by Vivian Wood
My fingers itch with the desire to do it. But I don’t. I still sense that there is a lot that he’s holding back. He’s not willing to feel as much as I do.
Plus, there is the whole thing where I’m supposed to steal his regatta course for Dr. Montgomery. I roll over onto my back and stare up at the high ceilings of my loft.
Yeah, I’m definitely not going to do that. Even assuming that I hated Gabe — which clearly I do not — I would have a hard time just taking his stuff. No matter how Dr. Montgomery dresses it up, it’s just slimy and wrong.
I’m going to have to tell Dr. Montgomery my decision… and soon. How he takes it really concerns me… I mean, my academic career is in his hands. But I can’t have these feelings for Gabe and still let this nonsense with Dr. Montgomery still go on.
Shifting my gaze to the man sleeping next to me, I repress a sigh. I should just do it now, get it over with.
Getting out of bed is harder than it usually is. Dressing myself quickly, I try to tell myself that whatever happens, it’s going to be okay. I mean… what is the worst that can happen?
As I scribble a note for Gabe and let myself out of my house, nightmare scenarios push at my consciousness. I usually don’t let myself go too deep into such morbid thoughts but… here I am, intensely worried about what Dr. Montgomery will say.
It’s a Tuesday, which means that he will probably be at work. Heading to the University of Washington medical school, it takes me a while to find Dr. Montgomery. The lights are off and the blinds pulled in his office. He’s not in the faculty lounge or the mostly empty cafeteria.
At last I find him in a lecture hall, teaching a class of first year med students. Peering in through on of the windows at the back of the class, I spot my friend Olivia, a cute little brunette sitting in the second row of students. She looks bored, fanning herself slowly and blinking repeatedly at whatever Dr. Montgomery is telling the class.
What would she think about the conversation I’m about to have with the good doctor?
I sit outside in the hall, waiting for the class to let out. In less than fifteen minutes my patience is rewarded; students carrying huge textbooks and heavy backpacks begin filing out of the doors.
I catch Olivia for a second.
“Hey!” she greets me, juggling several textbooks and a tote bag. “It’s nice to see you, Luna.”
I straighten and smile at her.
“You too. I’m just trying to catch Dr. Montgomery,” I say, nodding to the classroom.
“Oh, you’d better hurry. I think he’s in a rush to get somewhere.” Olivia touches my arm. “We totally have to catch up soon, though.”
“Absolutely we do.” I grin at her. “See you later.”
I pull open the door, spying Dr. Montgomery heading up the stairs directly towards me. He spots me and a grin breaks out over his face.
“Lena!” he greets me, hugging his stack of textbooks to his chest. “You’re back from the trip, I see.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “It’s Luna, Dr. Montgomery.”
He brushes past me. “Come on, you can fill me in on your trip on the way to my office.” He looks at his watch. “I have about ten minutes before I have to be in my car.”
Frowning, I turn and follow him down the hallway and up a staircase. “So I wanted to talk to you— “
“That sounds ominous,” he jokes. He doesn’t seem too bothered. In fact, he doesn’t even look at me at all. Unease fills my heart, gripping me hard.
“Right. I mean… I don’t think I can give you what you asked for.”
Dr. Montgomery stops short, whirling around. “The race course plans?”
My cheeks start to burn under his imperious stare. “Yeah. I can’t steal them.”
He raises a brow. “And why not?”
Unable to look at him, I drop my gaze. “Because stealing is wrong?”
He sighs dismissively. “I already explained it to you, Lena. We are friends. He’ll be glad that you helped.”
I make a face. “I… I’m not sure that that is true, Dr. Montgomery.”
That gives him pause. “Are you calling me a liar?”
My cheeks are burning so brightly I’m worried that I will start a fire. “No… I just… I can’t get the plans for you. Even if I wanted to, he literally keeps them in a safe.”
His heavy eyebrows rise. “A safe?”
I nod my head, hoping that he won’t be able to tell that I’m essentially lying my ass off. “Yeah.”
Dr. Montgomery stares me down for a minute, then turns and starts walking again. “It would be my suggestion that you figure out how to get him to open that safe, Lena.”
“That’s not my name!” I say, raising my voice.
“Who cares?” He reaches the door to his office, digging in his pocket for his keys. “Come in here.”
He unlocks the door, chucking his books in a chair. Then he stands aside, waving me in impatiently.
Swallowing thickly, I do as he asks. He shuts the door after me, then walks over to his desk and leans against it.
“I want those plans,” he says evenly. “I don’t care what you have to do or who you have to fellate to get them.”
Startled, I give him an odd look. “I’m sorry?”
He folds his arms across his chest. “You heard me. It would be extremely detrimental to your future at this school if you decide not to follow through with our bargain. I will make sure that you fail. Is that clear enough for you?”
I’m speechless for a second. “Dr. Montgomery, you should not be talking to me like this.”
He cocks his head. “What are you going to do about it, exactly? This is a very competitive school. If you fail out, there are a hundred more people just waiting for a chance at your spot. Just because Mommy and Daddy bought your way in— “
“What?” I blurt out, frustrated beyond belief.
