“Didn’t believe it then either.” She sighed. “I can see it in your eyes. Pain.” My head jerked to her, my heart thumping against my ribs. “You hide it well. Most wouldn’t notice, but a mother knows when her baby is hurting.”
I swallowed.
“I’m not going to make you tell me, though I have my suspicions, but know I notice.” She touched my face. “You have always thought you were hiding in the shadows of your brother and sister, but you never were, Kinsley. You were standing on your own, and if you just stepped to the side, let yourself be your own person, stop comparing yourself to Kasey and Kyle, you’d see you were always shining.”
My throat closed in around me, my lids blinking rapidly.
“Though I see sadness, I also see a fire you in I’ve never seen before. Whatever happened on your road trip… ?” She tapered off, her tone leading. “I think it was the best thing for you. Don’t let that spark go, sweetheart.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to talk.
“And don’t let your sister dictate something she has no right to.” She smiled coyly at me. “We both know Smith has never been nor will ever be Kasey’s.”
Puzzlement crinkled my head. “What does she—”
“Please. I’m not that old or that clueless.” She waved to someone passing by. “For once, don’t let her take something you want. If it’s yours, fight for it.”
“It’s not mine—I don’t want—” My lie wouldn’t finish, sticking in my throat.
“You can lie to you yourself, but not to your mother.” Mom squeezed my hand as she walked away, heading for Amie’s parents, leaving me staring at the table in bewilderment and emptiness.
She was right; he would never be Kasey’s.
But he would never be mine either.
Smith Blackburn was already taken.
“A signature drink, miss?” The bartender grinned at me when I came up, my feet aching from the heels, the gorgeous pale gray Adrianna Papell bridesmaid’s dress itching my skin like a rash. “A berry rose mojito.”
“Hell no.” I shook my head, the dozens of bobby pins dug into my head holding up the loose hair braided around my skull, the rest tumbling down my back in waves. “Give me a bourbon.”
“Girl after my own heart.” The bartender winked, pouring me a hefty glass, the rich notes of vanilla, oak, and caramel feeling so familiar tears stabbed at the back of my lids. I never drank bourbon … not before him, but now it felt so comfortable and familiar. The smooth taste reminded me of Smith, especially the first night when he plucked nettles out of my ass.
Jesus, Kins, you are being such a fool. You were only together one night. Granted, it was all night and morning, and it was beyond mind-blowing, but it wasn’t a relationship. You really knew him for just over a week.
The organ in my chest didn’t seem to care, aching like it had been years.
Happiness and joy swelled in the air around me, rubbing at the empty feeling in my heart. The day was ordered up to perfection. The sun shining, a few puffy cotton clouds dotting the sky, birds chirping, the temperature in the mid-70’s, humidity uncharacteristically low for late June.
It seemed even Mother Nature was a fan of my brother, giving him and the new Mrs. Maxwell an impeccable day.
The large outdoor wedding at the stunning Glen Manor House was full of laughter, joyful tears, and sweet moments. I was so happy for them. They deserved all the happiness.
“Kinsley?” A man’s voice pierced my spine, zinging into the back of my throat, the taste of bile covering my tongue. “Is that you?”
Schooling my face, I turned to the intruder, looking at the guy who had destroyed me in high school.
Jason Pennington.
A few pounds heavier and more grown up, but overall the same jock I remembered from school. Except now I saw no appeal in the guy I used to think was so cute.
He stood there, dark blond hair slicked back, cut short on the sides, cleft in his chin, hazel eyes, average height. He was handsome, but in a boring vanilla way. I couldn’t believe I ever thought this guy was worth my time.
“Jason.” I held back the rush of disgust flooding my veins. “What are you doing here?”
Practically the entire town was here, but my brother was five years older than Jason, and knew from around town he was a prick. He would never have invited him.
“Leigh.” He nodded to one of Amie’s bridesmaid. “We’re sort of seeing each other.” But his eyes moved over me hungrily. “It’s really good to see you.” He licked his lip, his gaze raking down every inch of my body, making my skin crawl.
