by Lynn Mann
‘You wonderful, wonderful person, I’m so happy for you, you have no idea,’ I said.
‘Actually, I think you’ll find that I do,’ Rowena replied and we both laughed.
‘Does Justin know yet?’ I asked.
‘Not that I know of. It’s so overwhelming, being Aware of everything, that I haven’t even tried to extend myself past all the things that are already bombarding my mind,’ Rowena replied.
I grinned. ‘Do you remember when you met me at The Gathering after I first bonded with Infinity, you told me that the first few months of being bonded were like being blindfolded and spun around until I wouldn’t know which way was up and which was down?’
‘Yup, and I have a feeling I know where you’re heading,’
‘This is as if you’ve been looking at the world through two narrow slits your whole life and all of a sudden, you can see to the sides, behind you, beneath you, above you and further into the distance than you thought possible. It’s hard to stay rooted in the physical world sometimes and then at other times, you’ll curse yourself for letting your personality take over so that you forget about everything you can be Aware of, but Ro, you’ve done it, you’ve achieved perfect balance and so have Oak, Sonja and Bright, all in the same day, I can hardly believe it!’
‘I told you, the Amarilla vortex is gathering strength,’ Rowena said. ‘I’m just glad I was strong enough to stay within it this time, instead of being spat out like I was the last time I found things tricky.’
‘Not half as glad as I am. As Justin so helpfully reminded me, the last time you got “spat out”, you punched me in the face and it was days before I could eat properly,’ I said with a grin.
‘And on that note, I think it’s time to see the horses back to the rest of the herd and then go to eat the dinner which I’m completely confident will be cooked to perfection by the time we get back to camp,’ said Rowena, linking her arm through mine. ‘Seriously though, I’m glad you find it easy being you now. Oak and I would never have got there if you’d still been the under-confident, insipid people-pleaser that you were.’
‘And I’m glad that your ability to be you has been completely unaffected by the events of today. I’d miss the teasing, brutal truth-telling and downright insults if anything about you ever changed,’ I replied.
As we laughed together, I was Aware of Rowena as She Who Is Oak. She had become the unlimited reservoir of love and strength that she saw in her horse when they first bonded. Together, she and Oak had achieved the first part of the agreement their souls had made. Now it was time for them to achieve the second.
‘You realise that I fully intend to have a rest from teaching now that you can take over, don’t you?’ I told Rowena. ‘I’ll have more time to work with Flame, I’ll be able to chat with Justin instead of just barging into his mind when something important is happening, oh and I’ll also have more time and energy to spend battering at my sister’s mind in case she ever lets me in.’
‘Can I help with that now? If there are two of us trying to get through to her, will it speed things up?’
‘No, it’s not signal strength that’s the problem. I can feel how hard Katonia’s been working at imagining she can hear me in her mind, but she’s very distracted now.’
‘Because of Jack and the work they’re doing together?’
‘Partly, but mostly because she’s in the early stages of pregnancy.’
‘She’s pregnant? Jack’s going to be a father? We’re going to have a baby Horse-Bonded? Well I’m not surprised she’s distracted, she must be ecstatic!’
‘She is. She’s a jumbled mass of hormones and emotions and on top of that, she and Jack hardly have a moment to themselves – word has got around about their new multiskilling centre and they’re flat out with people requesting their help and when they’re not working, my mother’s round there fussing and clucking.’
Rowena chuckled. ‘I can imagine. There’s nothing I can do to help there, then, but on the teaching front, how about I take Marvel and Holly and Sonja takes Aleks?’
‘That would work, and Sonja did offer to help Aleks. Nicely dodged, my friend. Any ideas on how you’re going to push Marvel and Holly past the issues that are blocking their progression, now that you’re Aware of what they are?’
‘Marvel’s afraid of change and Holly uses her restless spirit reputation as a cover for a fear of commitment, which is actually down to a lack of confidence in her own judgment. I could take the raging bull approach as you did with Sonja, but I was thinking of a more measured approach.’
‘So, you don’t know,’ I chuckled.
