by Rebel Hart
My heart screeched to a halt. Wait. Was this it? Was it finally happening? “Uh.” Given that I had no idea what NewSem was, it was difficult to lie. I decided to risk a default answer and hope for the best. “I think we’re gonna go as a group. Sydney, her boyfriend Henry, Devon, and I.”
Kai looked almost disappointed. “Oh, like a group date?”
I shook my head. “No, no. Devon is seeing someone. They’ll probably meet up there. I just meant that we’re a little friend group, so we’ll probably all go there together.”
Note to self—immediately ask Sydney what NewSem is and how to make my lies accurate.
A little life flooded back into Kai. “Oh. I thought you guys…” He shook his head. “You know what? Nevermind. If you’re not going with anyone, maybe you and I can meet up there? Spend some more time alone like we were talking about.”
I tried to keep my smile from getting too wide too quickly. “I’d love that.”
Kai didn’t subscribe to the same tactic. His smile stretched his cheeks. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded. “Great! I’m…” He laughed, again nervously. “I’m looking forward to it.”
“Me too.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screeching. I’d have to ask Sydney to be sure, but I was certain that Kai had just basically asked me out.
“All right, everyone!” Adam clapped his hands to bring the class to attention, and I was happy with his timing because I thought I might combust if I continued to sit under Kai’s stunning smile. “Let’s get started.”
The first hour or so of the class was Adam’s lecture for the day. It tied into the projects we were putting together about some of the college writing strategies he’d taught us in the first month of classes and how to put them to practical use. I took notes and did my best to focus, but Kai kept throwing sly glances at me. It felt like getting shot with rubber bullets. He kept eye flirting throughout the entire lecture, which made it very difficult to pay attention. Fortunately, I already knew a lot of what Adam covered, so I wasn’t losing a whole lot, and when Adam finally released us to spend the rest of the time working on our projects, I was happy that I no longer had to fight to stay focused.
“You’re very distracting, you know,” I grumbled at Kai.
“Look who’s talking,” he replied. “You look great on a normal day, but today… I don’t know. I feel like I should pay to sit next to you.”
My inner-teenager was squealing with delight, but I maintained my composure on the surface. “Pay for it by helping me get this project done so that we don’t have to worry about it this weekend.”
Kai nodded. “Deal.”
Kai reached into his backpack and pulled out his computer, and at the same time, his phone rang. He lifted it out of his backpack, looked at the screen, rolled his eyes, scoffed, and tossed it aside, more toward me. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but with him throwing his phone damn near into me, I couldn’t help but peek at who was calling. The image of a familiar knockout blond, who was poking out a pair of duck lips, was on the screen. Taylor’s name and a smiling devil emoji next to it flashed at the top.
“Not gonna answer?” I asked.
“Nope,” Kai replied simply and kept unloading his materials.
“You broke up, right?”
Kai looked at me. “Yeah. We’re not together anymore.”
I imagined Taylor wrapped around Devon and kissing him in my dorm room Monday night, and my blood bubbled with anger. I didn’t like seeing Taylor with Devon anymore than I liked seeing her with Kai. I could write it off as knowing Devon was a good guy while Taylor was evil, but the frustrated knot in my stomach originated from the same place it always did when I saw Taylor all over Kai.
It was jealousy.
How could I be jealous when Devon and I weren’t together? Was it just the ruse of being a couple that was making me feel like things were more real than they were? I didn’t have feelings for Devon… I didn’t think I did, anyway.
“You okay?” Kai’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I thought about Devon and Taylor. Kai still seemed to be under the impression that Devon and I were a thing. He must not know that Devon and Taylor know each other. So, how did Devon and Taylor meet? “Is Taylor in the Dean’s Club, too?” I asked.
Kai shook his head. “No. Why? Are you interested in joining?”
The Dean’s Club, though elite-sounding, was intended more for students who struggled with schoolwork, something I excelled at. “I don’t know that it’s my thing.”
