He was very prepared for the worst
He quickly surveyed
The mess Goldie had made
And looked very likely to burst.
Mrs Bear followed him close behind
And tutted at what she did find
The table was foraged
And dotted with porridge
It really was not very kind.
At last Baby Bear toddled in
And for once couldn't muster a grin
He looked very glum
As he said to his Mum
"My bowl has got no porridge in."
Then he noticed the ruin of his chair
And gave a great wail of despair
"Oh no! Boo hoo hoo!
Oh what shall I do?
For now I can't sit anywhere!"
"Don't cry, son," said brave Mr Bear
"I'll soon fix you up a new chair
Now we must look around
To see what can be found
A burglar might hide anywhere."
They checked in the kitchen at first
But nothing seemed any the worst
So they tiptoed upstairs
Like three nervous Bears
Daddy Bear felt obliged to go first.
Mr Bear went to check his own bed
"It hasn't been touched," he then said.
"But mine looks all jumbled!"
His wife duly grumbled.
"There's something in mine!" Baby said.
They all rushed to have a good look
"What is it?" asked Mummy, in shock.
"A person, I think,"
Baby said with a blink
"Like pictures I've seen in a book."
Goldilocks woke up just about then
She could see they were not normal men.
As she started to whimper,
Bear Baby did simper
"But Mum, for a pet I do yen.
Her fur is so golden and fair
Her eyes are so blue, and just stare
If you let her be mine
I'll nevermore whine
Oh please Mummy Bear, Daddy Bear."
While the bears were deciding her fate
Goldie felt it was foolish to wait
To be pet to a Bear
She just didn't dare
To think of – and knew she would hate.
She jumped out of bed in a flash
And straight for the stairs made a dash
The three Bears gave chase
But could not match her pace
She banged the front door with a crash.
Goldie knew she had been very bad
She just hoped the Bears were not too sad
It was all her own fault
She had nearly been caught
She just wanted her own Mum and Dad.
She knew she was quite a disgrace
She had shown up the whole Human Race
For she'd robbed the poor Bears
Took them quite unawares
Tears of shame did roll right down her face.
For hours it seemed she did fly
Without knowing where, or quite why
At the edge of the wood
She vowed to be good,
And her own village street she did spy...
Goldilocks learned to respect the rights of animals as well as humans. Didn’t she?
JESSA and the WO-BUGS
Jessa was very excited. This was her very first space voyage. She was just nine years old and, as a birthday treat, had been allowed to accompany Mum and Dad on this trip. They were space miners, and their ship called the Silver Sprite was a mining ship. Jessa's parents travelled all over the galaxy visiting planets which had plenty of metal to spare. This was the year 2,500 a.d. and Earth was very short of metal. It was almost all used up. That's why space mining was necessary.
Their first stop was a planet called Wob, which had plenty of a rare, red metal called rozium. Wob was inhabited by strange beings called Wo-bugs. These were neither friendly nor unfriendly. They didn't seem to take much notice of the Earthlings who came to dig holes in their planet, collected some of the big red rocks, then flew away again in their silvery ships. Wob was considered a ‘safe’ planet.
Almost as soon as the Silver Sprite had landed, and the robot digging machine called X.K. Vator came trundling out of his special hatch, Jessa wanted to go and explore this strange new planet. After all, she'd never left Earth before.
“All right,” Mum said, “but don't wander too far, and don't annoy the Wo-bugs.”
“I won't,” Jessa promised. “I'll be back by dinner time.”
She skipped away happily, choosing a path which led into some woods. The ground was a reddish colour and twinkled with tiny grains of rozium. The trees were purple with glittery leaves and twisted into weird shapes. Even the sky was pink all the time, as Wob had a violet sun. This was a terribly pretty world. As she went along, Jessa adjusted her Lingo-com watch which was a birthday present. While she was wearing it, she could understand any language.
She giggled at the sounds of the birds. They made noises like computer games: “Beep-beep-beep” and “Weeooo-weeooo”. Then she saw a funny animal – something like a big blue mouse bouncing through the trees.
After walking for ages, Jessa came across a strange building which might have been a house. She stopped to look at it. It was built entirely of rozium – highly-polished metallic red, and had several round windows, but no visible door. Jessa was incredibly curious, just like a lot of Earth children. She wondered if this was a Wo-bug's house, and she was just dying to see what they looked like and how they lived. Mum had said she mustn't annoy them, but surely they wouldn't be annoyed just because she admired their pretty house.
She tiptoed up to one of the round windows and peered in, but all she saw was her own reflection. It was one of those windows that looked like a mirror from outside. Disappointed, Jessa walked back to the twinkly path and noticed that this led straight up to the wall of the house. That was peculiar...
She followed the path right up to the shiny red wall – and a door opened, silently sliding to one side; it was just like one of those supermarket doors on Earth, except it was invisible when closed.
