Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero

by Henryk Sienkiewicz

  Chapter XI

  VINICIUS did not lie down that night. Some time after the departure ofPetronius, when the groans of his flogged slaves could allay neither hisrage nor his pain, he collected a crowd of other servants, and, thoughthe night was far advanced, rushed forth at the head of these to lookfor Lygia. He visited the district of the Esquiline, then the Subura,Vicus Sceleratus, and all the adjoining alleys. Passing next around theCapitol, he went to the island over the bridge of Fabricius; after thathe passed through a part of the Trans-Tiber. But that was a pursuitwithout object, for he himself had no hope of finding Lygia, and if hesought her it was mainly to fill out with something a terrible night.In fact he returned home about daybreak, when the carts and mules ofdealers in vegetables began to appear in the city, and when bakers wereopening their shops.

  On returning he gave command to put away Gulo's corpse, which no one hadventured to touch. The slaves from whom Lygia had been taken he sent torural prisons,--a punishment almost more dreadful than death. Throwinghimself at last on a couch in the atrium, he began to think confusedlyof how he was to find and seize Lygia.

  To resign her, to lose her, not to see her again, seemed to himimpossible; and at this thought alone frenzy took hold of him. For thefirst time in life the imperious nature of the youthful soldier metresistance, met another unbending will, and he could not understandsimply how any one could have the daring to thwart his wishes. Viniciuswould have chosen to see the world and the city sink in ruins ratherthan fail of his purpose. The cup of delight had been snatched frombefore his lips almost; hence it seemed to him that something unheard ofhad happened, something crying to divine and human laws for vengeance.

  But, first of all, he was unwilling and unable to be reconciled withfate, for never in life had he so desired anything as Lygia. It seemedto him that he could not exist without her. He could not tell himselfwhat he was to do without her on the morrow, how he was to survive thedays following. At moments he was transported by a rage against her,which approached madness. He wanted to have her, to beat her, to dragher by the hair to the cubiculum, and gloat over her; then, again, hewas carried away by a terrible yearning for her voice, her form, hereyes, and he felt that he would be ready to lie at her feet. He calledto her, gnawed his fingers, clasped his head with his hands. He strovewith all his might to think calmly about searching for her,--and wasunable. A thousand methods and means flew through his head, but onewilder than another. At last the thought flashed on him that no one elsehad intercepted her but Aulus, that in every case Aulus must know whereshe was hiding. And he sprang up to run to the house of Aulus.

  If they will not yield her to him, if they have no fear of his threats,he will go to Caesar, accuse the old general of disobedience, and obtaina sentence of death against him; but before that, he will gain from thema confession of where Lygia is. If they give her, even willingly, hewill be revenged. They received him, it is true, in their house andnursed him,--but that is nothing! With this one injustice they havefreed him from every debt of gratitude. Here his vengeful and stubbornsoul began to take pleasure at the despair of Pomponia Graecina, whenthe centurion would bring the death sentence to old Aulus. He was almostcertain that he would get it. Petronius would assist him. Moreover,Caesar never denies anything to his intimates, the Augustians, unlesspersonal dislike or desire enjoins a refusal.

  Suddenly his heart almost died within him, under the influence of thisterrible supposition,--"But if Caesar himself has taken Lygia?"

  All knew that Nero from tedium sought recreation in night attacks. EvenPetronius took part in these amusements. Their main object was to seizewomen and toss each on a soldier's mantle till she fainted. Even Nerohimself on occasions called these expeditions "pearl hunts," for ithappened that in the depth of districts occupied by a numerous and needypopulation they caught a real pearl of youth and beauty sometimes. Thenthe "sagatio," as they termed the tossing, was changed into a genuinecarrying away, and the pearl was sent either to the Palatine or to oneof Caesar's numberless villas, or finally Caesar yielded it to one of hisintimates. So might it happen also with Lygia. Caesar had seen her duringthe feast; and Vinicius doubted not for an instant that she must haveseemed to him the most beautiful woman he had seen yet. How could itbe otherwise? It is true that Lygia had been in Nero's own house onthe Palatine, and he might have kept her openly. But, as Petronius saidtruly, Caesar had no courage in crime, and, with power to act openly, hechose to act always in secret. This time fear of Poppaea might inclinehim also to secrecy. It occurred now to the young soldier that Auluswould not have dared, perhaps, to carry off forcibly a girl givenhim, Vinicius, by Caesar. Besides, who would dare? Would that giganticblue-eyed Lygian, who had the courage to enter the triclinium and carryher from the feast on his arm? But where could he hide with her; whithercould he take her? No! a slave would not have ventured that far. Henceno one had done the deed except Caesar.

