Again her lips pursed. Her eyes looked damp and she blinked quickly, glancing away.
“What about last night? We got close again, right back to where we had been. Why are you putting up the barricades again?”
“Last night was just about burning it off, letting me have the goodbye you should have given me last time.” She kept her eyelids lowered while she stated her case.
“I don’t believe it for a minute, we were right back there.”
“For one night only,” she snapped and jerked free, reaching for the coffee canister. “You said it yourself, you wanted a bed for the night. Well, you got it. No need to alter your plans on my account.”
“When I stepped through that door after all this time, one night was all I could hope for. I also said I loved you and I wanted us to be together.”
Silence.
“Rowan…we got close again—”
“That’s before you knew I have a child,” she interrupted, and looked at him with suspicion, cool and assessing.
“My feelings haven’t changed. I was just surprised.” He shrugged. “Anyone would be surprised! I just need you to give me a second to take it in.”
He wanted to kiss the tension out of her adorable mouth, so he did.
There was an immediate moment of relinquishment, where she seemed to droop in his arms. Then it was gone. She tensed, her fists grabbing at his T-shirt before she pushed him back and jerked away.
She lurched out of his grasp, returned to the work surface and her task of cutting doorsteps. Shoving two pieces of bread in the toaster, she moved along the work surface to a cupboard where she pulled out two mugs. “It’s okay for you. I can’t wait around for you to settle down.”
Whoa. She was set on a track and it was very hard to derail. Reasoning with her hadn’t helped, nor had the kiss. But she’d been about to respond until her hackles had gone way up again, and now she had that knife back in her hand. He had to find a way to get her attention without being stabbed—or at the very least impaled on a verbal barb. He’d do it if it killed him.
Once she’d put the knife down he reached for her free hand and grabbed her, drawing him in against her. “Too busy to give me a second chance, Rowan?”
She attempted to pull away.
He tangled her hair in his grasp. “No, you’re not even getting breakfast, not unless you give me some of your time and promise to hear me out.”
Her eyes closed momentarily. She always did like that—his fingers in her hair, possessively claiming her.
She shook her head. “You haven’t got the first clue what my life is like now.”
“No, I don’t, but I want to know.”
“You say that now but—”
He clasped his hand over her mouth.
Her eyes rounded and her eyes filled with warning.
“Damnit, Rowan, I don’t want to do this, but I need you to hear me out and you’re arguing with me for no reason. Agree to my request and you’ll get that coffee you seem to need so badly.”
Reluctantly, she nodded.
With caution, Sean withdrew his hand.
She gave him a scathing sidelong glance that would have sent most men packing. What had got into her so? Had that bastard Declan made her feel she should be ashamed of being pregnant? If that was the case he’d kill the guy with his bare hands.
“You’re right, it does change things. But not in a bad way.”
That seemed to melt the ice a tad, her expression morphing to wariness. “You’re just saying that to get what you want.”
Taking her hands in his he kissed her knuckles, first one hand then the other.
“I’m saying it because of me. I want to be with you, nothing’s changed. Everything I said since I arrived here, I meant. I promise never to go back on my word.”
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
He resisted the urge to kiss her again, to wipe away the tears with his mouth. Instead he dropped down to one knee in front of her, still holding her hands. She looked startled and glanced at the door as if to make sure no one was listening, and then back at him.
“I’m begging here. I messed up, Rowan. I should never have taken off, but I’m back and want to make it up to you, if you’ll just let me.” Again he kissed her knuckles.
Her chest rose and fell quickly. She looked as if she wanted to believe him, but couldn’t. It was in her to deny everything. “But Pixie changes things, I come as an all-inclusive package deal now, even my best friends can’t adapt. You have no idea.”
“Okay, I’m no expert, but I don’t see why it has to be a bad thing.”
She rolled her eyes. “You obviously don’t realize what having a child means. No matter how much friends say “aww” and coo over Pixie if they bump into me on the street, they all disappeared when it wasn’t party time around the clock, the way it used to be. I lost people because I had a baby—”
“They weren’t good friends then, were they?”
She gave a reluctant shrug and looked over the top of his head as if contemplating his remark.
Sean let go her fingers and wrapped his hands around her hips, drawing closer.
Resting his face against her belly, he thought about the fact their child had been growing there and he hadn’t known. He wanted to tell her he knew Pixie was his, to hear all about it, but he couldn’t. It had to come from her, when she was ready.
He rested a kiss on the surface of her dress above her tummy, his hands tight on the small of her back, giving a deep sigh. “Forgive me for taking off, just give me a chance. I’d do anything for you. I thought about you so much. Maybe I did the wrong thing coming straight here without notice, but I had to.”
He looked up at her, making sure she understood.
Her lashes were damp. She stroked his head with her hand.
It was enough.
Sean couldn’t get close enough. Standing, he kissed her gently. He wanted to wrap her legs around and lock them together in the most intimate way, but he was being cautious and treading carefully, measuring his responses. “Will you give me some time to prove to you how much I care?”
“A couple of hours.” She shrugged one shoulder but he could see a tiny fleck of amusement in her eyes.