Jessa felt a bit nervous. It wasn't right to walk straight into someone's house uninvited; but the Wo-bugs had designed their doors this way, so maybe they liked having visitors. She stepped inside the door which slid shut behind her. This did not alarm Jessa – that's what supermarket doors usually did. She gazed with interest at the room she was in, which was softly lit with a pinkish glow.
There did not seem to be anyone at home, and there was a lovely aroma of food. This seemed to come from the table, which was round, made of rozium again, standing on one leg, something like a flat toadstool. Three steaming bowls of varying sizes were standing on the table. It seemed ages since breakfast, and Jessa realised she was very hungry.
She had to stand on tip-toe to look inside the bowls. The food looked a bit like yellow porridge and smelled like custard, honey and peanut butter, but there were no spoons to be seen. Jessa licked her lips, then boldly stuck a finger into the largest bowl. “Ouch!” It was much too hot. She did the same to the next bowl, and found this to be cooler, but when she licked her finger, the taste was terribly salty. “Yuck!” she said, wrinkling her nose. Finally Jessa tried the smallest bowl, and found this to be quite delicious. It tasted exactly as it smelled. She picked up the bowl with both hands and slurped it all down rather noisily. Mum would have been horrified at such table manners. “Ooh-er,” she suddenly thought. “That was a bit greedy. I hope the Wo-bugs won't be too cross.”
Then she noticed three chairs, all different sizes, placed in front of three separate television screens, and with no earphones in sight. What a strange family! How could they all watch different programmes at the same time?
She scrambled onto the first chair, which was so high she hardly managed to reach the seat, then turned on th
e television. The screen flickered into life, and Jessa gasped with amazement at the creatures she saw. They were like huge hairy bears with spiky, green fur which stuck out in all directions. Their eyes were round, red and glowing like bicycle reflectors. Worst of all, they had long snouts – something like ant eaters. Now she knew why they didn't need spoons to eat with. The two on the screen appeared to be wrestling, and there was an awful lot of whistling and whooping going on. This must be Daddy Wobug's favourite sport.
Jessa quickly grew bored with this, turned the wrestling off and jumped down from the high seat. She decided to give the middle chair a miss and try the smallest. This must belong to the youngest Wo-bug and his or her programme might be more interesting. She sat in the little seat which was just the right size, and was just about to switch on...
Then she heard the noises...
Soft whooping and chirruping sounds were coming from outside, accompanied by heavy, shuffling footsteps. The Wo-bugs were back!
In a fright, Jessa jumped up, knocking the small chair over with a crash. She ran to the nearest round window and stretched up to push it open; but it would not budge, and she couldn't find a catch to undo.
The shuffling footsteps were almost at the door, and the chirruping voices were nearer.
Jessa desperately looked round for somewhere to hide, then saw a spiral staircase which led up to a hole in the ceiling. She would hide upstairs. She scuttled up the metal stairs as fast as she could, and reached the upper room.
Only just in time, as she heard the front door sliding open.
Here were the weirdest bunk-beds she had ever seen. They looked like three bowls with legs, stacked on top of each other. They reminded Jessa of her mum's vegetable rack, except for the metal ladders in between.
The chirrupy voices in the room below sounded worried.
Jessa pressed a button at the side of her Lingo-com watch, so that she could understand what they said. She was trembling so much, she could hardly find the right button, but she finally managed.
The deepest voice sounded like the hoot of an owl. That one must be Daddy Wo-bug. He was saying: “I thought I heard a noise. Do you think we've had burglars, my dear?”
Mummy Wo-bug cooed like a pigeon: “Someone's made splashes all over my polished table. What a messy burglar!”
Little Wo-bug began to cry: “Oh, Mummy, Daddy – look! Someone's eaten all my dinner!” He sounded like a mouse squeaking.
Jessa climbed into the first and largest bowl. She wondered why they slept in bowls. Maybe they curled up like hedgehogs, and there were no blankets or quilts. Wo-bugs probably didn't need any with all that spiky fur. She reached the ladder and climbed up to the middle-sized bowl...
Little Wo-bug was squeaking again. “Loook – Mummy and Daddy! Someone's knocked my chair down!”
“It must be burglars,” Mummy Wo-bug cooed nervously.
“Let's look upstairs,” Daddy Wo-bug hooted bravely.
Jessa was on the second ladder and had almost reached the smallest bunk-bowl at the top. She heard their footsteps on the metal stairs and almost dived into the basin-shaped bed. This was the only place to hide. There was an open window close to this top bed, but this would not be much use – she was much too high off the ground to dare jump out. Jessa curled herself as small as she could inside the bowl, and shivered with fright. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, which she hadn't done for years, just to stop herself from crying.
The Wo-bugs were in the room.
“Nobody here,” hooted Daddy Wo-bug.
“Check the beds,” Mummy Wo-bug cooed wisely.
“Maybe they've jumped out the window!” squeaked little Wo-bug.
“Silly boy! It's too high,” cooed Mummy.
Heavy footsteps on the ladder, and all the beds were shaking – they were coming up to look.
But there was only one.
Jessa almost fainted as little Wo-bug's spiky green head appeared over the edge of the bowl-bed. She squeaked a bit herself.
