“You do remember.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Oh, Gem. I’m so sorry. I pushed you and pushed you. Can you forgive me?” I covered my heart with a palm.
“There’s nothing to forgive.” She sat up straight. “Look, I thought it over this morning, and if you want me to make a request to change roommates, I will.”
“A new roommate request?” My pulse fluttered in the hollow of my throat. “I thought you said you weren’t mad. Please, don’t move out. I acted like an insensitive asshole, but does that warrant you leaving?”
“I’m not mad, but I know you didn’t sign up to room with—”
I placed my finger on her lips. “Don’t! Don’t ever say it or think it. I would never do such a thing.” I moved my hand to her cheek. “You’ll always be my Gemma. Last night doesn’t change a thing. In fact, I think it’ll bring us closer.” I slung an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me.
“Closer as friends?” She pulled away.
“Yeah, closer. No secrets. We should tell each other everything.” I fiddled with the drawstrings on my pink polka dot pajama bottoms, not remembering when I put them on. It was typical of me to wake up after a booze fest to pee and then put on PJs before climbing back in bed.
“Everything?” Gemma laughed. “Not sure I could handle all of your secrets.” She smiled, lessening the sting.
I waved her words away. “Don’t forget. You promised to tell me about the girl. What’s her name?”
“I thought you didn’t remember much from last night.” She shied away like a scared puppy.
“The important stuff is coming back to me.” I thumped my forehead.
She glanced at her watch. “If I remember correctly, I still have a reprieve until a little after midnight. And I have to get going to… that meeting… er study group.” She practically ran to the door.
“Coward,” I shouted as she shut the door behind her. I laughed as I eyeballed the donuts. “Might as well not let these little gems go to waste.” I ate the chocolatey goodness, licking my fingers, and then finished the OJ before hopping into the shower.
The quad outside of the student union was lined with trees ablaze with fall color, which popped vividly against the azure backdrop. I spied the back of Jenny’s dishwater brown head as she rollerbladed through the crowd. I cupped my mouth with both hands and belted out, “Jenny!”
She didn’t hear.
I ran after her, grabbing her shoulder when she hunched against a wall to support herself. “Jenny!” I shouted and lightly thwacked her shoulder since I now saw her headphones.
Jenny whirled around awkwardly, one leg flying out from underneath her and then the other. I put out both arms and wrapped her up against me, saving her from wiping out.
She smiled when she saw it was me. She slipped her headphones onto the back of her neck. “Hey, Tegan.”
“Yesterday, you said only Gemma was steady. I just rescued your sorry ass.”
“After causing me to lose my rollerblading groove. Doesn’t count.” She made a little cha-cha move, only to set into motion another wave of her legs slipping this way and that until stilling with great effort.
I laughed. “What are you listening to?”
She placed her headphones onto my ears. I gave a thumbs-up listening to “I Wanna Sex You Up” as she changed into sneakers she had pulled out of her navy and yellow Eddie Bauer backpack.
“You want to borrow the tape for when Josh is here?” She butted my shoulder, nearly causing me to fall to the ground. “Wowzer, a strong wind could knock you on your buttocks.” She steadied me with her hands.
“That’s not what my mom says.”
“Pffft!” She waved me off. “Mother’s don’t know jack.”
“You got that right.” We started walking toward the entrance of the student union, her rollerblades dangling over her shoulder. “You done for the day?” I asked.
She nodded. “You?”
“Yep, just finished my history class.” I put two hands in the air. “Free ’til Monday.” I neglected to tell her that was the only class out of three today that I’d attended.
“Cool. What are you doing tonight?” She held the glass door open for me.
“Work, unfortunately.” My shoulders sagged. “You?”
“April and I were thinking of Applebee’s. Thought you and Gemma would like to go.” She gestured to the line at Carl’s Jr. tucked into the corner near the entrance of the student union. “Do you mind? I’m starving.”
“Not at all. It’s where I was heading.”
She rapped her forehead with a finger and then placed it on mine. “Simpatico.”