  At this thought it grew dark in his eyes, and drops of sweat covered hisforehead. In that case Lygia was lost to him forever. It was possibleto wrest her from the hands of any one else, but not from the hands ofCaesar. Now, with greater truth than ever, could he exclaim, "Vae miseromihi!" His imagination represented Lygia in Nero's arms, and, for thefirst time in life, he understood that there are thoughts which aresimply beyond man's endurance. He knew then, for the first time, how heloved her. As his whole life flashes through the memory of a drowningman, so Lygia began to pass through his. He saw her, heard every wordof hers,--saw her at the fountain, saw her at the house of Aulus, and atthe feast; felt her near him, felt the odor of her hair, the warmth ofher body, the delight of the kisses which at the feast he had pressedon her innocent lips. She seemed to him a hundred times sweeter, morebeautiful, more desired than ever,--a hundred times more the onlyone, the one chosen from among all mortals and divinities. And when hethought that all this which had become so fixed in his heart, which hadbecome his blood and life, might be possessed by Nero, a pain seizedhim, which was purely physical, and so piercing that he wanted to beathis head against the wall of the atrium, until he should break it. Hefelt that he might go mad; and he would have gone mad beyond doubt, hadnot vengeance remained to him. But as hitherto he had thought that hecould not live unless he got Lygia, he thought now that he would notdie till he had avenged her. This gave him a certain kind of comfort. "Iwill be thy Cassius Chaerea!" [The slayer of Caligula] said he to himselfin thinking of Nero. After a while, seizing earth in his hands fromthe flower vases surrounding the impluvium, he made a dreadful vowto Erebus, Hecate, and his own household lares, that he would havevengeance.

  And he received a sort of consolation. He had at least something to livefor and something with which to fill his nights and days. Then, droppinghis idea of visiting Aulus, he gave command to bear him to the Palatine.Along the way he concluded that if they would not admit him to Caesar,or if they should try to find weapons on his person, it would be a proofthat Caesar had taken Lygia. He had no weapons with him. He had lostpresence of mind in general; but as is usual with persons possessed by asingle idea, he preserved it in that which concerned his revenge. He didnot wish his desire of revenge to fall away prematurely. He wished aboveall to see Acte, for he expected to learn the truth from her. At momentsthe hope flashed on him that he might see Lygia also, and at thatthought he began to tremble. For if Caesar had carried her away withoutknowledge of whom he was taking, he might return her that day. But aftera while he cast aside this supposition. Had there been a wish to returnher to him, she would have been sent yesterday. Acte was the only personwho could explain everything, and there was need to see her beforeothers.

  Convinced of this, he commanded the slaves to hasten; and along the roadhe thought without order, now of Lygia, now of revenge. He had heardthat Egyptian priests of the goddess Pasht could bring disease onwhomever they wished, and he determined to learn the means of doingthis. In the Orient they had told him, too, that Jews have certaininvocations by which they cover their enemies' bodies with ulcers.H
e had a number of Jews among his domestic slaves; hence he promisedhimself to torture them on his return till they divulged the secret. Hefound most delight, however, in thinking of the short Roman sword whichlets out a stream of blood such as had gushed from Caius Caligula andmade ineffaceable stains on the columns of the portico. He was readyto exterminate all Rome; and had vengeful gods promised that all peopleshould die except him and Lygia, he would have accepted the promise.

  In front of the arch he regained presence of mind, and thought when hesaw the pretorian guard, "If they make the least difficulty in admittingme, they will prove that Lygia is in the palace by the will of Caesar."

  But the chief centurion smiled at him in a friendly manner, thenadvanced a number of steps, and said,--"A greeting, noble tribune.If thou desire to give an obeisance to Caesar, thou hast found anunfortunate moment. I do not think that thou wilt be able to see him."

  "What has happened?" inquired Vinicius.

  "The infant Augusta fell ill yesterday on a sudden. Caesar and the augustPoppaea are attending her, with physicians whom they have summoned fromthe whole city."

  This was an important event. When that daughter was born to him, Caesarwas simply wild from delight, and received her with extra humanumgaudium. Previously the senate had committed the womb of Poppaea to thegods with the utmost solemnity. A votive offering was made at Antium,where the delivery took place; splendid games were celebrated, andbesides a temple was erected to the two Fortunes. Nero, unable to bemoderate in anything, loved the infant beyond measure; to Poppaea thechild was dear also, even for this, that it strengthened her positionand made her influence irresistible.

