When she realized she was about to pass out from holding her breath, she sighed and turned sideways, listening at the door. The distant strains of a TV reached her, and the sound of her own erratic pulse rushed in her ears, but that was all. Otherwise, silence. The quiet was ominous.
Why on earth had she come here, she berated herself for bringing herself more humiliation. Seeing him standing there had confused her though. All the time she’d spent planning her speech over the course of the journey here. Her principles had forced her actions, but physically and emotionally she longed to be held by him again. Her lips still tingled from the pressure of his firm, handsome mouth on hers. When she pressed her lips together to quell the sensation, it only made it worse.
The feeling of his mouth on her neck had all but stolen her legs from under her. He could play her like a fiddle, and she’d felt weak from lust and dizzy with confusion. It was still the case.
She had to battle the urge to fling open the door, run down the stairs and throw herself at him. She forbade herself. She simply couldn’t fall under his spell any more. Instead she walked across the room and threw herself on the bed. As soon as she did, the tears let loose. She’d tried to hold them back while they’d argued, but now she was alone the wall came tumbling down.
Fear tapped on her shoulder as well.
She hadn’t been afraid, not until he’d said he would never forgive himself for putting Pixie in danger. Sean would never make a statement like that if there wasn’t good cause. Overcome with confusion and the desperate logging to be close to him she buried her face in the pillow.
It didn’t help, because Sean had slept in this bed the night before. Tensing, she realized what she’d done. The knowledge and the scent of him was torture, sheer torture. Rolling away from the pillow she stared across the floor. That didn’t help either, because there was a T-shirt on the floor and she just knew it was his.
Snatching it up she squeezed it tight to her chest.
Why couldn’t she be strong, forget him? There was no way around it. She’d always loved him, and three years of failed attempts to forget him had proven it. She longed to be with him, even while they’d argued, but she refused to give him any encouragement, any tiny sign he could read as approval,
And his warnings had scared her.
It was even worse than she could possibly have imagined.
He’d said he was going to do the job to protect them. What had he brought to her door? He’d only explained that much because he had to. Broken promises littered her train of thought, and the situation he’d outlined only made her realize how little she knew him. It broke her heart.
Fuck him, she decided.
Minutes later she was under the sheets, lights out. But her pulse still raced and her body was humming with need, as if electrified by some invisible connection to the hunk of male testosterone in close proximity. She squeezed her thighs together, but that only made it worse. Cursing, she rolled from side to side, punching the pillow trying to get comfortable. None of it helped. There was nothing wrong with the bed.
It was Sean’s fault.
She squeezed her eyes shut, but all it did was allow images to invade her mind, image of places her body wanted to go, things she wanted to do. Between her legs she was hot and damp, pulsating with need.
She sat up on the edge of the bed and looked at the wedge of light coming under the door from the landing—longing for a shadow to pass through it, longing for the door handle to turn and his presence to invade hers.
But he didn’t. He respected the boundaries she’d set up.
“More’s the pity,” she muttered and groaned with frustration.
Chapter Seventeen
Sean was keenly aware of Rowan’s presence upstairs, and the hankering need to make peace with her, even while he tried to concentrate on the discussion at hand. It was late, and he was still in the kitchen together with Rory and Draco, discussing the hack over a beer.
“There’s a possible way around this,” Draco said.
Sean groaned and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes, frustrated. “I’m not having you getting involved, not one of you.”
“Hear me out, Sean.”
Rory sighed. “At least listen to what Draco’s got to say, Sean, consider it.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
“I work with a specialist team of security guys now. Basically, they let me in on the inside once I proved I could dig out a mole before they could.”
Sean lifted his hands. “And?”
“They know the guys at Kerridge’s Banking Group, where the hack is. One of them suggested a sting operation. But it would be a big risk to you, and you alone.”
Sean eyeballed Draco. Draco was attempting to convince him they wouldn’t be involved, but Sean didn’t believe it.
“You’d be doing it alone, really. You’d have to trust my contacts to set it up and call the police just at the right moment to save your skin. Personally, I think it’s a big risk, but the offer is there.”
Sean mulled it over. “It might be worth thinking about. The risk is there either way.”
Rory leaned in. “If you want to stick to your plan to go straight—”
“Which I do,” Sean interrupted.
“Then it’s better than doing the hack for this Delahane guy. Like you said at the beginning, he’s never going to let you go if you can pull off a gig like this.”
Sean swiped his hand over the stubble on his jaw, scratching at it while he thought it through from every angle. “How would it work?”
“If security at Kerridge’s are alerted to a potential hack by colleagues in the banking district they can build a secondary security alert system. So once Delahane’s inside man shuts down the firewall, they’re aware via the secondary security system. You go in to do the hack, keeping the gopher and his cronies close at hand. Kerridge’s security alert the police. They spring you.”
Rory nodded. “So Delahane’s men would think their insider didn’t cut the security wall properly. Sean knew nothing about it.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”
“At worst they’d assume you’d traded them in for police protection.” Draco shrugged. “Either way, you get arrested, for sure…and there’d be some getting you out of it, but I can guarantee the security people will be behind you.”
