“What happens to the fear in the presence of God?”
“It is gone.”
“What happens to the sense of wanting to go and hide in the presence of God?”
“It is gone.”
“Yes, they are all gone, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are.”
“And in the presence of God, what happens to stuttering?”
“It is gone.”
“Yes, and being there in the presence of God, notice what you see, hear and feel. Put a word or a phrase to that state so that when you recall that word or phrase you will immediately go into the presence of God. And anytime you have a sense that you might stutter, just go into the presence of God and you will get totally control of the stuttering.”
Bob utilized my beliefs in Jesus by having me “bring the negative thoughts into the presence of God” which forced me to apply my faith and belief in an all-powerful God where, to her, each of those thoughts can’t possibly reside. After we had completed this technique Bob utilized The Trans-derivational Search technique by having me remember the first time I felt the anxiety related to stuttering. My first memory of feeling the anxiety was with my mom. From my experience, my mom was unhappy with my stuttering and as a child I could easily detect her dissatisfaction with my speaking ability. Bob reframed this memory which effectively removed the impact of those past perceptions.
The results
So the question is, “How did this work in the following days after the 45 minute call with Bob?” Well, I kept track. The following Monday and Tuesday at work I had nine occasions where anxiety set in. Eight of the nine times I used the technique Bob used during our consultation session, and the words flowed as smooth as butter. However, one time I encountered a block that just came out of nowhere: no warning, just Wham!
The progress was amazing but now I wanted to ensure that the surprise blocks would not happen any longer. So I scheduled another session with Bob for the following Wednesday evening. We spent an hour on the phone that evening working through an issue that I had no idea had buried its roots into the foundation of the stuttering. It had nothing to do with stuttering per se but everything to do with the anxiety behind the stuttering. The issue came up while Bob was trying to determine what specifically I was doing to trigger the speech block. I had indicated that my biggest challenge was speaking in front of groups as opposed to one on one conversation.
We uncovered various feelings associated with speaking before groups such as feeling outnumbered, out of control, vulnerable and exposed. Becoming fully conscience of those feelings caused only a minor amount of discomfort. However, the feelings behind those initial ones were not as easy to deal with. As Bob worked with me to discover the “other” thoughts they eventually came screaming to my conscience mind. My mind immediately began an internal war of “to tell” or “not to tell”. After what seemed like a very inappropriate amount of hedging around in response to Bob’s question, I came to the conclusion that if I ever wanted to be 100% free of stuttering I was going to have to step out on a limb and reveal what I have refused to discuss since my youth.
So what was this childhood thing that reinforced the stuttering? Well, like too many other children, while I was growing up I experienced some traumatic events. I knew I could skirt the issue, hang up, and continue having a certain level of problems in my speech or I could meet it head on and overcome the stuttering. The two issues had intertwined and the trauma reinforced the stuttering.
An important point to make is that one of the great things about Neuro-Semantics is that it is not necessary to discuss the specifics of a given situation. (Because our mind works more from structure than content, the NS Practitioner usually needs very little content to assist the client in resolving the issue. See my article “Seven Keys to Personal Change” and Michael’s article “Why Introduce ‘Meta-Levels’ to Modeling” for more information about structural change.) I never had to reveal much more than just the high level aspects of the trauma. But I did have to be prepared to deal with the thoughts in my mind. That is not always easy. However, in terms of John Harrison’s Stuttering Hexagon it had to be effectively “reframed” in order to get all the points on the hexagon positively biased. Those blocks which just came out of nowhere probably would never have gone away without effectively dealing with all of the issues behind the anxiety and fear.
So for the remainder of the session Bob utilized specific Neuro-Semantic techniques to help bring about desensitization of the memories relating to the childhood issues. By the end of the session we had discovered that while anger toward the events surrounding my childhood was very apparent what was even more significant was the anger I felt towards myself as a child. In essence I blamed myself for the events of the past. The session came to an end and we set up another appointment for the following week.
What is interesting is that after this session the speech blocks totally disappeared. The issue had not been completely resolved but apparently enough had been dealt with to cause the blocking to disappear. I still had the “thoughts” of being a stutterer and occasionally I would get the physical sense that I would stutter or block but I never did. In essence the physiological aspects were still present which Bob later explained was a result of the muscles still being neurologically programmed (another point on the Stuttering Hexagon). I am not sure but I would venture to say that the stuttering may have eventually returned if we had not taken the time to deal with the anger I felt toward myself as a child.
Before I move to the third and final session it would be good to mention that during the three weeks that I had been having phone consultations with Bob I was also reading Games for Mastering Fear (2002) written by Michael Hall with Bob Bodenhamer. While reading it I eventually came upon the Cartesian Logic model, which is for ensuring that the four logical possibilities of an outcome are considered: what would or wouldn’t happen if you did or did not change. I answered the first three questions with relative ease but when it came to the final question “What wouldn’t happen if you did not keep your stuttering?” it took me a moment to figure out what it was really asking, and I had a difficult time coming up with the answer. And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, the statement, “It wouldn’t keep people away from me” came slamming into my conscious mind. I was stunned trying to figure out where that came from. It was an almost laughable statement to me because I have always enjoyed being surrounded by people. But just as quickly as the statement came to me I realized exactly what it meant.
