right, they’ll only come back and smash it all up again.’
‘Anna—’
‘It’s true, isn’t it? They don’t like us here. In fact, they hate us.’ She looked around the ruined kitchen. ‘There’s no place for us here anymore.’
Mr Hudson was sheltering in the doorway outside his butcher’s shop, talking to Mrs Wheeler. They were looking over at the bakery, but as Anna’s mother paused to put up her umbrella they turned away.
Anna stared at their backs and something inside her snapped.
‘Had a good look?’ she shouted. ‘Don’t stop on our account, will you?’
‘Anna!’ Her mother went to pull her away but she stood her ground.
‘Where were you when this was happening? I bet you were standing out here then, weren’t you?’
Mr Hudson shuffled his feet. ‘We didn’t see nothing.’
‘No, I daresay you were looking the other way then, just like you were the last time it happened.’
She turned on them, rain running down her face. She could feel anger rising inside her, all the hurt and betrayal that had been building up finally spilling out of her.
‘And to think my father considered you his friends.’ She glared at Mr Hudson. ‘You set up your shop at the same time as Papa did his, didn’t you? I remember him telling me how you were both young men who worked hard to build up your businesses.’
Mr Hudson dropped his gaze and mumbled something Anna could not hear.
‘What do you think he would do if it was your shop being attacked? Or your café, Mrs Wheeler? Do you think he’d look the other way?’ She shook her head. ‘No, he’d be the first one out there, trying to stop them. Trying to help.’
‘Come on, love. You’re only upsetting yourself.’ Her mother slipped an arm around her shoulders. ‘I’ll take you home.’
‘Home?’ Anna’s laughter was hollow. ‘We don’t have a home anymore, do we?’ She turned back, raking Mr Hudson and Mrs Wheeler with a look of contempt. ‘I hope you’re proud of yourselves,’ she said.
Chapter Forty
They returned to the Belgravia house, where Hester was waiting for them.
Liesel was with her, perched on a stool at her feet, reading to her in a clear, piping voice. As soon as Anna and her mother walked in Hester gestured for her granddaughter to be quiet.
‘How was it?’ Her face was full of concern. ‘You poor dears, you look so upset. I warned you, didn’t I? I said you shouldn’t go.’ Her voice dripped false sympathy. ‘Tell me, was it very dreadful?’
‘There was quite a bit of damage,’ Dorothy replied. ‘But it wasn’t as bad as we’d thought, was it, Anna?’
Anna couldn’t answer her. She was still too choked with disappointment and rage to speak.
All her dreams of being reunited were shattered. Without their home, they no longer felt like a family.
And all the while there was her grandmother, hovering over them like a bird of prey, waiting to swoop.
‘Well, it’s a good thing you still have a roof over your heads here,’ she was saying. ‘I’m sure it must be a great relief to you, knowing you have somewhere safe to live.’
‘Yes, it is,’ Dorothy said. ‘But we will still be moving back to the bakery.’
‘Yes, of course. In due course.’
‘Tomorrow,’ Dorothy said.
Anna stared at her mother, shocked. She wasn’t even sure she had heard her say the words until she saw her grandmother’s face tighten.
‘But why?’ Hester’s smile looked forced. ‘It doesn’t make sense. You said yourself the house is badly damaged.’
‘It isn’t that bad. We can still live in it.’
‘But why would you want to, when you can live here in comfort?’
‘Because it’s our home.’ Anna caught her mother’s sideways glance. ‘It’s where we belong.’
Hester pursed her mouth. ‘I had hoped you would think of this as your home now. Haven’t I made you welcome here?’
‘Of course, Mother. You’ve been very kind to us.’
‘And yet you can’t wait to leave,’ Hester said tightly. ‘Even if it means being murdered in your beds.’
‘I don’t want to be murdered!’ Liesel whimpered.
‘You see? Look at the poor child, how terrified she is.’
‘No one is going to murder you, Liesel,’ Anna said quietly.
‘And how do you know that?’ Her grandmother turned on her angrily. ‘They’ve already razed the place to the ground once. Who is to say they will not try again? And next time you might not be so lucky.’ She put a hand to her chest. ‘I can’t bear to think about it,’ she said faintly. ‘I’m sure I will worry myself to death.’
Anna looked at her mother. She could see her weakening, her face anxious.
Hester must have seen it too. She sat up, pushing home her point. ‘Can’t you stay a little longer?’ she wheedled. ‘I’ve so enjoyed having you here. You have no idea how lonely I’ve been all these years, shut up in this house by myself. To have my daughter back, to be able to get to know my precious granddaughter …’ She put out her hand to stroke Liesel’s golden head, as if she were a pet. ‘I can’t bear to lose you now I’ve found you again.’
‘But you won’t lose us, Mother,’ Dorothy said. ‘Of course we’ll still come and visit you, and I hope you’ll come and see us, too. I’d love to show you the bakery. And perhaps when Friedrich comes home—’
‘Don’t be absurd, Dorothy. He isn’t coming home!’
Her mother looked taken aback. Even Liesel was startled.
‘Do you really think they will let him out of that internment camp?’ Hester’s voice was harsh. ‘And even if they do, they’ll probably send him straight back to Germany. Do you want to go and live there? I shouldn’t think you’d be any more welcome over there than he is here!’
Liesel turned panicked eyes to her mother. ‘Is it true? Papa’s not coming home?’
‘Of course he is,’ Anna said, glaring at her grandmother. ‘Take no notice of what she says.’
‘Indeed you will take notice of me!’ Hester pulled herself upright in her chair, her spine as straight and stiff as a poker. ‘I watched you throwing away yo
ur life more than twenty years ago, Dorothy, but now you’ve been given a second chance and I refuse to allow you to make another mistake.’
‘You refuse to allow me?’ Dorothy’s brows rose. ‘Mother, I’m not a child anymore.’
Anna glanced at her grandmother. She could almost see the thoughts racing through her head, the calculation behind those narrowed eyes.
‘I’m only thinking of you,’ she said finally. ‘Look at yourself, Dorothy. Look at what your life has become. He’s dragged you down, just as I said he would. Now you have nothing, not even a roof over your head.’ She forced a smile. ‘My dear, you’re a charming, beautiful woman, and still young enough to start again. Think of what your life could be, if only you allowed me to help you …’
Anna watched the two women staring at each other in silence. Then her mother shook her head.
‘Oh, Mother, I really thought you’d changed,’ she said sadly. ‘When we first came here, you were so kind, I started to believe that things could be different between us, that we might be a family again. But you haven’t changed, have you? You’re still trying to control my life, just as you always did.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Pack your things, Liesel,’ she said. ‘We’re leaving.’
‘What things?’ Hester mocked her. ‘You came to me with nothing, remember? Even the clothes you stood up in were borrowed from the poorhouse.’
Dorothy stiffened. ‘Very well,’ she said. ‘We’ll leave with nothing.’
‘And nothing is all you’ll ever have!’
‘That’s where you’re wrong, Mother. We have love, and we have each other.’ Dorothy turned to her daughter. ‘Hurry up, Liesel!’
Liesel didn’t move. She perched on the footstool, knees drawn under her chin, looking from one to the other of them with wide eyes.
‘You don’t have to go, my dear,’ Hester said to her. ‘You can stay with me.’ She smiled. ‘You can live here, in this house, and you’ll learn how to be a fine lady and have all the clothes your heart could desire.’
‘Liesel?’ Anna whispered. But her sister’s eyes were on her grandmother, as if transfixed.
It seemed like an eternity before she spoke.
A Nightingale Christmas Promise Page 30
