by Mia Archer
It was weird. I worked in tech support, after all. It's not like I was in a job where I needed a sixth sense about something bad happening, unless you counted looking at a particular phone number and realizing it was a customer who was going to give me a really bad time, but that sense was tingling in overdrive right about now.
I tried to calm myself. After all, it was probably just that she’d gone to the bathroom or something. Yeah, that had to be it. The only problem was there was a key attached to a wood block to get into the bathroom, and when I went over to the reception desk it was still there.
Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I’d find her out there, and so I went back through the front entrance and turned left to go towards the bathrooms. I told myself she must’ve gone down there and gotten lost, or maybe she didn't realize there was a key or something.
Yet there was still that bad feeling, and it only got worse and worse as I got down the hall and heard a familiar voice. Jason. My eyes narrowed. It sounded like he was hitting on someone.
I almost stopped right there. I almost let him have his privacy. After all, if he'd gotten some poor girl back there that was her problem. Everyone in the office knew what sort of trouble he could cause.
Then an unpleasant thought struck me. What if he got a girl back there to a quiet spot by the bathrooms because she didn't know to stay away from him? What if that was my girl over there?
And so it was with a steadily growing feeling of dread that I poked my head around the corner and all of my suspicions were confirmed.
Every impulse in my body screamed at me to get out there and do something about this. To let Jason know this was not appropriate behavior at work or otherwise.
And yet…
Everything about how Jasmine had been acting lately was weighing heavily on my mind. I couldn't help but feel some of that jealousy that flared up inside me when I thought about her at work. The jealousy that left me wondering if maybe there was a small part of her that was into guys, or maybe she into her clients.
And it occurred to me that this would be a good opportunity to see if that was the case. To see if she’d accept advances from someone.
After all, it's not like she’d be the first girl I’d dated who was bisexual rather than swinging completely in one direction. And she had allowed herself to be pulled away from the main party. What if she was more interested in him than she let on?
So as much as I hated to do it, I paused on the other side of the corner and waited. Listened in on their conversation wondering what I was going to hear and whether or not I was going to like it.
"Come on," Jason said. "You do that kind of thing for work, so why wouldn’t you do it here?"
His hands moved up to her in an entirely too familiar gesture. A gesture that had my hands forming claws as I imagined what it would feel like to claw his eyes out, but I held my peace. I wanted to see how she’d respond.
After all, this was giving me a glimpse into her work life that I hadn't seen before. Especially considering her refusal to talk about it.
"I told you I'm not like that," she said. "I dance, but that doesn't mean I do what you're hinting at.”
He reached out and took her arm. This time he didn't seem to be taking no for an answer when she tried to pull away.
"Come on," he said, his voice suddenly hard. "I think we both know what kind of work you really do at that place. You might've pulled the wool over Taylor's eyes, but I know what you girls are like. You're all the same."
"And I'm not like that," she said. "You can go fuck yourself if you think that’s how I am."
She tried to pull away again and he continued holding tight to her arm. I'd heard enough. I felt guilty about ever thinking she was being unfaithful. That it could be the reason for all the weirdness lately.
No, that had answered my questions and then some. It was time to reveal myself. Time to let Jason know exactly how unwanted his advances were.
So I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and rounded the corner with probably the single most pissed off look I'd ever had in my life.
16
Jasmine
I couldn't have been more relieved when Taylor came around the corner with murder in her eyes. And I didn't doubt for a moment that she would murder this guy. So much so that I actually took an unconscious step in between them just to make sure she didn't do something we’d both regret.
Though it seemed like taking that step in between her and this asshole was the last thing I should have done. The look she gave me was heartbreaking. It was a look that went straight down to of the pit of my stomach, and we’re not talking the kind of feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me feel good like looks from Taylor usually did.
No, there was something else there. Suspicion. It was an ugly look. Unpleasant. Not at all what I’d come to expect from her.
I couldn't believe I'd even allowed myself to get dragged out here in the first place. I recognized the guy from that night. A couple of girls had pointed him out and said he was getting a little too handsy, but I didn't think that would extend to how he acted at a work party of all things.
Turns out I should have listened to my Spidey sense when it started tingling, because sure enough he got me out here alone and started acting like I was no better than a hooker.
I might work in the adult industry, but that didn't mean I was willing to sell myself. No, I still had my respect thank you very much, and assholes like this who treated me like I was fair game because I took my clothes off for money were exactly the kind of prick that I tried my best to avoid in the club.
It was one reason why I was always so reluctant to go out on the floor unless there was a girl out there who caught my eye.
"What the hell do you think you're doing Jason?" Taylor asked.
Immediately his hand pulled free from my arm. He held both up in a defensive gesture and I got the feeling this wasn’t the first time he’d found himself on the wrong end of Taylor’s anger.
"Hey Taylor," he said. “Nothing going on here. I was just having a nice chat with your friend here. Telling her about a business proposition."