Although people play a very important part in my life, I had learned early in life to keep most of my deepest thoughts and feelings private. Now I was remembering the many times people who have crossed my path had made comments on how “private” I was in sharing personal thoughts and feelings. Stuttering was a way to keep people I loved in my life but at a safe distance. I was happy to take care of them emotionally but I could never allow them to take care of me emotionally. This, I suppose, was a behavior that I learned early in my childhood. As I reflected back on this I could plainly see how it was a protection mechanism. When friends and family would start asking questions that I perceived as threatening I immediately would begin to block and stutter. This was a way to let them know that I was not willing to go there with them and it worked quite nicely. Nobody wanted to watch me struggle when I spoke so they usually dropped the subject. So there it was … the primary benefit I was receiving by stuttering. [There is further discussion on this in chapter 3.e) Overcoming Resistance – Accepting the Notion of Loss (Secondary Gain)]
From there I was able to go back and evaluate the reason why I felt I needed to maintain so much privacy and also if it was something that was still a valid behavior to keep today. My conclusion was that as an adult I do not need to have the stuttering protect me any longer. I also have the ability to evaluate on a different basis what should be shared and what should be kept private. The rules of my childhood are no longer valid.
The last session
Now on to the final session. During this session, Bob and I directly dealt with that intense hatred. The session was the most difficult of the three. Bob had me go back and visit the little girl at age seven. He asked me to bring her up to God (See “How to Take a Hurt [Bitter Root] to Jesus” – www.neurosemantics.com/Christian/BitterRoot.htm) but initially I was unable to do so because I felt she did not deserve to be with him. In fact, I felt that God himself would not want her there with him. I knew in my head how ridiculous my thoughts were but my emotions were filled with dislike and contempt for the little girl. Eventually Bob was able to find a way to get me to bring the little girl to God but it remained unnatural and I despised her invading my relationship with God. Then we shifted gears. Now the focus was on how the little seven-year-old girl felt. My comment to Bob was that she was “madder than spit fire”. When Bob asked what or whom she was mad at, the events of the past were certainly mentioned, but the real anger she was feeling was at the grown up me. Her anger was that I was blaming her and that I refused to get on with my life. She wanted me to quit placing so much emphasis on the events of the past and to simply start being the adult. Wow.
After 30 minutes Bob cut off the session to allow me time to process what had just occurred. That certainly was a major turning point. The next day I sent Bob the following email message:
“… After we hung up I went in to work out (great time for thinking and processing information) I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Let me bore you with some of them.”
I was thinking of my seven-year-old niece (good age, huh?). From the day she was born she owned my heart. I desperately loved her and silently vowed to do everything in my power to ensure that she would never experience a traumatic childhood. Then I came to realize that I did not have the power to completely protect her. Even my sister and brother-in-law did not have full power to protect their own daughter. Then I came to realize that God did not give me the power to completely protect her. He did not even give my sister and brother-in-law full power to protect their own daughter. So I determined to do what He did give me the power to do … to unconditionally love her no matter what happened, to be her advocate throughout life, to encourage, and to help teach her how to love God and other people. So then I began to wonder why I am able to love my niece so deeply regardless of what happens to her. If anything ever happened to her I would just want to hold her tight until the pain went away. Seems to me there should be no difference between my seven-year-old niece and myself at age seven.
So then I see myself looking back 31 years at a seven-year-old girl and I am shouting, “Pack your bags and get out of my life!” The seven-year-old girl is looking forward 31 years and shouting, “Grow up, you’re the adult! The answer is not back here!” It dawned on me that she is right. No matter how many times I replay the tapes of the past I won’t discover the answer from a seven year old. The seven year old did the best she could with the resources she had. There are no answers in her mind, she is only seven. So I shout back down to her again, “Hold on, I’m coming back there.” Now the little girl is smiling. I, being 38 years old and operating with a strong belief system, begin to move back toward her. When I reach her, I welcome her in my arms and give her the same love that I would give to my niece. An interesting thing happens then: we both look at the individual who was responsible for the events of the past and we see something new … the emptiness within that person’s soul. I whisper to the little girl, “It was never about you”. Then I move forward and visit that little girl at each stage of trauma while she is growing up and I repeat the same process.
Then another thought occurred to me. Continuing to live with the mind of a seven-year-old traumatized girl is in direct violation of all the values and beliefs I hold as an adult. Beliefs such as: Jesus has come to set me free, I am saved by grace not by works, I am a new creature in Christ, I do not fear those who can kill my body but have no power to destroy my soul, and all the other wonderful Biblical truths that I hang my life on. And then there are your words ringing in my ears as you quoted Paul, “When I was a child I thought as a child but now I put childish thinking behind me”.
So right now I feel better about that seven-year-old girl. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but today I not only look like an adult but I think like one also.”