Kai laughed. “You got that right.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “But maybe you should join anyway, and we can spend more time together.”
“Wouldn’t that be a distraction?” I asked boldly.
Kai shrugged. “It would, but I don’t want to be there, anyway.”
I clicked my tongue at him. “You need to focus on your studies.”
Kai leaned in toward me, heat emanating off his body. “Oh, yeah? Or what?”
I imagined being Sydney for a moment. What would she do if she found herself caught up in a sparring match with a guy she liked? I took a deep breath and leaned in, as well, bringing my face to hover just a few centimeters from Kai’s. “I don’t like guys who blow off schoolwork.”
Kai’s eyes and mouth widened a little bit, and then an impressed smile found his face. “Well, that’s a fantastic motivator.” He opened his computer and leaned away. “Let’s get going, then. I want a perfect score.”
It wouldn’t have surprised me if someone told me I was on fire. I’d never been so bold and overt before. I blamed Sydney and Devon, but maybe more Devon than Sydney. I smiled, imagining Devon’s shock if he saw me do something like that. I bubbled with excitement as I imagined running back to the dorm and telling him that his advice had worked. We could maybe get dinner before whatever the hell NewSem was and talk about it. I thought of him smiling at me and calling me some lame name and joking with me about malfunctioning over something so simple. My mind drifted, and suddenly, Devon was on my mind again. Why did he latch on so hard every time I thought of him?
I threw myself into my project as a distraction. It was helpful to continue flirting with Kai, but I couldn’t help but realize how much I had to force it. I was happy to have earned Kai’s interest, but everything I said to him was calculated and thought out. Why didn’t it flow naturally like things did with Devon? If we did start dating, would we eventually get to a place where we could laugh and joke like Devon and I could?
“I think that’s it,” Kai said. “I have a printer and stuff in my room, so I can print it and get it bound for Monday.”
“Sounds great,” I replied. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“Sounds like you two have just about finished,” Adam said as he walked past us. “If you don’t need any more class time, you can go. Have fun tonight, but be safe. I don’t want to lose my favorite student—or Kai.”
Kai and I laughed as Adam walked on to a different group, and then we packed up our items and left the lecture hall. Some of the students had already left, while others didn’t look like they’d be going anywhere for a while. We left about thirty minutes before the normal time class got out, but I was still planning on going to the dining hall and waiting for Sydney.
Kai held out his arms, and I held my breath. Was he asking for a hug? I didn’t quite know how to react, and if I was wrong, I’d die of embarrassment. I tilted my head to the side, trying to play innocent, and Kai nodded.
“Okay, I get it. No bonuses until I pony up, right? Fine.” He put his arms down but seemed amused, and I let out a subtle sigh of relief. “Well, I’ll see you tonight, right?”
I nodded. “Definitely.”
“Maybe I’ll get more than a hug,” Kai said suggestively, and all the alarms in my brain went off.
I swallowed hard. “Maybe.”
Kai’s smile grew. He tapped my arm. “See you later.”
He turned around and started off down the hallway, and I went to the nearest bathroom as quickly as I could without seeming suspicious. I splashed cold water on my face as soon as I got in, and then a few seconds later, the bathroom door opened. I planned to explain myself to whoever walked in, but to my surprise and relief, it was Sydney.
“What’s wrong? Are you oka—” She looked at my outfit and let out a whistle. “Well, hello there. I don’t believe we’ve met.” She held out her hand to shake. “I’m Sydney.”
“Ha, ha,” I replied dully.
“I thought something was wrong when I saw you bolt in here, but now I realize something is definitely wrong. You’re dressed like me.” She gasped. “Is this for Devon?”
I thought about the way Devon looked at me when he noticed it. It wasn’t for him, but he certainly got something from it. “No. It’s for Kai.”
Sydney deflated. “Oh.”
“I think he asked me out.”
Sydney perked up. “Seriously?”
I looked around, suddenly nervous that someone else could be in the bathroom. It seemed empty, but it didn’t abate my fear. “Can we go somewhere else?”
