by H. M. Ward
Taking a deep breath, I stiffen and stand my ground. “I was serious, Miss Black. I can’t do this anymore. Mr. Ferro is my last client.” Suddenly, I have no idea what to do with my hands so I fold them over my chest.
Miss Black smiles at me. She’s seated at the table across from Mel, with her long lean legs crossed at the knee with one foot bobbing up and down. She taps the pen once on the paper. “I see. And there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”
“No.”
“No amount of money will make it more enticing for you to stay?” Mel watches the exchange without comment, but her head turns side to side like a dog watching a tennis ball.
Fear prickles my skin, but my voice is firm. “It’s not about money. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not cut out for this.”
Miss Black grins tightly before looking over at Mel. “Well, we can’t make you stay, Miss Stanz. Although we strongly encourage it.” There’s something menacing in her tone. It completely contradicts the light smile on her lips.
I glance at Mel, but she seems just as surprised as I am. Stepping over to Black, I ask, “What are you saying?”
Miss Black stands so we’re eye to eye. Her gaze is intimidating, but I don’t look away and I won’t back up. When Black speaks, she’s so close that her minty breath washes over my face. “That your life will be better if you work here and worse if you choose to leave.” Her mouth hugs each word tightly, like it’s a simple statement and nothing more. A smile spreads across her face that instantly sends a jolt of ice down my spine.
Gabe told me to get out of here as fast as I can. I’m out of options. She’s not letting me quit and talking is getting me nowhere. I wish I could say something else, but nothing comes to mind. The only way out is to agree with her, so that’s what I do. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe more money will make it more tolerable.” My gaze drops to the floor and Miss Black beams at me, and touches my shoulder lightly.
“Excellent. I knew I could count on you, Avery. We are going to be very rich women when this is over. Just wait. Your dream of being a marriage therapist will seem trite in comparison.”
Her words are like barbs. Each one is shot with precision directly into me. Her intention is to belittle my dreams and show me that I can have everything if I stay with her. Black knows she’s losing me, that I don’t want to be here anymore, so she’s throwing logic in my face. It’s difficult to ignore her when she makes so much sense. I’ve worked my ass off for my degree. It’s a piece of paper that will allow me to get another piece of paper that will allow me to finally become what I always wanted to be. When I was younger, I could see myself in a big old house with a little office around on the side. There was a husband and a baby inside. They were dreams and I was content with the thought of middle class life, and trying to get by like everyone else.
But what she just said, the things she is offering, make those dreams seem so fragile. I’ve been walking on cracking ice for a while now, and it’s been growing thinner and thinner. One misstep will destroy everything. Somehow the certainties that I once held have all been snatched away. One rumor, one wrong place at the wrong time, or one accusation could ruin me and I’d be worse off than I am now. Alone, I’d have no way to support myself. Every issue of my life could stabilize if I say yes and continue to work here. I could have my own fortune, and I wouldn’t be subject to the whims of other people. That’s what Black’s offering and it makes so much sense that it hurts. She knew exactly what to say, where to strike.
For a second, I look at Black. My words are meant to find a soft spot in her armor, a longing for a life she let slip away. “What were your dreams when you were my age? What did you want to be, Miss Black?” My tone implies that there was no way she chose this job, but the look on her face says otherwise.
Stepping towards me, her voice takes on a caring tone that sounds too motherly to be coming from her mouth. “I dreamt of power, and was willing to do anything necessary to secure my future. You’d be foolish if you don’t do the same. In the end, the only person you can depend on is you. People come and go, they’re born and die. The only constant in your life is you.”
Numbness spreads through me like poison, lurching from my fingertips to my toes. I can barely move. Black has found something that terrifies me more than small spaces, and this time when an imaginary coffin flashes before my eyes, I’m not trapped in it.
Instead, I’m in a funeral home and looking down at Sean.
