by Lynn Mann
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You know that denying your personality and being Aware only of All That Is defeats the object of returning to your body. You also know now that expressing your personality so forcefully that you fail to notice your soul’s message in its entirety is pointless. There is a balance between the two extremes. A state of being where the soul and personality complement rather than hinder one another. You must find it. When you lose it you must find it once more. You must find it over and over until that balance is and remains perfect. You speak of perfect balance. You have already found your perfect balance physically, mentally and emotionally. Your challenge now is to find your perfect spiritual balance. Your centre.
As you have.
As all horses have. To us it is a natural state of being and to humans it will be so eventually. You and your friends will prepare the way for other humans to find it so. The Sorrowful will help.
The Woeful? They can help with this? But the horses can help us. Why do we need help from the Woeful?
My kind can help some of you. The Sorrowful will be able to help all of you.
I sat down next to where my beautiful black and white mare grazed, the sunlight warming her even as her dazzling white fur reflected its beams so that dust particles sparkled as they danced around her. I pondered on what I had just learnt. Then I quietened my thoughts and found the stillness that allowed me to be Aware. Immediately, I was flooded with a feeling of happy and fulfilled busyness from the birds that plucked flies from the air to feed to their young. I was the blossom buds as they burst open and the insects as they rushed to gather nectar. I was the fox who lay in wait by a game trail for the rabbit he could scent approaching. I was the irritation and impatience of my travelling companions. I snapped back to myself. I felt anxious to get back to them before their irritation with me grew further. I jumped to my feet and took a step towards Infinity... and then stopped. I was doing it again; jumping from being entirely focused on my Awareness, to being ruled by my personality and its fears. I stilled myself once more and allowed my Awareness to occupy a place in my mind... but only a place. I decided, calmly, that Infinity and I needed to return to where my fellow travellers waited, and continue on our journey to Rockwood. We would do that now.
The observed has become both the observed and the observer, noted Infinity. Now you will learn more quickly.
Two
Encounter
As we continued onward towards Rockwood, it was agreed that I would take over from Rowena – the only one of us to have made the journey between Rockwood and The Gathering before – in directing the way, in an effort to follow Infinity’s advice and practise finding my centre. I followed my Awareness of my family whilst attempting to maintain full consciousness of my physical environment, and it wasn’t easy. In reaching through All That Is to my family, I was also Aware of a myriad of other beings, from whom I had to try to zone out so as to be able to concentrate on those I needed to find, at the same time as being mindful of my surroundings, including holding conversations with my travelling companions and taking care of my physical needs. When we stopped to make camp each night, I was exhausted and still had my teaching to do for any of the bonded pairs that requested it, but at least as I worked with each partnership, I could focus solely on what I felt from them and them alone. There were times when I felt that my sanity depended on it, although Infinity informed me that I was being melodramatic.
‘Not too far now, everyone,’ I yelled over my shoulder one morning.
Marvel, who rode next to me, made a show of cowering away from my shout and I heard Rowena’s chuckle from just behind him. ‘Well at least they’ll be ready for us, you have no idea how far your voice carries, Am,’ she said.
‘My voice...?’ I stammered. ‘Mine? It’s my voice that prevents birds from settling anywhere near us when we set up camp?!’
‘Can I help it if Marvel will insist on building fires without taking the wind direction into account, or if Aleks starts moaning AGAIN about being hungry, or if I need you to come and help me with Oak and you’re nowhere in sight? There are times when I need to raise my voice with very good reason, but at no time does it carry the way that yours does Am,’ Rowena said.
‘You’re going to need to decide whether to say the words you’re thinking of, or whether to just close your mouth Am,’ Marvel said with a grin. ‘I’d opt for keeping quiet if I were you, it’s by far the easiest option.’