We slipped behind a handful of students in line, silently waiting.
Jenny ordered a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, large fries, and a Coke. I dittoed the order and handed her a ten-dollar bill. After divvying up the change, she shimmied through the crowd, carrying our tray across the food court before settling on an empty yellow plastic booth by the rear entrance that overlooked a small pond in the distance. For a Friday afternoon, the place was fairly busy but not packed. The energy of the area buzzed with the anticipation of the weekend.
“There you are.” April scooted into the booth next to Jenny, nearly ramming Jenny against the wall.
At first I didn’t notice anything, but when April smiled at something Jenny said—and it wasn’t her bitchy smile—I experienced a lightbulb moment.
Jenny wasn’t a beauty nor an ugly duckling. Her face was remarkably average, which could be a good thing if she ever ended up in a police lineup. Her muscular and squatty legs were a result of playing soccer since preschool.
April, on the other hand, had been homecoming queen her senior year (she usually inserted this into conversations whenever possible), meaning her tits and waistline rivaled a Barbie doll’s.
If I had to guess between the two, Jenny was the odds-on favorite for being a dyke. But the way April fluttered her eyes at Jenny and the way Jenny gobbled up the attention, they both were. Good Lord, was I surrounded by homos? Was that why my mother had a conniption when I was accepted at Hill University? Had my Bible-thumping mother known all along? She prided herself on knowing where all the undesirables lived within the country. Once my pilot father invited me to fly to New York City, but my mother pooh-poohed the idea before it had a chance to take off. Hell, Denver had been out of bounds for me, even though I went as often as I could without telling Mom.
I sipped my Coke through a red and yellow striped straw, forcing nervous laughter back into the pit of my stomach. Did Gemma know about Jenny and April? If she knew or if she suspected, then she knew I flat-out lied last night about knowing gays before. Jesus, I felt like a world-class rube. Gem, a girl from a small town in Nebraska, was proving way more worldly.
And what about Jenny’s “simpatico” comment earlier? Was she implying I was like her in all ways? Even her carpet-munching ways?
“Earth to Tegan. Come in, Tegan.” Jenny had her hands circled around her mouth, megaphone style.
“I’m sorry. What’d I miss?” I dipped a fry into a mixture of ketchup and mayo.
April smooshed her face upward when she eyed my own special sauce, but that didn’t stop her from stealing two of my fries, sans the dip.
Jenny said, “I know you’re working tonight, but what about brunch on Sunday with some of my softball buddies you haven’t met yet?”
“Uh, sure.” Was buddies code for lesbians? “What time?”
“Noon. Invite Gemma.”
Yes, I should invite Gem. I could launch a mission of finding Gemma a respectable-looking girl to date.
Jenny pulled a Hill University visor out of her backpack and placed it on her head, letting her limp ponytail hang down her back. I scratched her name off the potential list of girlfriends for Gem. Gemma was sporty, and I suspected she’d like a girl on her arm who didn’t scream dyke. Now that I was seeing the light about Jenny I was kicking myself for missing all the t
elltale signs people used to joke about back in high school. Visors. Air Jordans. Softball. Zero makeup. No one at my high school was out of the closet, but there were some pretty cruel rumors. I mostly ignored them, considering it was usually a football player who started it after being dumped.
Back to Gem, though, I wanted to find someone who wasn’t overly perky but could be when need be. Someone good-looking with a sense of humor. Smart but friendly. Ambitious and kind. Damn, I needed to find her someone who was a lot like me.
Jenny motioned for April to stand so she could get out of the booth. “I have softball practice. See ya. Wouldn’t wanna be ya.”
April laughed too easily, and Jenny stroked a finger under her chin. I squirmed in my seat, wondering how many picked up on the lesbo vibe between the two. Would it be horrible if I stood up to announce I wasn’t a lesbian?
After eyeing Jenny until she was out of sight, April flipped her attention back to me. “So, what’s the deal with you and Josh? Is someone else turning your beautiful head?”
“What?” I nearly shouted in an I just spied a ghost kind of way. “No. No, of course not. I love Josh.”