“Yeah. I got out of class early, so let’s head to the dining hall.” Sydney linked her arm into mine and dragged me out of the bathroom.
We went to the dining hall in the student union, gathered our lunches, and found a table. It was still a little early for lunch, but I was glad to be sitting down in a place where I could gush with my best friend.
“Okay,” Sydney said as she scooped a forkful of her salad into her mouth. “What happened?”
“Well, we’re working on this project together. We got together yesterday, and it went really, really well. There was lots of flirting and a little touching. He was very complimentary and sweet. The whole thing.”
Sydney nodded. “Okay?”
“So today, I decided to get all dressed up and see if he’d ask me out, and he actually did. I think…” I took a sip of my juice. “Do you know what NewSem is?”
Sydney chuckled. “Yeah, it’s that big party that the frats and sororities host every year for the entire school. Remember, they plan the Fall Ball on the same day? That girl asked about it during the RA meeting.”
It all came flying back to me. I was so distracted by everything that happened with Sydney and Devon then that I’d nearly blocked everything out. “Oh, that’s right. Well, he asked if I was going and if we could meet up there. Is that asking me out?”
Sydney bobbed her head. “Hard to tell. It probably would have been more obvious if he’d asked to go together.”
“Well, I think that was my fault. He asked if I was going with anyone specific, and I said that you, me, Devon, and Henry were probably gonna go as a group. He got a little weirded out when I mentioned Devon and asked if it was like a double date. He seemed really happy when I said it wasn’t.”
“Oh.” Sydney nodded. “Then, yes. I think he’s implying that he’d like you guys to meet up at NewSem and treat it like a date.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Maybe more than that. He said he wants ‘more than a hug.’”
Sydney dropped her fork. “Wait. Like…” She raised her eyebrows. “Like, you know, it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if I want to lose my virginity at a college greek house, but if it seems like we’re gonna be more than friends, who knows. At least a step in that direction. I know you don’t really like Kai.”
“I don’t,” Sydney cut in instantly, “but only because it seemed like he was playing games with you. If he’s finally getting serious about you, that’s a whole different story.” She picked up her fork and resumed eating her salad. “Even if I’d rather see you with Devon.”
I wanted to argue, but I didn’t. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t quite understand how I felt about Devon, either. I was hoping Sydney would miss it, but she didn’t.
“Oh, I was expecting an argument.”
I shrugged. “I don’t feel like arguing.”
Sydney scoffed. “You always feel like arguing.” She leaned in. “Unless… There’s nothing to argue about.” I bit my lip and averted my gaze, and Sydney screeched. “Oh my god! You do like him!”
“Shh,” I hissed. “I don’t…know.”
“Screw Kai. Go for Devon,” Sydney said.
My mouth went agape. “What happened to, ‘If he’s finally getting serious, that’s a whole different story?’”
“I lied. I just wanted to be a supportive friend. Go for Devon.”
“I can’t,” I replied. “He’s…” I thought about how Sydney might react if she knew Devon was dating Taylor and quickly realized that telling her would be a bad idea. “He’s seeing someone right now.” I waved my hands in the air. “Besides, I’m into Kai. Things are finally moving forward. I don’t want to mess it up. I’m sure whatever I’m feeling in Devon’s general direction is only a result of being cooped up with him. Let it go.”
Sydney ate her salad, shaking her head. “I don’t get it. Devon’s way better looking than Kai, anyway.”
I opened my mouth to fire back but knew that defending Kai would be a lie. I did think that Devon was better looking than Kai, but it wasn’t just about looks. Kai and I had a history. Well, sort of.
Sydney giggled at my silence. “We’ll just see what happens at NewSem tonight.”
“Yeah. We will.”
