by Lucy Smoke
My heart pounded against my chest, throbbing in all my pulse points. My eyes slid down to Marv's lips as I stepped further into the room and Marv reached up, taking the edge of the door and swinging it closed behind us. We were alone in the room together and somehow, it became a magical place when Marv took my hand and gently pulled me towards the queen-sized bed. It almost reminded me of the first night Marv had crawled through my bedroom window and laid beside me while my mother slept in a nearby room. That time felt so long ago, but in actuality, it was only mere months. We had become so much since then.
"What..." I began, my mouth drying up as I tried to continue. I stopped and swallowed against my heavy tongue before licking my lips. "What—"
Marv shook his head, stopping me. "I don't expect anything from you, Harlow." His voice dropped to a whisper. "And I don't want anything you aren't ready to give me."
Tears burned at the back of my eyes. That was the issue. I thought I was ready. When Marv moved to pull his hand away, I held on. Steel clashed against steel as he paused, and his eyes slowly raised up. The swirl of silver and gray in his irises was hypnotic, entrancing. It was like a gravitational pull. I didn't realize that I had moved closer until I was pressed against him, our hands still connected and our chests less than an inch away from each other.
"Sunshine?"
"Would you look at me any differently," I began, "if I told you that I wanted you?"
Fire erupted in those tornado eyes. "Of course not."
"Would you look at me any differently," I said again, "if I told you that I wanted Knix, too. Or Bellamy. Or Texas...or Grayson?"
I waited with silent breaths. This moment would tell me what I could do. His answer—however unfair—would likely be a precursor to the others. How far would they bend? How far could I push before I lost everything?
He swallowed, and the fire died a little bit in his eyes. It made an ache bloom in my chest to see, but I needed to be upfront with them—all of them. No matter if it made me bold, it was only fair. Thanks to those seriously heavy-duty pain meds in the hospital, they now knew everything. My thoughts and what I wanted and what I didn't want.
"I still..." Marv gritted his teeth and had to close his eyes as he continued, "I still want you. Even if I have to share you." He reopened his eyes and I was floored by the tidal wave of indecision and anguish in those murky depths. "But I don't know if I trust Grayson."
My head fell forward, bumping his sternum. "I thought you guys were getting along better."
"We're here for the mission," Marv said. His hands rose, hovered over my shoulders for a few seconds before eventually descending and resting there, thumbs smoothing over the space above my collarbone. I shivered when his skin touched mine and those thumbs dipped into the neckline of the dress.
It was hard to pull myself away again, but it had to be done. "Please talk to him," I stated firmly. It needed to be over. Whatever their issues, it was clear that Grayson's tough exterior and sarcastic wit was merely a facade. He was vulnerable, and the longer he spent in close proximity to Marv, the more it came through and the less he portrayed his asshole behavior. I grabbed onto Marv's biceps when he dropped his arms and went to turn away. "No," I snapped, "you can't run from this. Forget about me or us or this—" I broke off, disgruntled. "—whatever we have going on in the group and think about him. Think about you," I urged. "Stop letting the past affect you. Talk to him. Find out what happened." I squeezed his arms, feeling the muscles there and shoving away all the girly butterflies they brought. "Marv. Please."
"You really love him, don't you?" Marv's voice was raw, as if it had been scraped until his vocal chords were barely hanging on, strung together by the barest muscles and nerves.
I shook my head—I couldn't be sure if I loved Grayson yet. I knew I loved Marv, though, and I knew he couldn't move past anything until he spoke to Grayson. They were both passing each other like sharks in the water; the same species circling and circling, waiting for blood to spill. But they were of the same skin. Maybe not biologically, but I could feel it. They were meant to be more than enemies, or whatever the world had made them into.
"I want you to do it for you," I said, "but if you have to use me as an excuse, I don't care. I just want you to move forward."
He eyed me skeptically. "That's what you want?" I nodded sharply, no hesitation. “Right now?” he asked.
“If not now, then when?” I shot back.
