Celia had driven Hudson from his parents’ house in the Hamptons to the airport for his business emergency with Plexis. “Just since yesterday. When he came back from Cincinnati, we sort of had it out and then—” I suddenly realized the source of the awkwardness. Though Celia and Hudson hadn’t ever been together for real, she had thought she loved him. I had no reason to be jealous of her, but she had plenty reason to be jealous of me. “Is this weird for me to talk about?”
“Weird? Why?” Her face relaxed with understanding. “Oh, he told you.”
“He did.” I wasn’t sure how she’d feel knowing I knew such intimate details of her life. “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”
“No, not at all. It surprises me. He’s never talked about it with anyone. I’m not even sure he told his therapist.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “What exactly did he say? Do you mind me asking?”
“Of course not, it’s only fair I tell you. But can we sit down first?” Maybe sitting would get rid of the confrontational feeling between us.
She nodded and we made our way to the sofa. I sat facing her, my legs curled up underneath me. “Well. He, um, explained about how he, uh, made you fall for him and then slept with your best friend. He said it was all a game. Which makes sense now, how you knew that he did that to women.” Celia had been the one who’d filled me in on Hudson’s mind games.
“Yep. I spoke from experience.” Her voice had lost some of its usual cheerfulness, but nothing seemed to indicate that talking to me was painful or unpleasant.
Her ease helped me go on. “And he told me about the baby.”
I watched her chest rise and fall before she responded. “What did he say about that?”
“That you didn’t know who the father was, so he said it was his. So you wouldn’t be disowned or disgraced or whatever. Since he felt responsible for the situation.” Even though none of the information was new to Celia—she’d lived it, after all—a part of me felt guilty for sharing things Hudson had told me in confidence.
Another part of me, a bigger part, wanted to know more about his rocky past and getting anything out of him was difficult, to say the least. Celia’s unexpected arrival brought an opportunity to learn, and I wasn’t throwing that away.
“Hmm. Well, that about covers all of it.” She tapped a long peach-painted nail on her knee as she processed. “Silly Hudson. He shouldn’t feel responsible for anything. I was a grown woman. I can own up to my actions. He doesn’t still feel that way, does he?”
“Yeah. I think he still does.” I didn’t think he did, I knew it. It was the reason he kept himself so closed off, the reason it had been so hard for him to let me in. Because of his mother or his therapist or for whatever reason, he’d been conditioned to believe that he was incapable of caring for anyone, and the horrible things he’d done to people such as Celia was his proof. That he could take his friend and manipulate her life, cause her to act so recklessly that she got pregnant from a stranger and then lost her child—that was evidence to Hudson that he was a despicable person. Because no decent person would do that in his mind.
But to me, the fact that he was so traumatized by the things he’d put Celia through was evidence of the contrary—he could feel. He cared enough to regret his actions. That didn’t show heartlessness. That showed humanity.
Celia rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous. He really needs to get over himself. That was practically a decade ago now. It’s old news.”
I agreed on that count. Maybe by finally having love in his life, Hudson would learn to move on.
As for Celia, I wasn’t sure she had yet. “So you don’t still have feelings for Hudson?” It wasn’t hard for me to imagine harboring an unrequited love for ten years because I obsessed. The only reason I’d gotten over some of my past obsessions was because I’d had therapy. Not that Celia suffered from the obsessive disorder I did, but it wasn’t unheard of to be in love with your friend for years and nothing ever coming of it. It was the material of great books.
What did that make me? In Celia’s story, was I the villain?
Possibly I was over-dramatizing. As always.
Celia leaned forward and put her hand over mine, taking me off-guard. “I totally have feelings for him, Laynie. He’s my best friend. I’ve loved him since I met him which was before I could even talk. But I’m not in love with him. I don’t think I ever was. He played me and I thought…well, anyway, I’m not now. My mother will tell you differently, but she believes what she wants. If I was in love with him, I would have let that arranged marriage thing work out instead of supporting a sham to throw our parents off.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” I took my hand away from hers before it felt creepy. It already felt creepy—I wasn’t much of a touchy-feely person. “Then it doesn’t bother you that we’re together?”
“Bother me? I’m happy for him! For both of you, actually. Truthfully, I was beginning to think Sophia was right, that he couldn’t possibly love anyone because he’d never shown any inclination toward anyone. Except to mess with them, of course. It was really very sad. This is definitely a change for the better.”
I wanted to be happy with her. Except when she’d brought up Hudson’s past, it reawakened one of my greatest fears.
“What did I say?” Celia asked.
She must have seen the worry in my expression. I never did have a good poker face. “Nothing.” It was probably best that I didn’t say anything. Only, Celia might be the one person I could talk to about it. The one person who would understand and give me insight.
I shifted, bringing my knees up to my chest. “It’s just, I’ve been worrying it was too good to be true, and I keep wondering if maybe I’m…if he’s…”
“If he’s playing you, too?”
My brown eyes met her blues. “Yes.”
She nodded once and frowned. “That is something I’d worry about.”
Well, that wasn’t the consolation I was hoping for.
