by Hamel, B. B.
But for me, marrying her was about more than that. It was about having a life that I could be proud of.
Bea met me in the entryway “How did it go?” she asked.
“Good,” I said. “They want me to marry a Healy girl.”
She smiled. “That’s nice, dear. Good luck with that.”
“Thanks.” I left, feeling like I was floating along above the ground, and got into my truck.
I sat there staring at my hands, then turned on the engine and pulled out.
My future wife was waiting.
6
Sam
“Absolutely not,” I said, staring at him like he was crazy. “There is absolutely no way in this entire freaking world that I’m going to marry you.”
Matteo stood across from me in the kitchen cooking eggs. I clutched a coffee cup between both hands and felt like I was shaking.
Last night, he came home, cooked me dinner, then we went to sleep in our separate rooms. We didn’t talk much—I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I kept wondering when this nightmare was going to end, and kept seeing him sitting near me with that perfect smirk on his lips.
In the morning, I woke up to find clothes outside my door. They were his sweats and they were much too big, but they were better than wearing my dress again. I found him in the kitchen, pot of coffee made, cooking breakfast.
That was when he proposed.
“I know it’s crazy,” he said. “But think about it. If we get married, my family can protect us.”
“Why do we need to get married for that?” I said. “Why can’t we just—” I stopped and shrugged. “I don’t know, not get married?”
“We could,” he said, nodding, and plated the eggs. He brought them over, and I wanted to be mad and refuse to eat, but they smelled good and I was actually starving. Plus, he was a shockingly good cook.
A good cook, loved to grow plants, and a killer for the mob. I didn’t understand this man, not even a little bit.
“So then why get married?” I asked, digging in.
He sat across from me and watched, barely touching his food. “Do you know how many people have died in this war?” he asked softly.
“No,” I said, but I knew it was a lot. I’d been to way too many funerals over the last few years.
“The families are going to keep killing each other,” he said softly. “They’ll keep on murdering each other until only one of them is standing. Do you really want that?”
“Of course not,” I said. “But what’s that have to do with me? I’m nothing and nobody.”
“You represent the end,” he said. “That baby in there? That’s half Valentino and half Healy.”
I snorted and shook my head. “My family won’t give a shit about our marriage. They’ll call me a traitor and keep on killing. We can’t change anything.”
“But what if we can?” he pressed. “Don Valentino wants us to get married for his own selfish reasons, but what if we can convince him that ending the war is the more profitable course? He said if we get married, we can go live in the mansion with him until things blow over. There’s nowhere safer in the entire world.”
It was tempting. I’d heard stories about the Valentino mansion, how it was hidden in a magical forest protected by fairies and monsters and demons and shit like that, which of course wasn’t true. Although the Don probably did have some guys with machine guns hidden in the trees.
“How do I know he’s not trying to use me? How do I know you’re not doing the same thing?”
He leaned forward. “The only thing I want is for you to be safe,” he said softly. “Do you understand? I’m not in this for anything. I don’t give a damn if we keep fighting or if we stop. Nothing matters to me but you and that baby.”
I looked away. Sometimes he was too intense and I was afraid that I’d start liking the attention if I tried to hold his gaze for too long.
“But your Don.”
“He’ll use you if you let him.” Matteo shrugged and sat back. “I’ll try to stop him, but I don’t have much power.”
“I have to think about this. I don’t know what to do.”
“I won’t force you. If you want to go home, I’ll drive you myself, but good luck explaining to your father why you got into a truck with a guy that beat up four Healy goons.”
I smiled slightly and wiped at my face with both hands. “God, this is awful,” I said and laughed. “What a terrible spot. I can either go marry a total stranger and live in some mansion, or I can go home and face my father’s wrath.”
“Don’t forget that you need to consider what’s best for that baby.”
I chewed on my lip and pressed a hand against my belly. He was right—so far I’d only been thinking like a normal person, but I wasn’t normal anymore. I was going to be a mother, and I had this baby to take care of whether I liked it or not.
I never asked for it, never wanted it, but I was pregnant, and I had to start acting like it.
“I want to talk to Nessa,” I said suddenly. “I don’t want to go home. But at least let me talk to her.”
“Whatever you want,” he said, spreading his hands. Then added, “But I don’t know who that is.”
“The girl I walked in with, back at the bar,” I said. “Remember her?”
“Right,” he said, nodding. “Okay. You think that’s safe?”
“She’s my best friend,” I said, and had never honestly considered that it might not be. I could trust Nessa though, even if she was a hardcore Healy supporter. I just wouldn’t tell her that Matteo was Valentino.
Leaving that out didn’t feel great, and it made me understand why he hadn’t said anything to begin with.
“Set it up then,” he said and we finished our meal without talking much as I texted back and forth with Nessa.
We got into the truck not long later. Matteo drove slowly through the streets, angling back toward my neighborhood and the playground. It was strange, it’d only been a day, but already everything looked different. Maybe because I knew that I was different, that my life could never go back to the way things were. No matter what, even if I walked away from Matteo and forgot about him, I was pregnant and I had to deal with that somehow. I’d have the baby, and my father would want to kill me.
