by Baron Sord
Under the art deco overhang outside, a slate sandwich board stood on the sidewalk. The chalk lettering read, “I HATE ICE CREAM said no one (ever).” Below it, an arrow pointed inside.
I followed it.
As usual, there was a line. People loved their Hammond’s. Several customers ahead of me ordered flights of mini cones so they could taste a range of Hammond’s signature gourmet flavors.
Passing the time, I glanced over my shoulder at the framed antique ice cream scoops mounted on the back wall.
“Oh hey, Chance!” Walking into the shop behind me was Justine Escala, looking as incredibly gorgeous as ever. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, she wore her sexy librarian eyeglasses, and had on a skintight leggings and a sports bra that revealed her smooth flat stomach and sleek curves. Total knockout, but I already knew that.
“Hey, Justine,” I said, trying to hide my nerves. As much as I enjoyed looking at her, I didn’t want to talk to her. She might start questioning me about Hollis Yates (aka Bitch Boots) so she could indict me for aggravated battery. Or ask me about Ice Statue Sully, Karambit Kayhill, Sumo Miguel, or his brother Golden Grill Javier so she could indict me for murder four times over.
Justine had already made it clear on our dinner date she did not like vigilantes.
If she only knew.
Good thing for me she didn’t know my real name.
I had to remind myself that with her — and her dad Doug, the ex-cop — I was Chance.
Justine flashed a smile, “You’re looking good.” Too good. I don’t remember him being this stupid handsome. I swear I’m going to swoon if he keeps looking at me with those dreamy eyes of his.
I tore my gaze away and mumbled, “Thanks, you too.”
“You never called, silly,” she pushed her fingers against my muscled arm. I almost called you a thousand times. It took everything I had to not be another one of your Desperate Debbies. I’m sure I’m not the only woman you’ve disappointed by not calling. There are probably thousands.
“Sorry. I’ve been really busy with work.”
“Oh, me too,” she sighed. “Justice never sleeps. Neither does Justine. Ha, ha.” But I would sleep with you, Chance. In a heartbeat. Did I say something wrong on our date? Why haven’t you called me? Is there something wrong with me? She smiled at me, insecurity straining her face. Do I have something in my teeth? Is my makeup smudged? What, Chance? What? Tell me and I’ll fix it!
I wanted to reassure her that she was beautiful and could get any man she wanted. But she was dangerous. If I said too much, I might let something slip that eventually led to her throwing me in jail. The less she knew about me, the better. Besides, I wasn’t interested in her. There was only one woman meant for me, whether or not she flew solo.
Kristy Liberty, or whatever her last name was.
Unfortunately, the line at Hammond’s was still long and I was stuck standing here with Justine.
She thought, Say something, Justine! “So, uhhh… Chance…” She trailed off into nervous giggles. I can’t believe this! He has me acting like I’m ten years old! Spit it out already! “So, uh, yeah. You have any weekend plans?”
“Oh, uh. Not really.”
“Then maybe we should do something! The weather is great!” She laughed nervously. Dial it down, girl, or he’ll think you’re psycho!
I smiled nervously. I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t prepared to tell her to her face in a crowded ice cream shop that I wasn’t interested. Who wanted to experience that? I needed to think of a nice way to tell her, but I couldn’t do that while carrying on a conversation at the same time.
“Doug? Is that you?”
I turned and saw my neighbor Vangelina. I meant Vanessa. Fricking Arnold and his nicknames. Vanessa, aka Yoga Angelina, stood in the back of the line, which was right behind Justine.
I hadn’t seen Vanessa in weeks. As always, she looked ready to pose for porn. She wore her usual uber-sexy walking/jogging clothes that highlighted her thigh gap and strained over her big fake — but fairly fabulous — boobs. Her Yorky Stefan was noticeably absent.
Vanessa thought, Oh my God, when did this man turn into a male fitness model? He gets better looking every time I see him!
This was bad.
Vanessa knew me as Doug.
Justine knew me as Chance.