“How can you guarantee that?”
“Because the owner of the company I work for is going to be my future father-in-law.”
“Seriously?” Rory grinned. “He’s a canny man,” Rory added, directly to Sean. “I met him.”
“Jesus,” Sean responded, “What the hell have you two been up to this past year? You were supposed to be keeping your heads down.”
Rory laughed. “We did. Life happens.”
Sean grumbled. “Magnets for trouble, both of you.”
Draco, however, remained deadly serious. “I’m sure he wouldn’t let me down. He took a chance on me, saved my skin when I took a risk too far for his daughter. Their theory is get the hackers on board, use their skills.” Again Draco shrugged. “That’s why I ended up wearing a suit.”
In theory, it sounded good. But Sean wasn’t convinced. “I don’t believe this guy would stick his neck out and take such a risk on someone like me, someone who could potentially pull off a major financial scam.”
Draco lifted his eyebrows. “Why not? It’s only the same as this Delahane using your skills, except they are on the other side of the fence using them for different reasons—to keep the money in their own account.”
There was logic to it, and he’d seen Draco in a suit with his own eyes.
Sean sighed, and scrubbed his head with both hands, fidgety and restless, wanting to get it over with. “I’m going down again, either way.” When they both tried to interrupt, he held up his hand. “I’d rather go down knowing Delahane hadn’t won.” And Rowan and Pixie are safe, he silently added.
“Good point. Look, there’s a lot to think about,�
�� Draco said. “I’ll leave you to it. Get back to me first thing in the morning if you want to take the option and I’ll set it in motion. Either way, get yourselves over to my apartment by ten and we’ll make sure you’ve got everything you need for the hack.”
Sean nodded at him. “It’s likely to take all day.”
“No worries, I’ll take the time out. Don’t forget to text with your decision on the sting.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Draco glanced up at the ceiling. “Suppose I’d better go say hi to Rowan before I head home.”
Rory sucked in his breath and shook his head. “I’d give your sis’ a wide berth if I were you. They had a hell of a row earlier.”
“I am still in the room,” Sean said.
Draco laughed. “In that case tell her hi from me, once she calms down.”
When Draco took off Rory cracked them another couple of beers and they talked it over some more, until Rory decided to turn in and encouraged him to do so too. Sean sat on in the kitchen alone, thinking.
The legacy of his time in prison weighed heavily on him. He knew he’d never just walk away from all of this with a clean slate. It was never going to be that simple. He hoped he’d sidestepped it until he picked up the important threads of his life, but Delahane wasn’t going away until he dealt one final axe blow, severing any connection to those interior walls and the power plays going on within them.
If it went well, if he pulled it off, Delahane would never dare mess with him again, and his loved ones would be safe. If he didn’t get it right—well, it couldn’t happen. It simply couldn’t. He’d do the job and go down again rather than put his loved ones in danger.
There was one last thing he had to before he could rest. He wanted to make peace with Rowan. He mounted the stairs some time after midnight. Tapping the door gently, he stood outside the room Rowan was staying in.
There was no reply.
He couldn’t recall if there’d been a key but he guessed not. He tried the door and found it unlocked. Quietly, he pushed the door open and peered into the room. The curtains were closed and a narrow crack of light was all that illuminated the space. He stepped in, paused.
No audible sound came from the bundle in the bed.
His eyes grew accustomed to the gloom.
As he closed the door behind him, he heard a muffled moan. Glancing back, he watched as she threw the covers back, then squirreled down in the bed again.
He stepped closer.
She was asleep, and she was wearing the T-shirt he abandoned on the bed this morning. Relieved she was settled, he stood silently, wishing he could explain to her how he really felt. He didn’t have the slkillset, had to be. He’d messed up again.
He turned away, regretfully, closing the door silently.
Making his way downstairs, he headed to the sofa in the sitting room, where he was soon joined by two cats. He settled down, allowing them to choose their spot around him, and stared at the ceiling. Rowan was just above him.
They were mere feet apart, yet it felt like half a world away.
He had to figure out a way to break apart the barriers between them—those caused by mistakes he’d made, and the ones brought about by misunderstanding and upset. First he had to make sure they were kept safe, and then—if he survived it and stayed out of jail—he’d make them his, forever.
Whatever it took, he’d do it.
Chapter Eighteen
Rowan awoke to the sound of a dog barking somewhere in the distance, and realized she wasn’t at home, but in London. With the awakening came a horrible sense of loss and emptiness because Pixie wasn’t close by. Pixie was her immediate thought and deed every single day since she’d been born. It didn’t feel natural to be so far away from her.
It’d only been a couple of months since Pixie had her own room. They were in Pixie’s room together before, and Rowan was still adjusting to that change, let alone this one. To be separated overnight was doubly difficult. She pulled open the curtain and peered out the window, her mind turning over her situation. The garden was so pretty and the trees surrounding it were a living wall, giving it a feeling of seclusion and calm.