She narrowed her eyes. “But last night you said you didn’t miss him. What’s that about?” She crunched into one of Jenny’s remaining fries.
I waved her off the trail, unsure what I feared she’d discover. The lesbian trail, maybe. Did she suspect about Gemma? “Drunk. Really, really drunk. Don’t remember a thing I said.”
“Okay,” she said in a tone that implied she wasn’t buying a word of my story but really didn’t give a damn either way.
“In fact, I spoke to him this morning and tried to talk him into visiting. That’s how much I miss him. He was my first thought when I woke up.” Okay, he wasn’t my first thought, but I did call him. Our conversation had been brief, but I had an urge to hear his voice, which had me somewhat baffled. “If he does, can Gemma crash in your room?” I stirred my Coke with the straw, making a mental note to call Josh back to invite him to visit.
That sparked her interest. “Of course,” she purred like a vixen. “Every couple needs privacy.”
“Are you sure it wouldn’t interfere with… your weekend routine?”
April’s face twisted in confusion and then cleared. “Oh, that. I’m sure one weekend would be fine. Who knows what will happen between the three of us.”
Did that mean she suspected all along about Gemma? But then why was she so rude to Gemma, or was that how she flirted?
April took a sip from Jenny’s Coke, batting her lashes at me not so innocently.
The impact of her leer made me queasy, and I rocketed out of my seat. “I have to get ready for work. Have fun at Applebee’s tonight.”
“Oh, I plan on it and then some afterward.”
Ewwwwwwwww.
Not that I thought lesbian sex was disgusting, because I never thought about it, really. But now, it was hard to picture two of my friends going at it, especially when one of those friends was the plain-as-toast-with-no-butter Jenny. People in high school were constantly hooking up. But none of them with the same sex. Did that make me homophobic? Was that why I couldn’t get the newsflash about Gemma out of my mind?
After one in the morning, I finally finished my shift at the theater. Marc, the manager, dropped me off in front of my dorm on his way home, his habit whenever the two of us closed together. In order to save on gas money, I always walked to work. On the nights I closed with Heidi, Gemma staked out in the retro coffee shop next door so we could walk home together. It struck me that Gemma would make a great girlfriend for someone. I just needed to find that person, because in the couple of months I’d known Gem, she hadn’t made any effort on the relationship front. She was too shy and sweet to make a move. Or had the girl she refused to talk about ripped her heart out?
Trudging up the stairs, I imagined what it would be like to kiss a girl. Surely their lips were softer. More plump, maybe. Josh spent the majority of his free time outside year round, and the boy had never heard of ChapStick. His rough lizard-like lips did absolutely nothing for me. My boyfriend from junior year had kissable lips—too bad others had agreed and sought them out. That man was a slut.
No light streamed through the quarter-inch crack at the bottom of our door. Was Gem out for the night? She hadn’t mentioned any plans, but she never went to bed this early. Not on a Friday night. Gemma, a diehard Cheers fan, usually watched a rerun at twelve o’clock. Cheers followed by Mash, her second favorite, which incidentally was my father’s favorite show.
Quietly, I edged into the dark room, waiting at the bathroom sink for a moment for my eyes to adjust. I was fairly certain there was a lump under Gemma’s bedspread. I squinted to make out her beautiful red hair poking out from under the covers and cascading over the white pillowcase.
I sat on her bed. “Gemma?”
Nothing.
I bounced up and down on the mattress with great effort. She stirred when the bed lurched to the side, but she didn’t wake.
I ran a finger through her hair. “Gemma? You awake?”
Gem rolled over and smiled broadly when she saw me. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I laughed foolishly. “It’s well after 12:05.”
She rubbed her eyes. “What?”
I scratched my temple. “You said you’d tell me about the girl.”
Her eyes boggled. “You woke me up to talk about Kate?”