“Too bad I can’t say the same.”
“Oh, come on.” He tried to laugh it off, his smile feeling smarmy. “You aren’t still mad at me, are you?”
“Am I still mad?” I tipped my head, glaring at him. “Let me see… You tricked me to falling for you, took my virginity, then laughed about it to the entire school. What do you think?”
“That was high school, Kins. We were silly kids.” He frowned, like I was the one overreacting. “Don’t you think it’s time to let that go?” He leaned against the bar, looking me up and down again. “It’s in the past. How about we reacquaint ourselves with each other in the present? Get to know each other again.” He couldn’t seem to stop ogling my figure. “Damn, girl. You are so fuckin’ hot now. If I knew then…” He wagged his head, sucking in. “I’d certainly love to spend time with you again. Make up for our misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding?” A booming laugh came from me, giving him a flirty wink. “Oh Jason, you haven’t changed a bit.”
Jason’s smile widened, puffing up with the confidence, thinking his charm was working on me once again.
“You know, my date won’t notice if we disappear for a moment.”
“If I remember correctly, you wouldn’t even need that long.” I set my glass down, my words hinting with fake sweetness, taking him a few seconds to grasp my meaning. “You are still the same sad, psychotic, insecure douchebag who puts himself far above actuality. If we go by your skills in bed, I should have been the one laughing.” I leaned in, my voice going low and taunting. “And I wouldn’t waste a single moment of my time on a man who has no idea how to please a woman. Goodbye, Jason.” I twisted to walk away.
“Kinsley, wait—” He grabbed my wrist.
My mouth opened to protest, but like a shift in the universe, hazing out everything around me, my skin prickled, my head snapping toward the palpable force. A crowd of people moved around near the entrance of the reception, but through the milling figures, eyes cut through, landing on mine.
Everything stopped, my stomach lurching as piercing blue sliced into my soul. I inhaled sharply, my heart hammering in my ears.
He was here.
Wearing a suit. One that was tailored to his body like a glove.
Holy shit.
My body reacted instantly, like a thousand strings linking us, pulling me to him. Craving, needing, wanting.
Smith’s gaze slid from me to the person next to me, the hand on my arm. It was subtle, but I saw his shoulders wrench back, his jaw set, ire flaring in his gaze.
Then the swarm of people talking and greeting him moved, shifting my point of view.
Pop. The budding hope in my chest burst, the pieces splattering wetly on the patio.
Becca.
She looked breathtaking, wearing a dusty lavender dress that fit her every curve and had a high slit up her long, toned leg. Her blonde hair was smoothed back in a low wrapped bun, which only highlighted her stunning features.
Jesus they were beautiful together. TV and magazine perfect.
“I don’t want perfect. I want real. Fierce. Genuine. Perfect destroys, kills what is wild, raw, and beautiful.”
More lies. There was no doubt he wanted to work it out with her.
The pain I had been ignoring all week slammed into me like a freight train, cracking my heart through my chest. It fell onto the pavement, flopping and gasping like
a dying fish.
“Kinsley?” Jason’s voice pulled me back to him. I blinked as if I just woke up from a long nap, confused and unsettled.
Jerking my arm from his grip, I turned, swallowing back the flush of emotion and moving with determination. I couldn’t be here right now. I wasn’t strong enough to hide my pain. Needing a moment to regroup, I hustled for a doorway, when a hand grabbed me.
“Oh my god,” my sister whispered hoarsely, her manicured nails digging into my skin. “He’s here! Smith’s here. Jesus, that man is more gorgeous than I remember. But who the fuck is that?” she hissed in my ear, glaring over at Becca. “Do you know who she is? Why would he bring someone? Is she a friend? Did he say if he was seeing anyone?”
“Kasey.” Her yammering questions pecked at the back of my neck. I was sick of Kasey’s selfish singlemindedness, which was a quality that usually got her what she wanted.
Not this time.
