by Gina Azzi
He sighs, grabbing his plate and a fork and leaning over the counter, across from me. Taking a bite of his dinner, he chews thoughtfully. “To apologize.”
“Apologize?”
“For being such a knob.”
“A dick.”
“Same thing.” He shakes his head. “You sure you want to do this right now?”
I tilt my head, considering the openness of his gaze, the sincerity in his expression. I’ve missed Finn. And today, he was one-hundred percent here for me. I know we have history, I know that it’s complicated, but I also know that I trust him. The way things ended between us after Sierra’s wedding devastated me, but so has not having him in my life.
And, if I’m being completely honest… “I owe you an apology too.”
“No, you don’t.” He straightens, his voice firm.
“I do. It was shitty of me to have a different expectation than what we discussed. And then blame you for not feeling the same way.”
“I did feel the same way. I do.”
“Really?” Surprise is heavy in my tone and a flicker of hope ripples through me. I squash it down.
“I saw my ex-girlfriend. Cassie.” He confesses and my eyes snap up from my plate to his face.
“Oh.”
Placing his fork down next to his plate, he rounds the island to sit next to me. “Our relationship was complicated. Confusing. Overwhelming and toxic. We were both young and passionate and naïve. We acted jealous and overbearing toward each other.”
“Sounds fun.” I joke and Finn snorts, but his eyes remain serious.
“When she became pregnant, I honestly wanted to become a father. To marry her. The whole happily-ever-after.”
Shock rocks through me at his confession and I hold my breath, watching him closely as pain ripples over his features. For someone as emotionally closed off as Finn, I can’t imagine him jumping into marriage. “When you learned the baby wasn’t yours –”
“It broke me. I never wanted to experience that type of heartache, again. After she lost the baby, we fought like crazy. I was devastated, grieving the loss of an unknown child and trying to make our relationship work. She was depressed and battling the guilt she felt for lying to me. Eventually, during one of our epic arguments, the truth came out. We broke up, after hurling the most hurtful, hateful things at each other. And I vowed to never let another woman grow close again. To never become emotionally invested.”
I reach out, placing my hand in his and he lets me, squeezing my fingers gently. “That’s a very tough situation, Finn. A difficult betrayal to overcome.”
“Yeah. But I handled it all wrong. I closed myself off and judged situations before they unfolded.”
“It’s understandable.”
“I ended things with you, Daisy, because I was scared. Because I was feeling too much too soon. At Sisi’s wedding, I wanted us to have the talk. The one where I explained my past and told you I was ready to move forward. Because I was. I knew, even then, that I was falling in love with you. But then Aaron showed up, telling me about his problems with Kate and all these old feelings, old wounds came flooding back. When you admitted to hoping for a relationship between us,” he shakes his head, his eyes wide, “I felt betrayed. In the moment, I felt used. And I was angry. I clung to that anger because it was easier than admitting the truth. That you, everything you represent, scared the hell out of me. Because it meant taking a risk and I haven’t done that in so long.”
The sting of tears burns the back of my nose at his words, at his finally confiding in me.
“No more crying.” He reaches up to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes.
“You saw Cassie?” I remind him.
“I did. She’s getting married. She’s happy, eager for her future. By talking to her I realized what an idiot I’ve been, letting my life pass me by. Not being honest with you. Pushing you away. Daisy, I’m so in love with you I can’t think about anything else. I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to shut you out. I want to do this the right way, the official way. I know I hurt you and I know the timing is all off.”
I laugh, wiping my knuckles against my cheek to soak up the moisture from my tears.
“Go out with me, Dais. On a real date.”
“With a real future?”
“With a real future.”
I lean forward, keeping my hand tucked in his, and brush a kiss across his lips. “I’ve missed you, Finn.”
“Trust me, I’ve missed you more.”
After dinner, with Finn and I naturally falling back into our previous comfort around one another, I ask him if I can practice my McKinnon pitch.
“Of course. I’d love to see it.”
“I just need to pull up my presentation.”
“I’ve sat in on enough of these pitches to have a foundation for it, but I’m not the marketing guru.” He warns.
“I won’t hold it against you. I really just want to practice presenting in front of someone.”
“Okay.” He takes a seat on the couch and I set up my laptop on the coffee table.
Taking a deep breath, I launch into my pitch, my voice strong and confident. About halfway through, Finn lean forwards, resting his elbows on his knees so he can study my slides clearly. I can tell I’ve hooked him, and he’s intrigued by the direction of my presentation. His interest spurs me on, and I begin to discuss my concept more animatedly, my excitement for the campaign obvious.
He nods when I bring up American football, incorporating my own background into the pitch and expanding the concept from being UK-focused to include North America. Concluding with little girls doing ballet and Moms taking their babies for walks brings a smile to Finn’s face, and he starts clapping before I even wrap up my presentation.
“Do you like it?” I beam at him, pleased by his reaction.
“It’s spectacular. I’m really impressed,” He says honestly. “What made you decide to go the lifestyle route?”