"Yeah," she snapped. "I think I know exactly what kind of business proposition you're talking about, and I don't like it!"
The guy's eyes narrowed. "Like it or not, that's what she does and you're going to have to get used to this sort of thing if you're going to date this kind of girl!"
I stared at him in disbelief. One minute he was trying to get me out here under false pretenses and the next he was trying to hit on me and negotiate a night with me as though I had a price, and now that he wasn't getting what he wanted and someone was yelling at him he was acting like I was somehow subhuman? This guy was a real piece of work. I wondered how he’d managed to hold onto his job for so fucking long.
"It looked to me like you were hurting her," Taylor said, not allowing herself to be dragged into whatever argument he was trying to start. "Step away from her."
"Or what?" The guy asked.
"Or you're going to regret the day you ever decided to fuck with my girlfriend at a work party,” Taylor said.
I glanced down. Her fists were moving into balls at her sides. She still had murder in her eyes, and again I worried that she might do something rash. That she might do something that would get her in trouble both with her work and maybe even with the cops.
Not a pleasant thought.
"Taylor listen," I said. "We don't have to do this. You don't have to do this."
"Yeah I do," she said. "He's been insulting you at work, and this is the last straw. People can't do this to people I'm dating."
I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, but it had nothing to do it with the current situation. Okay, maybe it had a little bit to do with the current situation, but in a bank shot sort of way.
I was ashamed, plain and simple. Here she was willing to defend me in front of this asshole and I hadn't been willing to do the same for her when Tara was on the warpath at my
work. Sure she was never there to see the abuse and threats Tara hurled at me, but still.
I hated it. More than that I hated that I wasn't doing anything about it.
It was like Tara coming after me was sending me back to the bad old days in middle school or high school when even a whiff of someone being different in my small town was enough to make you a social outcast. When I'd been so terrified of losing my social status that I’d said and done some pretty nasty things.
Yeah, it was bringing back my mean girl past in a major way and it made me not want to resort to that again, even if Tara did deserve it. I wasn’t that person anymore, no matter how deserving my target might be.
Jason looked down at Taylor's fist. Looked back up at her and scoffed.
"I'd like to see you try," he said.
"Then try me," Taylor said.
I recognized all the signs. Taylor was royally pissed off. She was breathing hard. I knew something was about to happen, I wanted to stop it, but I didn’t know what I could do about it.
Finally the guy sighed and shook his head. "This isn't worth it."
"You bet your ass it's not worth it," Taylor said. "And you can bet your ass I'm going to have a conversation with Gwen about this too!"
The two of them might as well be speaking a foreign language for all I understood what was going on. I had no idea who Gwen was or why this guy should be so worried, but worried he seemed to be. He turned back to Taylor, his mouth working as his eyes went wide. It looked like he was about to say something, but instead he whirled around and headed back to the party.
A moment later I heard the distinct sound of music drifting out of the office as he opened the door and stepped inside to get away from us.
I let out a relieved sigh and leaned against the wall. Closed my eyes and concentrated on my own breathing for a long couple of moments.
That had been intense. Intense and dangerous. It was worse than the worst experiences I’d had with guys who got a little too entitled and handsy at work.
"What were you doing out here with him?" Taylor asked.
I looked up at her, and I was surprised. There was something nasty about her tone. Something I didn't care for.
And I saw it there on her face again. The jealousy. That ugly look that had been there for the briefest of moments earlier. It was back.
"Do you really think I came out here with that jerk on my own?" I asked.
"I don't know what you did," Taylor said, her voice cool. "All I know is you're out here with the office asshole getting up close and personal."
My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe she was doing this. I couldn't believe she was actually acting like I wanted to do that with that guy.
"For your information," I said. "That asshole told me he had something important to tell me about you. Something about your career. Only when we got out here he suddenly started trying to put his hands all over me and it was all I could do to fend him off.”
I stared at Taylor for a long moment. Wondered how she would take that. If she would accept that. Or if she would continue to act crazy and jealous.
Finally her face broke into something that was almost a smile. She shrugged and held out a hand. A hand that I regarded as though it was a live snake.
I wasn't sure what to think of her now. She was like two different people and she couldn’t decide which one she wanted to be. It was like that jealous part of her was always lurking just beneath the surface.
I wasn't sure that I liked that jealous part of her lurking just beneath the surface. Not at all.
"I suppose that's okay," she said.
I looked down at her hand again and I couldn't help but sneer. That’s really how she was going to be? Well fuck that!
"You suppose that's okay?" I asked. "Like I need your permission to go out and do something?"
"Hey now," Taylor said. "You don't have to act crazy about this. I just thought…"
And suddenly exactly what she "just thought" hit me. She thought I was actually capable of coming out here and doing something with a guy because he was willing to pay.
