Butterfly Kisses

by Robin Falcon

  I felt him tense a bit, and I knew it was because he wasn’t used to me playing along so easily.

  “Everything okay, Ry?” He questioned.

  "Yeah, but if you are going to repel all my options then I'm going to reap the benefits of all your fake affection.”

  He chuckled.

  It was nearly the end of my senior year and, to my surprise, he'd finally broken things off with Crystal after nearly a year and a half together. A part of me was hopeful that maybe when we went to college together, he might see me differently. That we’d have our chance.

  Sadie hated when I talked like that, she always told me that sometimes two people weren’t supposed to cross paths until later on in life. She’d always tell me that I met Tyler a few decades to soon and that he’d make a better man, than boy.

  I never really knew what she meant, I’d already met Tyler and it wasn’t like I could rewind the last eighteen years of my life.

  When we finally reached my classroom, it was still empty. I wasn’t surprised considering I was fifteen minutes early. Tyler had a morning class to get to, and the only way he got to walk me in was if we got to class early.

  “You know, it's not entirely fake.” He said, as he set my books down on a desk in the back of the room.

  I looked up at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

  I peeled myself out of his grasp and hooked my bag on the back of the chair. By the time I cast my gaze back up at him, he was looking down at me with that heart shattering grin of his.

  “The affection, I don’t fake that. You will always have a piece of my heart, Ry.” He swallowed as he heard his own words. “You know, as a friend of course.”

  There it was. The constant reminder he always had to voice to me.

  I offered a forced smile as silence fell between us. These moments were always the most threatening, the silent ones.

  “You should probably get to school.” I broke the silence first.

  He hesitated. “Yeah.”

  One of the guys from my class came in and smiled at me.

  “Hey, Ryder.” He greeted me as he took his seat.

  Tyler glared at him. “Who’s the loser?”

  I gently shoved his chest. “Be nice, he's my friend.”

  “Friend, like what kind?” He questioned.

  “The friend kind. What kind of question is that?”

  “Like, you and Sadie friends? Or, like you and I, are friends?”

  I raised an eyebrow at his choice of comparisons. “Is there a difference in the two?”

  He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Then eyed the other guy as he sat down. “There is a difference, and you know it.”

  I pressed him for an explanation. “Such as?”

  I knew the quickest ways to get under Tyler’s skin was acting clueless and implying he didn't have a special claim to me. As a friend, or otherwise.

  I could tell he was irritated by my childish game, but I also knew he wasn’t one to back down.

  Tyler leaned down and nuzzled his lips along my neck, as I took my seat. “Do you practice kissing on all your friends?” He whispered against my ear.

  I tugged at my bottom lip with my teeth, heat rushing over my body. He always toyed with me like this. He loved watching me react to his innocent flirtation. It didn’t mean anything to him, he just liked watching me suffer.

  For me, it only served as a reminder that he hadn’t made a move on me in two, very long, years.

  I shrugged him off. “Only the ones I really like.”

  I’d gotten better with my responses, and sometimes I even ended up getting a rise out of him.

  “Ry?” He growled out.

  I pulled out my textbook and looked up at him “Yeah?”

  He stood over my desk silently for a moment. “I'm still your favorite, right?” He asked, flashing me his smile.

  That smile. Damn you, Tyler.

  “Yes, Ty. You’ll always be my favorite.”

  Chapter 7

  Ryder

  I finished packing my bags and Kirk took them down to his car for me.

  He’d agreed to go with me for the weekend, and that was the only reason I agreed to make the trip back home.

  We’d told my mom we were dating, a familiar trick I used to detour her from any idea of setting me up. However, in reality, Kirk had his own boyfriend. One who was sweet enough to lend him to me for the weekend.

  I met Kirk my first day of college, and we’ve been friends ever since. Which is surprising because I was a mess my first year. I spent most nights crying in my dorm room while Sadie and Kirk tried to convince me to go out with them. They really were amazing friends; I was lucky to have them.

  The only problem was, they weren't Tyler.

  When my second year of college rolled around, I wasn't as bad. I even gave in and went out with them one night. That was the night Kirk met his current boyfriend Micah and I met my ex, Jared.

  At first the relationship with Jared wasn't so bad, he was nice enough and we had fun together for the most part. However, a few months in I noticed he was trying to get me to change the way I dressed and acted around his friends.

  My converse shoes and jeans suddenly didn’t seem to measure up. Not when his buddies’ girlfriends were wearing low-cut tops and short skirts. He also didn’t like the fact I preferred to drink beer and talk sports with his friends while all the other girlfriends hung out together and talked clothes and gossip.

  It ended up only lasting a year before I caught him cheating on me with one of his friend’s girlfriends. What bothered me the most was I didn't even miss him after we broke up. The only part that actually hurt was the reminder that I was never going to be good enough for anyone.

  For the next two years, after Jared, I did have some other brief relationships. Usually it happened when Sadie introduced me to her boyfriend's buddies.

  I didn’t have trouble finding guys who were interested in hooking up. I did, however, have trouble finding guys that wanted to date a girl that acted like one of their “bros”.