  The fate of the whole empire might depend on the health and life of theinfant Augusta; but Vinicius was so occupied with himself, his own caseand his love, that without paying attention to the news of the centurionhe answered, "I only wish to see Acte." And he passed in.

  But Acte was occupied also near the child, and he had to wait a longtime to see her. She came only about midday, with a face pale andwearied, which grew paler still at sight of Vinicius.

  "Acte!" cried Vinicius, seizing her hand and drawing her to the middleof the atrium, "where is Lygia?"

  "I wanted to ask thee touching that," answered she, looking him in theeyes with reproach.

  But though he had promised himself to inquire of her calmly, he pressedhis head with his hands again, and said, with a face distorted by painand anger,--"She is gone. She was taken from me on the way!"

  After a while, however, he recovered, and thrusting his face up toActe's, said through his set teeth,--"Acte! If life be dear to thee,if thou wish not to cause misfortunes which thou are unable even toimagine, answer me truly. Did Caesar take her?"

  "Caesar did not leave the palace yesterday."

  "By the shade of thy mother, by all the gods, is she not in the palace?"

  "By the shade of my mother, Marcus, she is not in the palace, and Caesardid not intercept her. The infant Augusta is ill since yesterday, andNero has not left her cradle."

  Vinicius drew breath. That which had seemed the most terrible ceased tothreaten him.

  "Ah, then," said he, sitting on the bench and clinching his fists,"Aulus intercepted her, and in that case woe to him!"

  "Aulus Plautius was here this morning. He could not see me, for I wasoccupied with the child; but he inquired of Epaphroditus, and others ofCaesar's servants, touching Lygia, and told them that he would come againto see me."

  "He wished to turn suspicion from himself. If he knew not what happened,he would have come to seek Lygia in my house."

  "He left a few words on a tablet, from which thou wilt see that, knowingLygia to have been taken from his house by Caesar, at thy request andthat of Petronius, he expected that she would be sent to thee, andthis morning early he was at thy house, where they told him what hadhappened."

  When she had said this, she went to the cubiculum and returned soon withthe tablet which Aulus had left.

  Vinicius read the tablet, and was silent; Acte seemed to read thethoughts on his gloomy face, for she said after a while,--"No, Marcus.That has happened which Lygia herself wished."

  "It was known to thee that she wished to flee!" burst out Vinicius.

  "I knew that she would not become thy concubine." And she looked at himwith her misty eyes almost sternly.

  "And thou,--what hast thou been all thy life?"

  "I was a slave, first of all."

  But Vinicius did not cease to be enraged. Caesar had given him Lygia;hence he had no need to inquire what she had been before. He would findher, even under the earth, and he would do what he liked with her. Hewould indeed! She should be his concubine. He would give command to flogher as often as he pleased. If she grew distasteful to him, he wouldgive her to the lowest of his slaves, or he would command her to turn ahandmill on his lands in Africa. He would seek her out now, and find heronly to bend her, to trample on her, and conquer her.

  And, growing more and more excited, he lost every sense of measure, tothe degree that even Acte saw that he was promising more than he couldexecute; that he was talking because of pain and anger. She might havehad even compassion on him, but his extravagance exhausted her patience,and at last she inquired why he had come to her.

  Vinicius did not find an answer immediately. He had come to herbecause he wished to come, because he judged that she would give himinformation; but really he had come to Caesar, and, not being able to seehim, he came to her. Lygia, by fleeing, opposed the will of Caesar; hencehe would implore him to give an order to search for her throughout thecity and the empire, even if it came to using for that purpose all thelegions, and to ransacking in turn every house within Roman dominion.Petronius would support his prayer, and the search would begin from thatday.

  "Have a care," answered Acte, "lest thou lose her forever the moment sheis found, at command of Caesar."

  Vinicius wrinkled his brows. "What does that mean?" inquired he.

  "Listen to me, Marcus. Yesterday Lygia and I were in the gardens here,and we met Poppaea, with the infant Augusta, borne by an African woman,Lilith. In the evening the child fell ill, and Lilith insists thatshe was bewitched; that that foreign woman whom they met in the gardenbewitched her. Should the child recover, they will forget this, butin the opposite case Poppaea will be the first to accuse Lygia ofwitchcraft, and wherever she is found there will be no rescue for her."