‘My mind’s trying to do so many things at once at the moment that I can’t actually think of the words I want to say and I’m not sure I...’ My voice faded as I became Aware of a familiar pattern of energy. Just as I was about to turn my attention away from it and return to focusing on my destination and on the conversation in which I was engaged, I realised what kind of being it was. I felt the Woeful’s attention settle on me and Infinity, and I registered her curiosity. And her hunger.
We revisit an old situation. Infinity’s thought was very carefully calm. I could feel the panic that her equine personality tried to inflict on her, but that she was successfully holding at bay.
Infinity stopped beneath me and I turned to Marvel and Rowena. ‘There’s a Woeful nearby,’ I told them with a slight shake in my voice. ‘She’s making her way towards us now.’
Marvel whistled though his teeth and Rowena took a long, deep breath. I felt them both overcome the fear that tried to build within them, and then they each emitted light. My light joined theirs and we projected it in all directions, cocooning the horses and the rest of our friends as they caught up with us, their faces questioning.
‘Am can feel a Woeful approaching,’ Rowena said, ‘and that means that we’ll all feel her too, as soon as she’s close enough to stare at us. Everyone stay close together, keep calm and remember the procedure – we all surround ourselves and the horses with light so that we stay calm and the Woeful can see we mean no harm, while Amarilla uses her Awareness of the Woeful to work out how to befriend her.’
At that moment, we all felt the Woeful’s stare from up in the trees ahead of us. Marvel, Rowena and I strengthened our light flows as our friends’ panic erupted all around us.
‘She’s hungry, which the horses all know,’ I said, urgently. ‘They’ll find it hard not to bolt, unless we give them something calm and reassuring to hold on to.’
Rowena said, ‘remember what we’ve practised. Think of everyone you love in your life, your horse, your friends and family. Find the light within you. Find it and hold on to it. Now expand it. Sonja, you’re doing fantastically. Aleks, it will be alright, just focus on what I’m saying. Focus on your love for your horse. That’s it, now push all of your light, all of your love and positivity, outside of yourself. Jack and Vickery, you both look terrified. Don’t fight your fear, just concentrate on the light within you, on every positive feeling you have. That’s it, now radiate your light. Keep making it stronger. That’s it, the horses are calming down.’
‘She’s curious as well as hungry,’ I told my friends. ‘I’m going to send light to her. I think I might be able to get her to understand that we want to be friends.’
Rowena nodded. ‘I’ll send my light to Aleks to help him maintain his own. Jack, Vic and Marvel, can you use your light to surround us all and keep the horses calm? Sonja your light is strong, can you give Am any help she needs with the Woeful?’
Marvel, Jack and Vickery all nodded to Rowena as she sat astride Oak, staring at Aleks, within whom I could feel huge conflict. He and his horse were both terrified and wanted to flee but Aleks was trying hard to follow the drill we had practised over and over. Rowena’s light battered at his fear and every now and then, when her love reached through to him, Aleks found his own light within himself and pushed it out to surround himself and his horse. Then a fresh wave of fear would extinguish his light and fuel Nexus’s instinct to bolt and he had to battle to hold on to her. Rowena kept her light stream towards him bright and steady.
Sonja sat calmly astride Bright, her l
ight radiating strongly about them both. She smiled at me and I felt her keen anticipation for the task ahead.
I returned her smile a little nervously and then asked Infinity, ready Fin?
Infinity didn’t need to answer. Her calm, assured love already steadied the way to where the Woeful crouched on a branch, regarding us all.
My pride in Infinity increased the intensity of the light that streamed out of me into a flow that was so brilliantly white, it was almost blinding. I directed it towards the Woeful, allowing it to settle gently around her. In the instant that she was my sole focus, I knew her. I felt her hunger – it was several days since she had last eaten. She was young and daunted by the prospect of having to survive by herself. She was frustrated at her lack of hunting prowess and worried that she would fail in the task she had been set, but she would die rather than return home before she was due, and risk disappointing her family. She had an enormous capacity to love, to share and to connect with all around her. There was something about our horses that would normally have made them unacceptable to her as prey, yet her hunger had driven her to identify Nexus as the one most likely to separate herself from our group and make herself the easiest target.