“It just seems obvious that in today’s society, people wear and utilize athletic clothing as part of their everyday lives. The clothing has become so versatile that why wouldn’t one wear it outside of the gym, outside of training? By incorporating American Football, I wanted to show that this brand could be bigger than just the UK and could become an international symbol for comfortable and versatile lifestyle wear.”
“Your images are fantastic. What source did you use?”
I blush, biting the corner of my mouth before rattling off a few US-based sources. “I used them a lot in college. I know they’re not the norm here but –”
“It’s great. Really, I think it’s good to use your background for this project.”
“Really?”
“Honestly, Dais, my non-marketing opinion is that your pitch is really refreshing. A unique perspective, a bold idea, and well executed. I think if you spend some time polishing your presentation skills so you’re not nervous, you’ll be all set to shine this week.”
“Awesome.” I close my laptop. “Thanks.”
“You tired?”
I shake my head.
“Want to watch a movie or something? Hang out for a bit? I can spend the night on the couch if you don’t want to be alone. Or I can head home. Whatever you want.”
I stow my laptop in my bag, considering his words.
Even though things between Finn and I have been confusing for so long, it feels right that he’s here. Natural. And I don’t want to be alone. Not when I can have him with me. “Stay.” I say. “We’ll watch a movie.”
“Alright.”
I hold up my phone. “I’ve been dodging Sierra and my brothers for too long. They’re going to start calling you soon.”
“Do you want me to talk to them for you?”
His thoughtfulness is touching, and I appreciate the offer more than he’ll ever understand. “No, I think I need to call them myself. Do you mind if I – “
“Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re ready. But you know what this mean
s, right?”
“What?”
“I get to pick the movie.”
“Just this once.” I agree, heading into my room.
Sitting on my bed, I spend a few moments composing my thoughts. The past twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind and I’m overwhelmed.
But I’m also content. At peace. Settled in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time.
Deep down, I know that my own ability to live fearlessly, to be confident in my decisions, has a lot to do with feeling secure.
Everything with Finn is just icing on the cake.
Blowing out an exhale, I open my contacts and tap on Carter’s name.
31
Finn
News travels fast, especially in a marketing agency. The next day, when Daisy and I walk into the office, a hush falls over the place, with everyone’s eyes fastened on Daisy. She squirms under the attention and I step forward, about to tell everyone to piss off and get back to work when Uncle James takes the floor.
Although Uncle James started the company decades ago, Aaron has taken on a more active role in management over the past several years. These days, Uncle James tends to oversee all of the offices but isn’t actively involved in the day-to-day operations. Still, when he does come into the office and has something to say, everyone falls silent and listens.
“As many of you know, Dennis Finnigan was recently arrested and fired for assault against another Anderson employee.” Eyes dart back to Daisy, but Uncle James doesn’t look in her direction and she relaxes once she realizes he’s not going to name her. “At this time, I ask that you all offer respect, privacy, and compassion for the staff members involved and allow the police to take over the handling of this offence without offering your opinions or thoughts on the matter. We’ve got a very busy couple of weeks to prepare for our company retreat in Costa Rica. We should spend this time wisely, wrapping up current pitches and campaigns, and planning for the retreat. Are there any questions?”
The room is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.
“Good.” Uncle James smiles. “Get back to work.”
Everyone scurries back to their cubicles or offices and avoids glancing at Daisy.
I grin down at her and take her hand in mine, squeezing gently.
“Finlay?” Uncle James calls out. “I’d like a word with you. You too, Daisy.” He turns back to his office and Daisy and I follow him.
I close the door behind us and Uncle James gestures for Daisy and me to take a seat.
Looking at Daisy, he studies her for a long moment. “How’re you holding up, Dais?”
“I’m doing okay. Honestly, I’m relieved he didn’t contest the charges and won’t be working here any longer.”
“It was easy to fire him once he admitted to a criminal offence. But I’m more concerned about you. Do you want to take some time? Maybe go home, visit with your family?”
“No thank you. I’m ready to make my pitch for the McKinnon account and I’d like to still participate in the competition. I’ve worked too hard to not see this through because of Dennis.”
A ghost of a shadow flickers across Uncle James’s mouth. “Alright. Now,” his eyes cut to me, “I don’t want to put you on the spot, but if you’re going to be together,” he glances at Daisy, “it’s best to be open about it given how everything fell apart the last time.”
I chuckle as Daisy ducks her head, a blush working its way up her neck and coloring her cheeks a soft pink.
“We’re together. For real.” I say, reaching over to take Daisy’s hand for emphasis.
Uncle James doesn’t miss the movement and a real smile appears on his face with this news. “I’m glad to hear it. While Anderson doesn’t have a non-fraternization policy, I’d like to remind you that this is a professional environment and I expect you both to conduct yourselves as such.”
“Of course.” Daisy says quickly.
“Yeah, yeah, I understand.” I add.
“Good. Then, I’ll see you both at dinner this Friday.” Uncle James says, closing our impromptu meeting. “And Daisy, don’t forget the cupcakes. I missed them last week.”
