by Brown, Tara
I turn and Laertes is there, standing in the cloisters with us. He has his hands in his jacket pocket and tears in his eyes. They’re fixed on my belly. The date in the Oxford guidebook is today. He was telling me to meet him here today. He knew he would come, all along. His lips part to say something but I turn and climb over the small stone wall, hurrying out into the grass again.
My stomach aches, making me pause and hold it. I close my eyes and cling to the one beautiful thing I have left. A stabbing pain brings me to my knees.
I’m certain the thing I expected to happen the entire pregnancy is now happening. I’m losing my baby.
“Get the car!” Lucas shouts as he runs to me. I try to move away from him but it hurts. He lifts me in his arms and starts running, bouncing me.
“O, how could you not tell me?” Laertes shouts as he helps me into the car. “This is the sort of thing family tells each other about!” He’s panicking and I want to kick him in the face and point at Lucas. But my whole stomach is tensed and I’m terrified.
Laertes drives like a crazy person while Lucas holds me to him. When we reach the hospital, Lucas insists on carrying me in and I can’t fight him. Not right now.
They’re both shouting and causing chaos until finally a calm nurse comes to us.
“Can I help you?”
“It hurts,” I mutter, holding my belly.
“How far along?”
“Twenty-two tomorrow.” I gasp.
“Okay, let’s get the doctor to take a look.” She helps me from Lucas’ arms. “Which one is the father?”
“Neither,” I lie and walk down the hall. She gets a wheelchair and helps me sit, taking me away from them. When they’re out of my sight, I start to feel better. The pain subsides and I can get my breath.
It stings a little to get onto the examination table, but I manage. My doctor comes in, smiling. She’s about fifty and a kind woman. “What’s happening here, Helen?” she asks, using the name I told her I prefer. “It’s Christmas Eve, you can’t have this baby yet.” She winks and brings the ultrasound machine in.
“I got a crazy pain and my stomach got really tight.”
“Is it still there?” she asks as she smothers my belly with the cold jelly.
“No.” I take a couple of deep breaths, noting the strain on my ribs now. It’s a small amount but I can feel it.
“Well, let’s have a look, shall we?” she starts moving the wand. Within seconds, we hear the heartbeat, making us both sigh. “What were you doing when this happened?”
“Fighting with someone. Screaming and crying. I struggled to get out of his arms.”
“Are you safe?” she questions softly.
“Completely. It wasn’t like that.”
“Okay.” She continues and shakes her head. “I’m not seeing anything. Do you mind if we do an internal?”
“Of course not.”
She closes the door and I drag my pants down like this is a bad date. She hands me the gown, but I wave her off, putting my feet in the stirrups for her. She changes her gloves and positions herself. I close my eyes and take many small breaths. My brain tries to take it to the place it shouldn’t. But I fight it.
Her fingers enter me.
“Unclench,” she says, something she has said a hundred times, I’m sure. “Everything feels good. There’s no blood. I think you were worked up and stressed and the baby responded. They do that, the little buggers. They let us know when enough is enough.” She pulls her hand out and takes off the glove. “Bed rest for a week and then see how you’re feeling.” She smiles wide. “Happy Christmas, Helen.” She leaves and I sigh a deep relief.
I’m lying half naked and exhausted when Lucas comes into the room. I nearly grab for my pants, but he picks up a blanket from the stack and lays it over me. He takes a seat and stares at my stomach. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t care.” I shake my head slowly, still staring at the ceiling.
“Is she decent?” Laertes asks as he comes in. He closes the door and pulls out his phone.
“What are you doing?” I ask harshly, trying to stay calm.
“Is the baby okay?” Lucas asks.
“Fine, but the stress of you two nearly made it not fine. I have to stay calm and relaxed.” I took another deep breath. “I’m going to say this very calmly, but you should not take the words that way. I hate you both. I will never forgive either of you for this. Nothing you say can change it. Please leave and never come back.”
“Is that what you really want?” Lucas’ voice is soft and sad. His eyes try to lure me there, into the storm. “I’ll do whatever you want but you have to mean it.”
I turn to tell him to leave but our eyes meet and I’m sucked in. My self-preservation is pathetic. I don’t repeat the request, I stare.
“We have to show you something,” Laertes says, holding up his phone and pressing play on a newscast from back home.
“After an exhausting five months, the Justice Department with the help of the FBI, have made arrests in connection to the fires in New Denmark at the Agard estate and the Jacobi mansion. The trail of breadcrumbs apparently led back to the New York crime families, and none other than our city’s own Prince Fortinbras. The DA’s office has made seventy-five arrests with hundreds of charges ranging from racketeering to extortion to murder and human trafficking. The drug and gunrunning industry just took a major hit and now we will all wait and see what political names come pouring out of the evidence at some of these trials.”
Laertes turns the phone off.
“You went rogue?” I’m stunned. “You worked with the DA in New York?”
