“Oh,” Alex said. “Well, in that case, he'll probably come back tomorrow. Good. I kinda missed him. But I'll miss sharing a bed even more.” He grinned stunningly at Leighton, who felt his heart ache.
“Yeah,” he said sincerely. “That was really great.”
Alex chuckled. “Well, then. If he's coming back soon, we might as well take advantage of this situation.”
Leighton laughed, a low chuckle. Alex had sat up and was hugging him from the back, his long, slim arms resting loosely on his shoulders, hands tracing slow patterns on his chest. He could feel his body respond with alacrity.
“Mm?” Alex asked.
Leighton huffed a laugh. “Nothing.”
He wanted to do this, and yet he felt guilty. It was terrible! He wasn't even sure what the guilt was, whether he felt guilty because he was with Alex, or had been with Geoff. He sighed.
“How about,” Alex whispered in his ear, “I treat you for a change?”
Leighton felt the blood rush to his cock, making it stir awake. “That sounds good,” he whispered back.
He shivered as Alex's hands moved down to his waist. Reached lower. He felt Alex's hand touch his cock, bringing the blood rushing to it as he circled the tip.
“Lie down,” Alex whispered.
Leighton lay down. It was a good feeling, in that moment, to just do. Not to think. To just lie back and feel the tingle of nerves as someone else aroused him.
He felt Alex slip across him and kneel next to him. He leaned over and kissed his chest and then slid lower. Leighton tensed as Alex took his cock into his mouth, slowly.
The warmth flooded through him. Alex sucked hard. The blood rushed and tingled through him as Alex moved around so that his cock glided down his smooth, warm throat, jamming against it. He reached down and stroked the dark hair.
Alex looked up and then down again. He tightened his hand on the base of Leighton's cock, holding it in a way that made him shiver. He made little kisses on the head of it, licking it in tiny prodding motions that made him think he might actually die of sensory-overload.
When he finally took it into his mouth again, Leighton was almost at the limit. He bucked and shook and then, crying out, he came. Alex held him in his mouth a moment longer and then moved up, lying beside him. Leighton wrapped his arm around him and held him close.
Later, they swapped positions and Leighton was pleased to hear Alex cry out. At least I got something right.
Afterward, when they lay in bed together, he looked up at the ceiling.
What have I done? What am I going to do?
He could not think of a way out of what he had done. Knowing it was useless to lie awake in the early hours and worry, he closed his eyes and fell into exhausted sleep.
12
Leighton
The next morning, around nine, Alex was reading through his notes, Leighton was about to leave for class. There was a knock at the door.
“Hello?”
Geoff.
Alex stood and opened the door. He looked pleased, which made Leighton feel awful.
“Hey, Geoff!”
“Alex.” Geoff's voice sounded strained. As if he was trying to be friendly even though it was hard.
Leighton sighed. At least he was making the effort.
“Welcome back, man,” Alex said, shrugging. “It's good to have you back.”
Leighton watched Geoff. He looked at his hands, then at Alex. When his eyes met his, he looked calm. Friendly, even. He held out his hand.
“Thanks, man. Great to be back.”
Alex grinned. “It's your room, man. You're welcome here.”
“Thanks.” Geoff sounded strangely pleased. Leighton felt bad. Had he really made Geoff feel as if he wasn't wanted? He supposed he had.
He heard Geoff cross the threshold and then shut the door. He had avoided meeting his eye, but he caught Alex giving him a strange look, so he sighed and faced Geoff.
“Hi,” he said. His voice was high, nervous. He cleared his throat. “Hi.”
Geoff smiled. His smile was warm. His eyes were warm. “Hi.”
Alex looked from one to the other. Then he shrugged. “Plenty of room here,” he said, turning his back. He was gathering his things, packing them into his bag.
Leighton was immediately worried. “Where you going, man?”
“Got class.”
“Only at midday, though.” Leighton frowned at him.
“Yeah, but it's prac. later. Might as well get an early start...”
Leighton shrugged. Alex had picked up his latest work and his bag of paints and headed to the door.
“See you,” he called.
“See you,” Leighton said. He sounded sad.
When Alex had gone, he and Geoff faced each other. Geoff cleared his throat.
“Thanks for...coming to talk,” he said shyly.
“Not at all,” Leighton said. He looked around the room, then back to Geoff.
“You got class now?”
“Yes,” Leighton said. He picked up his bag, which he’d left by the desk. Then he walked to the door.
“See you later?” Geoff asked. He was already gathering his own things. He also usually had class earlier.
“Sure,” Leighton said distractedly.
As he walked down the stairs he felt his heart sink. He reached the door and stood there a moment, eyes shut, breathing in the air from outside.
How, he wondered, was he going to live like this?
Wishing that he could run away from everything, preferably for a long time, he walked slowly down the path toward the class.
Why, he thought sadly, do I have to complicate my life?
As he sat down heavily in the first class of the day he realized that even though his life was complicated, he would not have it any different. If this was what came from being him, he was ready to live with it. He trusted that everything would work itself out.
All it needed was time.