‘No. And we’ve forgotten Vickery.’
‘Focus on her essence, Ro.’
We walked on in silence. I was Aware of Rowena feeling around for Vickery, trying to find her in the myriad of essences of All That Is. ‘Just think of an experience you and she have shared until you get a sense of her, then you’ll feel her easily,’ I suggested.
Almost immediately, Rowena was Aware of Vickery. ‘Ohhhhh,’ she said. ‘She wants to ride Verve better so that he can carry her weight without harm to himself, but that’s as far as it goes for her. She’s been frustrated in previous lifetimes by allowing fear to stand in the way of her making a positive contribution, so Verve agreed to incarnate with her in this lifetime, to help her to break the pattern. She nearly fell into her old pattern by wanting to rid the world of the Kindred and trying to mobilise a team to hunt them down, but she’s back on track now. She’s found the courage to come with us on our mission, to help us. She’s so close to becoming She Who Is Verve. This... almost... doesn’t seem right.’
‘Knowing things about other people when they can’t know stuff about you? It’s uncomfortable to begin with. As you get more used to it, you’ll find that you only easily pick up what is at the forefront of someone’s mind. For knowledge of anything else, you consciously have to delve deeper and that’s something that won’t feel right for you to do without the person’s permission. Don’t worry, it all seems very overwhelming to begin with, but you’ll learn to trust yourself.’
‘I’m counting on your help.’
‘Stay in the middle of the vortex with me and it’s there whenever you need it,’ I giggled.
‘You know, Am, there are some things you just shouldn’t joke about,’ Rowena said.
Eleven
Momentum
As we lounged around the campfire the following morning, I noticed a very definite shift in the dynamic of our group. Sonja, who had usually seemed to find a way to sit next to me, sat on the log across the fire from me, chatting animatedly with Aleks, who was much more cheerful than normal. Rowena had a faraway look on her face which occasionally changed to one of wonder, confusion or joy, and Marvel and Holly both looked uncomfortable. They radiated uncertainty and anxiety, which I could feel their Bond-Partners attempting to alleviate. I felt Justin’s presence in my mind, very quietly at first and then strengthening once he knew I’d noticed him.
Well that’s an improvement, subtlety suits you, I told him.
I’ve been working on it with Quinta, he replied. She complained that my thoughts were even more deafening than my teaching voice, so I’ve been trying to tone myself down. It’s not something I’ve ever had to worry about with Gas as a Bond-Partner – his mind is everywhere at once and anything less than a mental yell to him just mingles in with everything else.
I grinned. I’ll remember to thank Quinta, she’s done us all a favour.
All? Justin read my thoughts. Flaming lanterns, Rowena and Sonja? In the same day? Oh, I see, good for Ro. And good for you for pushing Sonja like that.
She’s determined now to pull Aleks along in her wake.
Well that’ll make your life easier, especially now you need to start work with Flame. You’ll start groundwork with her today? Justin asked.
Yes. She’s determined to get better, but she’s going to have to face the worst of her fears on her way to achieving soundness an
d then she’s going to have to face them all over again in order to do what she’s here to do. She’s a brave mare and she’s going to need to be.
Justin searched through my thoughts and I could almost hear him whistle to himself as he found what I knew about Flame. We’ve all had to face our demons, but Flame’s courage in going forward with this despite everything that’s happened to her – well that’s something else, he observed.
It is. But she has Infinity, me and the rest of the group to support her. Everything happens as it should.
It does, Justin agreed. That’s why I’m going to give Rowena a little taste of her own medicine before I go down to breakfast. ROWENA WAKE UP AND STOP DAYDREAMING!!
Rowena jumped so violently that she left the log on which she was sitting and then landed back down on it with a hard bump. Her look of astonishment turned into a scowl as I burst into laughter. I was Aware of her admonishing Justin, claiming that he could have given her a heart attack and demanding that he be more considerate in his communications from that point forward. She could feel his affection for her though, as well as his delight at her achievement and she couldn’t stay angry at him for long. Soon, she was sharing thoughts with him excitedly about everything she was discovering. Marvel and Holly’s confusion turned to understanding as they saw Rowena mouthing the words she was thinking to Justin. I felt Marvel making a decision.
