by Taki Drake
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<< I am really not feeling very hungry, Hunter. Can we skip this part? >>
<< No, I know that interacting with other people feels like you are rubbing salt into raw wounds, but this is part of recovering from what you just experienced. Let’s treat it like a therapy session. >>
<< Hah! What you mean is that this is going to hurt, but it’s for an eventual, better result. Right? >>
<
The sound that emerged from Ruth’s throat was a rusty laugh, but at least it was an audible sound of amusement. It didn’t surprise Hunter, but the Mage felt the soap-bubble-bursting feeling of happy discovery deep within herself. It felt foreign, unexpected, and enjoyable.
This was a cafeteria! Ruth immediately felt at home. The underlying structure of the room matched similar ones of an earlier time, a memory that carried no hint of pain or fear. Patterns from decades of life on Earth clicked in, and the Mage was reminded of picking up her tray and utensils accompanied by ever-hungry teenagers. Moving through the line, she happily selected items that appealed to her.
The servers noticed her but did not demand anything. They smiled, some of them ventured small comments or gentle greetings, but none of them were intrusive. These were not people that Ruth dealt with on an everyday basis. They might know of her, but they didn’t need direction, counseling, or any other interaction. All that was required was surface exchanges, none of it personal.
No one here expected the Mage to behave in a certain way. No one thought she should be anybody or should do anything. The “shoulds” were absent.
Screw the shoulds, Ruth thought to herself. Finally, I can get a meal without everyone trying to know more about me or maneuvering for things. I don’t have to expose another part of my soul to random people, just to survive.
Suddenly, Hunter began to purr. It was a deep, resonant thrum of sound that filled the Mage with reassurance and pleasure. Apparently, things were going according to plan for the Catog.
Tray in hand, Ruth stood indecisively in the middle the room. Hunter nudged her toward one side of the area where she saw a man with the insignia of a Master Sergeant sitting with several other people. The table was about three-quarters filled, so the Mage didn’t think that it was a good place for her and Hunter.
The Catog evidently disagreed. Showing her no mercy, he pushed Ruth toward the table. Trusting in his judgment, she moved that direction. As she got closer to the table, the Mage saw the Master Sergeant clear another seat to his left with a simple glance. Obediently, the table rearranged, opening a place for Ruth on the end, with the Master Sergeant sitting between her and the rest of the diners.
Unsure what to do, Ruth asked, “May I sit here with you, Master Sergeant?”
He replied, “We would be honored, my Lady.”
Feeling awkward, the Mage sat down, and Hunter settled into the area at her left side. His warm body was a comforting support, protecting her on the left. Bracketed between the Catog and the NCO, Ruth sat tensely for a moment, but when nothing was said, she started to relax again.
The Master Sergeant, whose name tag said “Moreni” kept everyone from talking to Ruth, simply by carrying on a conversation with the other NCOs at the table. Feeling like she stood sheltered by a thick protective wall, the woman started to lose the tenseness that kept her body aching and her nerves jangling in discord.
For a while, the Mage busied herself with eating a surprisingly good meal. It was plain food, similar to what she had cooked for an everyday breakfast for her family. Scrambled eggs, something that looked and tasted like bacon, and fried tuber that reminded her of potato. Tasty and filling, it was comforting in the echoes of familiarity of previous experience.
Charging energy, thready yet real, trickled into the Mage. Ruth began to regain her balance, as the sensory input of food anchored her, and the space provided by courtesy gave her breathing room.
Ruth reveled in the sensation. The release of tension, even the incremental rejection of stress, left her feeling more alive and connected. In that protected interval, Ruth realized that there was someone who would be frantic at her absence.
Pawlik will be concerned when I don’t show up for breakfast. He will not know where I’ve gone. He doesn’t deserve that. I need to let someone know to tell him.
<< Hunter, do you have a way of letting Pawlik know where I’m at? I forgot to tell him, and he will worry. >>
<< I have already notified the Lord of Borachland on where we have gone. It is common sense for him to be informed of your movements and you of his. >>
<< Thank you. >>
Ruth could feel Hunter’s amusement but didn’t waste any effort on wondering why. She never lost sight of the fact that the Catog was a member of an alien race. She would never be able to explain his reactions or thoughts as if he were human. The acceptance of that fact prevented a lot of wasted energy, trying to explain things to others and even herself.
Ruth ate for a while, consuming all of the food on her plate until all that was left was the last of her coffee. She had kept her head down during the meal, not wanting to talk to anyone. She felt the flow of conversation moving around her and over her, without demanding her attention. It was freeing and soothing at the same time.
Finally, the Mage realized her plate was cleared, and the last bit of coffee in the mug was cold. She turned toward the Master Sargeant to say her farewells and saw that he was gazing directly at her. The acceptance in his look felt like an open channel into her heart.
He understood.
Ruth could see it in the pain concealed behind his assertive gaze. She could hear it in the echoes of his posture and the buried empathy that he offered her. Unable to bear the intimacy of that regard, the Mage shifted her focus in desperation to the other people at the table.