“I’m not saying you should be worried,” she added. “It would just cross my mind as a possibility. Especially knowing his past, and since this arrangement or relationship he has with you is so entirely different than anything he’s ever had before.”
“You know him, what do you think?” Jesus, my lip quivered when I spoke. How pathetic was I?
She tapped her finger on her knee again. “I don’t think he’s playing that game anymore. Really, I don’t. He’s had counseling, and it’s been a good two years since he’s had any…incidents.”
I made a mental note to ask what she meant about incidents at another time. Right now, though, it wasn’t enough of a priority to interrupt.
“I guess he could be having a relapse, but…” Her words trailed off. “What has he said to you?”
“That he wants to be with me. That’s he’s committed to making a relationship work.” Or similar things that I didn’t want to share. They were my words and not meant to be given away to just anyone.
Celia scooted an inch closer to me as if we were in a room full of people and she was about to divulge a secret. “Let me tell you something about Hudson and the way he plays women. He doesn’t lie. Ever. That’s the brilliant part of his manipulative skills. He never says anything that you can throw back at him later. It’s all truth spun to make you read more into what he’s saying. He makes you think he’s offering more than what he’s really offering without ever saying the words. You know what I mean?”
“I think so.” Now that I thought about it, I knew exactly what she meant. Hudson chose his words so precisely and handled himself with such care that I could see how he’d be able to spin any situation so that he’d have the upper hand. It was what made him a good businessman, I imagined.
“So if he’s said those things to you, I’d believe them,” Celia reassured. “And he’s never, ever brought a woman to his penthouse
before. That’s common knowledge. Even Sophia knows that. He’s never wanted anyone to be able to find him after he, you know, broke their heart.”
That made total sense. If you were a guy playing people, you wouldn’t want them to have access to your private life. I’d felt almost the same when I’d feared my ability to remain aloof from him—I hadn’t wanted to know where he lived so that I wouldn’t latch on.
Funny how we both were now in exactly the positions we hadn’t ever thought we’d be in.
Celia was watching me, gauging my reactions. I could sense she wanted to say more, but perhaps didn’t know how. “Has he said…how he feels about you?”
“Yes.” Well…“No.” But he had implied it. Now I couldn’t even quite remember what he had said and the ball of worry in my stomach began to tighten. “I mean, he’s said some things, but he hasn’t actually said he loved me.”
But I knew he meant it. Right?
Celia smiled. “I don’t think he’s ever told anyone he loved them. Not even his mother. So that might be a while, if ever. Don’t take that omission as a sign of anything.” She straightened. “No, I think you’re good. I think this is good. I think it’s real.” She clapped her hands together. “Yay! Hudson Pierce has a girlfriend! How exciting!”
“Yeah, it is exciting.” The warmth of it spread through my body. “Totally exciting.” Because none of this had happened to me before. I’d never had a relationship with someone who returned my feelings. Every guy I’d found to be the one never had a chance to see if they felt the same before I ruined it by clinging and suffocating. And the times I’d thought I’d been in love I’d really been more in love with the idea of someone being in love with me. I’d learned that through group therapy. That was why I held on to any slim nugget of interest a guy threw my way—because I so desperately yearned to be loved.
But this time, I wasn’t being desperate and I wasn’t clinging and I wasn’t obsessing. Not more than reasonably, anyway. It was definite cause for celebrating.
I beamed at Celia. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to talk to someone about him. Thank you so much.”
“I bet. And no problem. Any time.” She paused. “How are things going with Sophia?”
“I don’t know.” More like I didn’t care. Hudson’s mother and I were never going to be friends. Not when she’d belittled me and called me a slut. Not when she was so against Hudson finding anything good in life. “I told her off the last time I saw her. I’m hoping I don’t have to deal with her anytime soon.”
“Oh. You don’t have plans to see her then? Like, to show her your coupledom and everything?” She seemed surprised by that, and perhaps it was surprising after the lengths Hudson had gone to show me off to his mother when we weren’t actually a couple.
“No, thank god. I think Hudson’s given up on convincing her of anything. Which is fine by me.”
“Totally. Who needs Sophia?”
I didn’t, that was for sure. But Celia, on the other hand...“You’re chummy with her.” We’d addressed everything else, might as well address Sophia too.
“Well, I live by that friends close, enemies closer philosophy. It works for me.”
“Yeah it does. She adores you.” I may have sounded a little bit jealous. Which was ridiculous since I hated Sophia Pierce.
“She adores me because she adores my mother. Besides, she thinks that if I’m with Hudson, she’ll have complete access to his life. Like I’d share anything personal with her. I have her snowed, that’s all.”
“Then all I have to do to get her on my side is to snow her too?”
“Maybe.” Celia’s eyes narrowed as she considered. Then she shook her head. “Seriously, forget her. She’s not worth it. Have you heard about the time that Hudson told her—” The grandfather clock in the foyer chimed once. “Oh, my, is it really one o’clock already?” Celia checked her watch. “It really is. I have a full afternoon. I’ve got to get going.” She stood and smoothed down her dress. “I’m sorry to rush off like this. It was great talking to you.”