“Seriously, Kins.” She pulled on my arms, facing me fully toward her. “Why did he bring a date? We had sparks between us. He should be here with me.” Her voice was still low but rose with a shrill desperation.
“Kasey.” Irritation nibbled at my last nerve with the need to get away. Even outside, I couldn’t breathe, the dress wrapping around my ribs like barbwire.
“Well, I don’t care who she is. He’s mine. We have a past. A connection.”
Anxiety drilled into the back of my legs, itching them to move. Escape. Run.
“Kasey!” Anger gurgled up. “Stop.”
“She’s not even that pretty, right? I mean, she is, but she looks so stuck up. Smith needs someone with more personality.”
I almost wanted to laugh from my sister thinking she was that girl for him.
“I can’t believe he did this to me.”
“To you?” My voice escalated, fury burning through any compassion I had.
“Yes.” She nodded. “Do you think he did this to make me jealous. To make me realize what I had been missing?”
“Kasey, shut the fuck up! This isn’t about you.” My patience snapped. “That woman…” I motioned behind me. “She’s his wife.”
Kasey stilled, her chest sucking in sharply. “What?”
“Becca. His wife.”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “No, you must have heard wrong. Smith can’t have a wife. He would have told me. We’d know… No, that’s not possible.”
“Why? Because you say so?” I hissed, my temper flaring like fireworks. “Listen to yourself. He’s not yours. He never has been, and he never will be. Stop acting like you have this deep connection with him. You sound fucking psycho.”
She breathed in harshly, her lips parting to speak, but nothing came out, her eyes widening.
“Hey, Nettles.” His deep voice burrowed into my vertebrae like arrows, rushing a wave of heat and adrenaline over me. I couldn’t move or breathe with the feel of him slinking around me like a ghost, licking my skin.
I couldn’t turn around, my façade barely holding up, rotting and disintegrating with every beat of my heart.
“I called you a hundred times. Looked for you…”
I sucked in, fury building in my chest like a bonfire, every word he spoke was another piece of debris on the pyre. How dare he?
“Kinsley… look at me.” His voice held layers of meaning, an intimacy he had no right to have.
His fingers wrapped around my wrist, turning me to face him. Damn. The man wore a suit better than anyone I’d ever seen, twisting my lungs and heart into a knot. His appearance pissed me off more.
He inhaled, head snapping down, his thumb gliding over the significant ink on my wrist, taking in the design, his notice locking on the cactus tattoo. A reminder that I was the strong, fierce, bold, and will endure whatever comes at me.
“Kins—”
“Don’t.” I ripped my arm away. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“Kinsley—”
“No!” I tried to keep my voice low, but it vibrated with anger and hurt. I could see my sister out of the corner of my eye, stepping back, shock and alarm darting her gaze between us.
I no longer cared. “Don’t say my name, don’t call me, don’t look for me. Go back to your wife, Smith. Leave me alone.”
“You don’t underst—”
“Shut up.” I moved closer to him, my chin high, my temper scraping at the seams. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. You are a lying, cheating asshole. Something my younger self already knew. Should have listened to her.”
“Will you listen to me?” he snarled.
“No!” I shook my head. “Because it will mean nothing. At the end of the day, you are still a married man who fucked me in an alley.”
“Whaaaaat?” Kasey exclaimed, devastation streaking her expression, but Smith and I didn’t take our eyes off each other.
His nose flared with vehemence, his jaw grinding together.
“You said you wanted me to hate you.” I stepped backward. Escape. Run. “You got your wish.”
“Kinsley, is that true?” Kasey’s hurt shifted into pure wrath, her expression twisting into a snarl.
“Oh right, I should let you two get reacquainted, rekindle the deep love you had in high school.” My tongue lashed out like a whip, all my pent-up resentment streaming out. “Who am I to get in the way of true love?”
Revolving around, I took off, not thinking about where I was going.
“Kinsley,” he called out after me. I moved faster, slipping through the throng of people, rushing into the mansion, winding through staff with trays of food and champagne, stumbling into the restroom.
I leaned against the sink, grappling for oxygen, my lungs not filling enough to stop the spinning in my head.
