by Paula Quinn
She spread her gaze over the dozens of faces waiting outside the castle to bid her farewell. Adam was not among them. She looked over the hills beyond, but she didn’t find him there either.
She’d barely slept last night. She prayed for God to send Adam back to her and prayed for him to stay away. She’d been afraid to sleep and dream of his kiss, his touch. Even now, fully awake, she wasn’t sure if any of this was real. How could the caress of a man’s mouth make her feel wanton and innocent at the same time? How could being in his arms tempt her to defy her father, forget William? She’d never felt anything like it before. Being near him sparked desires in her that she didn’t know she possessed. Kissing him was like lightning striking through her, making her feel more alive.
She’d wept into her pillow as the night wore on, unable to understand how the reason for his resistance both broke her heart and gave her strength. She had thought he wanted to be rid of her, but he’d been hurt by her letter to William. She wished she had thrown it into the fire the night she wrote it. She kept it with her now, so Adam would never be tempted to read it again. None of it was true. Not anymore. He had to protect his clan. She wanted that as well. If she told him she loved him, he might try to defy her father and hell would come to this heavenly place. So she hadn’t told him. And he hadn’t told her.
Each step forward was more difficult than the last, and she was glad General Marlow held her arm.
“Do you know where he is?” she turned to his friend and asked. “Is he with someone?”
The general set his gaze toward Bla Bheinn. “Just Goliath, I’d wager.”
It gave her relief and tore at her heart at the same time. “Keep an eye on him, will you?”
“Of course, my lady,” he said quietly, looking at his feet.
They stopped when they came to Davina.
Sina looked into her large, bloodshot eyes. In whatever way the queen’s death had affected her, the chief’s wife didn’t let it stop her from seeing Sina off.
“I’m sorry to lose ye as my daughter,” she said without reserve and dabbed at her eye. Behind her, her mountain of a husband placed his hand on her shoulder.
Anne was gone. Her mother had denied her. Sina would have liked to look at this warm, welcoming woman as her mother. But it wasn’t to be.
“We have loaded the carriage with enough food to last until ye come to the end of yer journey.”
What if this was the end? What if the end of the world was where she should be? No, she wasn’t thinking right. She was tired. She missed London, her friends, her handservant Katie, whom Sina appreciated more after having to dress and undress herself every day.
“I will tell my father of your kindness and care for me,” Sina choked out, wringing her skirts in her hands. In just a few short days the MacGregors had won her over—the people and their hounds.
“I hope,” the chief offered, finally speaking, “that ye will fergive my son’s absence.”
“There is nothing to forgive, my lord. Adam left me to keep all of you safe. ’Twas a difficult choice for him, but he made the correct one. He should be chief”—she managed to smile at him—“though he may resist.”
“Aye,” Rob MacGregor said, making one word sound more meaningful than a hundred. He glanced toward the hills, his expression going as somber as his wife’s.
“Farewell, daughter.” Davina threw her arms around her and held her close. “I wish ye were not leaving.”
Sina squeezed her eyes shut and whispered back, “As do I.”
When she straightened, she looked into Davina’s eyes and hoped that all Sina felt for her son, for all of them, was clear.
No one had a choice in this. Again. And this time, she feared it might be worse than the first.
There were a few more tearful goodbyes between her and Maggie, Kate, Abby, everyone. They were all there to see her off, even dear Ula.
Everyone but Adam.
She was led to the carriage by Callum MacGregor. She stopped before getting in and looked around the hills and rugged mountaintops, the dark castle rising up against the mountain behind it.
“What you’ve built here,” she told the laird and swiped a tear from her cheek, “is magical.”
He smiled, and Sina saw Adam in his eyes. “Camlochlin is simply stone. ’Tis love that makes it magical.”
She smiled and bit her tongue to keep from crying all over him and stepped up into the carriage. His hand on her arm stopped her.
“I’ll see ye again, lass.”
“What?” she asked, level with his gaze. “How?”
He smiled. “MacGregors fight fer what they love. They dinna give up.”
What was he saying? Were these the ramblings of a grandfather? Did Adam love her?
“Have a safe journey, lass.”
She stepped into the empty carriage and let him shut the door.
The instant it closed, she pulled aside the curtain and leaned out the window. Tears blurred her vision as they rode away.
Adam had done the right thing by staying away. If he defied her father, she didn’t know what the consequences would be. Camlochlin, even hidden in the mountains, couldn’t hold off the Royal Army for long.
They did the right thing. The only thing.
Was she going to think of him all the way to England? She looked toward the mountains and shook her head.
It was over.
She smiled, telling herself she was happy to finally be going back to civilized life. Soon her marriage to Adam would be annulled, and things would go back to how they were. For Adam as well. What would he do with his freedom? Marry someone else? Never marry at all and remain the king fish, sought by tavern wenches and farmers’ daughters? Who among them could take Davina’s place as lady of the castle if Adam became chief? Who could help him become the man he was born to be, a man in full glory? He certainly had the necessary ingredients to be a dream come to life. Who would finally win his guarded heart?