13
Alex
The sun was setting when Alex left class. Feeling strangely melancholic, Alex sat on a bench to watch it. He propped his art-supplies bag next to him and leaned back, feeling the evening peace drift into him. He could hear the distant cars on the street and, somewhere even further, the sound of whoops and laughs as students played some complicated game on the fields.
He sighed. It wasn't work which was making him feel like this, his studies were going very well. Something of what Geoff had taught him had helped, apparently, because his first test for digital images had gone quite well.
It was, in fact, Geoff.
To be precise, the worry was Geoff and Leighton. They were both being a bit weird. Leighton hadn't changed too much, not on the surface, but he had changed subtly, in a way Alex couldn't explain. And, now that Geoff was back, he seemed to be avoiding him.
Maybe he just doesn't want to scare him. The thought made sense, even if it was funny. But the way Leighton was avoiding him was different to that. If it had simply been about avoiding being seen, Leighton and he would have been amused. It would have been a game, and probably woven them closer. But this was different.
It feels like he's scared around me.
It didn't make sense. There was only one way that it would make sense, in fact: if there was something Leighton had done that he wanted to avoid Alex knowing. He hoped it wasn't that. But then, he considered wryly, it wasn't exactly like he was not cheating himself, at least, in his mind.
Geoff. Ever since he came back to the dormitory it felt as if he were magnetic. Even when he was in another room, Alex could feel his mind being drawn to him. He felt like he was becoming obsessed, which was ridiculous.
It was not as if he was short on sex. That was not why he had fixated on him.
He liked Geoff. He had always admired him, ever since shortly after they’d met. And over the past month it had just become even deeper.
Having him leave the dorm-room and then come back seemed to intensify the way he fe
lt, so that now he was lodestone drawn to a magnet. He thought about him when he fell asleep, and thought about him often in the day.
“This is messed up,” he said aloud. It helped him get it off his chest and he felt a bit better for having said it.
He thought back to class. They had learned about expressionism and the use of color and brushstroke. He thought about the two paintings he had done. The one which was of Leighton—it looked nothing like him, of course, being abstract—and the one he had finished today, which was, he was quite sure, about Geoff.
The painting was in soft grays, with blue swirls and hints of red and mauve. It was a soft work. A work which made him feel a serenity when he looked at it.
He sighed. How could he prefer one to the other? They were completely different. The one was all bold primaries and definite lines, the other all uncertain colors and soft shapes, a tapestry of feelings that deepened and broadened as you contemplated.
“I guess,” he sighed, “that I like them both. A lot. More than I thought.”
With that the only satisfying conclusion, he stood and, sighing, collected his things. Carrying his work under his arm, he headed slowly up the stairs to his room.
It was Friday and when he entered he was surprised to find Leighton there. He turned on the light. Leighton smiled at him.
“Supper?” he asked.
Alex raised his shoulders in a light shrug. “Sure. When are you leaving?”
“Half an hour's time?”
“Okay,” Alex said. “Great. Is Geoff around?”
Leighton's face fell. “I dunno. I guess he's still working.”
“Just checking,” Alex said lightly. “Where are we planning to go?” he added, turning to his desk to put his things away.
“I was thinking maybe the Korean place?” Leighton offered.
Alex smiled. “You know I like Korean food. Sounds good.”
Leighton nodded. “How was class?” he asked.
“Okay,” Alex said. “I did some work I liked,” he said hesitantly.
“Oh?” Leighton asked. “Can I see?”
Alex felt shy. “I dunno, Leighton,” he said hesitantly. “It's not that good.”
Leighton shrugged. “No pressure.”
Alex thought about showing him. He really did feel shy about it, though. He hesitated, then put the work-bag down.
A moment later, Leighton stretched. “I'm gonna head to the shower,” he announced.
“Okay,” Alex agreed. “I'll go down in a minute. Just want to check my mail quickly...” he trailed off, bending to his screen.
Shortly after Leighton had left, he heard a tap on the door. “Come in.”
The door opened and Geoff appeared.
“Hey,” Alex said. He looked up at Geoff. Geoff looked hesitant and uncertain. “You don’t have to keep knocking; you do live here too, after all.”
“Just trying to avoid any further surprises,” he said, looking sheepish. He put his things down on his bed with a sigh. “What's happening today?” he asked, shrugging his coat off and sitting on the bed.
When he looked up at Alex, he was surprised to feel a jolt of intensity through him. Those pale gray eyes were as amazing as he remembered.
“Not much,” Alex said, trying not to sound strained. “I did some work, and Leighton was thinking we could go for supper. Korean food. Wanna join?”
Geoff bit his lip. “Yeah,” he said. “That sounds good.”
“Okay,” Alex lifted a shoulder. “Great.”
“You said you did some painting?” Geoff asked after a moment.
“Yeah. Want to see?”
Alex was surprised he had asked that. He blinked, surprised he trusted anyone besides his classmates and the Profs. with his work.
Geoff looked amazed. “Yeah!”
Alex went to the work-bag and, feeling intensely shy, showed him the gray canvas.
Geoff stared at it. He rubbed his hand through his hair. Then he turned to Alex. “It's beautiful,” he said simply.
