by Vivian Wood
I open it and flick through. Psychology of Survival is one chapter. Shelters and Water Procurement are two others.
Grayson rubs his chin.
“Nate said I am supposed to go through the whole thing with you. At the end, you take a test. That’s it.”
I look up at him, cocking a brow. “I just have to pass the test?”
He leans on the table, wrapping his arms across his chest. “Yup.”
“I think I can manage to read the book by myself.”
Grayson snorts. “Yeah. You might be able to read, princess, but you have to really know this stuff. What if we’re separated and you have to fend for yourself?”
My eyes narrow. “I think I can rough it. And I’m not a princess.”
That actually makes him chuckle, although the mirth doesn’t reach his eyes. “Nice try. I don't think so. I’m responsible for your ass as soon as we leave base camp, so I think you’d better know this stuff backwards and forwards.” He reaches behind himself and grabs another copy of the handbook, cracking it open. “Let’s start with the introduction, shall we?”
Shooting him a glare, I flip to the very beginning, my teeth already on edge. I try to focus on the material and not on the bossy asshole who is taking up about a quarter of the damn room. An asshole who looks like he could snap me in half with those stupidly powerful arms of his.
I curse the smallness of this space. I curse my stupid, wandering brain.
I will curse almost anything to avoid thinking about… him.
Thinking about him, lusting over him, that would make me weak. And I’m not weak.
So I just tip my nose in the air and pretend not to notice his virility.
A little over an hour later, I’ve had it with sitting. I stand abruptly, putting myself in the awkward position of having to almost touch him in order to get out of the cabin. All my blood rushes to my feet, which begin to pound.
Grayson looks at me stoically.
“We still have to go over…” He pauses, referring to the handbook. “Signaling Techniques and Wilderness Navigation.”
“Yeah, well…” I say as a push past him, heading out the door. My feet are aching, but at least I’m not still sitting in that tiny room. “I got antsy.”
He follows me outside. “I should’ve known.”
I start stretching, distracted. “What?”
He clears his throat. “In New York, you were impossible to get in one place for too long. I always wondered how you did so well on the SATs.”
My muscles freeze. I look at him.
How do you ask someone not to remember anything about you? I can’t find the words. Luckily, he ducks his head, seeming to realize that he has stepped over a boundary for both of us.
“I mean… we can walk,” he quickly corrects himself. “While we go over the last two sections.”
I say nothing as we begin our stroll. Grayson reads aloud from the handbook. I bite my lip and force my gaze down to my feet.
Memories swim up close to the surface. If I were just to reflect for a second even, I know what they would be like.
His smile.
The feeling of his big hands on my bare skin.
The sound of our shared laughter, of him chuckling as he shushes me.
Shh. We’re supposed to be quiet, aren’t we?
Then he puts his lips on that spot on my neck, the one that makes me tremble…
“Rachel,” he says.
I look up, bringing myself back to the present. Then I flush because despite my efforts, I launched right into lusting after Grayson. Or maybe remembering the way he was doesn’t quite count as wanting him now…
I could never want him now. Not after all this time has passed.
I just need to remember that.
“Are you listening?” he asks, his expression going hard. “It’s very important that you get all of this. I wasn’t kidding about the fact that I will be responsible if anything happens to you in the wilderness.”
Ugh. He sounds smug and superior. He’s just so annoying when he thinks he’s right. I can’t stand it, so I goad him a little. “We both know that if anything happens, you’ll be the first one to save yourself. I will be the one left behind.”
He stops dead in his tracks. “Excuse me?”
Now I’m riling him up. Which suits me just fine.
“You heard me. I’ve been through this once before. Only instead of the wilderness, you left me to the wolves of the upper East side in New York City.” I give him a vague smile.
His nostrils flare. His eyes look as though he could kill me, just as surely as I stand here.
When he speaks, his words are terse. “You don't know what you’re talking about.”
I cross my arms and cock my hip. “I think I do.”
Grayson regards me with something an awful lot like disgust. Good, I hope he understands now what he’s made me feel.
Then he says something unexpected. “I don't think this is going to work.”
He whirls away as soon as he utters it, heading away from the rest of the base camp. I go still.
Oh.
I didn’t think when I was winding him up that he would get all oversensitive about things. If he really gets stubborn, he could ruin my chances at a last summer of freedom.
God, he still has power over me and I loathe him for it.
I watch him storm off, chewing on my lower lip anxiously.
Chapter Eight
Grayson
Eight Years Earlier
“Just a little further,” I whisper in Rachel’s ear. “Don’t peek.”
I have my arms around her, my hands in front of her eyes. We carefully move forward on the moonlit golf course. One step from her, one step from me. It’s a little cold out and I can feel goosebumps rise on her skin. I make a note to give her my jacket as soon as we get to the blanket I’ve laid out.
She’s grinning despite the cold, on the verge of bursting into laughter. “Grayson, I couldn’t peek if I wanted to. Your hands are bigger than my face.”