Marv continued to watch me, searching my face. This time I knew what he was looking for. A crack. A mark of doubt. He would not find it. I knew because I was determined. He finally relented. "Okay."
I let my hands drop to my sides and stepped away. Just before he turned and headed for the door, however, Marv's hands gripped my arms and he leaned down, slamming his lips up against mine.
I didn't question his need, I just let him have me. My mouth opened willingly, and I met him thrust for thrust. Reaching up to thread my fingers through the short strands of his dark brown hair, his hands fell from my arms to my hips. Fingers dug into the crevices of my hip bones and jerked me hard until I could feel the heat of Marv's flesh through the fabric. I wanted nothing more than to scale his body and let him reach behind me for the zipper. The dress was a prison that I wanted to be free of, but I had to limit myself to this. At least for now. I couldn't let myself be consumed. Not yet.
I was the one forced to pull away. Both of us were breathing hard. I pushed against his chest. "Go," I said. When it looked like he would argue, his eyes glued to my lips—freshly bruised from that amazing kiss—I shook my head. "Go," I urged again. This time, he did—slipping around my body. The door behind me opened and closed, and only when I heard his footsteps on the hardwood floors of the hallway—louder than the soft bedroom floors—fading away did I let myself collapse on the bed. What were these men doing to me?
Warm fingers along my spine roused me from the depths of my sleep. Rolling towards those fingers, I opened my eyes and found myself face to face with a familiar, sharp, impenetrable gaze. I lifted my head. He was wearing a shirt this time. "How'd it go?" I asked blearily.
Marv simply continued to run his fingers down my spine, up the thin fabric of my tank top—the only comfortable girl clothes the guys had brought with them in case of an emergency—to where it turned into naked skin just under my shoulder blades. Heated shivers danced in the wake of his touch. "Marv?"
"We talked," he finally said.
"And?" I prompted once more, forcing my eyes to remain open when all I wanted to do was curl up and move closer to him.
"Why do you want me?" he asked instead of answering.
My eyes widened, and I sat up, pulling away from his magical fingers. In another moment, those fingers would have been magical in a different way, but I felt that this wasn't exactly the time for that. We were moving into insecure territory. I moved back against the old, rickety headboard of the bed and rested there as I watched him. The question was a good reminder that no matter how masculine or confident a boy—a man—may seem, they too had their own doubts about themselves. They saw flaws that I only saw as beautiful pieces of a person. I smiled at him and reached up, tracing a finger down the side of his face.
"Do you remember when you guys first asked me to join Iris?" I prompted.
He frowned but nodded.
"And do you remember when I finally agreed?"
"It was right after you saw your mom in the hospital," he said.
"You're right."
"What does that have to do with—"
"She told me something then," I said, cutting him off, "that pushed me into agreeing to join Iris."
"Were you pushed into it?" he asked. "Do you think we really would have forced you? Did you feel like you didn't have another choice?" Marv's gaze grew troubled until I shook my head.
"No, maybe 'pushed' wasn't the right word," I admitted. "What I meant was, my mom has had a lot of trouble. Her disorder isn't fun for her, I know that. She can be up one day, dow
n the next. And then cancer on top of that?" My voice grew hoarse and I had to stop. I cleared it, dropping my hand to the fabric of his shirt and twisting the hem with my fingers. As if sensing my unease—my pain—he let me without question.
"It's not fair," I finally stated. "It's not fair that she never really got to do the things she wanted. She never got to have adventures or go on to explore and do something she really wanted to do. She got married and had Michael and then me and then Dad was gone and then so was Michael and..."
Where others might have urged me to keep going or rushed me, Marv didn't. Marv didn't push. He just waited and that was the perfect thing for him to do.