He gives me a snide smirk. “You don’t think I know who you are? Hmm? I have a copy of your file and it’s full of interesting information. Did you know that your mother agreed to build a whole new wing for our hospital? That’s why you got admitted over other, better qualified applicants.”
God, if I could just crawl under the faded carpet and die instead of having this conversation, I would do so happily.
“I don’t know anything about it,” is all I can say, raising my chin.
He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. It really doesn’t matter. What does matter is whether or not I have those plans in my hands in the next ten days. If I don’t get them…” He shrugs his shoulders. “You can consider your career at this school over. You either do it, or you start applying to a different med school.” He smirks. “Or maybe just quit trying to be anything other than a rich man’s wife.”
My jaw drops. “You can’t talk to me like that!”
Dr. Montgomery waves his hand around his office. “Who’s going to stop me? Hmm? This conversation is just between you and me… so I would recommend that you just go ahead and get the plans for me.”
He looks at his watch and straightens. “Ah, shit. I’m late.”
“Wait, you can’t just leave!” I protest.
“Get out of my office,” he says calmly. “You’ve taken up too much of my time.”
“I— “
Dr. Montgomery loses his cool.
“Get out!” he shouts.
Eyes widening, I back toward the door, turning the knob and letting myself out. He slams the door closed behind me hard enough to rattle the blinds.
Blinking at the door for a second, I start slowly walking down the hall toward the parking lot. Dr. Montgomery is unhinged, as it turns out.
I definitely don’t know what I should do with myself. I should take my case somewhere else, kick it up the food chain…
But to whom?
I can’t exactly tell the med school administration that I had planned to steal some papers for Dr. Montgomery and changed my mind. What if they don’t do anything about it?
And I d
efinitely can’t tell Gabe my problem either. Despite my blowing the whistle now, that wouldn’t be what Gabe sees. He would zero in on the fact that I initially agreed to go along with Dr. Montgomery’s plan. That would be the end of lazy mornings in bed with Gabe…
I can’t let such a foolish mistake keep us from seeing each other again.
So basically, I’m at something of an impasse. Right now, Dr. Montgomery has got me against the wall, between a rock and a hard place. Either I make a fuss about things and potentially lose what I have with Gabe… or I don’t, but then have to face the loss of my career.
Pushing the door open and heading into the sunny Seattle afternoon, I quail. What am I supposed to do?
Who am I supposed to ask for advice?
I don’t know and I haven’t the faintest idea of where to even begin to find out.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gabe
“Fuck!”
I slam the coffee grinder down with a grimace. It’s an automatic machine, which is great… except when you forget to actually set a limit on the amount of coffee it grinds. I didn’t. Instead I went to brush my teeth and came back to all my coffee ground up at once, enough to make the grinder’s gears stick.
Today is just not my day. Actually, yesterday wasn’t my day either. Luna came back from doing her errands and she was quiet in an eerie way…
She’s still quiet, which makes me wonder just what the hell happened yesterday. As I set the water on to boil, my phone buzzes insistently.
I head over to check it.
Wedding Day!! the screen says. It flashes a picture of me and Michelle, holding hands on top of the Space Needle. She clings to me, her eyes puffy.
I remember that photo. I remember that day.
How could I not have realized that today was supposed to be our wedding day?
I freeze, the phone still buzzing away in my hand.
Can that be right? Can today really be the day that I was supposed to marry Michelle?
“Hey,” Luna says softly.
I whirl, silencing my phone. She gives me a half a smile, already dressed and ready to leave. Her smile hides just a tiny bit of concern…
What is she worried about, exactly? I lift my chin, trying to shove down all my worries about Michelle.
“Hey,” I say nonchalantly. It would be better if I had something on other than my skivvies; looking at her, all dressed up like she’s going out on the town, you wouldn’t expect that she was just leaving my bed. I cross my arms, trying to appear like less of a wreck than I really am.
“I have to head out,” she says, cocking her head. “Should I plan to see you tonight?”
I frown. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Luna’s eyebrows rise, but she doesn’t put up a fight. “Okay. Have a good day, Gabe.”
She comes over to me and drops a kiss on my lips, then hustles out the door.
“You too,” I mumble. But she likely doesn’t hear or at least doesn’t indicate that she has.
Luna. That’s why I forgot. Because it is just easier to lean into her warm embraces and dazzling smiles. Easier than looking backward, anyway.
But I am not ready to give up mourning Michelle. I’m not the kind of person who just abandons his dead ex-fiancée when someone new and tempting comes along.
…am I?
I don’t want to be someone that forgets people that easily.
I scowl at the door as it slams closed behind Luna. My phone starts buzzing again in my hand. Without a second thought I throw my phone at the wall as hard as I can.
Instantly the screen shatters, the alarm going silent.
I tilt my head back and let out a stream of curses. Like I said, today is just not my day.
I graduate from making coffee right to moping around my tiny apartment. I pull out a box of keepsakes I have stashed in the bottom of a closet. Then I spend a long time sifting through the photos and mementos I find inside of the box.
A scrap of light blue lace that was Michelle’s mother’s. A photo of Michelle a couple weeks after we met, wearing nothing but that slinky, mischievous smile of hers. A folded letter written to me by Michelle a few days before she killed herself.
