by K E Osborn
Being here, on this bike with Texas—it feels like home.
And there’s no safer place in the world than home.
TEXAS
Sitting Fin down inside the clubhouse, she’s fucking wrecked. Her face has dried blood running down the side, her hair is a tangled bloody mess, not to mention all the cuts, scrapes, and those burns on her forearm and ankle are fucking nasty. Everything inside me wants to go on a vendetta, find this Maxen asshole right now, and put my fist through his fucking chest, tear out his heart and make him watch as I rip it apart with my bare hands.
But I need to push my insatiable anger aside and be here for Finley. Make sure she’s okay. That’s my main priority right now.
“Do you feel lightheaded? It looks like you hit your head pretty damn good,” I ask, my fingers gently brushing away the hair sticking to the slowly congealing blood on her forehead.
“Honestly, I’m okay, just sore.” Her glassy eyes meet mine, and we stare at each other, my heart still fucking racing from the accident. From seeing her car flip like that. I clench my eyes shut, gripping hold of her hands, and let out a long slow breath.
“Shit! Watching your car uncontrolled…” I take another deep breath and begin again, “… knowing in that moment you couldn’t stop, that there was nothing I could do—” Stopping, I can’t go on with the thought.
Fin’s hand comes out caressing the side of my face making my eyes snap back open. “It all happened so fast, Texas… there was nothing you could have done.”
“When the car flipped, seeing you in midair, I swear my heart fucking stopped… I was so fucking scared of the outcome.”
She sniffles, holding onto me tighter. “I’m fine.”
“Are you, though? Look at you. I didn’t get you out quick enough.” His hand slides down to the burn on my forearm, and I grimace. “When I saw those flames… fuck!”
“I’m here. I’m okay.” I race forward embracing him. He holds me so tight, his hand smoothing down my hair, his heart racing so fast I feel it through his chest.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we need to get a look at those burns,” Foxy chimes.
I didn’t even hear them come in.
Pulling back from Fin, she sits back down. I take a step back as Foxy and Medic move in and completely take over.
Phantom slaps my shoulder, pulling me aside. “You and Fin are getting close.”
“Yeah, brother. We are.”
He smiles, nudging my shoulder. “It’s about damn time! I’m happy for you, seriously. You guys are made for each other.”
“Texas, Phantom,” a deep voice calls out from behind us.
We turn to see Zero standing with his arms crossed over his chest looking particularly unhappy with what he’s seeing.
Cracking my neck to the side, we walk over to our president. “Pres, I—”
“First of all, how badly is she hurt?” he interrupts.
“Few grazes and scrapes. Cut to her head and couple of bad burns.”
“Nothing extensive? Breaks, concussions?”
“Don’t think so.”
He shifts his posture like he’s relaxing a little. “Good! Now, tell me what the fuck happened?”
“Says her brakes failed. I was watching from behind the entire way home. We pulled up at the lights, and it looked like she was having trouble braking. I should have pulled us over then. I don’t know why I let it go. When we went around the bend, it’s like the cable snapped and she had… nothing. She ran into Phantom, he hit the deck, then she flipped into the ditch. Car went up in flames… I only just got her out in time.”
“Fuck! So someone did this? Someone cut the brakes just enough for when she put on the right amount of pressure, they would fail?”
My muscles tense as anger sweeps over me. “I believe so.”
“Maxen?”
“Makes sense… but there are cameras on the hospital parking lot. We should get Neon to check the feeds, so we know for sure. If it is him, we’re gonna need to look into this, Pres.”
“Okay, I’ll get Neon back here. For now, you take care of her. She’s important… to all of us.”
My eyes shift over to Fin with warmth spreading through me. “Yeah… yeah, she is.”
Zero slaps my back, then pulls out his cell and walks off toward the chapel. I make my way back over to Fin, where Foxy is dressing her burns and Medic is removing glass from her leg.
Grimacing, I stand back, folding my arms over my chest. “How’s she looking, docs?”
Foxy turns to me with a gentle smile. “Her burns are superficial. With the right creams, dressings, and some time, they will heal fine without scarring. I’ve sutured up the cut on her head, and Medic is finalizing the removal of the glass now. We should be finished in a moment, but she’s gonna need to rest—”
“I can’t. I have to prep for meetings tomorrow.”
Foxy tilts her head as I let out a laugh. “You’re not working tonight, Fin, or tomorrow. Sunshine can handle all that shit. You’re spending the day in bed.”
Fin scoffs. “Me? Spend the day in bed? I’ll go stir crazy.”
I turn to Foxy. “Help me out here, doc!”
Foxy chuckles. “He’s right, Fin, you do need to rest. Let your body heal. Work will always be there. Trust me, take it from someone who got shot and was holed up in bed for fucking ages. Taking the time to heal is necessary, it helps you get better faster. And it keeps these assholes off your back too.” Foxy winks at Fin.
Fin sighs frustratingly. “Fine! But only to stop Texas from hassling me.”
“Good! I will be making sure you’re in bed all day tomorrow, and I’ll be removing your laptop from the bedroom so you can’t work in bed.”