Her breath caught in her throat as a sense of belonging slammed into her and flooded her feelings with a kinship that she had never felt before. Ruth was sitting at a table of people that had experienced the same pain, rage, and sorrow that she was feeling.
Another NCO, sitting across from her was the first one to say anything, “The worst part is feeling separated from family and the rest of the people with whom we were once close. It hurts, but when you talk to others that have been there, it helps.”
There was a muted sound of agreement around the table. The vibration of that noise snapped another one of the misty, heavy chains of pain and alienation crushing Ruth, and she felt her soul break free.
There were other comments, and with each one, Ruth realized the feelings and emotions were not just hers to wrestle alone. These people, all combat veterans, had lived through the same thing she had. Perhaps not identical experiences, but similar enough that they had been there during the sweaty nightmares, and flashbacks that burned eyes and roughened throats.
Taking a deep breath, the Mage felt energized enough return to her duties. She stood up, startling Hunter. Smiling a little bit to herself, Ruth gathered her tray and carried it over to the station where she had observed other people returning dirty dishes. Several times on her way, scarred men and women with shadows of pain in their eyes stood up and addressed her. Some of them stammering and others refusing to meet her gaze but talking as if the words are ripped out of their hearts said essentially, “we’ve been there, it will get better.”
Some of them told her how proud they were of her, that they were available any time, anywhere to listen, or just stand by her. It was apparent to Ruth that they knew what it was like to have lived through torture. They knew the slashing ache of regret to have taken lives.
These men and women were trying to tell her she would come out of the other end of this journey of darkness. There was no big fuss, no invasive attention. Just an acknowledgment of kinship and the caring of one family member for another.
Tears in her eyes, a fragile smile on her face, the Mage stumbled through the door to the outside. Her emotions were still not settled, and turmoil c
ontinued to spin its stormy path along her nerves, but Ruth knew that she had those that would understand. They would have her back when she needed them.
They were family. Born in desperate need, raised in shared pain.
Chapter 15 – Explorations
Home Woods, Borachland
Ruth walked lost in thought. Hunter stayed close to her, pacing along beside her without a word. He knew that the Mage was not aware of her surroundings and that it was his job to protect her while she brought herself back into balance.
The Catog knew when two of the security people started shadowing them. He could feel them. The Lady was oblivious to their presence, and Hunter was grateful that they knew enough not to crowd her. Ruth needed the time to recover and find herself again. That couldn’t be done with other people continually talking to her and demanding her attention.
Her guardian could tell that Ruth was concentrating internally. He could smell the effort of determination on her skin and saw that she would occasionally bite her lower lip when something painful needed to be confronted. Hunter had nothing but admiration for her. He knew through his own, personal experience that to delay was to make the effects of the trauma worse.
Interesting, we have walked quite a ways, and she shows no signs of slowing down. Even some of the guards would have problems keeping up with her, and I can tell that one of the security people is about ready to fall over. If Ruth were aware at all, even she could hear the panting and huffing that is going on.
<< <> >>
Ruth had been energized by her breakfast and the acceptance of the guards. Not pity, but empathy had helped regain her emotional balance. As she had done most of her life, Ruth reasoned things out better when she was walking. Trusting to Hunter to care for her, the Mage let her feet take her where they wished.
The familiar warmth of muscles acting out their purpose and the clean energy flow of her physical body while exercising did much to solidify the gains made so far that day. Ruth felt better and was now riding an upward spiral, rather than following one that spun down destructively.
Some small sound pulled Ruth back from her meditation and made her aware of just how far she had walked. She looked up in surprise and exclaimed to Hunter, << Wow! We have walked all the way to the home woods! I’ve only stopped here briefly before, and that was when I first came into Borachland. >>
<< It is an intriguing forest, dense and mysterious. It seems to be filled with animals and plants that are unknown to me. We have been so busy that I have not had much time to explore it either. >>
<< Then let’s explore it together. My flashbacks started when I thought about birdwatching. Perhaps, trying to spot some of the birds that live in the forest would be a good way of my confronting that pain-filled moment and avoiding further episodes. >>
<< Ruth, be aware that it may trigger another flashback. >>
The Mage stopped in her tracks and looked at the Catog saying out loud, “I would rather confront the flashbacks, so they lose their power. Give the risk of touching an episode off, I would be pleased if that occurred when I am not close to a building filled with people I care about. So if I have to stay out in the woods and pound my head against that sore spot until it blows up and is gone, then that is what I will do.”
Hunter heard the sharply indrawn breaths of the security people that have been trailing them. He smiled internally when one pair of footsteps took off at a fast run back toward the castle. While the Catog knew that Ruth’s determination to confront her horrific memories was a reasonable response to the previous day’s flashback, it still was courageous.
Keeping his emotions hidden within himself, Hunter continued to move supportively next to Ruth. Even knowing that the full power of an Unfettered Mage might be unleashed next to him, the Catog was full of curiosity and excitement.
He thought to himself, I must be what these people call an adrenaline junkie. Addicted to the excitement and braver than I am smart. The Catog found himself in stalker mode, gliding over the ground rather than pacing. He could feel the tip of his tail twitch from side to side, and his senses gained power and focus.