“I’ll bring extra.”
A knock on my office door slices through the silence and I look up.
“Hey.” My brother pokes his head inside.
“Come on in.” I say, gesturing him forward.
He closes the door and plops down across from me, his expression grim. His new look.
“Everything okay?” I ask. My new default question around him.
“What the bloody hell happened with Dennis? How did I not know this was happening? Harassment? Assault? Poor Daisy. I’ve been a shit mentor, Finn.”
“Aar, this isn’t your fault.”
My brother shakes his head, his expression bleak. “What if she hadn’t been able to fight him off? Have you thought about that?”
“Of course I’ve bloody thought about that. It’s been on a constant fucking loop in my head.” I poke my finger against my temple. “I’ve imagined every single scenario and it makes me sick.”
Aaron looks away, his jaw twitching. “Sorry, Finn. I know you have. I just, I feel awful about everything that happened and not being there for her.”
“Aaron, it’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault except Dennis’s. Right now, the best thing we can do for Daisy is support her, be here for her, remind her we’re not going anywhere.”
“How is she?”
“She’s doing okay. Better than I expected to be honest.”
“And you and she are –”
“Together.”
“Good.” Aaron meets my gaze. “That’s really good, Finn. I’m proud of you.”
I snort, dismissing the sentiment.
“I’m serious. You’ve come a long way and I’m glad to see you finally taking steps in the right direction.”
“Yeah, well, that was all Daisy.”
“Maybe. But I’m happy for you both. I was worried that, the night of Sisi’s wedding, the things I said may have influenced you to end things with Daisy and that wasn’t right of me. I’m sorry, Finn.”
“Ending things with Daisy was my decision, Aar.”
“I know but maybe my situation or timing influenced you to take that decision hastily.”
I shrug because I don’t want to place any more guilt on Aaron’s shoulders, but I also don’t want to lie to him. He’d see through me, he always has. “It all worked out the way it was meant to.”
“I’m sorry if I caused things to take a detour.”
“I think we both grew from it.”
Aaron shakes his head, knowing I’m letting him off the hook. “I’m going to check
on Daisy. I’ve been a pretty awful mentor but the least I can do is encourage her to run through her presentation a few times before the final pitch.”
“I’m sure she’d like that.”
“Alright then, I’ll see you later.”
“See you.” I watch my brother leave my office and shake my head.
It’s so typical of him. To be in the middle of hell in his own life but to seek me out and be genuinely happy for me. Although we lost our parents young, although we came from humble beginnings, the one person I could always count on has been Aaron.
And now, I can add Daisy to that list.
32
Daisy
On Friday morning, I walk into the conference room with the McKinnon management team with poise and confidence.
“Good morning everyone. I’m Daisy Kane and I look forward to speaking with you this morning on McKinnon’s new athletic clothing line, Athletix.” I smile broadly, passing out the folders I’ve created with my pitch materials.
Beginning my slideshow, I take a deep breath and make my pitch, my voice steady, my enthusiasm evident. I’m confident and sure of myself, dynamic even. In many ways, this moment reminds me that I’ve taken steps toward becoming the woman I want to be. Sure, there have been bumps along the way but I’m here.
<
br /> And I’m happy.
After my pitch, I take questions, engage with McKinnon’s management team and wrap up my presentation. Exiting the conference room, I know I did my absolute best and I’m proud of my performance. I also know I impressed the hell out of Aaron.
“How’d it go?” Melanie whispers when I pass her cubicle.
“I think it went well.”
“Good for you. I hope you win.” She smiles at me sincerely and I can tell she means it.
“You know what?”
“What?”
“I really don’t care about winning anymore. I know this isn’t the intent of the competition but I’m happy with my performance, I’m satisfied with the campaign I created. Right now, that’s enough for me.”
“That’s really great, Daisy. But don’t tell anyone else that.”
I laugh. “Are you up next?”
“After Cameron.”
“Good luck.”
She holds up her crossed fingers. “Whatever happens, let’s go for pedicures after work. I desperately need one.”
“Done.” I agree. “See you later.”
Back at my own desk, I check my phone and warmth spreads through my body at the list of messages that appear on the screen.
Finn: Break a leg, love. You got this.
Sierra: Good luck today bestie! I can’t wait to hear all about it. MISS YOU xo
Evie: Hey Dais, how are you today?
Carter: Thinking of you, Daisy girl. Good luck.
Jax: Do you, Dais.
Taylor: The most important question: what did you wear to your presentation? Please tell me not a power suit.
Denver: So, did you win?
I smile, loving that they all remembered, loving that they all care. Even though Carter tried to convince me to fly home as soon as I told him about Dennis, all of my brothers respected my decision to stay and finish the competition. My family rallied around me like I knew they would, but it felt good, built up my confidence, to handle the situation on my own terms.
The past ten weeks have been exciting, rewarding, and at a lot of times, really challenging. But I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences because they brought me to the now.