“Jesus Christ! How do you know my plan before I’ve already thought of it?”
“Because I know you.” I smirk.
“Okay, I’m all done here. You need to keep these wounds clean and dry for twenty-four hours, but you can have a wipe down if you want to, to get all that blood off you,” Medic instructs.
Finley glances down at her blood-stained clothes. “Thanks… both of you.”
“C’mon, let’s get you upstairs,” I tell her, and hoist her up into my arms.
She doesn’t hesitate, letting me carry her as I head for the stairs.
I take them slowly, making sure not to jar her wounded body. I walk to the end of the hall to her room, and she leans over, reaching for the door handle. We walk inside, and I kick the door shut with my foot heading over to the bed and sit her on the edge. “Right, I know you might feel uncomfortable right now, but I need to strip you down to your underwear.”
Fin raises her brow. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I’m gonna wipe the blood off you… and I can’t do that if you have clothes on. We sleep in the same bed, I’ve seen you in your skimpy pajamas. Don’t get weirded out by this, Fin. Or make it into something it’s not. I’m just here to help you.”
She swallows a lump in her throat and nods. I reach around and undo the zipper on her dress. It slides over her shoulders easily leaving her in a bra and panties. With a smile, I then turn and walk into the bathroom, worrying that if I stay around too much longer, my cock might just make it into something it’s not.
Grabbing a bowl from under the sink, I fill it with warm water Then find some sterile gauze and walk back out into the bedroom. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and the sight of all the cuts and scrapes tears at my heart. But I also see a woman I care so deeply about in pain. I walk over, pull out the desk chair and slide in front of her. Her eyes meet mine as I casually glance up and down her battered body.
“What did he do to you?” I mumble.
She reaches out, her finger under my chin lifting my eyes up to meet her.
“It’s all superficial. It will heal. However, the fact he tried to kill me… that’s definitely not lost on me, Texas.”
Dipping some of the gauze into the water, I start to wipe down the dried blood on her l
eg. She flinches, letting out a small hiss between her teeth, and I grit mine hating that I’m hurting her.
“The asshole’s not going to get away with this. Zero’s calling Neon back from the hospital to go over the parking lot footage to make sure it is Maxen or his men. Once we have it confirmed, we’re gonna go after him. We can’t have you locked away in here forever… even though I might actually like keeping you here all to myself.”
A slow grin forms on her face. “Thank you. Thanks for taking care of me again. For saving me. For always being there. Honestly, you’re the one good thing I have going for me right now.”
My chest squeezes hearing those words. I’m glad she feels that way because I feel the same about her. I wipe off some more blood, then rinse it in the bowl, the water instantly turning bright red. “I have this thing…” I admit and Fin raises her brow at me.
“Thing?” she replies.
Taking in a breath, I keep tending to her cuts, keeping my eyes away from hers for fear of what I might see when I tell her this. “Sometimes I don’t feel things the way I should, at least the way I think I should. I feel… I don’t know… disconnected. Like a bystander watching on. Like this fucking fog is in front of me, and I can’t shift it. I’ve felt like a goddamn freak for years.”
Her hand comes out touching mine, that instant spark igniting me like it always does when she touches me.
I feel her.
I always feel her.
That’s what I’m trying to tell her.
I feel her but from a distance.
She is everything, so why this disassociation.
“Texas, you’re not a freak, far from it.”
My eyes finally shift up to meet hers, and it hits me again, that volcanic eruption inside of me making my body turn to molten lava around her. I’ve been so dead inside. So switched off until I met Fin. She’s managed to turn something inside me back on.
“The thing is, Fin… I still feel a disconnect with shit around me. At the hospital today, when we got the news about Kobe, I was happy, just like everyone else, but I knew it wasn’t at the same level everyone else was feeling. I still felt that fog, that haze like I was standing back watching it all play out in front of me, but I was at a distance.”
She gnaws down on her bottom lip. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me here, Texas?”
I place the gauze into the bowl and grab her hands in mine. “The thing is, Fin, and I don’t want to scare you with this, but when I saw you in that car today, my fear, I fucking felt it. I felt every agonizing fucking second of it. Not from a distance but deep in my soul…” I form a fist and bang on my chest over my heart.
“What are you saying?”
Rolling my shoulders, I swallow hard. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why I can’t connect. But with you, Fin… with you, I do. I’m starting to feel everything.”
She leans forward, pressing her forehead gently against mine. “I feel everything with you too.” Pressing her lips to mine, my heart hammers in my chest as I run my hand up into her hair holding her to me. Our tongues dance together slowly, the kiss not frenzied nor passionate but a slow, delicate rhythm letting us both know that we’re in this together.
I pull back gently, my eyes meeting hers as she licks her bottom lip. “I could get used to kissing you.”
I smile, pulling back completely and reach over for the bowl again to continue wiping away the blood from her wounds. She sits back, a comfortable silence washes over us as I clean her cuts, and I can tell she’s thinking about something. She has this cute tension in her eyebrows when she’s overthinking something.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” I ask.
She raises her brows. “How did you know I was thinking about something?”
“You have a tell.”