It was a start. “A couple of hours it is then.”
Her eyelids shot up and she looked at him suspicion.
He lifted his hands in a sign of surrender. “Rowan, I’ll hold you down if I have to.”
A bolt passed between them, a shared sensual memory. They used to get intensely physical, especially after an argument.
She was remembering just as much as he.
He moved his hands, sliding them down her silky dress, absorbing her outline. “Like old times?”
This time she didn’t look away. “Same place, different people.”
She really had grown up, as had he. “Absolutely. Let’s relearn each other, the people we were, those we are now.” He separated from her. “After breakfast we’ll go into town, and we’ll take Pixie.”
Her jaw dropped.
“What? Don’t look so shocked. I’m adapting. I told you, just give me a chance.”
She tapped one finger against his chest. “Okay, one chance. Believe me, if you let me down…if you blow it I’ll be so angry, you’ll wish you were dead.”
Sean grinned. “I won’t.”
Chapter Nine
The day was bright but brisk, the clouds scudding across the blue sky in the breeze. Gulls soared and dipped all along the North Wales coastline and the tide was on the turn. The town promenade was never quiet, attracting visitors whatever the season. It was busy with families today, and Rowan noticed how well they merged in, despite, the novelty of their grouping.
She avoided eye contact with Sean as much as possible, concentrating on the buggy she was pushing. At first it was all she could do to nod or muster a brief response when he asked a question. Horribly self aware, watchful over Pixie, and dreading what he might ask, she found thi
s was even more difficult than she imagined, and she’d often tried to figure out what it might be like. Mostly, when she’d tried, she ended up groaning into her pillow for most of the night.
At some point she was going to have to tell him Pixie was his. The longer she left it, the more awkward it would be, she knew that. When she’d found him in the kitchen with Pixie and Nan, she wondered for a brief moment if Nan had already broken the news, but there would have been more drama, surely. Vowing to do it before the day was out, she tried to figure when might be best. After a nice home cooked meal and a bottle of wine, maybe. Yes, that evening, when Pixie was asleep. She didn’t want Pixie to be confronted by the sight of her dad running for the hills.
Would he run for the hills? She risked a sidelong glance at him. He’d be shocked, but he might stick around to ask a few questions, give her a hard time.
He was so tall and built, walking alongside her. She wouldn’t allow herself to enjoy it, even though it was right there below the surface. It was lovely to be with him, and Pixie, away from the house. “It must feel good to be outside, after so long.”
“It certainly does.” He smiled, scanning the sky and the horizon before he turned to meet her gaze.
The look in his eyes was so direct and questioning, as if he wanted to ask her something. Her pulse tripped, her senses reeling. It shocked her to find herself so acutely attuned to him, after all this time. She always knew the attraction would still be there on her part, her sensual dreams assured her of that. However, one look into his eyes could still totally arrest her attention, locking her thoughts to his. It hadn’t ever gone away, the deep, instinctive connection they shared.
Without realizing her paces slowed, lost deep in his eyes as she was. When she realized, she laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, miles away.”
He put his hand over hers on the buggy handle. “Why don’t I push for a while?”
Surprised, she nodded.
It was odd seeing him take charge, but he didn’t seem awkward with it, as she might have expected. Within moments he’d familiarized himself with the buggy and tucked Pixie’s trailing rug back where it should have been, before setting off again. He was making a big effort. It made her heart ache for more, but it was too soon to even trust herself to cope, to let go and enjoy the moment fully.
They walked along the seafront promenade side by side, and he asked about the changes he saw in the town. Maintaining her focus on Pixie, she mumbled appropriate responses. He seemed genuinely interested though. Art made her wonder. “Anyone would think you were thinking of moving here.”
“It’s an option, isn’t it?” Lowering his eyelids, he glanced at her, watching her response.
“I suppose you have loads of options.”
“Rory offered me a job in London.”
Well, that was non-committal. So much for his promises.
“It’s good to have an offer, but this is a big turning point for me Rowan. I need to make the right decisions. I’ll go up there, check it out, but I want to see what there is here too. I need a reliable job, not just seasonal work.”
There was good sense in what he said, but it made this moment seem so temporary, a fleeting experience. They were close to their destination, the sandy beachfront at Rhyl. Sean had suggested it, but as they closed on it memories began to drift through her thoughts. This was the place they hung out most of all, margining into the seaside visitor crowds to be together, to kiss and collude away from the disapproving eyes of their elders, who never missed a chance to drum into them they were siblings and out of bounds.
Had he suggested they head here for a particular reason, or simply because it was a familiar haunt, somewhere to go? Tension ran up her spine. She didn’t come here as often now, filled with memories as the place was.
Thankfully, Pixie was oblivious, happily pointing at the gulls and the people passing by.
“Birdie,” Pixie announced when one swooped low ahead of them.
“Yes, birdie, well done.” She reached down and stroked Pixie’s head.
Pixie pointed at a nearby family who were headed in the opposite direction on the promenade and about to pass them. “Baby.”
At her side, Sean chuckled. “She’s hoping for a brother or sister maybe.”
