by Robin Falcon
“Fine! I cut you out because I thought you cared about me, but you didn't! I thought I could trust you… but I can't.” She finished in a whisper, seeming pained by the words themselves.
“What?! Are you kidding me? You know that's bullshit! No one cares about you like I do! You’re my best friend, Ry!” I yelled.
“Your best friend? Really, Ty? I don’t think a best friend would have slept with me and then less than an hour later turned around and slept with his ex-girlfriend. I mean couldn't you have waited?”
“What the hell are you talking about? I never hooked up with Crystal that night, I told you that!”
“Oh? So, she just showed up topless?” She asked, sarcastically.
She had a permanent glare on her face, and I sighed in frustration.
“Ry, she came on to me yes, but I didn’t sleep with her. I told her it was a bad idea because I was leaving for college. She showed up when I was getting ready to go see you, but nothing happened.”
She stood there now, tears pooling in her eyes. I reached out to her, but she pulled away from me.
“So, you only told her no because you were leaving?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, Ry. I told her no because I wasn’t into it, okay?”
“Why weren’t you into it?” Her eyes were still on the verge of tears, like she needed a better answer from me.
I glanced away from her and over to my parents house, looking for a distraction. My dad still wasn’t home.
"Ty?” She called out to me, bringing my attention back to her question.
I had worked so hard to avoid that memory for the last five years. Now here she was in my shirt from that night, asking me all these damn questions, and looking sexy as hell.
No, Tyler. It's Ryder.
“Ry, what do you want me to say?”
She crossed her arms again. “Ty, look at me.”
I glanced up into those familiar emerald green eyes. They were still flooded with pending tears and the sight weighed heavily on my chest.
“I want you to acknowledge it. I want you to stop pretending like nothing happened between us.” She finished.
I hated seeing her cry, all it did was make me feel like a failure. My sole purpose in life was to protect her and each time she hurt, I’d failed her.
“Why do we have to talk about this? You promised me nothing would change.” I reminded her.
“I was eighteen, Ty. I lied.”
I looked away from her again and growled out in annoyance. “What the hell am I supposed to say? None of it matters now, does it? Not why you left, or how I felt. You walked out of my life, and you're happier now. The end.”
I looked down at her and this time she was the one avoiding my gaze.
“It does matter.” She muttered under her breath.
“Does it, though? You live hours away, with your new friends, your new job, and your boyfriend. Is there really anything I can say that can get me my best friend back?”
I saw her shiver under the dim light of the streetlights, and I reached out to grab her arm.
“What are you doing?” She bit out.
“It’s cold, Ry. Will you please just let me be your damn friend.”
I tugged her up against me. At first she rested her hands against my chest, keeping herself at a distance, but then she slowly gave into the comfort of warmth my body offered and nestled her face up against my chest as my arms wrapped around her.
“This doesn’t mean we are friends again.” She warned.
I grinned. “Well, it sure feels like we are.”
I couldn't see her face, but something told me she was smiling. I held her tightly against me as I hugged her for the first time in years. I had nearly forgotten how good it felt to hold my best friend in my arms.
Often, as teenagers, we found ourselves in the treehouse late at night. I could still remember how it felt to have her snuggled up against me for warmth, her head laying on my chest.
“It's not like I didn’t miss having you around.” She finally admitted and I felt the warmth of her breath against my body.
“I've missed you too, Ry.” I admitted, as I hugged her tighter. A moment of complete serenity rushing over me.
That was the thing about Ryder, though. She was so unaware of how much control she had over me. It was I who fed off scraps for all those years. A kiss, a hug, or even a touch. Anything that I could take without being obvious.
Now, standing here, holding her in my arms. I felt like I was the one who’d left home all those years ago, and now I was home again.
She nuzzled up closer to me and a painful reality hit me in the chest. Even if we were making up, she would still be gone in a few days. It was something I hadn't thought about in my desperation to see her.
No matter what changed in the next two days, I’d still be losing her all over again.
Chapter 11
Ryder
When he first pulled me into his arms, I was resistant. Yet, the second I felt the familiar warmth of Tyler's embrace, I was lost to it.
I felt like a little girl again, just aching for his reassurance.
Then I let those words slip out, like an idiot. “It's not like I didn’t miss having you around.”
I felt his arms tighten around me a bit, as if I’d just let him off a life sentence of my silence.
“I've missed you too, Ry.”
Why is it those words felt so good to hear? He’d said them to me numerous times the first year I was away. He reached out to me and begged me to talk to him for twelve months straight. Yet, tonight it felt like it was all I’d been waiting for.
The reason I was successful in avoiding Tyler all those years was because Kirk and Sadie kept me under 'Tyler watch’. They monitored my calls and texts for two years straight. Once, I almost gave in and they made me change my number so he couldn't reach me anymore. After that, I didn't hear from him anymore and distracting myself became easier.
Tonight though, there were no distractions. No one was on ‘Tyler watch' and there was just Tyler, and I.