“I do not.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
She leans back a little so I can clean the cut on her stomach. “Okay… hear me out…”
This should be good.
“This disconnect you feel… how long have you felt this way?”
I tilt my head a little trying to think back. “Since I was a kid, I think.”
“Before you came to Houston?”
“Oh yeah, long before.”
She hesitates then says, “Before your mom died?”
The fog is back instantly, it’s like I’m outside my body looking at us from a distance. It’s so fucking hard to explain, but I know it the second that wall comes right back up. But I push through it to try and think of the answer she needs to her question. “No… it was after.”
“Hmm,” is all she says.
“What?”
She reaches out, her hand resting on my thigh for support. “Texas, I think this detachment issue is your brain’s way of coping with your mother’s death. Of course, I could be wrong, I’m not a psychologist. But being an attorney, I see a lot of clients with mental illness, and… I think you need to visit a psychologist to be tested for any underlying issues.”
I jerk back, scrunching up my face. “I’m not fucking crazy, woman!”
She reaches out, grabbing me again, and holds on tight. “I’m not saying that… at all! I’m saying you went through something traumatic as a kid, and your brain is trying to cope with that the best way it can, and that’s to shut down. Maybe it just doesn’t know how to cope any other way.”
“So, I need to go see a shrink? Yeah, no thanks.”
“I’ll come with you.”
I stand and start pacing the bedroom floor. “Nah, nope, no. Bikers don’t go to fucking therapy.”
Fin shrugs. “Wraith did, and look at how well he’s flourishing.”
I scoff. “I’m a lot fucking different than Wraith. I don’t have a fucking addiction to killing for the sake of it, not lately anyway. Though, I am feeling pretty damn stabby right now.”
Fin raises her hands in surrender. “Okay, fine. I’m only trying to help. I simply want what’s best for you, Texas. I think talking to someone about this could benefit you, help you see there’s a reason behind it all and give you a proper diagnosis.”
I let out a scoff. “So, you do think I’m batshit crazy?”
Fin stands, stumbling slightly, then rights herself. “No, don’t put words in my mouth.”
“You want me to see a shrink though, right?”
She swallows, then nods. “I think it will help.”
“Then… you think… I’m FUCKING crazy! I should have never told you. I knew it was a mistake. This has fucked up everything.” I turn to walk for the door.
“Texas, no it hasn’t! Come back. We can talk about this.”
I spin back to face her—she’s pale and struggling to stand. “You need to rest. Get in bed and sleep while I try and sort my head out.”
“Texas,” it comes out as a pleading whisper.
“Fin, rest. That’s what I need from you right now.” My heart hammers in my chest so bad I feel like I am having a damn heart attack. Fin’s looking at me with such hurt in her eyes, it’s almost crippling me. The pain is back, and it’s very much real. I need to get away from it, from her, for a moment, to try and make sense of everything.
She sits on the edge of the bed, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as I turn for the door. I grab the handle, hesitating on it for a few seconds. Then I take a large breath, turn it, and walk out.
Just like that.
FINLEY
It’s been hours since Texas left in a damn huff. I know our disagreement was a strange one, and I shouldn’t have pushed. I simply want what’s best for him, and if he’s feeling a disconnect, like an out-of-body experience, that’s definitely a sign of some kind of trauma issue. But I can’t force him to get help. He can only get it when he’s ready.
I’ve tried to stay awake as long as possible, but I can’t wait up anymore. Maybe he’s not staying in here tonight with me.
Maybe I pushed him that one step too far, and the thought te
rrifies me.
But I am so fucking exhausted, I can’t wait any longer.
I know most of the club and Chicago are back because the noise downstairs is booming. Even from up here, I can hear everything. One can only assume they’re celebrating Kobe’s successful surgery. I should be down there with them, but honestly, after the crash today and the conflict with Texas, I don’t have it in me.
So I close my eyes and let sleep overcome me.
The mattress dips beside me, slowly waking me. I struggle for a second to gain my bearings. It’s dark, only a small streak of moonlight shining through. The clubhouse is quiet, except for a crying baby in the distance, so I roll over and find Texas in bed with me. He smells like beer, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s been drinking because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He rolls onto his side facing me, his sad eyes shine from the reflection of the silver moon through the window. It’s like he’s struggling. “I’m sorry… I was an asshole.”
Pursing my lips, I bring my hand up to caress his slightly bearded cheek. “I was only just trying to help.”
“After some beer, and some time to think and reflect, I know why I reacted that way.”
I raise my brow. “Yeah?”
“Because I’m the one who thinks I am crazy, and I didn’t want you to think it too.”
I let out a long breath and snuggle into him. “I don’t for one second think you’re crazy. I know for a fact you’re too hard on yourself. But crazy… nah-ah!”
He’s quiet for a moment before his hand comes up smoothing the back of my hair. “Do you think talking to someone will help me?”
“Well, it won’t do any harm. But it might give you some answers.”
He leans in kissing the top of my head. “I’ll talk to Chills when she gets back. See if she can recommend someone.”
I glance up. “I think you’re brave for doing this. I’m proud of you.”
