Need.
Want.
Desire.
“Fuck,” he gritted through his teeth, his fingers curling into the flesh of my inner thighs, right at the hem of my shorts. I bit down on my lip, the pulse in my core pounding harder than the drums in the music. There was no doubt he could feel it too. A deep growl hummed in his chest that heaved against my spine. His fingers slid under the tiny bit of fabric at my crotch, pumping the air in my lungs frantically. I didn’t move, wanting nothing more than him to continue. The tips of his fingers grazed the cotton of my underwear, tracing my folds.
“Oh god.” I could feel myself open, begging for more, not caring where we were or who was watching.
He huffed in my ear, rubbing a little harder, my lips parting, and my body already so revved I knew it would take very little for me to orgasm right here.
The idea struck the back of my head with shock. It was painfully difficult to get me off. My ex complained about it all the time. That I was too frigid. Too uptight. And a matter of seconds in a full bar, a lot of eyes on us, I wanted nothing more than Smith to make me come right there.
“Shit… you like this,” he mumbled against my neck, his thumb rolling over the bundle of nerves, making me moan lowly. “You like everyone watching.”
I didn’t respond, knowing that was enough of an answer.
“Fuck,” he hissed again. “Kinsley…” I could hear the plea, the hope I would stop him.
My head turned to him, his mouth skimming my cheek as I peered at him. His eyes were dark with need, like I could see all the way through to the things he wanted to do to me.
“We can’t do this,” he whispered, his hand still touching me, but he stopped moving.
“I know,” I said, even as my hips pushed against his hand, wanting more.
His lids squeezed shut, his throat struggled to swallow, and pain flashed over his features.
Buzzzzz.
His cell in his pocket hummed against my ass, feeling like a slap of reality, breaking the bubble we were in.
His hand slid away, the sensation sparking need and humiliation through me. What the hell were we about to do? Withdrawing his body from me, he stepped back with a heavy exhale. Tugging out his cell, he looked down at the number, his brow furrowing. “I need to take this.”
I nodded. Cold. Humiliated. Angry. Ashamed.
Glancing around the dark room, I saw several groups staring over at us in a mix of longing, shock, and desire. Some of the girls glowered at me—some with envy and some like I was a tramp.
Smith slid through the throng, most parting for him like he was some king, his cell pressed to his ear heading for the door.
Eyes burned into me. Some guys nearby crept toward me like I was now available for their enjoyment.
Screw this.
Following Smith, I broke out the doors of the sweltering dive bar into the mild night, the difference expanding my lungs like I hadn’t breathed in days. The slight briskness cooled my heated skin.
“Shit, Chance.” Smith’s rough voice jerked me to the side, his outline absorbed by the thick shadows against the end of the building, his back to me, his physique tight with tension. “How the hell did she find my place?” Smith grunted as he scoured his head, his hair going every which way, only making him sexier.
“Thanks, man, for letting me know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, pacing around. “Like she didn’t make my life horrific enough. They took over three years from me… Yeah, I know you get it. Fuck, man, somedays it feels like I never got out, you know?” His head bobbed, listening to the person on the other end. “Okay, thanks for calling.” He paused, then snorted, his fingers rubbing his nose again. “Don’t ask. I almost made the dumbest mistake.” Like an arrow shot through the night embedding into my chest, I sucked in. Did he mean me? “Yeah, I know. Add it to my list. I have to get laid.” He leaned back against the brick building with a sigh. “Call me if she comes around again. Say hi to Aubrey.” He pulled the cell away, hitting the button to end the call. He took another deep breath, slamming his fist against the wall. “Fuuuuucckkk,” he bellowed, causing me to jump.
His head jolted at my movement, his eyes landing on me, burning through the dark, pinning me in place with power. The boy I had known once was no longer there. Right now all I could sense was danger, mystery, darkness, and a beast rumbling inside, clawing to get out. In a blink he could tear me apart. Open me up and obliterate everything around me… all my safety and tethers to this world.