It wasn’t necessary to be Aware to feel the nervous excitement in the air as we all made our way to the horses’ grazing area, which had now evolved into also being our riding paddock. Sonja was confident that she would be in a position to help Aleks and Nexus. Rowena was looking forward to riding Oak and seeing what they could do together now that they were both rested after the previous day. Once she had ridden, she would be teaching Marvel and Holly. And I was looking forward to beginning to work with Flame.
I remembered Infinity’s advice from the previous day about failure being more likely if I prepared for it by asking for help which I didn’t really need and I resolved to work with Flame on my own.
I felt Flame anticipating our arrival. She knew of my intention and she was keen to work with me. She was fascinated by what she had witnessed when Infinity and I helped Sonja and Bright the previous day and her opinion of what might be possible with her own body had shifted as a result. That was something I hadn’t picked up on until now and I paused in my thoughts to consider it. The way forward was suddenly clear.
My body will act as a template for hers, agreed Infinity.
When we reached the grazing area, all of our horses were waiting, ears pricked, keen for the session to begin. Flame stood next to Infinity and I was pleased to see that even at the sight of all six of us arriving together, she merely watched as we squeezed between the bushes and then separated to go to our own horses.
Flame registered my intention to groom her with brushes for the first time and watched as I groomed Infinity first. I felt Flame ready herself when it was her turn and I held out the brush I would be using first, for her to sniff. She snorted and stepped back. I didn’t follow her. Allowing me to groom her would be good for her well-being and would help her to feel more comfortable with me but I wouldn’t inflict it on her. She lifted her head up high and peered at me and the brush down the length of her nose, making me laugh. She stepped back beside me and sniffed the brush, thoroughly. I rubbed the wooden back of the brush against her shoulder. She was unable to stop herself from flinching, but she stayed where she was. The brush had stiff bristles, so when I turned it over and the bristles were against her coat, I used it in very light strokes. I worked from her shoulder, up her neck and then back down over the rest of her body, only increasing the pressure of my strokes where there was mud that needed to be worked loose. Flame coped well, even dropping her head down to graze for a few minutes at a time.
I moved on to a brush with softer bristles. She liked the feel of this one. She closed her eyes as I brushed her face and I felt her enjoyment as I worked the brush down her neck and over the rest of her body, lifting loose hair and dust from her coat. She was less enamoured by the mane and tail brush and it took a while for her to feel comfortable lifting her feet for me to pick the mud and stones out, but less than an hour later, I’d completed her first groom. She was ribby and her orange coat was dull and too thick for the time of year, but she looked clean and cared for.
Ready Fin?
Infinity was by my side in an instant. I will walk around you until Flame absorbs what she needs from me. Remember that I cannot move forward if your body blocks mine regardless of distance.
I grinned. How could I possibly forget?
Infinity and I moved away from Flame and then Infinity put herself on a large circle with me as its centre. Her hind legs carried her weight and provided the power to propel her up and forward, her neck was arched and her front feet barely seemed to touch the ground. Her blue eyes sparkled with vitality and concentration as I felt her paying close attention to each and every part of her body in turn, from her hind feet all the way up to her ears, so that Flame’s attention would be drawn to their arrangement. Flame was completely engrossed in the feel of a body in perfect balance both as a whole and as the composition of all its elements.
I turned slightly away from Infinity, drawing her onto a smaller circle. Her body made the necessary adjustments to keep itself balancing perfectly, and then made more as I turned to face her and walked towards her, my body level with her shoulder, so that she moved out onto a bigger circle. Flame followed all of the adjustments Infinity made with complete concentration.
Infinity moved up to a trot and as always, my breath caught in my throat. I didn’t think I’d ever get over how beautiful she was. Her movement was effortlessly graceful, accentuated by her mane lifting and falling gently against her neck and by her silvery tail flowing out behind her with a gentle wave undulating along its length. She changed the size of her circle several times in response to changes I made in my body positioning and Flame was with her in every step.