  A moment of silence followed; then Vinicius said,--"But perhaps she didbewitch her, and has bewitched me."

  "Lilith repeats that the child began to cry the moment she carried herpast us. And really the child did begin to cry. It is certain that shewas sick when they took her out of the garden. Marcus, seek for Lygiawhenever it may please thee, but till the infant Augusta recovers, speaknot of her to Caesar, or thou wilt bring on her Poppaea's vengeance. Hereyes have wept enough because of thee already, and may all the godsguard her poor head."

  "Dost thou love her, Acte?" inquired Vinicius, gloomily.

  "Yes, I love her." And tears glittered in the eyes of the freedwoman.

  "Thou lovest her because she has not repaid thee with hatred, as she hasme."

  Acte looked at him for a time as if hesitating, or as if wishing tolearn if he spoke sincerely; then she said,--"O blind and passionateman--she loved thee."

  Vinicius sprang up under the influence of those words, as if possessed."It is not true."

  She hated him. How could Acte know? Would Lygia make a confession to herafter one day's acquaintance? What love is that which prefers wandering,the disgrace of poverty, the uncertainty of to-morrow, or a shamefuldeath even, to a wreath-bedecked house, in which a lover is waiting witha feast? It is better for him not to hear such things, for he is readyto go mad. He would not have given that girl for all Caesar's treasures,and she fled. What kind of love is that which dreads delight and givespain? Who can understand it? Who can fathom it? Were it not for thehope that he should find her, he would sink a sword in himself. Lovesurrenders; it doe
s not take away. There were moments at the house ofAulus when he himself believed in near happiness, but now he knowsthat she hated him, that she hates him, and will die with hatred in herheart.

  But Acte, usually mild and timid, burst forth in her turn withindignation. How had he tried to win Lygia? Instead of bowing beforeAulus and Pomponia to get her, he took the child away from her parentsby stratagem. He wanted to make, not a wife, but a concubine of her, thefoster daughter of an honorable house, and the daughter of a king.He had her brought to this abode of crime and infamy; he defiled herinnocent eyes with the sight of a shameful feast; he acted with her aswith a wanton. Had he forgotten the house of Aulus and Pomponia Graecina,who had reared Lygia? Had he not sense enough to understand that thereare women different from Nigidia or Calvia Crispinilla or Poppaea, andfrom all those whom he meets in Caesar's house? Did he not understand atonce on seeing Lygia that she is an honest maiden, who prefers death toinfamy? Whence does he know what kind of gods she worships, and whetherthey are not purer and better than the wanton Venus, or than Isis,worshipped by the profligate women of Rome? No! Lygia had made noconfession to her, but she had said that she looked for rescue to him,to Vinicius: she had hoped that he would obtain for her permission fromCaesar to return home, that he would restore her to Pomponia. And whilespeaking of this, Lygia blushed like a maiden who loves and trusts.Lygia's heart beat for him; but he, Vinicius, had terrified and offendedher; had made her indignant; let him seek her now with the aid ofCaesar's soldiers, but let him know that should Poppaea's child die,suspicion will fall on Lygia, whose destruction will then be inevitable.

  Emotion began to force its way through the anger and pain of Vinicius.The information that he was loved by Lygia shook him to the depth of hissoul. He remembered her in Aulus's garden, when she was listening to hiswords with blushes on her face and her eyes full of light. It seemedto him then that she had begun to love him; and all at once, at thatthought, a feeling of certain happiness embraced him, a hundred timesgreater than that which he desired. He thought that he might have wonher gradually, and besides as one loving him. She would have wreathedhis door, rubbed it with wolf's fat, and then sat as his wife byhis hearth on the sheepskin. He would have heard from her mouth thesacramental: "Where thou art, Caius, there am I, Caia." And she wouldhave been his forever. Why did he not act thus? True, he had been readyso to act. But now she is gone, and it may be impossible to find her;and should he find her, perhaps he will cause her death, and should henot cause her death, neither she nor Aulus nor Pomponia Graecina willfavor him. Here anger raised the hair on his head again; but his angerturned now, not against the house of Aulus, or Lygia, but againstPetronius. Petronius was to blame for everything. Had it not beenfor him Lygia would not have been forced to wander; she would be hisbetrothed, and no danger would be hanging over her dear head. But nowall is past, and it is too late to correct the evil which will not yieldto correction.