The hunt was on!
The Mage and Catog set off together, intrepid explorers and friends. Whimpering slightly, the sore-footed, out of breath security guard kept pace with them. The man was praying fervently that someone would come back to help him protect the Lady. After the destruction of the South Wing and Tower, he didn’t know what good he would be if she lashed out again.
<< <> >>
There were birds everywhere. Ruth was amazed that there were so many colors in their feathers. Some of them even seemed to glow under the leafy canopy, possessed of their own iridescence. The woman’s hands ached with the need to hold a camera, constantly thinking of how she would frame the snapshot.
When they first entered the forest, it had seemed quiet and not very densely inhabited. As the two explorers had penetrated deeper among the massive, tall trees and varied plants, the somewhat plain-looking flora and fauna had changed to rainbow colors and flowers that beguiled the senses.
Like any forest, there were areas that peeked through to the open sky. Meadows and glades full of tall grasses and heavily laden berry bushes were welcome contrasts to the dramatic forestation. Ruth followed pathways packed down by the animals that lived in the woods, but they saw few creatures other than birds and insects.
Rather than try to pick samples or look at specifics, Ruth just opened herself to everything and took it all in. There was so much to see and hear. Wonders of chorused birdsong made her long to raise her voice in response, and the perfumed air was laden with floral and spicy notes had her drawing in deep breaths of enjoyment.
It was a magical introduction to the world of Arkken for the Mage born on Earth. She had loved the animals and plants of her home planet with a deep and abiding passion, taking thousands of pictures and reading about their lifecycles and names. Not seeing birds on her birdfeeders every day had made her life just a bit duller. This gave her hope for the future.
Now she knew that there was a rich and varied tapestry of life forms and plant forms for her to explore and get to know. Not only was there a whole planet of surprises waiting for her, but there were reptiles that flew, and furred mammals that lived in the water. Even the fish that Ruth could see in the shaded pools had new and unusual shapes.
The Mage seemed to glow in Hunter’s eyes. She had dropped the heavy mantle of fear and sorrow, and now walked lightly through the woods, her eyes darting in all directions.
Ruth was not the only one whose soul was fed by the experience. Hunter paced responsibly by the Mage’s side until the two of them made it to the first of the sunlit glades. There the very dignified Catog broke into a leaping, pouncing attack into the deep grass. The shoulder-high stalks obscured Ruth’s view of his motions, but frenzied waving blades let her track him as he rapidly followed some small animal.
The woman laughed in unrestrained amusement when the Catog emerged onto the pathway again with a smug look on his face and his tail held high in triumph. She remembered her cats on Earth having just that expression when they had successfully hunted.
Getting her mirth under control, Ruth looked up just in time to see that Hunter had come back to her side. Intertwined in the longer hair on his head were broken twigs and pieces of grass. Helplessly, the Mage fell to the ground and roared in laughter.
<< I failed to see what the issue is. I’m accompanying you so that you have protection, and I needed to evaluate a possible threat. >>
Wiping tears from her eyes, Ruth caught her breath enough to say out loud, “Of course, that’s why you went charging through the grass like we were being attacked by an army.”
<< I meant to do that! >>
Hunter had no way of understanding why that simple statement set the Mage to giggling.
Chapter 16 – Eidolon
Home Woods, Borachland
Ruth had aching ribs. She had walked long enough to where her tensene
ss no longer controlled her and laughed until she simply could not breathe. She felt rejuvenated and full of energy. Her mind alive again, and her spirit had become less burdened.
She knew it wasn’t just her. Hunter walked more easily, relaxed in a manner that she had never seen him use before. Only now did Ruth realize that this is what her friend looked like when he just enjoyed life.
<< I really need to bring Pawlik next time. I wonder if he’s ever walked through the woods? >>
While Ruth was thinking, she and Hunter had crossed the Glade and entered another portion of the woods. Here, the trees had grown close together, and massive roots created an uneven surface for their path. The smell of these giant plants reminded Ruth of cinnamon. An earthy, spicy aroma, it both invigorated and relaxed her.
Driven by a whim, Ruth stopped next to one of the massive trees and laid her hands flat on the rough bark. A vibration could be felt through her palms and running up her arms. Behind the tremendous hum, the Mage could hear underlying voices. She leaned her forehead on the tree in an effort to concentrate.
The sound continued to be tantalizingly close to being understood, but no matter how much she strained, Ruth couldn’t understand what it was saying. Oh, you beautiful thing, what tales you could tell of times before and how this world has changed. I wish I could understand you and your song. Our lives must be so short compared to yours that we are like small biting insects to you.
The Mage got the sense of a sharply indrawn breath of surprise and then the song that she could feel exploded in a complex mixture of notes and tones. Flooding over her mind, she felt like she was standing in front of a waterfall filled with images and feelings that bombarded her from every direction.
Gasping, Ruth flung herself back away from the tree, unable to cope with the flood of information. In short sentences, she tried to explain to Hunter that the tree was communicating with her, or at least trying to do so. She remained on the ground, staring at the tree trunk thoughtfully.