CHAPTER 7
I’m not normal anymore. At one time I might have been mainstream, but not now. There are too many nightmares that walk about in daylight, and Black just pinpointed my worst fear. I barely survived my parents’ deaths. I couldn’t make it through Sean’s, and yet, everyone must die. It’s a matter of when and how much time we have left. I don’t suppose other people think about death the way I do. Sometimes I imagine the worst thing possible, trying to brace myself for it, so I never feel so off balance again.
The day my parents died was unexpected. There was nothing to brace me, no one to hold me up. At times like that a person finds out how strong they are, and I’ve started to think that I am not weak. I endured it and I can still smile. I lived through tragedy and still breathe. I got to tomorrow and things looked brighter, but Black saying that—suggesting that one day I’ll be alone again—cut me to the core. She found my weakness.
We leave the building without another word. Gabe has the limo waiting out front, so Mel and I slip inside and get out of the chilly night air. Sighing, I lean my head back against the seat as Gabe drives us in silence.
Mel finally speaks, “Don’t let her get inside your head. That’s what she was trying to do, Avery. Shove her out.”
I wish it were that simple, but Black’s words planted a seed in my mind. The thought is already growing, vining around inside my head like a rampant weed. I don’t want it there, but she spoke the truth. The thought of losing Sean terrifies me. I can’t go back to that life where I was barely glued together. I’m not strong enough to live through it again. “I know, but she knew what she was doing and honed in on something that scares me more than anything. The stupid thing is that I had no idea it was there. I mean, I always said my biggest fear was being trapped inside a closet or something. She blindsided me, that’s all, and it would have been easier to blow her off if it wasn’t the truth.”
“People weave the truth into lies all the time, Avery. It’s the best way to bring someone down, and that’s what Black’s trying to do to you.” Mel glances up at Gabe. Her eyes shift away from him, like maybe she shouldn’t be saying these things in front of him.
“Gabe won’t repeat anything. Say whatever you’re thinking.” I slouch back in the seat, trying to keep my butt from peeking out from under my way-too-short dress.
Gabe glances back at us and nods once. “I don’t hear nothin’.” He stares ahead at the traffic.
“First of all, I feel guilty. I had no idea things were going to turn out like this. I’m sorry, Avery. I really am. And no matter what she says, no matter what she tells you, don’t wade deeper into this shit than you already are. You’ll never get out, and that’s what she wants. I have no idea why, but Black wants you. It’s personal. If you give in and stay, you’ll never get out.”
I’m staring at the floor while she speaks. Mel has a good point, and I want to tell her she’s right so that she’ll stop worrying about me. “Mel, I’m not going back after tonight. This is the last time.”
“Avery,” there’s a warning tone in her voice, “You can’t blow off Black like that.”
Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I ask, “Then how do I quit, Mel?”
“I don’t know. Right now you have too many clients asking for you. She knows how much you’re worth and what it means to lose you. You’re irreplaceable in her head. She said as much tonight.” I give her a weird look because I didn’t think she heard that part of our conversation. Mel wasn’t there for most of it. She rolls her eyes and
huffs. “I was listening outside the door, okay? I told you that I was at Black’s and I was. I just wasn’t in her office yet.”
“What were you doing?” By the sound of it, Mel was doing something she shouldn’t have been.
She shakes her head. “Nothing that you need to know about. You’re in enough trouble, but let’s just say I overheard some of the things she said to you in private, all right, and I don’t like this Avery.” Mel shivers and rubs her hands over her arms. “Something’s not right, not anymore. I mean, getting that many requests is strange. Your price goes sky high and they back off or leave because they can’t afford you. Where the hell are these guys getting their money? You should be unattainable by now.”
“Maybe Black made the whole thing up and the only guy asking for me over and over again is Sean.”
She nods and touches her finger to her lips, unblinking. “Black’s never said that to me, but then again, I haven’t tried to leave.”
For a second, I’m afraid that she still feels guilty. I can’t read her when she’s so still and quiet. “There’s no way you could have known.”