Anger fused my bones, but pain tore my insides. And it was all my own doing. I hated I let this happen, that I allowed myself to completely lose my head and fall for this guy. I felt shame at my own stupidity and guilt for hurting my sister.
She was misguided, but what I had done was cruel. I betrayed her. She would probably never forgive me.
Flattening my palms, I tried to regain myself, knowing this day was about my brother and new sister, not about me. I still had to do a toast later this evening, smile, and act like love and commitment were beautiful things, that my soul wasn’t being crushed.
“Get it together,” I scolded my image. “Get through this night. This is about Kyle’s happiness.”
Hate Smith if you need to. Use it.
But as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t seem to truly hate him. Nor did I regret my time with Smith. I missed him, craved him, and dreamed about him, which added to the ache already carving out my chest.
What if you heard him out? What if he had an explanation?
The door squeaked as it swung open, making me wipe my face, putting on a mask, my eyes watching the woman enter in the mirror.
Fuuuuck.
My muscled tightened into armor, guarding me like spikes.
“Kinsley.” Becca’s smooth voice echoed in the empty bathroom, her lids narrowing on me. “I was hoping to find you.” She sauntered up to the mirror, opening her clutch, reapplying her lipstick. “Get some one-on-one time between us girls.”
“Just us two? And here I thought you were here to invite me for a threesome.”
She choked, her face paling for a moment before she regained her composure. “Charming.”
“Never been accused of that before.”
Her lids fluttered, her brows furrowing for a beat, like she had no idea how to take me.
“What do you want, Becca?” I twisted to her. “I know you aren’t here to braid my hair or gossip about boys.” I’d braid her hair into a noose.
She tucked her lipstick back in her bag, facing me. “I came here to warn you.”
“To stay away from your husband.” I finished for her. “Got it. Done. I’m the one who didn’t know, and as soon as I did, I left. He came up to me. So, this conversation sho
uld be with him.”
Her superior gaze bounced over me like I was a filthy urchin. “I don’t get it,” she said brazenly. “What does he see in you?”
I tried to hide the flare of insecurity, the voice asking myself the same question.
“You know I’m not the villain here. Whatever he’s told you, he lied to you,” she said.
“Actually, he said almost nothing about you.” It was meant to be a strike at her, but all it did was clarify how little he let me in.
Her cheek flinched, but she cleared her expression. “There is so much you don’t know about Smith. His past. What he’s done. He’s not the good guy here.” She tilted her head. “And you look like the type who wants the nice man.”
“You know nothing about me.”
“I know more than you think.”
“This is starting to feel like some stereotypical Hollywood movie.” I folded my arms. “Get to the point.”
“Did Smith tell you about his construction business? The one he co-owned. The one I was also a partner in?”
“Yes. He said he didn’t work there anymore.”
“Did he tell you why?” Her sculpted eyebrow curved up. A haughty smile curved her mouth when I stayed silent. “No?” Smug and mocking. She was loving this. Putting me in my place.
“Smith was never satisfied, always wanted more, and when his father’s bills started piling on…”
“His father?” The question came off my tongue without thought, only widening her smug smile, calling out again how little I knew.
“His father is dead.”
How little I knew Smith.
“Yes, because of Smith. His father was on disability, couldn’t pay for his medication. Smith wouldn’t help him… let his father die.” She tipped her head. “You must know how much Smith hated him. What Dan did.”
I did. But would Smith let his father die?
“Instead, Smith was building us a home. We wanted to start a family right away. But the business was not doing as well as he hoped. He thought he might have to sell the property.”
I tried not to react, thinking of him being a dad… of having a baby with her.
“I think you know Smith enough to realize he will do anything for those he loves.” She made it clear she was that person. “He wanted to give me the best, the home of our dreams. So… he started working with shady investors, fixing the books…” She pressed her lips like she had a juicy secret. “He stole from Bryan. Destroyed the company and the friendship.”
Smug Bastard: A Hero Club Novel Page 18