The need for him to do it planted my feet in place. I had kept my life so safe and confined, nothing tempting me to break free… until him. The man I couldn’t have. The one I shouldn’t want.
He pushed off the wall, prowling toward me.
Sucking in, I lifted my chin as his physique loomed over mine. His eyes searched mine, looking for something. I didn’t move or speak, needing him to take the first step. The moment he touched me, I knew everything I had been telling myself would vanish like fog, bleeding into the night air until nothing was left but what I really wanted. Not Kasey or Kyle, or even this mysterious woman. But what I wanted.
He kept his expression stone, but I watched the debate in his eyes, the way he curved down to me, his full bottom lip so close my tongue ached to trace it, to bite down and mark him.
His throat bobbed, his mouth opening to speak, his sentence taking time to register in my head. “We should get back… I’m sure Goat needs to pee.”
I blinked, my brain not fully wrapping around the words. He brushed past me, leaving me standing there with my mouth open. That was not what I was expecting. Was I the only one feeling this way? Like the connection between us was spun with a thousand spiderwebs, vibrating through me, linking me to his every moment.
I exhaled, my body still thumping with need as my brain slowly came back to reality. Was that all I was? Convenient? A means to an end? But nothing more. Just my luck. I finally felt something, and it wasn’t only one-sided, but for the completely wrong guy.
Following him back to camp, we didn’t speak the entire way.
Goat yipped and jumped around us when we got back, licking our faces and circling us with utter joy.
“I’ll take him for a walk.” Smith grabbed his leash, Goat happily bounding after him, their silhouettes disappearing in the dark, Goat’s tail wagging.
I groaned, dropping my head into my hands as I fell back on the bed. Even my dog was enraptured with him.
I got ready for bed using the public bathroom. Returning, my feet came to a halt. Smith was ripping off his shirt, his back muscles flexing, his jeans hanging low enough to spot the dimples on his ass. His back was liked a carved piece of art. Broad muscular shoulders, gradually tapered down. He turned around, starting to lay down his bedding, his deep V-line on display.
My throat thickened. Alcohol still simmering in my blood, my body still craved a release… and it wanted it with him. How did I even look at the other guy at the bonfire? Honestly, I don’t think I did. I was using anything to make me not look at the man in front of me. Goat snuggled on the bedding Smith was trying to lay out, making it difficult.
“Hey, little man.” He chuckled. “You’re not helping.”
“Technically, you did win the first bet.” My mouth opened, words spilling out, my sanity deciding to pass out cold. I leaned against the back door of the van, my gaze meeting Smith’s. “The bed is yours.”
“You won,” his voice rumbled, goose bumps covering my skin.
“I kind of cheated.” Liquid courage spoke over the doubt and fear balling in my chest. “How about a compromise? We can share.”
He didn’t move, a nerve along his neck twitching. “Probably not a good idea.”
“Most likely my worst one ever,” I said honestly.
He swallowed. “You sure?”
Fuck, his voice could go so low it vibrated my bones.
“Yes.”
We both knew this was beyond dumb. The stupidest idea ever. Far w
orse than him coming with me on this trip. But no matter how idiotic, I still barreled forward, wanting him near, his rich smell coiling in the sheets and pillows.
For another beat he didn’t move, icing my veins with humiliation. He was going to call me out, turn me down… laugh.
A sound echoed in his throat that laced between my thighs. He moved forward, Goat jumping up, following him to the back of the van, leaping up on the bed. My gaze latched on to my dog, following him up, acting like it was no big deal Smith’s hand had been up my shorts earlier. We could pretend it never happened, that no line had been crossed yet.
In my sleeping shorts and a tank, I crawled under the covers, scooting all the way over to one side. Without a word, Smith tugged off his jeans, staying in his boxer-briefs. I tried to pretend I didn’t notice the huge bulge or the way my body quaked at his nearness.
Smith climbed in, taking up most of the full bed, his leg brushing mine.
“Sorry.” He jolted back.
I swallowed roughly. Shit, this was really, really stupid.
Goat settled between us at the end, peering back and forth between us, almost looking like he was smiling.