She nods again, slowly bobbing her head up and down, still dazed. Gabe drops us off at the front of the hotel and drives away. Mel and I walk across the lobby without a word. There are so many eyes on me, sizing me up, and wondering what kind of slut I am to be wearing this dress. It makes my pulse race faster, but I manage to hold onto my confident stance and keep my head held high. This is a game, this façade isn’t who I am, it’s an illusion.
Mel and I ride the elevator to Sean’s floor before we step off and head down the hall. That’s when a gush of words erupts from Mel’s mouth. “I was wrong, so goddamn wrong to pull you into this. I said she wasn’t a pimp, that she didn’t do shit like this, and here she is doing it. Avery, I swear to God—”
Mel’s voice is strained and her eyes have that vacant stare that so often accompanies guilt. This isn’t her fault, no matter what happens, I’ll never blame her. I stop abruptly, grab Mel’s shoulders and look her in the eye. “There is no way you knew that Black was like this. I believe you. You’re not responsible for whatever happens next. I’m the one who agreed to come, I’m the one who signed up to be this, and I’m the one who will have to deal with the consequences. It’s not your fault Mel.”
Her gaze falls to the side, like she can’t look me in the eye, which is weird for Mel. “I took you there and said it was safe. I screwed up, Avery.” She’s mad at herself and upset for me. There’s no telling what will happen or how hard it will be to defy Black, but no matter what happens, it’s not her fault. This was my doing, not hers.
“Mel, that night you asked me to go and meet your boss, I could have said no, and I didn’t. After I found out what the job was, I could have said no. I had the opportunity to say no and walk away so many times. The fact is, I took the job and nothing you said made me do it. Everything will be fine. Don’t worry about it.” That’s a big fat lie. I have no idea how everything will work out. It feels like I have a pack of pissed off people snarling and circling. Black can lunge at me with her fangs bared at any time. With my luck, it’ll be tomorrow.
Sean’s voice comes from over my shoulder. “Don’t worry about what?”
CHAPTER 8
When I turn around, his eyes ravish me, boldly lingering in places they shouldn’t. I smack his chest and scold him, “Stop it!”
Sean grins so hard that dimples appear on his cheek. Oh God. They’re like little lickable magnets and they’re pulling me in. He could recite a poem about water buffaloes right now and I’d have no idea what he’d said.
Sean presses his finger to the end of my nose, making me blink. “If you didn’t want me to look, then you shouldn’t have worn that dress.”
“I didn’t. Black made me change.”
His smile broadens. “Then, this should be fun.” He takes my hand and presses a kiss to the back of my palm, making butterflies erupt in my stomach. It’s a school girl response and although I try to squash it, I still giggle. Sean’s smirk changes slightly, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of me. Holding out his other hand to Mel, he says, “Come along ladies. I have our night all planned out.”
Mel gives me a weird look and slips her palm into his. We follow Sean into the room and let the door close behind us. Sean drops Mel’s hand and squeezes mine once before letting go. “Avery, I need to talk to you about earlier, but from the sound of it, I already know what’s happening.”
“What do you mean?” Mel asks, as she sits down on the chair by the desk. “What happened earlier?”
“One of Black’s guys saw us together,” Sean explains. “Gabe showed up and warned Avery before things got ugly. Your employer thought you girls were dishing out on the side.”
“No, I don’t think that’s the problem,” I explain. “Black’s doing something. I tried to quit tonight and she wouldn’t let me.”
“Tell me what happened, and don’t leave a thing out.” Sean leans against the wall and folds his arms over his chest. He’s wearing a dark suit with the shirt still buttoned up to his neck and a blackish blue tie. It looks like he was at work, either that or he dressed up for the occasion, which is laughable since he said he was giving us a night off. When I get to the end of my story, Sean doesn’t move. He stares into space, and the only way I can tell that he’s livid is the tightening of his jaw. I’m pretty sure he could bite the head off of a chicken right now.