Vanessa had already called me Doug in front of Justine, although I couldn’t tell if Justine had noticed. Worse, Vanessa knew where I lived. She might also know my last name. I couldn’t remember if I had ever told her. I couldn’t risk Justine finding out. If she did, I had no doubt Justine would take it straight to Max Garrison, the district attorney.
In other words, MISSION ABORT!
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Vanessa blushed, trying to get my attention.
I tried not to look at her as I took a step toward the door.
Vanessa stepped in front of me and said, “Doug? Did you hear me?”
RED ALERT!
Justine glared at Vanessa and muttered to herself, “Doug? What happened to Chance?”
ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!
Vanessa took one look at Justine and thought, Who’s this little bitch? I see the way she’s looking at him. I’ll show her. Vanessa turned her back to Justine, stood up on her tiptoes, and kissed my cheek possessively.
What a slut! Justine thought. Then she turned to me and demanded, “Who’s Doug?”
ABANDON SHIP!
TO THE LIFEBOATS!
Vanessa nuzzled against my chest and purred, “Who’s your little friend?”
I’m not that little! Justine thought furiously.
Vanessa thought, Are too. And you’re definitely friend-zone material. No benefits for you. I’m first in line for those.
“Yeah, Doug,” Justine growled. “Who am I? In fact, who are you? Is it Doug or is it Chance?” She snarled the name Chance. “Because I’m not really sure right now!”
“Uhhh…” I stammered.
Justine glared at me. I should’ve known he was a liar! Just like Nick! Hot men are always a hot mess! How could I have been so blind?!
Vanessa smirked at Justine and thought, What’s up her ass?
Could normal women read each other’s minds? It sure seemed like it.
More importantly, Arnold’s gourmet Hammond’s sundae could wait. If I stayed here any longer, the fur was going to fly with me in the middle.
I edged away from Vanessa.
“Where are you going?” Vanessa cooed. I haven’t finished rubbing my hands all over your chest and abs! I swear you’re bursting out of that T-shirt today!
“Yeah, Doug!” Justine barked. “Where are you going?! To Lying Town?! Is she why you never called me?!” She flicked a glare at Vanessa and thought, Skinny-legged slut! Why don’t you wear a sign pointing to your thigh gap? In case anyone missed it?! Then she glared at me, “Are you sleeping with her, Doug?!” She spat my name with pure hate. “If that’s even your real name! Or is it Larry the Liar? That’s it, isn’t it?!”
I offered a pathetic smile.
“Are you sleeping with her?!” Justine demanded.
I wish he was, Vanessa sighed to herself.
“You are, aren’t you?!” Justine screamed.
“What, sleeping with her?” I said defensively, barely aware that everyone in Hammond’s was staring at me, Justine, and Vanessa. “I haven’t even kissed either of you!”
“Yeah, right!” Justine huffed. That’s what Nick always said.
Maybe he is gay, Vanessa thought. This blonde may be a little bitch, but she’s a pretty little bitch. I’d sleep with her. And him. Wouldn’t that be a hoot? I know Doug’s more than man enough to handle both of us at the same time. She could sit on his face and we could kiss while I sat on his cock and grinded my way to the best orgasm I’ve ever had.
I stared at Vanessa in disbelief. How could she be thinking of sex at a time like this?
“What?” Vanessa said with a coquettish smirk.
This was ridiculous. I turned on my heel and walked out the front door.
“Get back here, Doug!” Justine shouted, following right behind me.
“I have to go,” I said over my shoulder, not looking back.
Justine shouted, “I knew there was a reason I couldn’t find you anywhere on social media, Chance!” Again, she said Chance like it was an insult. “It’s because I should’ve looked up Larry the Liar!” Her anger was like cannon fire.
I didn’t want to provoke her more, so I kept my mouth shut and walked as fast as I could down the sidewalk.
“Ugh! You’re just like all the rest, aren’t you?! I bet you’re married!” She was still following.
I said, “I’m not married! I don’t even have a girlfriend!”