  "Too late!" And it seemed to him that a gulf had opened before hisfeet. He did not know what to begin, how to proceed, whither to betakehimself. Acte repeated as an echo the words, "Too late," which fromanother's mouth sounded like a death sentence. He understood one thing,however, that he must find Lygia, or something evil would happen to him.

  And wrapping himself mechanically in his toga, he was about to departwithout taking farewell even of Acte, when suddenly the curtainseparating the entrance from the atrium was pushed aside, and he sawbefore him the pensive figure of Pomponia Graecina.

  Evidently she too had heard of the disappearance of Lygia, and, judgingthat she could see Acte more easily than Aulus, had come for news toher.

  But, seeing Vinicius, she turned her pale, delicate face to him, andsaid, after a pause,--"May God forgive thee the wrong, Marcus, whichthou hast done to us and to Lygia."

  He stood with drooping head, with a feeling of misfortune and guilt, notunderstanding what God was to forgive him or could forgive him. Pomponiahad no cause to mention forgiveness; she ought to have spoken ofrevenge.

  At last he went out with a head devoid of counsel, full of grievousthoughts, immense care, and amazement.

  In the court and under the gallery were crowds of anxious people. Amongslaves of the palace were knights and senators who had come to inquireabout the health of the infant, and at the same time to show themselvesin the palace, and exhibit a proof of their anxiety, even in presence ofNero's slaves. News of the illness of the "divine" had spread quicklyit was evident, for new forms appeared in the gateway every moment, andthrough the opening of the arcade whole crowds were visible. Some of thenewly arrived, seeing that Vinicius was coming from the palace, attackedhim for news; but he hurried on without answering their questions,till Petronius, who had come for news too, almost struck his breast andstopped him.

  Beyond doubt Vinicius would have become enraged at sight of Petronius,and let himself do some lawless act in Caesar's palace, had it notbeen that when he had left Acte he was so crushed, so weighed down andexhausted, that for the moment even his innate irascibility had lefthim. He pushed Petronius aside and wished to pass; but the otherdetained him, by force almost.

  "How is the divine infant?" asked he.

  But this constraint angered Vinicius a second time, and roused hisindignation in an instant.

  "May Hades swallow her and all this house!" said he, gritting his teeth.

  "Silence, hapless man!" said Petronius, and looking around he addedhurriedly,--"If thou wish to know something of Lygia, come with me; Iwill tell nothing here! Come with me; I will tell my thoughts in thelitter."

  And putting his arm around the young tribune, he conducted him from thepalace as quickly as possible. That was his main concern, for he had nonews whatever; but being a man of resources, and having, in spite ofhis indignation of yesterday, much sympathy for Vinicius, and finallyfeeling responsible for all that had happened, he had undertakensomething already, and when they entered the litter he said,--"I havecommanded my slaves to watch at every gate. I gave them an accuratedescription of the girl, and that giant who bore her from the feast atCaesar's,--for he is the man, beyond doubt, who intercepted her. Listento me: Perhaps Aulus and Pomponia wish to secrete her in some estateof theirs; in that case we shall learn the direction in which they tookher. If my slaves do not see her at some gate, we shall know that sheis in the city yet, and shall begin this very day to search in Rome forher."

  "Aulus does not know where she is," answered Vinicius.

  "Art thou sure of that?"

  "I saw Pomponia. She too is looking for her."

  "She could not leave the city yesterday, for the gates are closed atnight. Two of my people are watching at each gate. One is to followLygia and the giant, the other to return at once and inform me. If sheis in the city, we shall find her, for that Lygian is easily recognized,even by his stature and his shoulders. Thou art lucky that it was notCaesar who took her, and I can assure thee that he did not, for there areno secrets from me on the Palatine."

  But Vinicius burst forth in sorrow still more than in anger, and in avoice broken by emotion told Petronius what he had heard from Acte,and what new dangers were threatening Lygia,--dangers so dreadfulthat because of them there would be need to hide her from Poppaea mostcarefully, in case they discovered her. Then he reproached Petroniusbitterly for his counsel. Had it not been for him, everything would havegone differently. Lygia would have been at the house of Aulus, and he,Vinicius, might have seen her every day, and he would have been happierat that moment than Caesar. And carried away as he went on with hisnarrative, he yielded more and more to emotion, till at last tears ofsorrow and rage began to fall from his eyes.

  Petronius, who had not even thought that the young man could loveand desire to such a degree, when he saw the tears of despair said tohimself, with a certain astonishment,--"O mighty Lady of Cyprus, thoualone art ruler of gods and men!"