It took a moment for us to get comfortable, the silence in the air strained and awkward.
“What happened earlier?” I asked bluntly.
Smith tucked his arms under his head, staring out at the glinting night sky, several campfires still flaming around us. “The past.”
I turned on my side, tucking my hands under my head, staring at his profile. Feeling my gaze, his eyes darted over to me.
“A part of my life I’d like to forget.”
“But it won’t let you.”
He peered at me again, startled. “No.”
“Who is the woman? Is she the complication?”
He smirked, looking back out. “You could say that.”
“Did you love her?”
He exhaled, not answering for a long time. “I did.”
I couldn’t stop the stab I felt in my chest, his next words twisting in my gut.
“So much. She was the first woman I really loved. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. And I paid the price for that.”
“Oh.” I struggled to swallow, keeping my face blank, but he still heard the strain in my voice, turning his head. “I’ve never felt so consumed by someone.”
“Really? You never been in love?” His eyes tracked mine.
My throat growing so thick I barely got out my response. “No.”
His blue eyes studied me, as if he was seeking the truth in my answer. Feeling like he was stripping me bare, I looked away.
“What’s her name?”
“Becca,” he said softly.
My chest felt like it was strangling me, but I forced my voice to stay neutral. It felt different, she was more real. Here.
“You still love her?”
His head jerked forward, his lips pinched, the reaction feeling like enough of an answer. And against my will, I felt my eyes start to water.
“It’s complicated.”
“You’ve said.”
He turned his head to gaze at me intensely, taking in my response. “Kinsley…”
“What?”
“This can’t happen—”
“You’ve said that already too.” I knew it couldn’t, but I still felt… gutted. The yearning to lean over and kiss him itched my mouth, making my hand rub my lips. What was wrong with me? Not even four days ago I would have thought I’d ever have been feeling or thinking this way. Though I think it had been there from the moment he walked up to me in the garage. Tonight all the facades dropped. I didn’t simply like Smith, I craved him.
No different from all the girls I used to make fun of.
“Your sister has been texting me.”
My gaze shot to his.
“She seems… eager for a reunion.”
“She thinks you’re the one.”
“What?” He coughed out a laugh.
“The one who got away.”
He twisted onto his side, propping his head on his hand, staring down at me, his voice trailing over my skin like gravel. “I can’t be the one who got away… I was never caught by her.”
I sucked in, his eyes stripping me of any barrier I tried to put up.
“Don’t underestimate Kasey. When she’s set on something, she always gets what she wants. Always.”
“Not always.” His gaze didn’t relent, making my body swirl with heat. “What about you, Kinsley? What happens when you set your sights on something you want?”
The liquor still dominated my blood, and I propped on my elbow, mirroring him. “I don’t know.”
“Why?” he asked. “You are just as smart, stubborn, and determined as your sister… and unbelievably beautiful. Do you even notice the guys who trip over themselves to be near you?”
My heart pummeled against my ribs. “No.”
“Your sister would. She loved the attention… but that’s what makes you even more stunning… you don’t.” He inched closer to me. “So, tell me… what makes you stand in your siblings’ shadows?”
I felt raw. Bare. Exposed. Licking my lips, I inhaled, my attention intently on him. “I guess I never wanted something bad enough.”
“Do you now?”
“Yes.”
Smith’s nose flared. “This is stupid.”
“What?”
“This whole thing. I shouldn’t be here with you. In this bed or on this trip. The moment you walked into the shop, I should have walked the other away.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He stared at me, staying silent.
“Can I ask why didn’t you just fly? Why was it me or you weren’t coming at all?”
He rubbed at his head, not looking at me. He didn’t say a word, but somehow, I realized the answer.
“You’re afraid.”
His head jolted at the last word, his lids narrowing.
“You don’t like to fly.”
“It’s more than that,” he muttered. “It’s confined spaces. Being stuck in a place I can’t escape.” His chest moved up and down. “Why I don’t mind sleeping under the stars, or in here, as long as I feel fresh air.”