She’s right, of course. She’s tiny. So short, in fact, that she has been confused for my little sister, even though we look nothing alike. That really pisses her off, makes her screw her face into a displeased shape.
She hates being underestimated. Still, just thinking about it makes me snicker.
“Shhh,” I shush her, trying to keep my laugh inside. Glancing over my shoulder at the lit-up windows of the glitzy clubhouse, I steer her further away from it and closer to our goal. I whisper in her ear again. “Be quiet for just a minute more. I promise, it’ll be worth it.”
I keep edging us both forward across the smooth green turf of the golf course. That shining palace is the place that I worked in the kitchens until I was old enough to join the Navy. It’s also where I met Rachel for the first time.
This place holds nothing but good memories for the both of us.
And this girl… this girl makes me feel like I’m the fucking cock of the walk. Like I’m the luckiest guy in the whole entire universe, just because she picked me to gaze at with that look on her face.
She looks at me like I am the sun to her moon, like she just orbits around one of my planets. I know for a fact that it’s the opposite, but damn.
Having her laugh at my jokes and seek my kisses is straight up addictive.
A few more steps forward until I see the blanket that I set up, the midnight picnic for two. Uncovering her eyes, I grin.
“Okay. You can look.”
She opens her eyes, then presses both hands over her mouth. She looks at me with those dark eyes, already on the verge of tears.
“Grayson! You set this up for us?”
I love how emotional she is, how passionate she can be. It gives me whiplash sometimes but I wouldn’t change her for the world.
With her honeyed hair, those soft brown eyes, and her body that fits to mine like an arrow finds its notch… it could be that she has me entirely under her spell.
&nb
sp; Smiling, I take her by the hand.
“I did.” I lead her over to the blanket and sit her down, shrugging off my leather jacket. “I know that my deployment hasn’t been easy for you…”
I lean close to her face to sling my jacket around her shoulders. She takes advantage of my momentary distraction to slide her hand around the back of my neck, tilting her head up and pressing her lips to mine.
I deepen the kiss, opening my mouth against hers. Already I’m breathing faster, my body tightening with want. Even though I’ve had her a hundred times, even though we’ve already fucked tonight, I need her.
Rachel pulls away with a quiet moan. “Sorry, that was supposed to just be a thank you kiss—”
I cut her off by kissing her again, which makes her giggle. It makes me smile as I kiss her. She bursts out laughing. That’s how it is with her sometimes.
“Gray,” she manages. “I’m sure you brought me to this beautiful midnight picnic for a better reason than to make out. We can make out anywhere.”
“It’s true that we can make out any damn place we want,” I tell her, brushing her hair back from her lovely face. She quirks her lips. Just now, lit by nothing but the moon, she takes my breath away. “But I thought that since I missed your birthday because I was overseas, I would celebrate your half birthday instead. So… happy seventeen and a half.”
She lights up. “Is it my half birthday?”
“Yep. It’s January 16th.” I reach for the picnic basket, pulling out a bottle of champagne. “And I figured we could celebrate you getting into Columbia University at the same time.”
She blushes, averting her gaze. “How did you find out about that?”
I pop the champagne, pouring it into two plastic cups. “You posted it on Facebook. My sister read about it and told me.”
Rachel bites her lower lip. “I forgot that I was friends with Olivia on Facebook.”
I roll my eyes a little. “You guys are the exact same age. When she found out that I was dating you — practically dating royalty, as she calls it — she was so excited. And when you accepted her friend request she was like…. over the moon.”
She sighs, picking a piece of lint off her jeans. “I wish that she wouldn’t make such a big deal out of who my family is.”
I should tread lightly here. I know that.
“Being part of the family that runs the biggest chemical company in the world is a pretty big deal. Even if you have ripped jeans on. Even if you choose to date guys that your family doesn’t approve of…”
Her mouth draws tight. “My parents don't even know you.”
My mouth curls up. Humor is a defense for me. “They know that my family is white trash from New Jersey. They know that my mom is such a junkie that she can’t stay out of family court to save her own life. They know that we met two summers ago at this very golf course and have been inseparable since.” I pause to draw in a breath. “Then there is the fact that I’m in the military, which they view as being poor, somehow. And by your dad’s standards, that is the unforgivable fact. What more do they need to know?”
She throws up her hands. “I don’t feel that way about you. You know that, right?”
Her tone is just a little desperate. I didn’t mean to make her panic with my unsubtle attempt at humor. Still, I try to placate her by grabbing her hands and bringing them close to my heart.
I look down into her eyes. “I’m just kidding.”
I’m actually not kidding at all, but she doesn’t bear any of the responsibility for either my super methed-out family tree or her own starched and polished one. It’s better to pretend and let her be happy.
She gives me a weak smile and picks up her cup. “Cheers?”
I clink my cup against hers and take a sip of the champagne. It’s foamy and cool, the bubbles tickling my nose as I drink. She takes a sip and then makes a face.
I think that she’s going to critique the champagne. I’m only twenty and I have a pretty tight budget for every single one of my five days of shore leave. In the scheme of things, the quality of the champagne didn’t seem particularly important.