Nessa was already sitting on the swing, a bag next to her on the ground, just like I’d asked. “I’ll be back,” I said and opened the door.
“I’ll wait here,” Matteo said, watching me carefully.
“No, drive around the block. I don’t want you staring.”
“Sam,” he said softly, but I shook my head.
“Just do it.” I shut the door and turned my back on the truck. I took a deep breath then marched over to the playground, and Nessa, and my old life.
She stood up when she spotted me and came running over. “Holy shit,” she said, throwing her arms around me. “I was honestly worried.”
“Sorry,” I said, hugging her back hard. “I didn’t mean for all that to happen.”
“What the hell was that?” she asked, stepping back, her eyes wide with excitement. “Your guy beat up four Healy dudes? One of them was my Cousin Danial, by the way, and he’s really pissed, been talking shit the whole time.”
“Matteo overreacted,” I said, drifting over to the swings. I sat down and nudged the bag with my foot. “What’s in there?”
“Clothes,” she said, waving a hand. “Overreacted is putting it mildly. I hear he pulled a gun.”
“He didn’t think they’d let me leave with him.” I smiled a little. “He was probably right. I didn’t realize he wasn’t in the family.”
“I didn’t either, you bad girl.” Nessa grinned and sat down next to me. “So what’s your plan? You ever going home again? I hear your dad’s pissed.”
“I’m sure he is,” I said, realizing that this was the longest I’d gone without checking in with him. “Does he know about the fight?”
“Of course, everyone heard about that. And he knows you lef
t with some guy that’s not in the family, too.”
“Right.” I sucked in a breath. “And the baby?”
“Not yet, he doesn’t know,” Nessa said seriously. “I won’t tell until you’re ready, I swear it.”
“Thanks, Nessa,” I said, swinging slightly. I glanced toward the street and didn’t see Matteo’s truck anywhere. I had the sudden urge to find him and kiss him, although I knew it was only nerves speaking. I was on edge, being back on my family’s turf. “I need to make a decision and I hoped you would help.”
“Uh oh,” Nessa said. “It’s that serious, huh? He doesn’t want you to keep the baby?”
“What?” I blinked at her. “Oh, god, no, no, not that,” I said quickly. “No, he wants this baby more than I do, I think.” I laughed a little, shaking my head. “No, actually, I think it might be worse.”
“God, what could be worse?” she asked.
“He wants me to marry him.”
She stopped fidgeting with the swing and gaped at me. I smiled back nervously and shrugged a little bit like, what could I do?
“Holy fucking shitballs,” Nessa finally said. “Are you joking? Are you thinking about it? Is he rich or something? What’s happening right now? Isn’t he a total stranger?”
“One at a time,” I said, holding up a hand. “I’m not joking, and I am considering it, and he’s not rich but he does own a house, and yes, he’s a total stranger. That gets them all, right?”
“I don’t even know what to say.” Nessa shook her head, mouth hanging open, which might’ve been a first for her. I’d never seen her at a loss for words in all the time that I’d known her.
“It’s crazy, but he wants this baby and he wants to take care of me, and I guess it’s not a bad offer. I mean, what else could I expect, you know?”
“I have no clue what you mean,” Nessa said sincerely.
I clenched my jaw. I hated when she pretended like we weren’t little pieces to be moved around for the benefit of the Healy family. She pretended like she had a choice in the things she did, even though her father and brothers and cousins all pushed her into absolutely every decision she’d ever made.
“Come on, if I stayed here, my father would marry me off to some important up-and-coming Healy guy,” I said. “They’d want me to have a bunch of little Healy babies and spend all day sitting at home, thinking Healy thoughts. If I don’t do this, I’ll have even less choice about my life than if I do.”
She chewed on her lip for a second and shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said. “I like the family. I know it’s hard sometimes and they can be a little self-absorbed, but they mean well. They take care of the neighborhoods. We’re safe and stuff, right?”
“Are we?” I cocked my head. “How many dead cousins do you have now, huh? When was the last time you went two months without a funeral?”
Her face soured. “That’s because of the Valentinos.”
“Yeah, it is, but it’s also because of our family, too.”
She shook her head. “That’s bullshit, Sam. You know it’s bullshit. Colm would’ve made peace ages ago, if he could. But the Valentinos won’t let him.”
I wasn’t sure that was true anymore. It was what we were told over and over again—the excuse for the war. The Valentinos were the aggressors and they’d do anything to wipe our family off the map. Colm Healy was the only man standing between us and them, and they weren’t interested in negotiating a peace. He’d tried everything, but the Valentinos were monsters.
Except I didn’t think they were, no more than the Healy family. They had their reasons and their people to protect, just like we did.
“I don’t know,” I said softly, almost sadly. I wished that I could go back and have simple faith in the family like Nessa did, but I didn’t think I ever could, not anymore at least. “I have this chance to get away and do something else. I’m afraid that if I don’t take it, there won’t ever be another shot.”