17
Nina
Fortunately for me, given the string of lies that I’d told Kai to keep from seeming like a lame loner, Henry, Sydney, Devon, and I did end up attending NewSem as a group. Both Henry and Devon had cars, but I learned that Henry doesn’t drink, so he decided to be the designated driver. I wasn’t a big drinker, either. I’d engaged in the typical underage drinking that was a high-school rite of passage, according to Sydney, but liquor made me sick almost instantly. Even the lighter stuff like coolers and beers didn’t sit well in my body, so I was always disguising a non-alcoholic drink inside a red solo cup to try and seem less like a sore thumb among the cool kids.
In the hour before leaving, Sydney came to our room to get dressed. I was grateful for Devon’s participation in the Dean’s Club because it meant that he went directly back to his room after he got to the East Tower, giving me some time to try and get my feelings in line. I liked Kai—there was no doubt about that. I always liked him. For as long as I could remember, that was a truth I lived with, but now there was Devon, and everything seemed different somehow.
It didn’t matter which way I looked at it. I had feelings for Devon. It was different from how I felt when I first developed a crush on Kai, and it was even different from how I felt toward Kai now, after years of pining after him. It was uncharted territory for me and scared the hell out of me. In a way, I was diving all-in with Kai because I didn’t want to think about what it meant to try and navigate things with Devon. Kai was someone I’d wanted for years. I was used to that feeling, and not only did I owe it to myself to go for it if I could finally have it, but it was less horrifying than starting over with someone new.
Sydney helped me pick out what to wear—a black, flowing, silk dress that stopped just above my knees and had pink roses dotted all over it, a borrowed pair of her black booties, and a black jean jacket. She had to fight me tooth and nail to get my hair out of a ponytail so that she could pull it down and curl it. When she was done, she used bobby pins to pin the front back. She let me keep my glasses on, but only in exchange for letting her give me a more dramatic makeup look than I’d ever worn—a bright pink lipstick to match the flowers on my dress and a pale green eyeshadow to match the leaves. She gave me wide wings with the mascara and added some color to my obscenely pale cheeks. When she was finished, she smiled.
She opened the door to her dresser that had a full-length mirror hanging on it and motioned to it. I stepped into view and couldn’t help but let out a gasp. I looked good.
Sydney put her hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay. You can admit that I
did a better job than you would have.”
“Hands down,” I responded.
Sydney slid up next to me in the mirror, showing off her party attire of a tight, strapless, forest green dress that stopped mid-thigh, leaving nothing but her tan legs until her stilettos. Her colorful hair shined perfectly against the darker dress color. Even I had to admit we were a pair of hotties.
She held up her phone to snap a selfie in the mirror and then clapped. “All right. Let’s go show Devon.”
I took a deep breath, still eyeing my image. “I hope he likes it.”
Sydney’s head whipped around. “What!”
I spoke without thinking and didn’t realize what I’d said until it was coming out of my mouth. “Sorry. I thought you said Kai.”
Sydney lifted a matching dark green clutch into her hands and laced one of her over-the-shoulder purses with a gold chain as the strap and a small black pouch for the bag over my head. “Sure you did, sweetheart.”
I rolled my eyes at her. I wasn’t in any position to argue, so I didn’t. I slipped my phone, wallet, and keys into the purse Sydney had loaned me, and then we left the room.
“Hey, girls!” Sydney and I had matching looks of irritation as we looked down the hallway to where Monica was standing in a floor-length, grape-purple dress with puffy, chiffon sleeves. “Headed to the ball?”
Sydney snickered. “Yeah. That’s where we’re going. See you there.”
“Great!” Monica replied with a smile, and I winced.
“It’s kind of sad,” I murmured.
I reflected on Monica briefly. Her nerdy disposition blended with her ignorance of basic human decency and painful innocence. That could have been me if I’d never been friends with Sydney.
“We’re going to NewSem,” I said, turning to Monica again.
“What are you doing?” Sydney hissed at me.
Monica frowned. “I wouldn’t think that is your scene, Nina.”
It really wasn’t. “I like to have a good time. If the ball gets too stuffy, head to NewSem. We’ll get a drink.”
