by Gina Azzi
Callum shrugs. “This year’s group is unlike any group we’ve ever had before. I don’t know what their deal is, if they spent all their time at uni studying and are now learning to loosen up, but they’ve all had wild nights out with too much drinking and hooking up. It would be entertaining if it wasn’t affecting their performance.”
“Ah, come on. What do you expect when you hire a bunch of kids at the top of their classes, who value themselves by their accomplishments? They’ve probably not had any fun at uni at all, too focused on landing their first job after graduation.” Lachlan tosses out.
“How the hell did we get jobs then?” Aaron jokes as Uncle James cracks a smile. “I don’t think any of us were at the top of our classes.”
“Hey. I’m doing fine, thank ye.” Liam announces and we all laugh. James and Jenni’s son is in his final year of high school. He attends a boarding school near Glasgow so we don’t see him as much as we like but I know he’ll join the family business after university.
“Daisy was at the top of her class, and she’s doing pretty awesome. She’s got fresh ideas and a creative perspective, but she’s open to learning, handles feedback well, and doesn’t seem bothered by what anyone else is doing. And she’s always professional.” Aaron throws out.
“Yeah, but Dais is different than everyone else. She always has been,” Lachlan says off-handedly, digging into his mashed potatoes.
I take a sip of my wine to avoid grinning like a fool. Naturally, I know how wonderful Daisy is but to hear my family members compliment her makes me proud. I hold my tongue from adding any additional compliments, knowing that my obvious interest in Daisy will pique the curiosity of everyone present. I’m not setting myself up for a night of ribbing by my entire family. It’s too early in the weekend. Still, Lachlan catches my look and coughs into his hand to keep from laughing. Damn him.
“She’s enjoying the competition?” Uncle James asks, and my attention shifts back to him and Aaron.
“Very much. She’s not in as much of a hurry to finish everything the way our first-years usually are. Instead, she’s taking her time and studying every aspect of the proposal to make sure she has a full understanding. It’s a more measured approach.”
Uncle James wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Hmm.”
“Hey Finn, did you hear about the new deal with the DeWitt family?” Callum asks me suddenly, flashing me a worried look.
“No, not yet. What’s going on with the DeWitts?” I ask, confused why this would be relevant to me.
“Aww, look at all the boys drinking wine like classy fellas.” Sisi announces, walking into the room clad in a pair of black yoga pants and a white sweatshirt with “Bride” written across the front in gold glitter. Her baby bump swells underneath it and she rests a protective hand on top. Her cheeks are flush with excitement, happiness exuding from her pores.
Understanding slams into me and an uneasiness I don’t fully understand rocks through my body. I set my wine glass down and peer at my cousin. This is her happily-ever-after, the fairytale I scoffed at for so many years. This is what it looks like. Taking in Sisi’s open expression, a shudder rolls over my shoulders. Can it last?
Lachlan flicks the back of my ear as he passes behind me and I realize everyone is standing to pull Sierra into hugs, offer their congratulations, and exclaim over her growing belly. Jumping up, I stride forward and kiss my cousin’s cheek, relieved no one can read my thoughts.
“You ready for Saturday?” Callum asks her seriously.
“Totally. I just finalized the floral selection for my bouquet. Thank God Carter’s girlfriend, Taylor, knows everyone in Savannah because I’ve been so indecisive.”
Standing in a huddle around Sierra, my family peppers her with questions that she easily answers. It’s obvious how in love Sierra and Denver are, the extent of their feelings for each other limitless. Isn’t it risky, trusting like this? The thought pops into my mind as my chest constricts like air leaking from a balloon. There are so many unknowns, so many variables left up to chance. How can they be so naïve?
An image of Daisy fills my mind along with the vulnerability she wears as a shield of strength, the positivity she cloaks herself in. She trusts me. The thought is both pleasing and unsettling and I fumble for my wine glass on the table behind me.
“Where’s Mom and Olivia?” Lachlan asks, pulling up a chair for Sierra and pouring her a glass of water as we all drop back into our seats.
“Mom’s reading Olivia a story. The jet lag has wiped her out.”
“I better go check on her then.” Aaron stands from the table and digs into his pocket for his wallet, but Uncle James stops him with a hand on his wrist.
“Go take care of your little girl. We’ll see you later for drinks,” Uncle James says, and Aaron nods his thanks before shuffling out of the restaurant.
“What have you been up to?” Lachlan asks Sisi curiously.
“Just went for a coffee and drive with my BFF, aka the MOH.”
“When have you started talking in acronyms?” Callum frowns at Sierra, as Uncle James laughs.
“She’s been in New York too long. You need to come back to the motherland!” Liam jokes, squeezing Sierra in a half-hug.
Sierra huffs, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “I went for a coffee with Daisy. My best friend and the maid of honor.”
“Ooooh,” Callum whines out, grinning as he lifts his wine glass. “How’s Dais doing?”
Sierra’s eyes find mine when she answers, “She’s really great. Never been better.”
I roll my lips together, pinning them between my teeth to keep from chuckling. Of course she knows Sierra and I are hooking up. I bet Daisy told her after I first kissed her. Still, it’s amusing to witness Sierra’s obvious need for answers from me. So, she can run back and report to her best friend. I shake my head at her, and she grins.