Nessa sighed. “It’s not like I don’t get where you’re coming from. I’ve thought about it too, you know? Leaving the family, starting over, that sort of shit. Falling in love with some tall, dark, handsome stranger. But that’s not life for us. It’s not what we’re meant to do.”
“I’m not sure we’re meant to do anything.”
Nessa shrugged and said something, but there was movement at the far side of the playground and I didn’t quite catch what she said. At first, I thought it was the guys playing basketball again—but the courts were empty. Instead, three figures walked toward us.
I felt my heart beat double time and stood up. Nessa followed my gaze and didn’t seem surprised as my father and two Healy goons walked toward us.
“Don’t freak out,” Nessa said.
I stared at her. “What did you do?”
“I was worried about you,” she said. “And your dad’s been up my ass since you left with that guy. I couldn’t keep this from him.”
“Oh my god, Nessa,” I said, backing away. “You called him. But you brought me a bag of clothes.”
“Had to make you stay.” Nessa didn’t move from the swing. She hung her head, staring at the ground. “I really am sorry, Sam. I do love you. But maybe you’re not thinking clearly, you know?”
“I can’t believe you’d do this,” I said, still backing away. The Healy guys with my dad split up and went around the long way, moving to cut me off as my father continued to march toward me, a scowl on his thin, lined face.
I looked around wildly. I still couldn’t see Matteo’s truck anywhere, and I regretted telling him to drive around while he waited. I just wanted a second of privacy with my best friend, and I never imagined she’d sell me out to my father, not for a single second—
But my dad stopped a few feet away from me, and Nessa just kept staring at the ground.
“You’re in trouble,” he said.
“Dad, it’s not what you think.”
“You ran off with some stranger.” He clenched his jaw. “How’s it not what I think it is?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Then simplify it for me. Why would you leave with a guy that pulled a gun on your own family?”
Anger flared in me suddenly, hot and rough. “They’re not my family,” I snapped. “They’re some fucking guys that work for your brother. I don’t even know half of them.”
Dad’s hands curled into fists. “They’re not family? Listen to yourself, Sam. What the hell’s going on with you?”
“I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this.”
“We’ll talk about it at home,” Dad said. “Now come on. You’re making a scene and embarrassing yourself.”
“Oh, of course I am,” I said, laughing horribly. “You must be so embarrassed of your daughter. Well, guess what, Dad? I’m pregnant, and I’m not staying with you for one second longer than I have to.”
His mouth fell open. The color drained from his skin. And my hands flew up to my mouth.
I just told him that I’m pregnant.
I couldn’t believe I did that. I mean, he had to find out sooner or later, but to yell it at him in the park?
That was the dumbest thing I could’ve done.
But it was over. I made my choice, and now he knew the truth. He probably was putting it all together already, the guy I left with, this sudden baby. He’d figure out that I went to that orgy party eventually, too.
I was dead. Truly, totally dead.
So I turned to run.
But I didn’t get anywhere. The two Healy guys my dad brought with him grabbed me before I could bolt. One wrenched my arm behind my back and the second guy grabbed my other hand. Together they dragged me back to my dad, kicking and screaming.
Dad stared at me for a long beat, then slapped me hard across the face.
Nessa jumped like she’d been the one hit.
My ears rang from the blow. Dad did it again, breathing hard, and looked like he wanted to hit me a third time, but stopped himself.
; “Bring her home,” Dad said, and turned away.
The two guys followed, dragging me along with them.
I could scream. I could make a scene. But this whole area was Healy territory, and at least half the houses were owned by Healy members. Everyone else was sympathetic to the family.
None of the would help me, not if my dad told them to back off.
And so I was dragged off back to my father’s house, and I knew my life was about to be over for good.
Nessa never looked up when they pulled me past her, and she didn’t say a word.
7
Matteo
I didn’t see the whole show. Only the end, only the important part, when some guy slapped Sam twice in the face.
Probably her dad.
They dragged her off and I followed at a distance. I made sure I saw which house they took her into before I rolled past and down the block, head spinning, barely controlling the anger that flooded through my body.
Betrayed by her own best friend. I couldn’t imagine anything worse. If that was how the Healy family operated, then it was a miracle they’d lasted so long.
I circled the block for the next ten minutes before I realized I was being too conspicuous and parked a few blocks over. I sat there staring at the steering wheel trying to calm myself down, but my heart continued to pound, and my hands shook, and all I wanted to do was take the gun from the glove box, march into that house, and murder her father.
He slapped her. He hit her twice, right there in front of those guys and her best friend. I couldn’t imagine anything more degrading and demeaning than striking her in front of other people. I couldn’t picture what kind of man would do something like that to his own daughter. It filled me with a horrible anger, so much rage that I felt like a cup about to overflow.
And in that moment, something else hit me. Something strange, something I didn’t expect.
I realized that I was going to be a father soon.
Months from now, a little less than a year, and I’d have a baby. Sam was going to give birth, and that was going to make me a dad.