“Do you want to go inside?” I asked, feeling nervous about being alone with him now.
“Nah, I think I made a pretty powerful exit already.” He chuckled and I blushed at the reminder of yelling at him.
“Are you staying with your parents?” I asked, somewhat hopeful.
He shook his head. “I bought my own place about five miles from here.”
“Oh wow, set up roots here and everything?”
“Yeah, it’s home. A good place to raise a family.”
I pulled away from him, probably too abruptly because he looked at me questionably. The thought had never crossed my mind until now. Did he have a girlfriend, a wife, or a family? I never asked my parents about him; it was easier not knowing.
It would hurt to much.
“I better head in. I have a long few days ahead of me.” I offered a smile, in hopes it would distract him from my shifty behavior.
“Can we grab lunch tomorrow?” He asked.
I hesitated. “Um, let me find out what Kirk wants to do, and I’ll let you know. Maybe we can do a double date?”
The words came out of me so quickly. Apparently, my need to know if he was with someone was stronger than my desire to avoid the truth.
“Oh, uh yeah. Sure.” His expression was hard to read. He seemed disappointed but he still agreed to meet up in pairs.
“I assume that you’re seeing someone…” I stated, fishing for more information.
“No. I can get a date for lunch if I need one though.”
I rolled my eyes. “Typical.”
He raised his eyebrow. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged. “Some things never change. You always did have an endless supply of girls.”
He rolled his eyes. “Now you sound like my mom. It's not even like that. I date on occasion, just for the company. I haven't found the right girl to settle down with is all.”
Another reminde
r that no matter how close we were, I was still never enough. Never the right girl.
No one was.
The idea of him touching someone else had become a dormant thought in my life. Now, as it flooded back to me, my chest constricted with that familiar pain of jealousy.
“Ry?” He questioned.
Sometimes it sucked having someone who could read you so easily when you wanted to keep your emotions hidden.
“Forget it, Ty. Maybe this little reconciliation wasn’t a good idea.” I turned to head back into my parent's place.
“Ry, wait!” He yelled after me.
I turned back to tell him goodnight but he was on the front porch, right next to me. He must’ve run after me.
It was to late for that though.
“Tell me this isn’t goodbye, Ry.” He demanded; his voice thick with an emotional side to him that I wasn't used to.
I stared up at him as he eyed me intensely, considering my answer. “We’ll have lunch tomorrow, the two of us. I'll decide from there.”
Tyler grinned. Damn that smile.
“I’ll pick you up.” He offered.
“No.”
That wouldn’t work. I didn’t want anyone knowing. Then I'd have to hear everyone's opinion about it.
“Okay, then where do you want to meet up?” He asked.
I reached out my hand, palm up. “Give me your phone.”
He eyed me cautiously but pulled his phone out of his pocket anyway and set it in my hand.
“Now what?” He asked as I entered my number and saved it under Ryder.
“There, text me your address. I’ll get a ride there.”
He looked at me protectively. “From whom?”
I laughed. “None of your business.”
He grinned, silence falling between us for a moment. “It is my business.” He finally argued, taking a step closer to me.
I felt the warm of his breath, as he closed the space between us, each of our exhales mixing with the cold night air
“I haven’t been a concern of yours in years,” I muttered.
My eyes shifting away from his gaze, towards the door behind me that offered an escape.
“Never did a moment pass, when I stopped concerning myself over you.” He admitted.
The confession caused my entire body to flush, with childlike excitement. Tyler was suddenly consuming me in the same way he always did. With sweet words, and sexual tension that could suffocate.
I turned to say something to him but was caught off guard when I felt his lips pressed against mine.
He was kissing me.
I should’ve pulled away but the second his lips brushed across mine, all I could do was whimper. Way to stay strong, Ryder! I thought to myself, as my own whimper betrayed me.
We both jumped back, as headlights hit us from the driveway. Tyler's dad was pulling in, breaking us from our reckless moment.
Run, Ryder. I yelled at myself, as my head cleared from the clouds, and I was thinking straight again.
“Night, Ty.” I whispered, before I darted into my house, closing the door behind me.
I leaned back against the door once it was shut, moving my fingers to my lips, and touching them in disbelief.
God, I’d forgotten how great it felt to kiss him. Even if it left me longing for someone who wasn’t mine to have. In fact, for so long part of me thrived off that delusional idea that he felt something for me.
Part of me still did…
Chapter 12
Tyler
“Hey, dad.” I waved as he pulled in, only turning back to watch the door close behind Ryder as she said goodnight.
What’d I just do?
In the past, we were always able to push the boundaries of our friendship without consequence. I knew it was a selfish, but years ago I used it as a way for me to indulge in my temptations without leading her to believe I felt anything.
It was easier for me to convince myself it was normal, normal to feel things for your best friend. I told myself it wasn’t worth sacrificing our friendship over. So, I buried my feelings as deep as I possibly could.
That night she offered me her virginity; I wasn’t strong enough to turn her away. I’d never wanted anything more in my life and she was offering it to me, no strings attached. Or, so she said.