“Ha! Like I believe that! You probably have ten girlfriends! One in every city!”
“I don’t have any girlfriends!” I sounded like a wimp, but what was I supposed to do? Threaten her or punch her? I started running.
“Don’t you run away from me!” Justine caught up in no time. She was well fit, as Arnold would say in his British accent. “Come back here! Or are you too afraid to face the truth?!”
I almost poured on the inhuman speed and left Justine in the dust, but if I had, she was easily smart enough to put two and two together and realize I was the Masked Jumper, aka the man who broke the back of Hollis Yates. So I ran only slightly faster than her, just enough to leave her behind without looking ridiculous.
“You can’t get away from me, Doug! I’ll figure out who you really are if it’s the last thing I do! Then I’ll tell your wives what you’ve been up to! I know you’ve got more than one!” As hard as Justine was running, she couldn’t keep up. “Come back here, asshole!”
I didn’t even stop at my car.
Ran right past it and turned a corner.
I could come back later, after she gave up and went home. Hopefully the groceries in the trunk didn’t spoil in the meantime. It was a hot day, and there was $180 worth of Arnold’s money hanging in the balance.
Women!
Geesh.
—: o o o :—
Half an hour later, when I decided it was safe to jog back to the car, a text came in on my Robot. I stopped on the sidewalk to read it.
Stazia Wilcox: Everything okay? Haven’t heard from you.
Oops. She’d been back from the East Coast for days.
I had forgotten all about her.
Can you blame me?
I’d been ever so slightly preoccupied with Arnold’s shooting and caring for him at the house ever since. And, after spending all that quality time with Kristy at the hospital the night of the shooting, Stazia had slipped my mind completely.
What was I going to tell her now?
Before I told her anything, I had to figure out what I wanted.
Make that who.
Stazia or Kristy?
—: Chapter 36 :—
“Bang both of them,” Arnold said from the couch before scooping up a spoonful of sundae. On the way home, I had gone back to Ralph’s to get the sundae ingredients he had requested to make up for the lack of Hammond’s.
“At the same time?” I smirked.
Arnold’s eyes lit up, “Hells to the yeah! That would be the ballerest move of all time, Doug! You have to have a three-way with those two tens! And let me watch! No, record it! Think of the money we’ll make!”
I laughed, “I can’t imagine Kristy would be up for that.”
“What, making a video?”
“No, having a three-way. I don’t think she’s the type.” I wanted to say Stazia might be, but that guess was based on the rumors I’d heard about her at work. I didn’t know her well enough to be making that sort of a claim. I sighed, “I’m serious, Arnold. Should I forget about Kristy and go after Stazia, or tell Stazia I’m not interested and keep chasing Kristy?”
“If you like chasing your own tail,” he said.
I rolled my eyes.
He said, “Fine. Go bang Stazia until Kristy shows some interest. If somehow magically Kristy wants to be your girlfriend, let Stazia down easy.”
“Break-ups are never that simple, Arnold.” I wasn’t going to remind him he had zero experience with relationships, or that I had never broken up with any woman. The few I’d dated had all broken up with me. Being dumped was never fun. That was intentional understatement. I couldn’t imagine putting someone through what I’d gone through each time.
Arnold said, “It’s simple if you make it simple.”
I shook my head, “I’m not using Stazia as a backup plan while I’m waiting for Kristy. That’s what my ex did to me.”
“Sleazy Gigi?”
“Sleazy Gigi,” I nodded. “I’ll never do to someone else what she did to me.”
“I can respect that. Okay, I know. Do you have Kristy’s phone number?”
“No.”
“Does she have yours?”
“No.”
“Then forget about Kristy and bang Stazia. She’s interested. Kristy isn’t.”
“You’re right about that,” I sighed.
Stazia was stunning, she was fun, and she seemed like a good person. But Kristy? She was everything I had ever dreamed of in a woman. And, she had super powers like I did. That meant I didn’t have to worry about what she’d think if I ever told her about my powers or having killed people. With Stazia, I did.