“She can hope all she wants, it’s not going to happen.” Rowan pursed her lips.
“Daddy,” Pixie exclaimed, pointing at the dad when the family passed by.
Rowan’s face flamed. She was mortified. It’d happened before, but why now? “I have no idea where she gets these things from.”
“The ladies probably,” he commented, and reached for her arm. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed, it’s natural.”
Mortified, she pulled free. “So you’re a fully fledged child expert now too?”
He drew her to halt with his hand over hers on the buggy.
She braced herself for a difficult response, but he didn’t say anything more, instead he squatted down in front of the buggy and started undoing the safety belt. A moment later he’d risen to his feet, with Pixie in his arms, holding her just the way the other daddy had held his child.
Pixie squealed gleefully, delighted to be up high, and clutched at his jacket with grabby hands.
“That’s better,” he said and smiled at Rowan.
As he was standing directly in front of her, she couldn’t avoid it.
Could this be real? Rowan looked at Sean holding Pixie and had the urge to pinch herself, try to wake up. Not only that, but she felt incredibly awkward. People looked at them, people she knew and some she didn’t, Tourists, townsfolk. Were they admiring the look of them together, just as she was? Did they think Pixie was his daughter? Would they be able to tell, would he notice that and wonder?
It made her want to whisk Pixie out of his hands and head off at warp factor kerzillion. The truth was she was finding it hard to let go and enjoy being around him, relearning him – as he called it – and she figured he’d bolt if he found out the truth.
It’d happen soon enough, but she wanted more of his intimacy before he disappeared for another bloody three years.
The creak of his leather jacket as he moved closer to her brought back memories she thought long buried, softening her.
“Let’s find a place to sit on the beach and talk,” he suggested, “We can get ice cream”
“S’cream,” Pixie repeated.
“It’s her favorite thing.”
“Great. Let’s find a place then I’ll go.”
“No, a bit later maybe. Too close to breakfast time, and I better choose for her. I have to be careful, not too much sugar.”
“Good point.”
She went to push the empty buggy, but he shook his head. “Fold it and I can carry it one hand.”
She did as he suggested. He swung the folded buggy under one arm, holding Pixie easily in the other. Pixie clutched at his jacket, looking back over his shoulder, delighted with the new viewpoint. He made his way to the sloping walkway leading down to the seawall, where people sat up against the wall, picnicking.
She took a moment to observe how easily he carried everything and then joined him. “I could have done with you around the last couple of years,” she muttered, without thinking. As soon as she’d said, she wanted to die. “I mean…to carry things, that’s all.” Her face was on fire.
Sean laughed, glancing down at her with a sparkle in his eyes. “Of course. You see, men are useful for something, carrying stuff.”
She groaned.
They walked along the stone built wall until they found a suitable spot, then he set his burdens down. Rowan reached for the rug, shaking it out for Pixie to sit on.
“I have to watch her,” she explained, when she noticed how closely Sean was observing. “She’s only been walking for three months but once she’s up on her feet she can head off at a rate of knots.”
Sean’s eyes twinkled. “A tear away rebel, huh? I wonder where she got that from.” He looked at her accusingly.
> “She’ll grow out of it, just as I had to.”
He didn’t respond.
“If I’m not mistaken, this is where we had our first kiss,” he commented, once they were settled.
“No. We had our first kiss outside my bedroom door late one winter night.”
When she met his gaze, she realized he’d set her up. It was a test. Humor and mischief shone in his eyes. “That’s right, so it was.”
Pixie set about pushing sand into a heap.
“So let’s talk,” he said. “Let’s fill the gaps, catch up with each other.”
“Okay, you start.”
“No, you start.”
Rowan laughed. “This is worse than when we first met.”
“Is it?” Mischief still shone in his eyes and his mouth when he smiled—it melted her inside, disarming her when she needed to be sharp and wary.
Why did he have to be so gorgeous? And why did he stare at her so much. It wasn’t as if he was looking at her for the first time. It made her giddy and nervous, which was ridiculous. “It is harder, yes,” she eventually replied.
“Don’t let it be harder, there’s no need.” He reached out his hand and took hers, sending tingles right through her.
She allowed him to hold her hand for a silent moment then drew away, “I can’t think when you’re touching me.”
“I must keep that in mind. It might be useful.”
She stuck her tongue out at him
“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll start.”
She noticed he glanced over at Pixie. Did it bother him, her presence? He’d suggested they bring her along. He’d even pushed the pram along the promenade.
“I told you most of it last night.”
“How about explaining how you got yourself in jail. We couldn’t figure it out, always assumed you were too clever to end up getting caught, even if you wandered on to the wrong side of the law.” She threw him a disapproving glance. She wanted him to know she disapproved. She’d never explain why, how it had hit her badly, thinking about his situation. That would remain her secret.
He looked thoughtful for a moment, his expression more serious. “Bit off more than I could chew, I guess. We were just messing around, the way we always had. I picked the wrong target to hack, got caught. It was really bad news, because I was the main provider for all three of us, at the time.”
Sean: A Stepbrother Romance (Coded for Love Book 3) Page 7