“Yeah, this was nice.” I hated to admit it, but I was disappointed to see her go. Especially when she was about to tell me a story about Hudson. She had so much to offer in terms of understanding him. She’d already made me feel better and there was so much more to be gained from speaking with her.
“We should totally get together again,” Celia exclaimed, almost at the exact moment I was thinking it. “Here.” She pulled a card out of her purse and handed it to me. “My cell is on here. Call me and we can do coffee. Tomorrow, maybe?”
“I’d like that.” I took the card from her, glancing at the print. Celia Werner, Corporate and Private Interior Design.
“Awesome. Give me a call in the morning then.” She paused. “Oh, and if I don’t answer, keep calling. I have a nasty habit of leaving my phone in random places and if you call over and over then I will get to you. And I’ll find my phone! It’s a total win-win.”
I laughed at her method of phone control. “Perfect.”
“Great! Tomorrow then. Give Hudson my love.” She started toward the library door and then stopped and turned back to me, her hand clutched against her chest. “You know, it really is about time Hudson had someone in his life, and I’m so glad it’s someone who loves and understands him as it seems you do.” Her words and actions would seem overly dramatic for most people, yet she was just classy enough to get away with it.
“Thanks. I do. I get him.” Probably more than either he or I knew yet.
“I know you do.” Her face grew serious. “He’s told me things about you, too. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”
She could only be referring to my crazy stalker past. Some of it was quite embarrassing. I’d violated a restraining order once. For that, I had a police record. It was buried now, by Hudson and my lawyer brother, but that didn’t change that it had happened. That I had done that. It was only one of a long list of many shitty things I’d done.
Normally I would have been humiliated to find that someone knew about my history. But right then, with all the good that was going on with Hudson, I didn’t. “No, it doesn’t bother me. Surprisingly.”
“Good.” She smiled. “I won’t tell anyone, of course. I’m glad that I know though. I can see how perfect you are for him because of what you’ve been through yourself. I’m on your side.”
“Thank you. I’m very grateful.”
She winked. “Okay, well, I’m off. Good luck!”
I stood in the library thinking over Celia’s visit long after she had gone and I had programmed her number into my phone. I was looking forward to having coffee with her, and, the truth was, that made me feel twitchy. As sure as I was that she could be a vital source of Hudson insider knowledge, I was also sure he’d be none too happy about it. And rightly so. If I wanted to learn about his past, I should go through him.
Still, could it really hurt to have coffee?
I decided to put my decision off until the morning.
Scanning the dozens of boxes once again, I decided to open some up and start unpacking them on the shelves. Hudson had said to make myself at home, and it would keep me from snooping. Even though I’d gotten permission, it wasn’t the healthiest behavior.
I found a letter opener in one of Hudson’s drawers and, kneeling beside one of the boxes, I used the opener to cut through the packaging tape. Molière was on top, along with a copy of Shakespeare. Underneath, I found several other classics from Dante to Dickens. I sat back on my heels and looked at the shelves, formulating a plan to organize the library.
My library.
Hudson hadn’t said it was mine, but I couldn’t help but think of it as such. I loved books—not only the stories they contained, but the feel of them in my hands, the silk of the pages, the words all collected in one place. Hudson didn’t have any interest in physical books. Obviously. His
bare shelves were proof of that. He read everything on his e-reader. These were my books. I’d already adopted them and was sure Hudson wouldn’t protest. He’d only ordered them to fool his mother, even though I doubted Sophia visited his penthouse very often.
Also in the stack of lies told to Sophia, Hudson had declared I was moving in with him. How long before that became a reality?
No, I couldn’t plan for that. Like I’d told myself earlier, it was too soon, and we weren’t ready.
But would it really hurt to fantasize about it for a few minutes? To imagine living with him in the penthouse? And more? Me running the nightclub with Hudson at my side. Engagement rings and bridal parties flashed through my daydream. Was it really so bad to hope for?
Yes. It was. I had to stop now because daydreaming could very easily lead to fixation. I needed a substitute obsession. Something else to occupy my mind.
I tried to return my focus to the books, but again my mind wandered to the future—weddings and the club and parties.
That was when the idea hit me. I abandoned my task and found my phone to call Jordan. I needed a ride.
***
“Bachelorette parties?” David Lindt leaned back in the desk chair and swiveled from side to side.
I hadn’t been sure David would be at The Sky Launch so early in the day, but I’d lucked out. He was the general manager of the nightclub, and since Hudson had relinquished the running of the business to him, he was the one I needed to approach with any ideas for improvement.
Which was why I’d come in more than six hours before my shift started to share my stroke of genius. “Yes. Bachelorette parties.”
“Seriously? That’s your big idea?”
“Come on, it’s perfect!” I threw my hands up for emphasis. This was a good idea, and talking about it calmly had not seemed to have done the trick of convincing David. “It’s wedding season and the bubble rooms are the perfect place for privacy while still being surrounded by the club scene. You know as well as I do the stuff that goes on in those rooms.”
Found in You Page 4