  The idea of it seemed to appeal to them at first. A girl that talked sports, played video games, and got along with their friends. They seemed to like having a girlfriend who could take a joke, and flick shit back at them.

  However, then reality would hit them. They started to see me as one of the guys, and less like a girlfriend. Then things would start to slowly get more platonic.

  Most of them would end things, or cheat on me. So, for the last six months, I kind of gave up on finding anyone, and the last thing I needed was for my mom to try to set me up.

  Kirk knew that, and that's why he was my hero for playing along with this charade.

  Especially if I happen to run into Tyler, I needed Kirk there.

  I could still remember the last night I spent with Tyler, and I wish I'd known then that the one thing I wanted most, would be what ruined everything…

  *************************

  He came over to my house to help me finish packing for our trip to the city. He’d just finished his last day at the local community college and was set for his transfer.

  Sadie was going to meet up with us in the morning, and all three of us were going to hit the open road. Our plan was to spend the summer in the city before school started that fall.

  As I sat there in my room packing up, I realized this was the last night I’d have with Tyler before we were off to college. No more; treehouse talks, wearing his clothes home after late night swims at his pool, no more sneaking into his room on the nights I couldn’t sleep, and no more movie marathons.

  Even though we were headed off to college together, I couldn’t ignore the suddenly feeling of what we were leaving behind.

  “I asked Tyson to take my virginity tonight. You know, before we leave for college.” I stated as Tyler thumbed through some of my things on a bookshelf.

  I caught him off guard and he knocked a few things over. “What?” He said in an irritated tone. “I v
etoed him, and you know it. He is leaving state for college. Why would you want to lose it to someone you are never going to see again?”

  “Ty, that’s such bullshit. You veto every single one of our friends and they are the only people who actually give a damn about me.”

  “Ry, I said no.” He spat out and I instantly got pissed off.

  “I’ve never used my vetoes on any of the girls that you liked! Plus, you can’t just tell me what to do!”

  He walked over towards my bed, where I sat cross legged and yelling at him.

  “This is ridiculous. None of the girls I hook up with came from our group of friends. Everyone knows you don't date friends, Ry! It ruins friendships and I’m going to kick his ass just for agreeing to it.”

  “Ty, don’t you dare!”

  “Then promise me you won’t!” He demanded.

  I threw my hands up. “Fine, I’ll just remain a virgin until some asshole takes it in college.”

  He shrugged. “No, I’ll be there. I’ll use my vetoes on all those assholes too.”

  “Ugh!” I yelled and he only laughed like the entire thing was a joke.

  “It’s not funny! It's either you, or Tyson. So, pick.”

  He stilled at the edge of my bed where he stood. “What do you mean pick?” He glared as he questioned my ultimatum.

  I went quiet for a moment, wondering if I should laugh off the suggestion or press it further. “Exactly what I said. Either you take it, or Tyson will.” Well, no turning back now.

  “I’m not taking my best friends’ virginity, Ry. That's weird.” He stated calmly, and it hurt that he didn’t even take a moment to consider it.

  “Come on, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m eighteen now, and you were my first for lots of things. Plus, I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me. That way my first time won't be a mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life.”

  “Well, Tyson would be a regret that’s for sure.” He grinned.

  “Ty, I’m being serious.” I glared.

  “So am I, I’ve heard stories.” He grinned at me and I gave in and smiled.

  Damn it. I hated how easily he could get me to smile.

  “Ty, please.” I attempted one last time.

  He sighed. “I don’t know, Ry. It sounds a bit dangerous. I mean being someone’s first comes with a lot of strings. I don’t want to hurt you and it would be weird.”

  If I heard him make one more comment about how weird the idea of taking my virginity would be, I might cry.

  Keep your cool Ryder, I continued to tell myself then I rolled my eyes. “Oh god, are you honestly that full of yourself? You think I’ll just suddenly fall in love with you?”

  When I mocked him, his facial expression changed, I could tell I wounded his ego some.

  Take that!

  “Whatever, it happens. I'm a catch!” He smiled, defending himself with a playful glare.

  I laughed.

  Damn it, Ryder. Focus.

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was pretty sure I was already in love with him, and that I have been since our first kiss when I was only fourteen. I knew if I admitted that, he’d never agree to this.

  “Fine. Tyson it is…” I muttered.

  Tyler let out a pissed off growl. “No.”

  I only stared at him blankly. Unbudgingly.

  He sighed when it dawned on him, just how serious I was. “Ry, if I do this, you have to promise me it won’t get weird between us.”

  Wait, was he really considering it?

  I smiled, “I promise.”

  We just stared at each other, silence filling the room.

  “What, like right now?!” He asked.

  I laughed. “I mean, we leave tomorrow.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Are you serious?”

  I nodded. “Yes, you broke up with Crystal, and I’m no longer seeing Joey. So, this may be the only time we are both single.”

  “Joey? Wait, I thought that was over a long time ago?”

  I shrugged. “It was never serious. We were just messing around.”

  “What the hell, Ry! Messing around how? I vetoed that fucker.”