She hated thinking of it. She didn’t want anyone to win his heart. She didn’t want anyone to kiss him…ever again. She wanted to be the one in his bed. She had made up her mind to offer herself to him.
Oh, how could she be so disappointed about going back to the palace when it was all she’d thought about for days?
She looked out the window many times on the way home, wanting to remember the brutal magnificence of the landscape and the terrifying isolation of it.
But somewhere deep within those mist-covered mountains was a village, tiny in the grand scheme of everything around it, where families lived in peace, laughing, loving, and taken care of by their chief.
She would miss the intimacy of Camlochlin, the way the women got along without gossiping about one another, the way they helped and comforted one another, the warm camaraderie between the men…Adam.
Yes, she was going to miss his face, his scent, his voice…There was nothing to be done about it. She wouldn’t bring her father’s army down on the MacGregors. Now she didn’t have to break William’s heart.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to. She loved Adam. She should have told him. Now it was too late. She could never be with him—unless she could convince her father to let her go back.
God help her, how long would she be consumed with thoughts of her Highland husband? How would she get through this trip alone, thinking of him?
She wiped her tears. She hadn’t realized she was crying. She closed her eyes and was soon asleep. For the next three days, she slept, wept, and ate. On the fourth day, she finally stopped crying and let a heavy numbness cover her.
When she arrived in London two days later, Camlochlin felt a thousand years away. Unfortunately, Adam felt as close as her breath.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Melusina de Arenburg stood at the entrance of one of Kensington Palace’s grand staterooms, her gaze fixed and steady on her parents sitting at the farthest end of a long, polished table surrounded by servants.
So, then, their affair w
as finally in the open, Sina thought. Did this mean the king would publicly recognize her as his illegitimate daughter?
“Miss de Arenburg.” Her father acknowledged her with a warm smile. “Come in.”
She didn’t know what to do. Should she hurry into their arms? Would their arms even open when she reached them? Servants were watching. Would her mother continue to deny her in public?
Much had changed in the short time she’d been gone. Her father was the king. Worse, she didn’t care. Whether recognized or not didn’t matter the way it used to.
Instead of being overjoyed at the thought of seeing William again, she was anxious, afraid of how he was going to take what she told him. Then again, what if she saw William and forgot Adam?
She took a step forward, and then another. Her mother rose from her seat and dismissed the servants with a wave of her hand. When they were gone, the king’s mistress held out her arms.
Madly, Sina thought of Davina and felt her eyes burn.
“Were you married?” her mother asked softly after a brief embrace.
“Yes.”
“Was it consummated?”
Sina looked down at her muddy boots. Should she tell them the truth? What would happen if she answered yes? For Camlochlin’s sake, she wasn’t ready to find out. “No.”
“Ah, good.”
Sina’s hand on her arm stopped her mother when she moved to return to her chair. “So we are to live here together, as a family?”
“Eventually, dear,” her mother assured offhandedly and moved in closer. “Now, enough talk of that. Come greet the king.”
She was still an object of shame, then. Sina remained quiet and curtsied low before her father. “Your Majesty.”
She was angry, hurt, insulted. His mistress had been acknowledged, but not his child. “Father.”
“I’m glad to see you safe,” he said, his voice marked with sincerity. It had been two years since he’d seen her. He’d visited her as a child and had never denied his love for her, but it hadn’t been enough to trust him to rescue her. He’d done it after all, and she was glad she meant something to him. But everything she cared about had changed.
“I was never in any danger,” she vowed. “I was treated very well. The MacGregors were kind to me. They did their best to make me feel welcome, but I felt too abandoned and betrayed to see their effort. They persisted until I no longer felt the need to weep all day long.”
She slipped her gaze to her mother. She didn’t know why she hoped to see some kind of regret or pity staining her mother’s face. There wasn’t any.
Sina looked away. “Why did you give your consent to let me go?”
“Anne wanted it done,” her father answered. “She told me the throne needed their alliance, that they were a powerful force in the Highlands. She had agreed with their request when General Marlow married one of them that she would keep their existence quiet. No one was to know where you were sent. But William found out.”
“William?” she asked, surprised.
“Yes, and he helped me see the truth. Anne had assured me the MacGregors were civilized and well-bred despite where they live.”
“She spoke true,” Sina agreed. “They—”
“She did not tell me that a band of MacGregors once kidnapped Lady Amelia Bell, the Duke of Queensberry’s niece. According to some, she has never been returned.”
Amelia had been kidnapped? Adam hadn’t told her.
“I have met her,” Sina interjected before her father’s deep scowl had time to set. I helped deliver her daughter. “She is quite happy and very much in love with her husband, to whom she has just given their third child.”
Sina felt a pang of regret that she would not see Laurel grow into a woman.