She felt my love infuse her and was reminded of times when her mother had comforted her. She was used to being loved unconditionally by her family and by her community. She basked in my love for her and I felt her fears about her current situation begin to wane. Confusion tried to rise within her but my love dispersed it. I loved her and she had nothing to fear from me or my friends. We would help her. I was Aware of her registering my intention and I felt her surprise. Her disbelief. And then I felt something else. For a second, her attention went somewhere else. Somewhere far distant. Then she was back and she was more, somehow, as if someone were with her. Someone WAS with her! Not physically, yet I could feel both her and an older female. Both Woeful were observing Infinity and me with a combination of interest and disbelief.
With a jolt, I recognised this older Woeful and she recognised me. She was neither of the Woeful I had encountered before, yet she was someone whose essence I knew very well. My shock caused my flow of light to waver. Instantly, Sonja’s flow wove its way through mine so that the light reaching the Woeful remained constant. Infinity immediately reminded me of myself and as my light flow steadied and regained full strength, Sonja gently withdrew her own.
Am, are you alright? Justin crashed into my mind with his concern.
I’m fine Justin, stay with me but be small in my mind.
Justin did as I asked and my focus returned to the Woeful who was now two. The young Woeful was worrying that by contacting one of her Elders, she had failed in the task she had been set, but she had taken the risk as she thought her community would want to know about something this extraordinary. I sensed the scrutiny of the older Woeful and I kept my light flowing strongly towards them both, along with my intentions. The Woeful had nothing to fear from us. We wanted to help them and we would like to work towards them and humans being friends. I kept my thoughts to them very simple, very clear. We would be leaving food on the ground for the young Woeful and we would then continue our journey.
I felt the Woeful Elder’s distaste at the word we used to describe their kind and was instantly sorry as I saw how it would cause them offence. She communicated briefly to the young Woeful that she must do as she saw fit, and then she was gone. Realisation seeped through me. The Elder had been sitting within the young Woeful’s mind, just as Justin now sat within mine.
I felt the Woeful’s indecision and hunger and focused on sending my light to her at full strength, reiterating my earlier message. We mean you no harm. We have food and we will leave you some. In time, we would like to be friends.
The Woeful decided that she would wait to see if we left food for her as promised. Immediately, I felt Nexus relax as she felt the Woeful’s interest in her wane.
‘The immediate danger is over,’ I said to my friends. ‘I’m going to dismount and leave some food for the Woe... I mean, our friend in the tree, and then Ro, if you could lead the way onwards to Rockwood, Infinity and I will bring up the rear. Our friend has decided to trust us for now, so it’s really important that we all keep doing exactly what we’re doing and keep calm as we leave.’
I dismounted slowly, maintaining my light flow towards my friend in the tree. She registered the change in the way I thought of her and I felt her brief surprise and then... did a little warmth come in my direction from her? It disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, but I was sure that was what it had been.
Marvel held out two brace of rabbits that he’d brought back from his dawn hunt. I rubbed Broad’s neck as I took the rabbits and then went back to Infinity, who continued to steady the atmosphere with her warm, nurturing energy even as she stood transfixed by my friend in the tree. I rummaged in my saddlebags and found one of my tightly wrapped loaves of traveller’s bread, and then another. I took them both and the rabbits and laid them a short distance from our group, so that my new friend could easily see them. I felt her hunger become the whole of her.
‘We need to leave right now,’ I said quietly as I sprang up onto Infinity’s back.
Rowena and Oak moved away slowly towards Rockwood, and Marvel indicated for Aleks – who was sweating profusely but managing to radiate a weak, pulsing beam of light around himself and Nexus – to go next, before he followed them. Vickery and Verve went after, followed by Jack and Candour. Sonja and Bright remained where they were, with Infinity and me.