"She told me that I would regret it," I finally said. "She told me that I would regret not taking a chance. She gave me a choice and I chose you." I met his gaze and chuckled at the shine in his. "I chose you because you showed me something that I had been craving for a long time. I had Erika and I had my mom, but I didn't have you. You had built this beautiful, tight-knit family. Erika was leaving. My mom and I weren't close. I think she knew what I needed before I did. I don't just want you, Marv. I need you. You complete me. You and Knix and Texas and Bellamy. You fill a void I didn't know I had, and I don't want to crush it. If I can stay with you guys for just a second more without anything threatening our dynamic the way it is, then I'll give up everything else. I took a leap of faith and I haven’t regretted it since."
Marv was tense against me. "And Grayson?"
I released the hem of his shirt. "Grayson's like me, I think. He needs you and me. He needs us. He needs Iris. But he doesn’t have anyone pushing him to take that leap of faith."
Silence echoed in the room.
"We talked," Marv said. I slid down further into the bed until my head was finally level with his again.
"You and Grayson?" I clarified.
Marv shook his head. Confused, I moved to sit up again, but his hand landed on my chest, between my breasts and held me down. "We all talked," Marv said. "All of us." The way he said it made it clear that whatever conversation he had gone to have had morphed into something more...and I had missed it. I frowned.
"I think we needed it," Marv continued. "After what you said at the hospital, we needed to talk." His eyes met mine, an apology in them as his lips quirked. "Just us—you've made it clear what you want. We needed to work out what we could and couldn't handle." His eyes dropped away from mine as if he feared that I might pull back. I didn't. My gut churned too hard to even move. “I think it’s more than obvious that none of us are willing to back down unless you make a decision, and you’ve made it pretty clear that making a decision is not something you can do. The ball’s in our court and there really are only two options for us to choose from.” Marv's finger stilled when he realized I hadn't said anything. “Harlow?"
I swallowed reflexively. "And you made this decision?”
My gaze found the pulse in Marv’s neck.
By way of answer, he leaned forward slowly. Every inch he drew nearer, my heart thudded louder and louder in my ears until it was all I could hear. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing anymore. Keeping his eyes open, Marv lowered his head until his lips brushed mine. His body moved closer, over me, pushing me deeper into the mattress.
He pulled back briefly, and I arched up, my mouth seeking his again. "It appears none of us can let you go," he said, just before diving back into me.
My spine bowed as his hands slid under my shirt, clutching against my skin. I gasped as he licked a path down my jaw until he found the space between my neck and shoulder and gently kissed it before biting down. I cried out, a rush of warmth between my thighs.
"Wait. Wait. Wait." I pushed against his chest. "What about the others?"
"They know." Marv kissed my mouth and then moved to the other side of my neck, distracting me further.
"They know about..." I trailed off on a moan as he bit down again and then shoved up the fabric of my tank top until my belly was bared to him.
"Yes. They know what we're doing in here," he said, moving down.
I bit my lip as my thighs clenched in want. "And they're okay with..." Marv pressed a kiss just above my belly button, effectively cutting me off. I wasn't sure if I could even breathe, much less speak at this point.
"Yes." Marv's amusement was clear as he looked up from where he rested comfortably with his chin on my stomach. I couldn't believe this was really happening. My breath caught.
"Harlow..." I sucked in a breath and stared at him. His hand touched my hip, pulling me closer as his fingers slid beneath the fabric of my panties. "We don't—I don't want to push you if you’re not ready. But, Sunshine, I'm dying here. Tell me now so I know if I need to back off.”
Marv's eyes were pleading as he gazed down at me. I felt my skin flush and I knew it wasn't pretty. I never was when I blushed. Either he didn't notice, or he didn't care, though, because the desire in his eyes never wavered.
"I just have to know," he said. "You like me enough to kiss me, you say you need me." Marv moved closer, leaving my stomach in favor of rising over me until his chest almost reached my face as he looked down at me. "Do you want more?"
"M-more?" I gulped.
"I want to kiss you," he said. "Will you let me do that? Will you let me touch you too?" I shook under his gaze, wanting and needy and, yet, confused. I licked my lips and his eyes zeroed in. "Please tell me that's a yes, Sunshine," he practically begged.