“I see,” her father muttered, nodding his head and slipping his gaze to his mistress. “Is it also true that there is a Stuart among them?”
“Yes,” Sina told him. “Lady Huntley, Claire Stuart, Anne’s distant cousin. I was told.”
“Do you think she has interest in the throne?”
She smiled, remembering Claire. “I think it would take an army to get her here, and she’d likely kill them all before they got out of Scotland.”
His eyes narrowed on her. “They are indeed fierce, then?”
“They are indeed.”
He thought about it for a moment and then waved his hand. “The fact remains, Anne deceived me. I did the right thing bringing you back.”
“You have my eternal gratitude, Father,” she remarked numbly. “But the queen, God rest her soul, did not deceive you.” Sina may have been brought up to be polite, but that didn’t mean she had nothing to say. “The MacGregors cared well for me. Their son accepted me as his wife though I had been forced upon him.”
“I’m certain it wasn’t a difficult duty to accept.” The king granted her a tender smile.
“It was difficult!” she insisted. “He had other plans for his life, as did I. The queen…and you had no right to put two people before God in secret.” She paused on a strangled breath. “Is that what my life will always be, a secret?”
“No, daughter,” he promised, rushing toward her and taking her hands in his. “I will make amends.”
“Mend ties with the MacGregors,” she said. “They have been allies since Charles was king. Many have served the throne, including General Marlow, General Colin MacGregor, and Captain Connor Grant. Anne knew they were loyal to her because she protected them from the law against them.”
“And because her cousin lives among them,” her father tried to interject.
“’Twas loyalty she valued, Father. Loyalty they do not give to many, yet were willing to give to you because of me. Now you have broken your word.”
The king didn’t argue. He rarely did with either her or her mother. Still, he always did what he wanted.
“What would you have me do?” her father asked.
“Perhaps consider sending me back.”
He stared at her for a moment and then laughed. Sina closed her eyes and bit her tongue.
“Are you so concerned for my protection that you would sacrifice your life for it?”
It wasn’t that much of a sacrifice, Sina wanted to tell him. But she wasn’t sure how he would take the news that she loved her Highland husband. She had to tread lightly and not give away her heart. “Yes. You’re my father…and they are not what you think. They read and write and play chess. They—”
“They are outlaws and pirates.”
“They are more than that,” she insisted softly.
“Sina, tell me, is your heart still set on marrying William Standish?”
How could she betray William? He meant everything to her. He’d been there for her when few others had. What must he have gone through to get this information about the MacGregors to her father? He loved her, but he’d left her for three years. “I—I don’t know.”
He cast her mother a worried look. Sina wrung her hands. She was too obvious. What would he do if she threw herself at his feet and begged him to send her back to Adam?
Had she gone mad on the long carriage ride? She was home. Where she wanted to be. Her father wasn’t going to send her back. The less he knew about Camlochlin…about Adam, the better.
“Perhaps,” she corrected. “But I need time to recover.”
“Of course,” he agreed tenderly.
Sina breathed deeply as she stepped into Kensington’s beautiful gardens the next afternoon, her palms pressed to her silk stomacher.
He was waiting in the alcove—where they had met. She was eight when he’d found her sitting on the bench, weeping into her hands. It had been her first day here. She arrived with her grandmother and was introduced as the daughter of a dear friend. She was left in the care of a young handservant who ran off with a gardener twenty minutes later.
“What’s the matter with you?” he’d asked, skidding to a halt when he almost passed her by.
He was eleven at the time and small
for his age. His hair clung to his forehead in dark, damp streaks from his exertion. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were wide and glassy when he darted his gaze to the path from which he’d come.
She hadn’t wanted to talk to him, but she was lonely and he was curious. If he was playing with the other children, she might want to play too.
A moment or two later, she realized what was happening when three bigger boys broke through the citrus trees and shouted, “Get him!”
He ran. Sina ran with him. They’d been friends ever since. He knew all her secrets, and she knew his. Their bond had grown from loneliness and into love. No one had meant more to her than William.
She walked the path lined with lemon and lime trees, bordered with a sweetly scented array of flowers. She thought about Camlochlin bursting with wild heather. The queen would have liked it.
Sina did her best not to think of Anne and how much she missed her. There weren’t many people in her life whom she loved. Anne had been one of them.
She also did her best not to think of Adam and the heather he had picked for her and laid out on their bed. She’d kept that first sprig he’d given her and had taken it with her to England.
She missed his carefree smile and the way his eyes softened on her, ached with desire for her.
She fought to get Adam out of her head. She was about to see William! She needed to know what she still felt for him.
She saw him sitting alone on the bench beneath the stone archway. With his head bowed and bare of wig, or hat, his dark auburn locks fell over his brow, shielding the rest of his face.
William. Her dear William.
He lifted his head as if hearing her. His gaze found her instantly. He rushed to his feet and, without waiting another instant, reached her and gathered her in his arms.