God, she was so young. Not even twenty six years old. There was so much potential there for her…
And now it’s all gone, blown away like dust in the cruel, unblinking wind.
My knuckles whiten as I grip my cup of coffee. Rage roils through me.
I’m still so angry at her for abandoning me, for just giving up on life.
I hear the slide of a key opening the front door. Looking up, I see Malkia open the door.
“Gabe?” she calls.
I toss Michelle’s letter back into the keepsake box, nodding to my sister. “What are you doing here?”
She turns her head and takes me in. “I tried to text you like five times. I have not heard from you since we docked the boat. I got worried.”
I smile, but I don’t feel happy. “I’m fine, as you can see.”
Malkia closes the door behind herself and comes over to where I’m sitting in my living room. She takes one look at the keepsakes box in front of me and sighs.
“Not the box again.” She scrunches up her face. “What triggered this? Huh? You have been letting Michelle go, I thought…”
I sit back, appraising my sister. “Today was supposed to be our wedding day.”
A wrinkle of concern appears in Mal’s brow. “Oh.” She tilts her head at me. “I am sorry, Gabriel.”
I shrug, not knowing what to say. Mal heaves a sigh, looking around the apartment. “It is not too early for a drink, right?”
I jerk my head toward the tiny kitchen. “Whiskey’s in the cabinet above the sink.”
She tosses her keys on the counter on her way to grab the whiskey and a couple of glasses. Then she returns with all of it and plunks down beside me on the couch.
Pouring two drams of whiskey, she hands me one of the tumblers and then takes a sip. She makes a small sound of satisfaction after she swallows it. Then she turns to me.
“So what’s going on inside that head of yours?”
I sigh, looking up at the ceiling. “The same things as usual. I’m angry at Michelle. I think about what happened and I just feel…” My fists clench. “Useless, I guess. Like I could have maybe stopped her from… from erasing our whole life together, if only she had confided in me…”
Mal looks at me, her expression carefully neutral. “You know that you were not responsible for her wanting to die. We have talked about this ad nauseam.”
I shoot her a glare. “You came here, asking what I’m feeling. That’s what I’m feeling.”
She nods. “You are right. It is just hard to watch you have the same thoughts and the same fears as you did when Michelle died. I thought—” She pauses, smirking down into her glass of whiskey. “I thought you were content. I thought you had found someone else to fill that void.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “What?”
Malkia rolls her eyes at me. “Luna. I thought you two were getting along pretty well. I mean… she slept in your cabin for almost the last ten days we were on the yacht.”
I shift, clearing my throat. My ears feel hot. “You knew about that, huh?”
“Mm. We were supposed to be sharing one set of bunk beds. So yeah, I knew.”
“Yeah, well. She’s been off the last couple of days too. I’m starting to think that we don’t work off the boat.”
Mal gives me a surprised look. “Why?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Just a feeling.”
She is quiet for a moment, then she checks her phone.
“Don’t let me keep you here,” I say flatly. “Seriously, I’m in the worst mood.”
She shoots the last bit of whiskey in her glass, then looks at me. “I have a date. But let me give you a little advice, brother. Luna makes you happy. I have seen it. So why you do not just relax into that, I do not know.”
I roll my
eyes at her. “Go on your date. I’ll be fine.”
“I am coming back tomorrow morning if you don’t turn your phone on,” she warns.
My gaze shifts to the phone, still slumped just where I threw it earlier. Mal doesn’t need to know about my temper tantrum, though. I shrug.
“Sure.”
She gives me a quick hug, then lets herself out of my apartment. I’m left with a glass of whiskey and a lot of inner turmoil… which somehow morphs into a lot of anger and five refills from the bottle.
When Luna shows up, I’m halfway to drunk. She knocks for a minute and then opens the unlocked door, frowning as she enters.
“Gabe?” She looks around and spots me, still sitting on the couch. “Oh. You’re okay. I got worried when I texted and you didn’t answer.”
I look at her, wrinkling my nose. “Well, here I am.”
She nods, sitting down beside me. Her gaze slides to the box of keepsakes on the coffee table. “What’s all this?”
I sit up, pouring myself more whiskey. “Don’t worry about it. It’s got nothing to do with you.’
Her eyes narrow. “Are you drunk?”
I shrug. “Maybe. Can’t a man have a few drinks in his own apartment?”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay…”
I take a big gulp from my tumbler, looking at her. “Where have you been?”
She flushes and ducks her head. “Cate asked me to hang out with her, so we had brunch.” She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe you should take a shower or something, Gabe. You look pretty disheveled.”
I lean closer to her, pinning her with my gaze. “Don’t worry about me. What about you?”
She frowns and looks at her white pencil dress. “What? I just got dressed a couple of hours ago…”
I go in for the kill. “Why have you been weird the last couple of days?”
Her blue gaze jumps up to my face. Her face reddens. “I didn’t know that you had even picked up on that.”
Cocking my head to the side, I study her. “I did.”
She brushes back a strand of her blonde hair. “I’ve just been distracted by some med school stuff. It’s really no big deal.”