I stood up from the couch and said, “I’m going for a walk so I can think this through.”
“Think about a three-way!” Arnold hollered as I went out the door laughing and shaking my head.
Fricking Arnold.
—: o o o :—
Before going out the side gate, I peered over the hedges to make sure Vanessa wasn’t lying in wait.
I had zero interest in seeing her.
I had to smile, because at the moment, I genuinely had more gorgeous women in my life than I could deal with. The very idea made me want to laugh.
When the coast was clear, I went strolling over to Balboa park to wander the trails under the afternoon sun.
I had to tell Stazia something, even if I wasn’t interested. I considered texting her that this was a bad time for me, that I didn’t really have time for dating, which was the absolute truth.
No, I couldn’t text her.
That was the cowardly thing to do.
I should at least call her. I pulled out my Robot phone and dialed.
She answered on the second ring, “Hey Doug! Long time no see!”
“Yeah,” I grinned. “How was the east coast?”
“Hot and muggy,” she laughed. “I should’ve worn a bikini.”
The sight of her strutting down the sidewalk in a big city while wearing only a bikini and high heels would be enough to stop traffic. The mere idea was enough to make my head throb. You know which one I mean.
Chuckling, I said, “How was business out there? Did you make any sales?”
“It was great. How about you? How are you doing? I heard you’ve been out sick?”
“You did? Who told you?”
“That Asian guy who sits across from you.”
“Clifton Yu?”
“Yeah, him. He said you’ve been out with really bad flu or something.”
I couldn’t tell her the truth about Arnold, so I lied, “Yeah. I had the flu. It was horrible.”
“How’re you feeling now?”
“Much better. I’ll be back at work on Monday.”
“That’s cool. What’re you doing now?”
“Hiking in Balboa Park. I’m on the trail now.”
“Oh. What’re you doing later?”
I did not say, Driving all over San Diego saving lives. I could already hear the distress calls in my head nagging for my attention. Going for this hike and calling Stazia was one of the rare occasions when I ignored them on the weekend.
“You still there?” Stazia prompted.
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
&nbs
p; “So, later?”
“Oh, uh, probably resting,” I lied.
“Wanna rest at my place? You can kick it here if you want.”
“Uhh… I don’t know…”
“Did I mention how horny I’ve been thinking about you the last two weeks? I can’t get you out of my head, Doug.”
My body instantly lit up with anticipation and throbbed with desire. I couldn’t read Stunning Stazia’s mind over the phone, but I could read between the lines. If I went over to her house, sex was a certainty.
She had just made my decision that much harder…
—: Chapter 37 :—
Less than an hour later, I was driving Arnold’s Prius toward Stazia’s sweet beach house in Encinitas. Before leaving, I had plugged her address into iSearch Maps and checked the street view so I’d know what to look for. Stazia had said her house was set back from the street and was easy to miss.
Now, I was tingling with anticipation as traffic got increasingly heavier on the 5 north.
I was also blocking out a barrage of distress calls. That wasn’t quite true. I was listening to them to make sure nobody’s life was on the line. If somebody was going to die and I could prevent it, I would have to cancel on Stazia.
Hopefully, the worst would not come to pass.
Eventually, I exited from the freeway at Santa Fe Drive and drove toward Stazia’s. Found her house no problem and parallel parked on the street between cars.
Stepping out of my car, I could smell the ocean and hear the waves coming in, but I couldn’t see the beach. It was another block or two away.
I went up to Stazia’s gate. It was nearly hidden in a huge hedge fence. I pressed the button on the stainless steel intercom box. It beeped.
I waited.
“Yes?” Stazia said.
“It’s Doug.”
“I’ll buzz you in.”
The speaker clicked off and the lock on the gate clicked open. I pushed through and walked into the tropical garden that hid the house, which I couldn’t see except for glimpses between the explosion of green palm trees, banana plants, ferns, and broad-leafed elephant ears.