His alien eyes glowed red as warning tail-lights, as he twittered excitedly, “Oooh look, Mummy, Daddy! Look what's in my bed!”
Two more (enormous) spiky green heads joined little Wo-bug's, and six glowing red eyes stared at Jessa.
“It's a wild animal!” hooted Daddy.
“Uurrk! Nasty thing!” squawked Mummy.
“But it's cute!” squeaked little Wo-bug. “Please may I keep it?”
Jessa began to cry. She had never been called an animal before, and had never been so scared in her life.
“Certainly not!” cooed Mummy. “it's probably got germs.”
“But it's got fluffy yellow fur on its head...” wailed little Wo-bug, “and such pretty blue eyes. I want to keep it, Mummy – I promise I'll take it for walks...” He planted a kiss on Jessa's forehead with the end of his long snout. (This was cold and wet, and she didn't like it at all). “Please, Mummy, Daddy – please let me keep the little pet. It's sooo cute!”
Jessa was terrified that Mummy and Daddy might say “yes”. She couldn't think of anything more awful than being little Wo-bug's pet, and she was ever-so glad that Earth boys didn't look like him – else she would never EVER get married. What was she going to do?
“Well...” cooed Mummy Wo-bug in a ‘maybe’ kind of voice...
Then came a wonderful rumbling noise from outside the window, and a deep metallic voice boomed, “JESSA!”
It was X.K.Vator, the mining robot.
Jessa's heart leaped with happiness.
X.K.Vator was only a robot, but he was also her friend. He had come to find her.
The Wo-bugs rushed to the window at the strange noise, and peered out.
“EEEeeek! A monster!” squawked Mummy.
“Let's go and lock the doors!” hooted Daddy.
“Oooooh-owww!” wailed little Wo-bug, as he fled after his parents.
Jessa looked out of the open window.
There was X.K.Vator, almost as tall as the house, winking his friendly green lamp-eyes. He held out his yellow metal arms. Each of these ended in a scooping shovel instead of a hand, but could also be used as a seat for a little girl.
Jessa climbed into one of these scoop hands. “Hello, X.K.Vator, my old mate,” she said gladly.
The big machine trundled into a swift turn on his land-roving tracks. “IT IS TIME FOR DINNER,” he said in his flat booming voice. “YOUR MOTHER IS WORRIED. I HAVE COME TO GET YOU, MY LITTLE FRIEND. WE WILL GO...”
Jessa zoomed through the woods in the arm of X.K.Vator. His tracks trundled easily over the rough ground. The purple trees whizzed past. His green lamp-eyes glowed as his motor whirred.
Even X.K.Vator is ten times better looking than a Wo-bug, she thought…
This one is definitely a spoof. Can you guess of what?
GRANNYZILLA
If you kids enjoy a story
That's quite exciting and a little bit gory
Sit yourselves down – this one's a thriller
It is the story of Grannyzilla
Now Grannyzilla was a normal lady
She liked drinking tea and knitting for babies
A gentle soul, quiet and shy
Until one day there was a stormy sky…
She was out enjoying a bowling game
When thunder rattled her zimmer frame
"Oh dear," she said, "we'd better go"
And she started walking, ever so slow
But Granny she was out of luck
For all of a sudden, lightning struck!
Don't worry though, it didn't kill her
But it turned her into Grannyzilla
She didn't make much noise at first
And passers-by, they feared the worst
But oh! They couldn't believe their eyes
She grew and grew to ten times her size!
Granny felt stronger than ever before
She opened her mouth and out came a ROAR!
"I feel great!" she thought "wahoo! Wahey!"
/> "Bowling is over – now it's time to play"
She stomped round the town, frightening cats
Bustling buses and flattening flats
She ripped off the roof of BHS
And left the top floor in a terrible mess
She'd swiped all the fruit gums, both strawberry and cherry
And most of those miniature bottles of sherry
The ladies' department lost their sensible coats
And out of the till flew the twenty pound notes
Now Granny was causing a terrible scene
There was destruction wherever she'd been
The people all watched in horror and cried
"How do we stop her? She's half a mile wide!"
Then out of the crowd, a bright young copper
Said "I've seen the old movies! I know how to stop her!
We'll dig a big hole and then set her a trap
We'll line it with cloth and when she falls, we wrap
Her up in a bundle so she can't get out
I'll tie the knots – I was a boy scout!"
The people all cheered and each got a spade
The hole was dug, the bait was laid
Now Granny was tired and started to think
"Ooh, I could do with a sit-down and drink"
When all of a sudden, what did she see?
A big slice of cake and a nice cup of tea
She bent down to get them and down, down she fell
The hole that they'd dug was as deep as a well!
The people each grabbed a side of the cloth
And tied it up quick before she shook it off
A cheer went up as Granny was beaten!
And all before anyone even got eaten
They cheered the policeman, who looked kinda smug
As young ladies rushed over to give him a hug
And as for Granny? Well she's quite content
Short and Tall Page 3