“I lied to you the day we found the note from Father, the one to hunt down Dr. Dupree. Father left me two anagrams. I only showed you that one. The other led me to the DA’s office. Father had started the takedown of the Jacobis and Fortinbras right before his death. I looked over everything and realized I had no other choice.” Laertes sits on a stool and sighs. “Once I realized Fortinbras had no intention of ever having peace and that he was behind Mother’s assault on the Jacobi family and ours, I knew it would never end well.”
“But you sent me right to him.”
“It was the deal I made to lure him to Elsinore. It was also why I sent Alice. She’s the best in her field. I knew she would save you and you would escape. I didn’t think she would let you come to Elsinore for us.”
“But you didn’t tell her anything?”
“I didn’t know who to trust with this trap. It was hanging by a thread.”
His words make me smile and think of Alice.
“I had given her everything she needed to get you out of the country. I was always going to fake your death at Elsinore. You showing up was obviously helpful in adding you to the losses, but Fortinbras nearly got you back.” Laertes is far smarter than my father ever was. “The plan was to fake Lucas’ death and send him with you. But he shot Claudius and his mother killed herself as a result of them both dying. Which left a lot less Jacobis for the jail cells. The FBI found the tunnel and met us there, arresting Lucas until he turned evidence for them. I think they always planned on double-crossing us, assuming he was more involved in everything than he was.”
Lucas nods. “They refused to let me go until they had a solid case against Fortinbras.”
“Are you still dead?” I ask him sarcastically.
“I am. Just another dead Jacobi. A tragedy.” He shrugs.
“O, I swear to the gods of every religion and whatever else I have to, my life, we didn’t mean for this to happen. And we couldn’t trust you to know the truth. It put you in danger. Michael, Deborah, and Branford told us not to pull you into this. They kept you closed off from us. But Deborah watched you. I knew she would bring you back and help you better than anyone could.”
“Where is she?” As if perfectly timed, Deborah’s shrill voice shouts in the background. Laertes winces as he opens the door to her scowl. “You little shits. You’re lucky you didn�
�t give her a heart attack.” She bursts through the door, coming right for me. “How are you, my dear? How’s our bean?” she asks and places a hand on my belly.
“I got stressed. The bean didn’t like it.”
“Of course not.” She glares at Laertes and Lucas. “I told you two, not like that. You had your romantic ideas of seeing her in the cloisters, but all you did was scare the shit out of her. I’ll have no more of that nonsense.”
Both men agree with timidity.
“Let’s go home. I’ll make you a hot water bottle and fix you a snack,” she coos and caters to me like before. It happened around the fourth month of being pregnant.
“You knew all this time, too?” I ask her, earning a mournful stare. “You knew Lucas was alive?”
“I wanted to tell you, but one slip and it all goes away. Fortinbras escapes before they could charge him. We really were doing what we thought was best.”
“I hate you all. Get out so I can get changed.” I wave them away. Everyone but Lucas leaves. He closes the door and locks it, I think so Deborah can’t come back in. “I said leave.”
“No,” he refuses and leans against the door. “Why didn’t you tell Laertes about the baby?”
It takes me a second to admit it, “I didn’t want to hurt him. I had a piece of you that he would never have.”
He nods and fights a smile. “We’re having a baby.”
“I’m having a baby.” I remain indignant about the issue.
“No.” He walks to me, slowly but surely, and puts his hands on my cheeks gently. “I love you so much and I missed you.” He scowls. “If I’d been able to tell you, I would have. Laertes too. We knew what this was doing. We didn’t want to do it, we were forced. Now I’m going to kiss you because it’s all I thought about for this past five months, and you can’t struggle because it’s bad for the baby.” He smirks that shitty grin and lowers his face to mine, pressing lips against me. I close my eyes, believing there’s no way this is real.
We don’t kiss so much as we press our faces against each other and breathe in.
He pulls back, giving me the most loving stare.
“I don’t forgive you,” I say, refusing to give in. Even if I love him and I miss him and it’s not entirely his fault that he broke my heart into a million pieces.
“You will.” He flashes his smile at me and as if controlled by magic, the pieces of my heart that had broken off find their way to me from the places I’d left them. The rubble of the Jacobi mansion. The ashes of my home. The retreat. Paige’s mom’s house.
And just as Alice said, the strings holding me together, the tiny and impossibly strong bits that have lasted through it all, stop vibrating. Broken bits of me begin the journey to healing. Not all my wounds will be fixed, that’s life. But some major wrongs are righted in one kiss, one breath.
“Can we go home, O? Please? I worked really hard on picking that place for you, I’d like to actually see it.”
My heart swells a little more. “It’s Helen now.”
“Okay, Helen. Can we go home?” He smiles and melts a bit of the wall around my heart.
“Maybe,” I offer and pull my pants on. We leave the hospital as a herd of chaos. I’m carefully walking while Lucas is obsessing over everything to the tune of Laertes lecturing me on things babies need while Deborah lectures them both about how they will have to take this all very slowly. And no one listens to anyone.