Except she didn’t feel calm. She needed to see Pixie. Then there was the fact Sean Rattigan was close by, somewhere in the same house, but they were apart. In the cold light of day, she realized she’d come here with secret hopes, hopes of being reunited, and they’d been harshly dashed by reality.
With a deep sigh she sat up and picked up her phone, quickly checking in with Nan. They had a brief conversation and then she talked Nan through face time so she could see Pixie. It took a while to organise Nan, but once she got the hang of it Pixie was right there on the screen. Pixie had no trouble adapting and talked to Rowan as if they were in the same room.
Rowan tried not to cry. It was difficult. By the time she hung up, she’d decided to go home. It would be tough saying goodbye to Sky so soon, and she’d scarcely said hello to Rory, let alone seen Draco. But being apart from her baby girl was tearing her apart for no good reason. She and Sean were over. There was no point even telling him Pixie was his, he wouldn’t care less.
Once she dressed, she threw her things back into her backpack. Taking a deep breath, she went to the bedroom door, planning to run for the bathroom and then make a quick exit. She could grab breakfast at Euston station before she boarded the train to Crewe. She turned the handle. The door creaked open and she jolted and yelped, astonished at the sight meeting her eyes.
“We need to talk.” Sean was standing right outside the door, arms folded across his massive chest, waiting for her to appear.
Gasping, she dropped her backpack and stepped back, astonished. “How long have you been there?”
“Long enough.”
He’d probably eavesdropped her conversation. Rowan fumed.
“I could hear you packing.” He glared at the abandoned backpack and strode into the room. Before she could even think of a snarky response, he snatched her into his arms, carrying her back to the bed, booting the door shut behind them as he did so.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Stunned, she wriggled free of his grasp, her senses running wild as her back hit the bed.
“I’ve got a job to do today, and another tomorrow. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s a matter of life and death.” He held her gaze, his face close to hers.
Rowan inhaled sharply, shocked at his words and actions.
“I want you to stay here, in your Narnia, where it’s safe.”
Rowan tried to restrain her smile. “Narnia?”
“You called it, lover.”
Lover? Her heart raced.
He was over her in a flash, pinning her down, rising up on powerful arms so he could look down into her eyes. “Stay here. Promise me. I need to know you’ll be here to come home to at the end of it.”
There was no doubting he meant it, but she was too stunned to reply.
“Rowan!”
“Okay, okay. I promise.” Her heart tripped, but she loved this. Can’t let him know, she thought, muddling through chaotic emotions and desires. “But I have things to do too. How long will you be?”
“As long as the job takes.”
“Men!”
“We need to talk, and you…you…” He wrapped his hands around her shoulders and then stroked them the length of her body, groaning as he did so, his eyes filled with promise. “You and I are going to sort this thing between us, once and for all.”
He was up and gone before she had to time to catch her breath, let alone speak.
She stared at the door, half expecting him to come back and issue some other command. It was kind of thrilling, and she bit her lower lip, her heart soaring.
She was still starting at the door when she heard the sound of a motorbike revving outside. Kneeling up on the bed, she peered out the window.
Sean was striding behind Rory, who was riding the bike through the open gateway. Sean had a helmet dang
ling from his hand. As he went through the gate he turned and looked back, directly up at her window.
Ducking back she gasped and giggled to herself.
Once the sound of the bike had disappeared off into the distance, she leapt up and headed downstairs.
Sky was in the kitchen, wrapped in a fluffy pink robe, yawning while she filled the kettle. Her hair was stuck up on one side of her head.
“Where did they go?”
“We’re not supposed to know.” Sky’s expression was deadpan.
“And..?”
“They’ve gone to meet Draco. Something about a sting and coding.”
“Nice one. Can we stalk them?”
Sky rubbed her hair into place. “I think we should stay put today. Tomorrow is the big one, if I understood the plan correctly. If we ‘play nice’ today, they won’t even think about us stalking them tomorrow.”
“You definitely got the brains in our family.”
“Draco did, we had to share out what was leftover.” Sky chuckled. “But we get by, eh.” She winked at Rowan. “So what shall we do today, while we ‘play nice’?”
Rowan grinned. “Choose paint and soft furnishings, of course.”
Sky grinned.
Chapter Nineteen
Sean looked at his phone screen to check the time. It had been a long day, but with Draco and Rory’s help, he felt ready for the hack. The ground work was done. His kit was ready and the USB was in his front jeans pocket ready to go. Back up versions were in his jacket pocket. “Thanks guys, I really appreciate your help.”
Draco looked thoughtful. “Let’s hope you won’t need to use it.”
“I don’t intend to. The last thing I want is for Delahane to win this.”
“But if you’re cornered,” Rory chipped in, “don’t take any risks.”
“Being tooled up and ready takes the pressure off,” Sean assured him, but he didn’t feel it. “Talking of taking the pressure off, I better get back to your place, I need to talk to Rowan before tomorrow” If it didn’t go according to plan, this might be his last chance to explain how much she meant to him.
Sean: A Stepbrother Romance (Coded for Love Book 3) Page 12