But she doesn’t make fun of the poor quality. She just says, “where on earth did you get this? Last time I checked, you were still not old enough to buy liquor.”
My face heats. “One of the guys in my unit bought it for me.”
“Ah. Okay. That makes more sense.” She falls silent for a moment, taking another sip of the wine. She pulls my jacket tighter around her shoulders and looks at me with a trace of amusement. “Even though it’s cold, I’m so glad we are both here. Life is so much better when I’m with you.”
My stomach flip flops. “Yeah?”
Her smile deepens. “Yeah.”
“Come here.” I pull at her, turning her around to rest in my arms. Hopefully this way she gets some of what little body heat I have. I should have made her grab her coat when we left my beat-up car, but I was too excited to think this far into the future.
She leans back against my chest, her hair close enough that I don’t have to lean down much to smell it. Her scent is clean with a hint of vanilla. I close my arms around her shoulders, marveling at the size difference between the two of us.
I could crush her so easily. I have to remember to always, always be extra gentle with her.
She looks up, brushing a lock of her hair back. “God, the stars are amazing tonight.”
Putting my cup down, I turn my gaze to the night sky. “They are. That’s Delphinius over there…” I use a finger to trace the constellation. “And Sagitta…”
Rachel sets her cup down too and takes up my free hand. Entwining our fingers, she kisses my hand. My fucking heart flutters.
Jesus, she has got me wrapped around her pinkie finger. All she has to do is crook her finger and I will come running, no matter where I am.
I squeeze her hand hard for a second. She looks back at me with a smile.
“This is the best date you’ve ever taken me on. Everything is just so magical right now,” she sighs.
Sweeping her hair off her neck, I drop a kiss there at the most tender spot. She shivers just like I knew she was going to.
“Ohh,” she says, her voice gone breathy. “Do that again.”
“As you wish.”
I kiss her neck again, smiling at the way she giggles. And that is the moment that I know that she is it for me. The only one I want, the one I can’t live without.
I’m lost in a sea of her laughter and loveliness. And more than that, I am not of a mind to even think about being rescued. I’m happier just drowning in an ocean of Rachel.
I’m going to marry this girl. Not now, of course. She’s got so much growing up to do and I’ve got at least three more years of the Navy.
But someday? She’s going to be mine and no one can tell me any different.
I bury my face against the smooth skin of her neck and let her soft moans carry me away.
Chapter Nine
Grayson
Rachel is right and oh so very wrong all at the same time. She’s right that I left her to the wolves, as she put it.
But she has no idea what I’ve been through. No idea that I almost took my own life in the fallout of that event. No idea that it took me a year and a dozen stabilizing meds just to feel like I could exist on my own again.
Maybe I should’ve gone to her back then, told her everything. But my deep sense of shame — of not being the man I was supposed to be, of not saving any of the men who died around me that day — kept me from doing that.
I’m still fucking pissed off at her for saying that shit. I stay pissed all evening. When I go to bed, I have angry dreams about my mom shouting and me cowering when I was little. My anger snowballs into something like rage and I am powerless to stop feeling like I’m looking for something to punch.
By the time I wake up again, I am furious.
I don’t want to deal with any of this. I don’t want to see Rachel, or remember how sweet and beauti
ful she used to be.
A voice in the back of my head scolds me and tells me that she’s still stunning, but I’m not interested.
It just… it isn’t fair.
I realize that it isn’t really about Rachel, per se, but I still don’t want to see her face that morning. Unable to cope like a normal person, I deal with my anger by taking a pre-dawn hike to the nearest waterfall and submerging myself in the blisteringly cold water.
As I hike back down to the base camp, nearly frozen, I see that the sunrise has passed by more than half an hour. Other people are rising and moving around the camp. In particular, I watch as Aiden and Rachel make their way into the mess hall, intent on their conversation.
I’m not willing to face anybody just yet, so I just grab a few protein bars from my backpack and inhale them. Nate makes his way over to me from the mess hall, looking like he is taking my temperature.
“Grayson.” He greets me as I’m sitting on a wide tree stump, finishing my meal. I glance up at him.
“Hey Nate.”
He puts his hands behind his back, rocking on his heels. “Rachel passed her wilderness survival test last night.”
Ah. So that’s why he’s taking my temperature. He’s trying to make sure that I’m not going to blow up at Rachel’s treatment of me or something like that.
I shrug. “Cool.”
It’s far from my true feelings, but I am nothing if not a master of hiding my emotions.
Nate looks relieved. “I thought you could use the morning off. She will get a lesson about the parks from Aiden. Then you are scheduled to teach Rachel CPR and survival medicine this afternoon. It’s easy stuff, you just walk her through another handbook.”
Another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Aiden was probably telling Rachel that he’d teach her about the national parks this morning. It eases some weight that I didn’t even know I carried to hear that he was just following orders.
I’ve done a lot worse than that under the command of others.
Nodding to Nate, I feel my knotted muscles start to loosen. “Alright.”