  “If I stayed away from every guy you veto, I'd never have a life, Ty!”

  He sighed dramatically. “Thank god we leave this town tomorrow. Apparently, my threats don't mean shit around here.”

  “Stop threatening people and just answer my damn question, Ty!”

  He sat down on the edge of the bed now, dropping his face into his hands. “What other things have you done?” He asked, seeming to hesitate on the question, like he wasn't sure if he wanted the answer.

  “Nothing I haven’t done with you first.” I admitted.

  I watched as he sat up, his eyes moving to my mouth.

  I smiled. “You can kiss me, if you want.” I offered.

  “I know I can, but we’ve already done that before.” He reminded me, as if to explain there was no reason to do it again.

  He could be such an asshole, but I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to remember what it felt like, I’d been dying for a reminder for the last two years.

  “Oh, yeah.” I hesitated. “So, then how do you want to start?”

  He sighed and I could tell he was running out of ways to stall the situation. He had to make a choice.

  “I still haven't agreed to this, yet. I still don't think it’s a good idea.” He repeated.

  I glanced down at my comforter and started playing with a loose string. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. The fact that he was so hesitant, actually hurt.

  I looked up at him, ready to tell him to forget the silly idea when I felt his hand move to my check. The familiar sensation of him touching me came flooding back to me and I nuzzled against his hand.

  “Ry, you know if we do this, it wouldn't mean anything right?” His tone was empathetic, and the sound of it only furthered the hurt of his hesitation.

  I pulled back. “I get it, Ty. I know we’re just friends. I just didn't want to lose my virginity to some random guy, but forget it. If you can't get into it, you know, because it's me. I understand.”

  He cut me off from saying anything else by leaning in and gently brushing his lips across my own in a soft kiss. The familiar warmth of his mouth tracing mine made me whimper and I slowly parted my lips to his.

  I heard him groan as his lips finally crushed mine in a kiss, the sound causing my entire body to heat. Suddenly, the kiss wasn't enough. I needed more, to cure all the tension the years had plagued me with in his absence.

  I reach out to him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. He responded to me immediately, one of his hands finding its way to my waist.

  I felt his fingers slowly inch up my side, under my shirt, brushing lightly over my bare skin. The simple touch caused another moan to slip past my lips, and the sound had him pulling away from me.

  “Ry…” He stated in a heavy breath.

  My own heart was racing now. I was so scared that he was backing out. I knew I couldn't handle him rejecting me, not now.

  I moved off my bed, shifting to stand in front of him. He watched me in silence as I slowly started to unbutton and unzip my jeans. I kept eye contact with him the entire time as I pushed them down my legs and abandoned them on the floor.

  I grabbed the bottom of my shirt next, pulling it up over my head, causing me to lose sight of him for a moment.

  Once I was free of my shirt, I went to lock eyes with his again, but his gaze had left mine. His eyes were traveling along my body now instead, and I was left standing in front of him in only my bra and underwear.

  I’d never felt so exposed, and nervous, in my life.

  “I know I’m not your type, but if you’d just try to do this for me, it would mean a lot. I don’t want my first time to be with somebody who doesn’t care about me.”

  He stood up from the bed and moved to stand in front of me. His fingertips brushing over my bare shoulders and then down the sides of my arms.


  “Stop talking like that, I don’t like it. You’re beautiful, Ry. If I had a type, you’d be it. The way you look has never been a problem for me. It’s just… you’re Ry. You mean a lot to me and I don't ever want to risk what we have.”

  It was something I could never change. He would always just see me as his childhood best friend. No matter what happened between us, it would never change. He always made that very clear.

  I glanced down at the floor. “I understand. We don’t have to do this.”

  He pushed my chin up so I’d look at him.

  “I didn't say I wouldn't be your first, Ry.” He reassured me as my eyes found his. “I’m just saying I want us to be sure about this first. I mean, in my eyes, no one is good enough to be your first. Myself, included. That being said, I'd be lying if I didn’t admit that I'd rather it be me over any of those idiots you’ve been seeing.”

  He smiled and, as if I had no control, so did I.

  “I just need you to be sure this won’t hurt you, or our friendship, in the long run.” He finished.

  I paused, my stomach turning with nerves and my heart still racing so fast I thought I might cry. “I just want my first time to mean something and you mean something to me. You’re my best friend, Ty.”

  I caught another brief smile from him before he leaned down and nudged his lips softly against mine again. The second I felt them, I parted my mouth against his and we quickly picked up where our last kiss had left off.

  His arms moved around me, and he planted his hands at my lower back, pulling me closer again. After a few seconds passed I could feel the kiss increasing in urgency and I felt his fingers traveling up my back, stopping at my bra. Within seconds, I felt it drop from my body, and I gasped into our kiss.

  He pressed his forehead against mine as he pulled away from me. Letting his lips linger near mine. “Do you want me to stop, Ry?”

  If I hadn’t known better, I might’ve thought that husky tone in his voice was mimicking the way my own nerves were making me feel. Excited, scared, and even emotional.

  “No, I’m just nervous.” I whispered back against the warmth of his mouth.