Sitting here, surrounded by my family, toasting the love of my cousin and her fiancé, I know this is the weekend that I need to have the serious conversation with Daisy, to manage expectations about what we are or aren’t doing. I need to know where we stand.
It’s later in the evening, and Sisi and Aunt Jenni have gone to sleep. Olivia is tucked in and has been snoring for hours, so Aaron called it an early night. Lachlan and Callum headed into Savannah to hit a few bars and introduce Liam to Southern girls. While they tried to drag me along, I think they were relieved when I declined, instead asking me to pass Liam my ID.
Sitting at the bar, I order a Macallen neat and twist the glass between my fingers as I think about how I should approach my conversation with Daisy.
“You’re pondering the tough stuff tonight, aren’t ya?” Uncle James asks, causing me to look up, as he stops next to me and leans forward on the bar. He gestures to the bartender that he’ll have what I’m drinking and slides onto the stool next to me.
“Aye,” I admit.
“A woman,” he says it as a statement, amusement wrapped around his words.
“Why do you say that?”
“Ahh,” he sighs, nodding his thanks to the bartender and taking a sip of his drink, “the tough stuff always pertains to a woman.”
I shrug, averting my gaze as I raise my glass to my lips.
“Daisy Kane?” he says her name as a question, but I know he isn’t really asking. Everyone with a pulse must see the way I look at her, must know that I harbor more than platonic feelings toward her.
“Aye.”
“She’s a great girl.”
“She is,” I agree quietly, unsure where Uncle James is going. He’s been my father figure for more than fifteen years, and still we’ve never talked about women before. Not even Cassie.
“What’s the problem, Son?” he asks gently, only using “son” when he thinks I’m in need of fatherly advice and wants to remind me that he is available to serve whatever role I need him to.
I bite down on my tongue, taking a moment to sort out my thoughts, so I can explai
n myself rationally. It’s funny, really, because Uncle James and I rarely have deep heart-to-hearts, but I can’t remember a time in my life when he wasn’t there for me, wasn’t on the sidelines just waiting for me to ask him to suit up and help me solve something.
“She’s different,” I admit, looking straight at him, the tumbler still gliding back and forth across the bar between my fingertips.
“And that’s a problem?”
“She works at Anderson.”
“True.”
“What if things don’t work out?”
“What if they do?”
I chuckle. “Now you sound like Sisi.”
“Sierra’s a smart woman. She's creating the career she dreamed of, is about to marry a man she chose, and is bringing another life into the world.”
I pause, thinking about that. Sierra, the cousin I always thought I had to look out for and watch over, has outgrown me in many ways. She was always getting into scrapes, shrugging off responsibilities. Except now, she’s outpaced nearly all of us, except for Aaron. And she may overtake him yet with the way his marriage is crumbling. “After everything that happened with Cassie,” I pause again, unsure how to finish that statement.
“Cassie Himlock isn’t Daisy Kane.”
“I know that.”
“Cassie was also young and inexperienced in a lot of ways. Her outlook on the world was much shallower than Daisy’s, and her expectations weren’t realistic. Everything that happened with her made your life hell for a certain amount of time, but you shouldn’t allow that experience to define how you approach relationships with women.”
“The way it ended,” I shake my head, twisting in my stool, “it gutted me.”
“I know.”
“You always told us not to mix business with pleasure,” I throw out at him, searching for something to hold onto as I feel like I’m losing this debate, even though it’s nothing more than a conversation.
“I did.” Uncle James takes another sip of his scotch. “It’s dangerous to mix business with pleasure. But I have a feeling that Daisy isn’t just pleasure, hmm? Perhaps she means a lot more than just that?” He looks at me sternly, holding my gaze.
After a pause, I nod once, and the lines between his brow relax.
“Then don’t let her go, Son. You’re too young to have so many regrets.” He raps his knuckles once against the top of the bar. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He stands.
“Goodnight, Uncle James.”
“Goodnight.”
I sit in the empty, dimly lit bar for a long time, thinking about my uncle’s words, mulling over my past, and catching glimpses of a future with Daisy.
Around 3AM, after torturing myself, I realize he’s right. Daisy means more to me than just a hook-up. She has since the beginning. Since Christmas. I’ve just been too blind to see it or too stubborn to admit it. I’m already in deeper than I ever thought, ever anticipated I’d be. Now I just need to speak with Daisy, to tell her that I was wrong, that I want more.
16
Daisy
Blue skies and white clouds greet me the morning of Denver and Sierra’s wedding. The weather is unseasonably warm, hovering in the high seventies, which only enriches the day. I stall at the window in my bedroom, staring at the street of my childhood, wondering if I’ll ever have this view, one I took for granted for more than twenty years, again.
“You up?” Carter asks, knocking lightly on my bedroom door.
“Yeah. It’s open.” I turn away from the window as he steps through the door, his T-shirt soaked with sweat from a morning run.
“Hey.” He walks into my room and sits on my desk chair.
“Can you believe Den’s getting married today?” I ask, walking back to my bed and plopping on the edge.