‘Thanks for helping me the way you did Sonn, you and Bright go too though, we won’t be far behind you,’ I said to Sonja.
She shook her head. ‘You’re very strong, but if she does something to shake your concentration again, you’ll need my light until yours is steady again.’
‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine, Justin’s with me now, he can help if need be,’ I said, hoping it was true and then instantly knowing that it was.
Sonja’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and then she flushed as red as her hair. Her green eyes flashed with the jealousy I could feel from her and I thought for a second that she would argue, but then she nodded slowly. ‘Okay, follow along soon then,’ she said and Bright obliged her by moving slowly off to follow the others.
I turned my attention back to my new friend, who was slowly descending her tree. I could feel her hunger raging within her, yet she had made a conscious decision to move slowly and calmly, as she could feel my companions and me doing. My light flow to her continued, along with my firm intention of friendship. She reached the bottom of her tree and stood in the hunched posture of a Woe... of a... who?
Kindred. We are the Kindred. Her thoughts settled so gently into my mind that it felt natural for them to be there.
I am Amarilla of the Horse-Bonded, and this is Infinity, I thought back to her, we know how hungry you are, so we’ll leave you to your meal.
As Infinity turned to follow our friends, I couldn’t help but feel a thrill. I felt the young Kindred register my emotion and stop in her tracks. Why was I happy? Had I trapped her? Poisoned her?
Immediately Infinity and I sent her all the love we could muster in a powerful burst. We are Infinity. We are happy to have met you. We are happy to have left you food. We are happy that you have trusted us with the name of your kind. We are happy. That is all.
We felt her fears melt away as her fangs tore into the first loaf of bread.
We found our friends waiting for us just at the edge of the forest.
‘She’s eating,’ I told them. ‘Jack? Vic? Are you alright?’
‘If only we’d kn... known,’ sobbed Vickery.
‘If we’d had any idea, any idea at all what they’re really like, we’d never have... we’d never...’ Jack shook his head as tears streamed down his face.
I felt their agonising remorse for the way they had behaved after the Woeful – after the Kindred, I corrected myself – attacked The Gathering the previous year. ‘You’d nev
er have organised a hunt to try to kill them,’ I finished for Jack. ‘We all know that. Guilt is pointless though, Infinity taught me that. You did what you did back then out of fear, and just now you overcame your fear to be part of something that hopefully will be a new beginning, so it’s all good. What did you feel from her?’ I asked them.
Jack and Vickery had felt the Kindred’s uppermost thoughts – her hunger, her curiosity and her concerns – and so, it transpired, had everyone else. Interesting, I thought to myself; just as I had during my first two encounters with Kindred, before I was Aware, my friends had all picked up information from our new friend. It was as if the Kindred couldn’t help but broadcast aspects of themselves, as if they had a way of connecting with humans that we ourselves lacked.
‘They’re just like us, aren’t they?’ said Rowena. ‘They have worries and challenges in life just as we do, they have families they love.’
‘They’re like us and more than us at the same time,’ I said. I told them all about the Kindred Elder who had joined our acquaintance briefly and then about what had happened when our friends had left Infinity and me alone with the young Kindred. ‘She placed her thoughts so carefully, so gently, in my mind,’ I said. ‘The Kindred are used to communicating that way. And she knew of me as soon as I was Aware of her – that was what drew her to us. She easily felt my emotions and my intention towards her. The Kindred are Aware.’
‘Aware? Like you, Justin and Quinta? Like the horses? And you say you recognised the Kindred Elder? Is she the one who hunted you and Infinity on your way to The Gathering? Or one who was there when they attacked it last year?’ asked Sonja.
‘She wasn’t either of the Kindred I’ve come across so far. I’m not sure how I knew her, I didn’t really have a chance to look into that at the time, all I know was that I recognised her and she recognised me,’ I said, reliving the experience in my mind, reliving my connection to her... and then I knew exactly who she was. I felt Infinity’s knowing and Justin’s understanding a split second later.