My brain short-circuited, and I couldn't think of anything but telling him yes. I nodded. He wanted it. I wanted it. What was wrong with that? He knew about Bellamy, Knix, Texas...and Grayson—they knew about him—it wasn't wrong, was it? They knew what we were doing. I trusted that Marv hadn’t lied about that. What else had they talked about in their secret boys’ meeting?
"Thank God," he said, yanking me from my thoughts right before his mouth came down on mine. I gasped as his tongue crept out and sank into my mouth. With a moan, I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him. Marv's palms slid down my sides and then he gripped the back of my thighs, hoisting me up into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his middle.
I kissed Marv back, wanting so badly to hold him to me, to keep his lips locked with mine for years to come. His hands trailed up and down my sides, goosebumps following in their wake. I shivered against him, pressed up against the hardness between his thighs. He, too, moaned and then rubbed himself against my stomach. "I want you so badly, Harlow," he rasped.
"I want you, too," I confessed. “I need you.”
Marv groaned at that and slammed his mouth back over mine. One of his hands moved down and palmed a breast through my tank top. I could feel my nipple harden through the thin fabric. I gasped into his lips as his thumb and forefinger found it and rolled it. I moved up, pushing against his chest until he rolled over and I was on top.
I couldn’t help it. After so long, so much waiting, I ground down against him, causing him to moan into my mouth. The sound was heady, a power trip I didn’t know I craved until that very moment. I sat back until I was astride him, our mouths breaking apart. Reaching down, my fingers found the hem of my tank top and I slowly pulled it up and off. Marv's eyes widened.
"More," I panted, diving for his mouth again.
"Shit.” He hissed as his cock met the place between my thighs when I ground down on him again. The only thing separating us was the minuscule fabric of my panties and his clothes. I pushed his shirt up. I wanted to rectify that as soon as possible.
Marv stopped and when his hands pulled away from my breast and hip, I nearly cried in disappointment. But he was only pulling away long enough to rip his shirt over his head and once again he was back, drowning me in his kiss as my breasts rubbed against his hard pecs. I moaned as I twined my tongue with his and pressed myself down over him, riding along his length, feeling it through the fabric, loving the shocks of electricity it sent shivering up my spine.
Marv couldn't take it though. With another hiss, he threw me off him a
nd I landed with my back against the bed once more. It wasn't but mere moments later that he was back over me, grabbing one leg and pulling it around his hip until he was able to control the pace. He shoved himself against me and took my mouth with a fiery passion. Something built inside me. Something strong and heated. I sank my nails into Marv's shoulders and kissed him back wildly, deeply.
One of Marv's hands made its way down my bare stomach. His fingers teased along the edge of my panties, pausing and asking for permission. "Can I?" he asked.
"Take them off," I begged, "please." I needed him skin to skin. I needed him further than that. I needed him inside me.
Marv broke off kissing me, his hands going to either side of my underwear. He tugged and yanked them down as quickly as possible, moving further down as he went, until they hung off one foot. He pulled them off and held my foot in his hand at the end of the bed, looking back up at me.
"You're fucking gorgeous, Harlow." His voice was thick with emotion, raspy and dark. His hands went to his pants. Looking at me quickly, he stripped them down long muscular legs. I watched with interest and a whirling need inside me. Marv crawled back up the length of my body and re-anchored my legs around his waist. His cock pressed against me, skin to skin—this time, more insistently.
He pumped against me, rubbing, but never entering. Was he trying to kill me? If he was, it was a strange and fascinating way to go. It was torturous. I grabbed his shoulders and yanked my mouth away from his. I stared up at him. My brown eyes to his thunderous ones.
"I want you," I said.
His chest rose and fell. “Be sure,” he warned, “because if we move any further, I won’t be able to stop.”
I shook my head vehemently. I already wasn’t able to. "I don’t want to stop," I promised. "I want it, please. Marv, don't make me beg."