Alex felt an unexpected lump somewhere in his throat. He swallowed hard. No one else had been so simply appreciative before. He was surprised. Surprised and touched. “Thanks,” he said.
They looked at each other shyly.
Alex felt as if he were falling into those eyes. He shared a look with Geoff that was deeper, more intense, than any he had yet shared with anyone.
He leaned slightly forward, felt that the moment was right. He wanted to kiss him.
The door opened. Leighton burst in, wrapped in his robe, toweling his hair. He looked at them and then turned to his bed, reaching for some new clothes.
“Hey, Geoff,” he said, surprised. “Good to have you here. You joining us?”
Alex and Geoff looked at each other, then looked at Leighton, who blinked as if wondering what was going on.
“Yeah,” Geoff said, sounding surprised. They all laughed and, still laughing, prepared to go out for a meal together. The first meal since Geoff had returned.
14
Leighton
The morning sun filtered through the window. It shone through the curtain onto Leighton's closed eyes. He opened them.
“Wha...what time is it?”
He sat up, panicking. Why had the alarm not gone? An instant later, when confronted with a room of prone sleepers, he remembered why. It was the weekend.
He lay back, thinking. In the light from the curtains, he could see Alex where he slept, an uncertain, sleek-headed form wreathed in sheets. He smiled. Whenever he looked at him, he felt as if his heart were filling up. It was a lovely feeling. Even the way he slept was so typical, all curled up with the blankets pulled tightly around him. Remote and self-contained.
He turned his head slightly, looking at the other bed. All he could see was pale hair and a foot, sticking out of the bedclothes. He smiled. Geoff seemed to sleep in a permanent sprawl, as if to make up for the tight self-discipline he tended to impose when awake.
He sighed. The trouble was he liked both of them. And he was not sure how each of them felt about him. Or each other.
When they’d went out that night there was a distance between Alex and Geoff, as if they didn't want to speak or interact. He was not sure if that meant Alex had guessed, or Geoff was still mad at Alex, or something completely separate from anything involving him.
He had decided to pretend he hadn't noticed and the three of them had a wonderful evening. When they’d returned home they had all been tired and, before he knew it, Leighton had fallen asleep. He had been asleep since then.
He heard someone stirring. Alex. He smiled as his eyes opened, then narrowed, and then he sat up. He heard him slide out of bed and go to check the time. Then he heard him yawn. He opened an eye and saw Alex looking at him.
“I thought you were awake.”
Leighton smiled. He put a finger to his lips to indicate Geoff was sleeping.
An instant later, he realized he shouldn't have worried. Geoff flipped onto his tummy and then sat up.
“Saturday,” he said. He looked profoundly relieved.
The other two both laughed.
As they all woke up and got ready for the day, the ease of the morning seemed to evaporate and the little tensions Leighton was aware of all week returned once more.
“Leighton?”
“Yes?” Leighton did not look up at Alex. He had been studiously ignoring him all that morning. He had decided that the best thing he could do was avoid being in the dorm as much as possible. It was Saturday, though, and, with everyone he knew either out of town, watching baseball or studying, he had nowhere to go.
“Did you see my pj's anywhere?” Alex asked. He grinned at him.
Leighton sighed. Did he have to ask him something so suggestive, here, now, in front of Geoff?
He ran his tongue over dry lips. “Did you take them for laundry?”
“I brought them back. I dumped all my things on the bed and sorted them. My pj's have gone.”
“D
id you look down the side of the bed?”
“No.”
“Well, maybe they're there.”
Alex blinked at him, but went to go and look. They were under the bed. He put them away in the cupboard, casting a funny look at Leighton as if to say, “what's your issue?”. Leighton sighed. Ever since Geoff came back he had been living in uncertain territory. He felt so bad about his attraction to Alex and his evening with Geoff that he couldn't have contact with either of them. For the past two nights he had kissed Alex twice but otherwise refrained from any activity at all.
Alex had looked at him with wounded eyes and he felt absolutely terrible, like the worst sort of person. He had distanced himself without any explanation. The problem was he couldn't offer one.
“Geoff?”
“Mm?”
Alex was under the bed again. Geoff looked down, amused.
“These sneakers. They yours?”
Alex grinned up at Geoff, eyes sparkling.
Leighton, watching him, was surprised. That wasn't friendly. It was...very friendly. Alex likes Geoff? The thought hit him like the roof falling on his head might. Of all the possibilities, he had not considered it.
“Oh!” Geoff looked flustered but pleased. “I missed them. Thanks a lot!”
“No problem.”
Alex appeared from under the bed, dusting his hands down his pants. He looked at his hand ruefully. Leighton giggled.
Alex rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended. Then he grinned.
“People, we should clean in here.”
Geoff laughed and Leighton smiled.
“I guess so,” he said.
“Black clothes show fluff easier,” Alex said stoutly. “So fluff is a problem for me.”
“You always wear black,” Geoff said with a grin.
“Black suits me,” Alex said, testily.
They all laughed.
Leighton felt as if the tension had abated just a little. At least they were all laughing together. And if Alex thought it was okay to look around, then maybe he wouldn't blame him either.
College Threeway: A First Time Gay Romance (Bareback University) Page 6