Kate. Yeah, the name was much too simple for someone like Gem. Gemma Mahoney was a strong name, which demanded a name equally strong. I’d always been proud of my first and middle names: Tegan Raye. Of course my last name, Ferber, made me cringe. Not that I was tossing my name in the hat for Gem—that’d be crazy, right? I didn’t know what was up with me lately. All these thoughts kept jumping in and out of my mind.
“Yes. Don’t think falling asleep will get you out of your commitment. It’s important to honor your pledge to me—to everyone.” I knew I sounded like a nitwit, but I couldn’t stop myself from going full steam ahead into the bullshit zone. I needed to know everything about this Kate chick to get at the heart of Gemma’s problem. Not that being a lesbian was a problem. But being an unattached lesbian seemed lonely, and I only wanted Gem to be happy. I had to stifle a smile. I was in a relationship, and lately I’d been wondering why, considering we didn’t live in the same state and Josh didn’t really ignite passionate feelings. No matter. This was about Gem, not me. Maybe if I witnessed Gemma in a happy relationship, I’d work up the nerve to end things with Josh and find someone who made me happy.
She laughed. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
Not knowing the answer for sure, I pulled a bag of stale popcorn from my purse, one of the perks of working in the movie industry. “Want some?” She tried to reach for the bag, but I jerked it away, waving a finger. “Uh-uh. Only if you spill.”
Gemma hoisted the covers off, laughing. “Fine, but I need some tea to wake up. Black and strong. I was sound asleep, ya know.” She playfully rapped her knuckles against my forehead. Her skin was sleepy-warm.
“Deal. Make two cups. I need to wash off the movie theater stink.” I collected my PJs and then my shower things from the floor of my closet.
When I exited the bathroom approximately seven minutes later, not that I was intentionally keeping track of my time away, Gemma stood outside the door with my yellow coffee mug. “Here. I added extra honey.” Our fingers grazed during the handoff, sending a jolt all the way to my toes.
“Let’s snuggle in your bed since your sheets are probably still warm.” I motioned for her to follow.
During our late night talks, it wasn’t unusual to huddle under the covers together. Our building had bricks inside and out and zero insulation. Even in the beginning of the semester, I froze my tits off. I climbed under her covers, still warm from her body, and Gemma settled at the foot of the bed with a quilt her mother and grandmother had made wrapped around her shoulders.
Gemma
slouched against the wall, holding her mug in both hands. After three sips, she looked more alert and her hand descended into the popcorn bag.
I looked her in the eye. “Kate. Tell me everything.”
“There really isn’t much to tell. We didn’t officially date. Just—”
“Midnight trysts?”
“Kinda. Her parents are really conservative.”
“Are yours?” I whispered as if they could hear us conversing from Nebraska.
“Well, they’re planning to vote for Bush again, but that’s because they think Clinton’s a pot-smoking hippie who doesn’t know a thing about being president. Mom and Dad are hard to pin down, really.” Her shoulders plummeted, and I could tell she’d put a lot of thought into figuring out her parents. Did she ever plan on telling them? I couldn’t even imagine.
I thought for a moment and decided to dive in even further. “Did Kate’s parents find out? About you two?”
Gem shook her head and then sipped some tea. “No. We were super careful. Like ‘guarding atomic secrets’ careful. To my knowledge, no one knew. The summer before our senior year, Kate stopped coming over and wouldn’t take my calls. On the first day of school, I found out she was dating the quarterback.”
“How long were you together?”
“Like I said, we weren’t officially together.” Her shoulders stiffened.
This Kate chick hurt her, of that I had no doubt. Why else would she keep distancing herself from the memory? “Okay, how long did you two have to guard your atomic secret?” I thought it best to stick to speaking in code and not mention the L-word. Love, not lesbian.
“Our junior year.”
“An entire year and she just dumped you?”
“I guess you can call it that. We never said we were officially dating or exclusive, though.”
“That bitch!” I smashed my hand down on the mattress.
Gemma smiled, and her eyes met mine briefly before shamefully zooming in on the popcorn.
“That must have hurt. Finding out that way and not being able to talk about it with anyone.”
Girl Love Happens : Season One Page 5