The reality is, it cost me Ryder.
I couldn't go through another five years without her. I told myself I’d never allow it to happen again.
So, why did I just kiss her?
I offered a smile to my dad, following him into the house. “Let me grab some of those bags, Dad.”
He made small talk with me for a few minutes, but I didn’t catch most of it. I was still focused on Ryder.
“Was that Ryder you were talking to?” He asked, and I only heard him because her name broke into my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I hesitated, suddenly unable to concentrate on anything. “Listen dad, I’m going to head home. Tell mom I’ll come by tomorrow morning.”
He eyed me, but nodded. “Okay, drive safe.”
“I will, love you.” I called back to him as I made my way to my car.
“Love you too.” I heard him yell back.
I made my way home in a fog. Thinking about Ryder and what I’d say to her tomorrow. After all, the only way I knew how to handle my slip ups in the past, was to never acknowledge them again.
Chapter 13
Ryder
I texted Kirk the next morning and told him he could head home, but he still said no. Probably, because I told him all about how my night went with Tyler. The kiss, and all.
I tried to convince him I had control of the situation, but he refused to leave. Micah was in town anyway, so he said he felt better about sticking it out.
He did agree to take me to Tyler's place that afternoon. However, he gave me one stipulation; before we left town he wanted to meet Tyler, as my friend, not my boyfriend.
I agreed.
When we pulled up to Tyler's place, I hugged him.
“What was that for?” Kirk eyed me, with a smirk. “We aren’t still putting on a show, are we?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, I'm just realizing how lucky I am. I wasn’t an easy friend to make that first year of college, yet you stuck it out.”
He shrugged. "I mean, I just felt bad for you really.”
I shoved him playfully and we both laughed. “You're such a jerk.”
“I prefer bullshit intolerant." He winked. “Now, get out of my car.”
I rolled my eyes. “Text me later?”
“If you’re lucky.”
I didn’t even respond to his smart-ass remark. I just pulled myself out of his BMW and wandering up towards the beautiful home that matched the address Tyler had texted me last night.
I was shocked that he hadn't blown my phone up. It’d been years since he had my number, and yet all he did was text his address. Nothing else.
Old insecurities crept back in, and I was over analyzing what that meant. I was basically my old teenage self again.
Pathetic.
Tyler opened his door before I even got to the front porch. “You had your boyfriend drop you off?”
The tone of his voice made it clear that he was both irritated, and surprised that Kirk agreed to bring me.
“Kirk isn't my boyfriend. His boyfriend's name is Micah.” Like a Band-Aid, I ripped the lie free from my conscience.
Tyler glared at me. “So, then you do make a habit out of kissing all your friends?”
“It would seem I do.” I shrugged my shoulders and grinned.
He rolled his yes in annoyance, then shut his front door behind him, locking it. “I need to swing by my work before we go to lunch.”
“Oh wow, I don’t even get to come in?”
“You aren’t missing much.” He reassured me before walking towards his car, hitting the unlock button.
“Fine, whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “Where do you work?”
“The
high school.”
My eyes widen, and I smiled. “You're a teacher?”
He glanced at me, and that familiar smile crept across his face. “Yeah, I teach history.”
I’d somehow forgotten how weak that smile made me. “That seriously makes me so happy, I know how much you wanted to teacher. That’s amazing, Ty!”
“Thanks, Ry.” His grinned, then his smile faded a bit. As if, he was suddenly reminded of how many years had passed by us. “I just need to swing by and grab some papers to grade over the weekend. Ready for a trip down memory lane?”
I laughed. “Ready as I'll ever be.”
About fifteen minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot of our old high school. The sight of the building alone caused memories to come rushing back to me.
“Oh my gosh! Do you remember when Tyson asked out Kara’s little sister, my junior year? Kara was so pissed! She sucker punched him, over there, in front of everyone.”
Tyler laughed. “I tried to warn him that she was protective over her sister. Plus, she hated Tyson.”
“She only hated him because of you!” I laughed, playfully shoving his shoulder.
“Hey, it’s not my fault if you were all guilty by association.” He laughed.
Once we reached his classroom, one I myself used to sit in during fifth period A.P. History, I found my old seat and sat down.
“Wow, sitting here makes me feel as though barely any time has passed.” I let my fingers run along some initials carved in the wood desk.
R.W.
Tyler was still rummaging through his desk for a few missing papers.
"It's so weird being back here,” I continued, looking around the classroom. “You know, all the memories.”
He glanced up at me and looked around the room for a moment. “Yeah, it took me awhile to block them out.” He acknowledged, before checking in another drawer for his papers.
“Block them out?” I questioned, “what memories would someone, like Tyler Watson, ever want to block out?”
He didn’t even look up to answer me. “The ones of you.”
He snatched some papers out of a drawer and smiled in victory. “Ah, ha! I found them!” He stuffed them into a bag, then looked up at me. “You ready to go?”