Mel sighs and looks out the window. She’s not stupid enough to mess with Sean when he’s about to blow up. Yeah, but I am. I reach for a candy from the mint dish and peg him in the chest. It leaves some powdered sugar on my fingers so I suck it off and then grab another one. “These are good.”
“Avery, stop.” Sean inhales slow and deep.
I don’t mention the last words Black said to me or the conversation with Mel in the car. That’d be too much for him, and it worries me. Sean doesn’t know what he does to me or how attached I’ve become, but Black sees it. I try to make light of the situation to diffuse some of his tension. “Sean, it’s not so bad. I just have to get out of it and make her not want me anymore. I planned on not showing up but Mel said that was—”
“A stupid idea,” Mel finishes my sentence for me.
“Yeah, so I guess I need to move onto plan B and figure out how to get fired.” I shrug and turn back to the mint jar. Where is all this false confidence coming from? Two seconds ago, I felt like I couldn’t deal with Black and now I’m talking about manipulating her into firing my ass like it’s nothing.
Sean steps up behind me. I feel his warm breath wash over my shoulder. God, he smells good. “So, you want to stop working for Black?”
Turning, I look up at him, and nod. “Yeah, it turns out that I still have a heart and it’s somewhere else.”
Sean tries not to smile. “So, were you going to say yes, Miss Smith?”
“It depends on what you were going to ask me, Mr. Jones.” I’m looking into his eyes and wondering if we can have a future together. I want it more than anything, but I don’t know. There are so many obstacles in the way, and we both have so much baggage. It seems impossible, but when Sean’s with me, it doesn’t feel that way.
Mel gags herself and slams her head on the desk. Sean and I stare at her. When she lifts her head, she scolds us. “People, share that lovey-dovey shit some other time. We have problems right now.” She taps her finger firmly on the desk for emphasis.
Sean clears his throat and steps away from me, like he was caught doing something wrong. As if showing affection is a criminal offense. “So, let me make sure I understand what you want to do, Avery. You’re plan is to go into Black’s, take the clients, and be so horrible that they don’t want you again?” His dark brow lifts, but he manages to ask without laughing or strangling me.
Mel rolls her eyes and says, “Yes,” at the same time I say, “No!”
They both look at me. I sigh dramatically and kick off my heels before pacing and
talking with my hands. They’re flying everywhere. “I won’t sleep with them. I’ll be so revolting that we won’t get that far. They’ll throw me out, and demand a refund. Last time someone refused me, she wanted to fire me—so it should work this time, right?”
“Last time you did that, Black didn’t think you were running your own brothel. Besides, I can’t let you do that.” Sean is staring at me. His arms are folded together and I realize that he never talks with his hands. I’m pretty sure that if I couldn’t move while I was talking, I’d fall over.
“The other option is to not show up.”
Mel shakes her head. “Black will hunt you down to make sure you’re not dead in a gutter or something. You can’t no-show. And when she finds you alive, you’ll wish you were dead.” There’s a moment of silence and then Mel finally asks, “Why’d you two add me to your little freak show tonight? I mean, I wasn’t going to ask. I was just going to wait and see, but no one has said anything and I’m out of patience.”
Jabbing my thumb at Sean, I tell her, “He’s giving us a night off.”
“No way.” Mel’s perfect eyebrows lift in surprise.
“Way.”
“Well, then…” Mel kicks off her heels, and takes off her earrings and lays them on the desk, before adding, “I’m really glad, because I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Avery’s boney ass.”
“Ha!” I turn to Sean with my jaw hanging open and my finger pointing at Mel. “I told you that she didn’t like me!”
Sean shrugs like he wasn’t all that committed to the idea. Mel watches us before blurting out, “What the fuck are you two talking about, because if you think I’m gay because I’m a good friend, I might have to beat the shit out of you, scary Ferro reputation or not.”
Sean holds up his hands, palms toward her. “No offense meant. I just noticed how much she means to you and thought there might have been more there.”