My first phone conversation with Bob took place on January 18, 2002. The immediate results were amazing. My second phone conversation was January 23, 2002. I have not stuttered since that time. My third phone conversation was on January 30, 2002. I have loved that little seven year old ever since.
So I have to ask, “Was God really unconcerned with my speech problem for the past 32 years?” I am of the opinion that he was very concerned about the stuttering. In fact, I believe his concern went way beyond the stuttering to the heart of who I am. I am convinced he was more concerned with healing all of me not just a symptom of stuttering.
In closing, I would like to mention that for me Neuro-Semantics was a very effective tool in getting the remaining points on the Hexagon in a positive mode. Although I believe that Neuro-Semantics can assist a great majority of people who stutter, I equally believe that the quick results I received were due in part to the work I had been (unknowingly) doing through the years to get the points on the Hexagon positively biased. I have learned that the core root may be different for each individual but the symptoms (anxiety, fear, muscle tension in the vocal cords and stomach, etc.) and the outcome (stuttering) appear to be the same. If, as suspected, the emotions such as fear and anxiety lie behind the stuttering, then Neuro-Semantics provides the tools for alleviating these unconscious negative emotions. And by alleviating these negative emotions, we alleviate the stuttering.
Two month follow up – is it working long-term?
After I had completed the consultations with Bob, I knew there would be certain milestones that would determine how effective the treatment was on a long-term basis. Those milestones included being placed in the usual “high stress” situations that would normally result in stuttering. Some examples are serious one-on-one conversation concerning uncomfortable topics, Management meetings, Company meetings, and several other speaking situations that I previously thought of as “threatening”. Over the past two months I have been exposed to each of these “threatening” situations and spoke fluently through each milestone. The final milestone was met on March 21, 2002 when I was scheduled to give a presentation to the Board Members of the Company I work for. Now, prior to working with Bob, stuttering in this situation was a 100% certainty. However, even that meeting was unable to produce the stuttering again. I have tested my fluency in every situation that used to produce stuttering!And I am happy to report that it appears to be a long-term success.
The biggest difference between stuttering and fluency is that fluent individuals do not think about stuttering.
It has been over two years since this therapy with Linda. A couple months ago I asked her how she was doing. She replied, “The thought of stuttering has no place in my mind any more.” Linda and a friend started a new business venture specializing in preparing food for dogs and other pets. She has received a great deal of media attention. And at the time of this writing she wrote, “My speech continues to be awesome. Two years ago I would never have been able to do these interviews with reporters. It still feels great to be free.” Amazing, when the PWS doesn’t consciously or unconsciously think about stuttering the chances of stuttering is greatly diminished. When the person is fluent there are no fears of stuttering. They just are not there. When they block and stutter, the thoughts and fears are always there. So the purpose of therapy with a PWS is to assist them in thinking differently about how they talk.
How to contact the author
The Institute of Neuro-Semantics®
www.masteringstuttering.com
[email protected]
704-864-3585
About Bob G. Bodenhamer, DMin
Dr. Bodenhamer’s u
ndergraduate degree (BA) is from Appalachian State University in Boone, NC (1972). His major at Appalachian State University was Philosophy and Religion with a minor in Psychology. He received the Master of Divinity (1976) and the Doctor of Ministry Degrees (1978) from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, NC. The Master of Divinity Degree included training in Pastoral Care with both classroom and clinical work. Dr. Bodenhamer received one unit of Clinical Pastoral Education from Wake Medical Center in Raleigh, N. C. while working on his doctorate. His marriage to Linda now spans 39 years.
His NLP Practitioner’s Certification comes from L.E.A.D.’s Consultants in Reynoldsburg, OH, Dr. Gene Rooney, Trainer. Dr. Bodenhamer’s NLP Master Certification and Master Time Line TherapyTM Practitioner Certification came from Tad James, PhD of Advanced Neuro-Dynamics of Honolulu, HI. Additional training has been received from NLP conferences. Dr. Bodenhamer has approximately 1500 hours of formal NLP training. He teaches NLP in the Corporate/Community Education program at Gaston College. Dr. Bodenhamer received his certification as a Trainer of NLP from Tad James, PhD, Advance Neuro Dynamics, Honolulu, Hawaii and Wyatt Woodsmall, PhD of Advanced Behavioral Modeling, Inc., Arlington, VA.
As an International Master NLP Trainer, he offers both certified training for Practitioners and Master Practitioners of NLP. He serves as a training and therapy consultant for corporations and he has a private NLP Therapy practice. Dr. Bodenhamer has served four Southern Baptist churches as pastor. He is presently serving as pastor of a mission church called Christ Fellowship Community Church. His time in the pastorate spans 34 years. All of his pastorates have been in North Carolina.
He co-founded the Institute of Neuro-Semantics with L. Michael Hall, PhD.
He has co-authored eight books with Michael Hall:
Patterns For Renewing The Mind: Christian Communicating & Counseling Using NLP (1996) with Michael Hall
I Have a Voice Page 20