When we arrive home, Lucas slips his hand in mine. I don’t fight him on it. Everyone else walks to the front doors but he leads me to the right.
“I have to rest,” I try to argue but he keeps walking.
“You will in a minute. There’s something I have to do.” He leads me to the side yard and into the garden. He stares out at the white hills behind the house. “This is the place.”
“What place?”
“When I said I could imagine a life in Oxford. This is what I thought of.” He turns and faces the house. “I bought it in secret my first year of university. I had a couple of friends in computer sciences who were smart as hell. They helped me hide the transaction. It was a run-down shit shack back then.” He laughs. “And then we had our night.”
“In your dirty—”
“Don’t say it.” He puts a finger on my lips. “Yes, we had our night, and I knew you were the one. If I were ever going to sneak away here it would be with you. I daydreamed about us running away together. The house was almost finished being redone at the time. I was going to do a traditional home and keep it historically accurate.”
“Yikes.”
“Right, I knew you would say that. I had them change the designs. Make it modern. Because this has always been your house. I just didn’t know how to tell you about it.” He kneels and pulls a small ring box from his pocket. “I’m an idiot. I know you’re never going to forgive me for everything that happened. I’m never going to forgive myself.” He stares into my eyes, forcing me into the storm inside them. “You’re it. You’re everything. And we deserve a fresh start. Today is the first day of mine. And I cannot think of a better way to begin my life, than to ask you to marry me. Because you are everything for me, and I love you with my whole heart.” His voice wavers, brimming with emotions that match his glistening eyes.
My hands lift to my mouth and I don’t know what to say but somehow words fall out, “So many things are different now. I’m different.” I pause, trying to get control of my heartbeat and breathing. “And you’re right, this is a new life. I’m a new me. I’m going to be a mom. I have to think about what’s best for my baby.”
His brow knits and his lips part to argue but I speak first.
“So yes, I will marry you now that you’re having a mild heart attack.” It’s my turn to crack that grin.
He exhales and closes his eyes. “That was mean.”
“Well, I think I owe you about a thousand more of those.” I hold my hand out for him to slip the ring onto. “It’s lucky we’re getting married because I will have nothing but time to torture you.”
He laughs and opens the box, displaying a stunning marquise cut diamond on a thin platinum band. He pulls it out and slips it on my hand. It fits, of course it does.
He stands, taking my hands and staring at the ring on my finger. “Perfect,” he says softly, lifting his stare to mine. “I love you.”
We kiss and seal the deal. Day one of a new life will end with the start of a new journey. An engagement. A wedding. A baby. And a home.
I know at this moment my life is a rebirth. Death had taken me. I was already dead when he came for everyone else. We were old friends, I just didn’t know it yet.
The black-and-white tarot card flashes in my mind, and I finally see it as it comes to life with sounds of kids’ laughter and a house filled with love. The woman in the window looking out is staring at this yard. It’s a dreary day, but she isn’t sad, she’s reflective. She’s grateful for everything she has but takes a moment when her heart is full to remember her losses and celebrate them with the love they deserve.
Because that is what life should be. A life filled with love so that we have something to lose and something to remember once it’s gone.
The End
If you liked this, try Blood and Bone!
What would you do if your life was a lie—and everyone knew but you?
Jane has come a long way from the dark days of the horrific car accident that robbed her of many memories. Living the life of a shopgirl with a charming boyfriend—a handsome, green-eyed doctor named Derek—is so satisfying that she doesn’t want to revisit her past.
But the past insists on revisiting Jane. People keep thinking she’s Samantha, a dead girl who looks exactly like her. Now, Jane is determined to discover her connection to the girl, leading her to question everything from her relationship with Derek to her own sanity. Should she believe Rory, the man who insists she actually is Samantha? Or should she depend on Derek, who offers her love and shelter…but who may have oth
er reasons for keeping her under wraps? Who is telling her the truth—and what are the others hiding?
Buy here!
Other Books by Tara Brown
ROMANCE
The Serendipity Series
Fling Club
He Loves You Not
Blood and Bone
Blood and Bone
Sin and Swoon
Soul and Blade
The Puck Buddies Series
Puck Buddies
Roommates
Bed Buddies
Baby Daddies
The Single Lady Spy Series
The End of Me
The End of Games
The End of Tomorrow
The End of Lies
The Lonely Duet
The Lonely
LOST BOY
Standalone novels
Ophelia
Castaways
My Side
The Long Way Home
For Love or Money
Lost in La La Land
Erotica
Sinderella
Beauty’s Beast
The Club
YA BOOKS
Stones of Amaria
Sword of Mist
Sword of Storms
Sword of Kings
Sword of Stone
The Roses Academy
Cursed
Bane
Hyde
Witch
Death
Blackwater
Midnight Coven
Redeemers and Betrayers
The Royals Series
A Royal Pain
A Royal Affair
A Royal Wedding
Crimson Cove Mysteries Academy
Pretty Girls Die First
The Little Crimson Lies
Third Time’s a Charm
Four Crimson Corners