“You’re claustrophobic.”
“Not exactly.”
I waited for him to go on, but he didn’t.
“You could have rented a car.”
“Honestly, it was Kyle who kept pushing. Going back there is the last thing I want to do. I left, promising myself I’d never return. But Kyle made it sound like you were already heading to get me. It was all set.”
“Told you.” A smile tipped my mouth. “There is nothing either of them can’t get when they want something. Always been this way.” My focus again going to Smith’s chest. Damn, he was attractive. Rugged. Rough. Bruised and broken in his beauty.
He was a man… needing a woman. I felt like a gangly kid with no clue what I was doing.
“Kasey will not give up. And honestly, why wouldn’t you want her again?” Insecurity washing over me. “She’s even more beautiful, smart, has her shit together. She’s perfect.”
A growl echoed off the walls, his body twisting to me, his eyes blazing. “I don’t want perfect. I want real. Fierce. Genuine.”
He moved to me like an attacker, pushing me into the bed, his hands gripping my face, sliding into my hair roughly, his fingers knotting into my scalp, igniting fire down my vertebra. He didn’t kiss me, but his mouth grazed mine, breathing me in. His weight moved between my legs, his thin boxer-briefs doing little to contain his size. His erection rubbed against me as he rolled into me. My back curved, a moan puffing from my mouth, desire bursting from me like a pinata.
“Don’t you fucking get it? Perfect destroys, kills what is wild, raw, and beautiful,” he rumbled, pushing himself harder into me, the fabric of our clothes creating friction shooting sparks over my vision. I went to kiss him, but he twisted his head, his mouth scraping up my neck, biting the tender part
behind me ear. Like a switch, the quiet nerdy girl turned feral.
I liked sex. Enjoyed it. But it sometimes felt like I went through the motions, my brain never shutting off. She was gone. Nothing in my head now except need, like an animal set free. Primal and driven by desire, my hips dragged over him, causing a noise to vibrate in his chest, turning me on even more. I wanted him inside me. Claiming me. Breaking and devouring me. I no longer cared who he was meant for or if it was wrong.
I just wanted.
Reaching down for his briefs, he caught my hands, pinning them above my head with one hand. “No.” His free hand pushed up my tank, slightly below my breast, his fingers crept under the fabric, his palm cupping and rubbing over my nipple, pinching it, shooting desire straight to my core.
A loud groan came from my mouth as he trailed his fingers down to my shorts, dipping below the waist. “I wanted you to come in the bar in front of everyone… right on my fingers.”
A mix of desire and embarrassment at his directness, because I also wanted it. It only turned me on.
With a sweep, he shoved my underwear to the side, his fingers sliding through my folds. I was so wet and ready for him he moaned as he slid easily into me. “Oh fuck, Kins, you feel so good.”
I bucked against him. Two fingers dove deeper inside, dragging out, hitting ever nerve. I lost all sense of time or awareness as he pumped into me, adding another digit.
“Shit, Nettles,” he hissed. “So wet and tight… I want to fuck you so bad. To be deep inside you.”
“Yes.” I wanted that too. Painfully so. I had never felt like this before. How did this feel a million times more intense than full sex with Ethan? “Please…” I begged.
His jaw grit together, agony slicing his face, but his actions became even more determined. He rolled and rubbed against me as his hand moved faster with skill that ripped the air from my lungs.
“Oh god! Smith… please!” His thumb rubbed over my core, and I became desperate as I felt my climax rushing to the ledge.
He gripped my hair, yanking my head back, his mouth nipping at mine, but he still didn’t kiss me.
We were frantic, needy, moving together.
“Shit, Kins,” he growled, curling his fingers, striking so deep I cried out his name, feeling the rush flooding me. His fingers pinched down on my clit, exploding the world around me, my climax shredding through me like a hurricane, lifting my body like I was possessed, clenching around him. He didn’t let up sparking more sensations through me until my body collapsed, heaving for oxygen.
Smug Bastard: A Hero Club Novel Page 11