Infinity moved up into canter and now it was just for enjoyment. Infinity, Flame and I rode together in Infinity’s body, revelling in its grace and its power. Infinity slowed to a halt and then sat down further onto her hindquarters, lifting her forequarters into the air and striking out playfully with her front legs. We were Infinity! The three of us were one and there was nothing that we couldn’t do! I laughed out loud, bringing myself back to my own body with a snap.
Infinity moved away from us and dropped her head down to graze. I turned my full attention towards Flame. She followed my intention for her to walk a large circle around me, with her lame right hind leg towards me so that I could easily see it. As she turned her forequarters onto the circle, her hindquarters swung to the outside, seemingly of their own volition. She lost her balance and her legs had to move faster to keep her upright. I held fast to my sense of how Infinity had organised her body, so that Flame had a constant reference point to which she could return. Once she managed to slow herself back down, she checked in with me and then tried again. This time as she turned onto a circle, she softened her back and moved her rib cage to the outside so that her body had a right bend through it and her hindquarters could follow her forequarters. She was stiff, but she could do it. My heart leapt.
Flame registered my delight briefly and then I felt her desire to push further. I turned away from her very slightly, bringing her onto a smaller circle. She began to lose her balance again but then allowed her rib cage to swing further to the outside, creating more of a bend through her body. She made it! She was able to maintain a smaller circle, despite the wrongness in her hindquarters. Her right hind slapped to the ground prematurely, short of its full stride, but her control of her body meant that while travelling to the right, she could balance. Time to up the challenge.
Flame followed my suggestion to change direction, turning away from me and then back on herself so that she now travelled to the left. I could see the problems her body was havi
ng but I kept the template of Infinity’s body firmly at the forefront of my mind, together with the confidence that Flame would be able to emulate it someday – she just needed to make one small change at a time until she got there.
Flame was managing to walk a left circle by leaning in on her left shoulder to compensate for the twist in her pelvis and the fact that her right hind couldn’t travel as far around the outside as it needed to. No. Compensating for her lameness was avoiding the issue. For Flame to get better, she would need to draw on the well of courage that I could feel inside her and meet her difficulties head on. I turned my body to the left a little more, indicating that Flame should turn with me onto a smaller circle. She followed my suggestion and her legs moved faster as she tried to keep her balance using her current body arrangement. I held in my mind not only a sense of Infinity’s body walking on a left bend, but how she had felt in her body whilst doing it. Her absolute balance. Her power. Her ability to cope with anything. Flame was drawn into remembering her experience of Infinity’s body alongside me. She slowed her walk down until she was only just moving and then tentatively swung her rib cage out to the right, pulling her weight off of her left shoulder and back over onto her damaged right hind. She walked at snail’s pace as she tried to reorganise herself according to the template I was holding for her of Infinity’s body walking a smooth left bend. She managed it, making one adjustment at a time. Once she was there, the wrongness of her pelvis and stifle alignment were overwhelmingly obvious to her. Her pelvis wouldn’t turn enough for the bend to be easily maintained and her right stifle stopped her right hind from coming through enough for her to be able to move at more than the slowest of walks.
Immediately, I moved level with Flame’s nose, blocking her movement so that she halted. I radiated a strong flow of light towards her as I walked up to her and rubbed her gently on her neck. Her mind was a whirl. It leapt back and forth between her sense of how Infinity’s body had moved on a left bend, and how her own body had felt. She felt again the parts of her body that had adjusted easily to her attempts to copy Infinity’s template and then she settled on the parts that had held her body back from being able to arrange itself like Infinity’s. I felt the stab of fear that shot through her as she realised where in her body she would have to make changes and I saw her mind flash back to how those parts of her body had come to be compromised in the first place. Instantly, Infinity’s warm, nurturing energy wove its way through the light I was sending to Flame. We were Infinity and there was nothing we couldn’t do. Flame absorbed our energy and our thoughts fleetingly as she continued to process her experience. She was still deep in contemplation hours later when my friends and I left the grazing area to get some lunch.