I was willing to admit that I had a massive chip on my shoulder when it came to this sort of thing, but it was only finding that chip to be justified over and over that made me still think like that. And I couldn't believe that Taylor of all people would think I was actually capable of something like that.
"How could you?" I asked.
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"You thought I would actually do something with that guy? I don't know if you've been paying attention to what we've been doing for the past few weeks, but it's not like I'm exactly into people with his equipment!"
I was starting to get louder. Luckily there weren't any people around to watch me making a scene, but that was cold comfort. The fact remained that she'd actually thought I was capable of something like that which made me feel like making a scene.
"I'm sorry Jasmine," she said. "It's just that…"
She cut herself off, but it was too late. She'd already been on the verge of saying what she was going to say.
I forced myself to try and keep things under control. The last thing I wanted was to burst into tears in front of her. Not right now. Not like this. It was hard, but not like this.
"What did you think Taylor?" I asked, my voice dangerously quiet. At least I thought it was dangerously quiet, but Taylor didn't seem to be picking up on it.
"It's just that you've been acting so weird lately. Things were so great in the beginning, but you've been standoffish, especially when it comes to talking about your work and…"
I felt like I'd been slapped. Both because she was acting suspicious about my job and because I really had been acting weird about it. Dealing with Tara led to me not wanting to talk about work at all. It's not like I talked about it all that much to begin with, but I really didn't want to talk about it now.
So maybe I had gotten standoffish. To the point that every time Taylor brought it up I just wanted her to shut up already. Maybe I had been a little short with her, but that didn't mean that she could jump to some of the conclusions she'd obviously jumped to.
"Look. I've been having a tough time at work lately. That's all," I said. "And it doesn't make things any easier that you're here thinking I'm…"
I wasn't sure what to say. I didn’t want to put what she thought into words. It was too disgusting. I wasn't sure how to handle this.
"Forget I even brought it up," she said.
"Yeah, maybe I will," I said.
Though I knew even as I said it that it was going to be difficult to forget what she'd said. Her words hurt. They cut me deep. They went to the core of an insecurity I had about my line of work. An insecurity that she'd just ripped open in a big way, just as Tara had done in the same to me at work.
"You know if there's something bothering you that you can talk to me about it, right?" she asked, her voice suddenly quiet.
I tried to force a smile, but it was hard. The damage was already done.
"I know," I said, not really meaning it.
"I'm serious," she said.
"I know you are," I replied. "But I'm not in the mood to talk about that right now. Can we talk about something else please?”
Taylor looked down and a long and awkward moment stretched out between us. I hated it when stuff like this happened. It hadn't happened in a few weeks now, since we’d gotten over the first date jitters, and now it was the long awkward silence of an argument instead of the awkward silence of getting to know someone.
I didn't like it. Not at all.
"Why don't we go back to the party for now," I said. "We can worry about all this other stuff later. I know people are going to start wondering if you don't come back soon. They might think you snuck off to…"
I stopped. I couldn't bring myself to finish that thought. Not when it came so close to what she'd been on the verge of accusing me of doing with that guy.
Though after seeing her reaction to
seeing me with a guy I had to wonder how long Taylor and I were going to last. Things had been going well, but it looked like that might be changing.
I hated that it was changing. I thought something was finally going right in my life, and now here it was completely fucked up and falling apart around me.
But I did what I always did when things weren’t going well. I plastered a smile on my face. The same smile I used whenever I was going out on stage. And I was on stage here as much as I was on stage when I was at work.
After all, there was an audience here who expected something out of me. Sure they didn't expect me to take my clothes off. At least none of them but that Jason asshole expected me to take my clothes off. But they did expect me to be the good girlfriend for Taylor, and I would do that much for her.
Even if I wasn't sure I’d be doing much of anything for her for much longer. Not with what happened tonight. Not with that distrust and jealousy I'd seen so plain on her face.
Jealousy killed relationships for girls in my profession. I'd seen it happen time and again with guys who couldn't stand the idea of other guys staring at their woman while she was dancing up on stage. Sure maybe I'd given Taylor a couple of good reasons to be jealous, but that didn't justify what she’d done tonight. It sure didn’t justify some of the things she'd said.
Yeah, things had gone from going okay to suddenly been on very thin ice, and I didn't like it. But I kept that perfect smile on my face and prepared to play my role for the night, because that's what I was supposed to do.
It's what I was good at, even if I hated it.
17
Taylor
I pulled up to the Lacy Garter and, not for the first time, wondered what the hell I was doing out here. I'd circled the block a couple of times like some sort of creepy stalker.
Like I didn't have a good reason to be here.
Damn it. What in the hell was wrong with me? Why was I acting like I had no business being here?
Probably because there was a little voice in the back of my head whispering that I had no business being here. I usually ignored that voice, I’d learned to tell it to go fuck itself ever since the days in middle school when it tried to tell me how wrong I was for liking girls, but it was screaming at me now and I couldn't help but wonder if there was something to it tonight.