“Better question. Can you believe Den’s the first of us Kanes to marry?”
I laugh, shaking my head. “No. It’s crazy, right?”
“In the best way possible.”
“When are you going to pop the question?”
“Don’t you worry about that.” My brother grins at me, running his hand over his jawline. “It’s going to happen.”
“I know.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I hold up my left hand and point to my empty ring finger.
“You dating anyone in Edinburgh?” he asks seriously, resting his elbows on his knees as he leans forward. As if I have some morsels of gossip to share.
“You’re so nosey.”
“Answer the question, kid.”
“Not dating but kind of.”
Carter furrows his eyebrows, motioning with his fingers to continue.
“Finn.”
“Seriously? Finn? It’s about time. Did you have to make the first move?”
I throw a pillow at Carter. “Shut it.”
“So, y’all aren’t dating but you’re kind of together?”
“Something like that.”
Carter whistles, “Those things never turn out well.”
“Thanks for the support.”
“I’m just being realistic, Dais. One person always wants more. Even if they don’t mean to, even if they don’t think they will, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.”
“Cute.” I roll my eyes at his idiomatic expression. “Well, I guess the good news is that it will probably be me with the broken heart.”
Carter looks at me sharply, “Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. You need to manage your own expectations.”
“I know. For now, it doesn’t matter. Things are good. I’m having fun. I’m loving my job. I’m doing me.”
“Just, be careful. Make sure you keep your priorities straight. And are being realistic.” He raises an eyebrow at me, concern swirling in his sea-foam green eyes. Out of all of my brothers, Carter’s always worried about me the most.
“I will. I’m just, exploring what’s between us is all.”
He doesn’t look convinced and I’m grateful when Jax pops his head into my bedroom, interrupting the conversation. Or at least distracting Carter from it.
“Hey.” Jax says, looking around. “Have you seen Den’s cufflinks?”
“Is that a real question?” I wonder aloud.
“Den has cufflinks?” Carter asks, sounding impressed.
“They were a gift from Sierra’s father. He crafted them or something,” Jax explains.
Carter’s eyebrows lift nearly into his hairline.
“He’s an artist,” I clarify.
“Oh.”
“Have you seen them?” Jax asks again.
“No,” Carter and I answer and Jax sighs, disappearing.
“You all set for your Maid of Honor speech?” my brother asks me.
“Totally.” I point to the index cards on my nightstand. I only spent an hour rehearsing my speech last night. “Are you?”
“Jax and I are both speaking. I have the toast.”
“Lucky bastard. You’re getting off easy.”
“Tell me about it. I’m going to check on Denver. See you downstairs for breakfast?”
“Yeah. See you in a few.” I watch as Carter leaves my bedroom and then turn back toward the window. This is it. The last time I’ll be in my childhood bedroom. I’ve decided to tell my brothers that I’m okay with selling the house. I know now, after my short time in Edinburgh, that I want to build my career at Anderson, make a life for myself there, with or without Finn. That was an important realization. It feels good to be sure in my decision, confident about my future.
This morning, my brothers and I will have our last breakfast as single Kanes. Not that it really matters. Jax and Evie and Carter and Taylor are all inseparable anyway. But this morning, things feel different, like everyone is moving forward, moving on.
Even me.
Walking to my closet, I run my fingers over the navy chiffon of my MOH dress.
Finn’s words from our flight, the obvious hunger in his eyes, and the way he held my hand
runs through my mind. And I make a decision.
Today, I’m going to put myself out there with Finlay. If he wants me, if he wants to try to have a real relationship, then I’m all in.
And if he doesn’t, then I’m going to keep moving forward, keep living fearlessly. Sans regrets.
I wolf whistle between my front teeth in the most unladylike manner ever as I step into the kitchen.
“What?” Den looks up sharply, his hair neatly combed back from his face, a fancy knot at the back of his head.
“Did you have your hair styled? Please tell me you paid someone to do your hair!” I flash a broad smile, barely containing my laughter as he literally blushes. Denver!
“Taylor helped me,” he mutters begrudgingly.
“Hey, I hairsprayed,” Evie reminds him, and he curses under his breath.
Evie and I exchange a look, both of us trying our best not to laugh.
Because the truth is, it’s really freaking cute how nervous and uncomfortable Denver is. He wouldn’t go through this for anyone, and I know in my heart of hearts that he truly loves Sierra. He’ll be good to her and worship her every day of his life. The realization makes me swallow down the teasing barbs on my tongue and soften my tone when I tell him, “You look really nice, Denver. Sierra’s not going to be able to take her eyes off of you.”
He meets my gaze again, and some of the tightness around his eyes lessens. He nods once and turns away, pouring another cup of coffee.
“I got bagels and egg sandwiches,” Carter announces, striding into the kitchen with brown paper bags filled with breakfast.
“I could have made them,” Denver begins to protest, but Taylor cuts him off.
“Stop, it’s your wedding day. No one cooks on their wedding day. That’s just weird.”
“And none of us were going to do it. Unless you want to eat runny eggs and burnt toast before you say ‘I do.’” Jax adds, taking a swig of orange juice from the carton and replacing it in the fridge.
