It better not be... No! It can’t be.
Gabe’s hand on my chin brings me back to the moment, and I look up into his concerned eyes. “Are you okay? What just happened? I’m sorry I stepped on your foot.”
“What? Oh yeah, no worries. I guess I... I think I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.”
Gabe inspects my face, probably trying to figure out if he should buy my bullshit or not. I’m not the only one who can read the other pretty well.
Thankfully, he lets it go, taking my hand and pulling me over to his phone to turn off the music before leading me up the stairs to our bedroom.
No, not our bedroom. His bedroom.
I’ll be gone in just a few days, and there is no us.
Twenty-Nine
Monica
Staring up at the big house in front of us, I exhale loudly. “All right, let’s do this.”
Gabe shifts around in his seat and turns my way. “What’s up with you today? Usually, you love social gatherings.”
“I know, I do. But this is Charlie and Hudson’s gender reveal party. It’s like an epic slap in the face, showing me everything I’m going to miss once I’m gone. They’re going to have a cute little baby in a few months, while I’ll be on the other side of the world, most likely, thousands of miles away. I know this is obviously what I want, but it still makes me sad, I guess.” I shrug my shoulders and let my head fall to the left so I can look at him. “In case you haven’t noticed, I live best in denial.”
About more than just this issue too.
The little voice in my head wants to come out and play, but I tell her to shut it. More things to freak out over is the last thing I need right now.
Gabe reaches out, squeezing my forearm. “I’m sorry. It must be weird going back after so long. I’m sure you’ll get back into your routine in no time though. Change always takes a little while to adjust to, but you’ll be as good as new once you dance your heart out on that stage. Remember, you’re very excited about it. Right?”
Despite the tightness in my chest, I sit up a little straighter at his comment. “You’re right. I’ll get over it.”
His posture is hunched as he sighs heavily. The distant look in his eyes makes me stop, but when he pushes my seat belt button a second later, with a small grin on his face, I’m sure I imagined it. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure they’re waiting for us.”
“All right. Let’s do this.” I open the door, trying to shake off this funky mood I’m in, for everyone else’s sake. I can sulk later when I’m by myself.
We both get out of the car and walk up to the house. To my bewilderment, Gabe opens the front door without knocking and walks straight in, pulling me along with him until we round the corner into the big, open kitchen.
Dozens of people all look at us when we enter, yelling, “Surprise!”
I look over at Gabe, who has a smug grin on his face. Oh, he totally knew.
He leans in and whispers, “It’s your goodbye party. Surprise.”
Whereas hearing everyone else yell surprise got me excited, hearing Gabe mention anything about my upcoming departure somehow makes my eyes burn with unshed tears. I have to swallow several times as people smile and wave, and Charlie comes rushing toward me.
She’s wearing a beautiful peach-colored dress, one that accentuates her belly—the one that “finally popped out,” she told me in utter excitement. She throws her arms around my neck and laughs in my ear. “I’m so happy you’re finally here. It’s been so hard keeping this a secret from you. You know how much I suck at that.”
I do. More than once, she’s ruined someone’s surprise over the years by spilling the beans.
Once we part, I stare up at her. Since I didn’t feel like heels today, I’m several inches shorter than Charlie. “Does that mean you won’t be revealing the gender today?”
She shakes her head, pointing her thumb behind her toward the kitchen island. “It still kind of is. We weren’t planning on doing much more than a gender reveal with the cake anyway. And since you love cake, I thought we could combine the two. I hope you don’t mind.”
“You’re crazy, you know that, right? Why on earth would I mind?” My gaze drifts downward, to her little, round belly between us, and I can’t help but touch it. It’s just too adorable not to. “You had me at gender reveal and cake. That’s all that matters, right?”
Charlie laughs loudly, her whole body, including her belly under my hand, shaking. “I guess it is. You matter too though, obviously, which is the reason I made your favorite strawberry mousse cake too, just in case it’s a boy. I was worried a blue strawberry mousse cake would push it, so I told Max to keep it simple with the gender reveal cake, and I made an extra one for you.”
Shaking my head at her, I chuckle. “Don’t act like you need an excuse to bake an extra cake.”
Her grin gets bigger. “True.”
I make myself comfortable in a quiet corner of the living room, or at least as quiet as it can be with a room full of people, a big plate with the remnants of Hudson and Charlie’s blue gender reveal cake in hand.
Little Mira is going to have a baby brother.
Everyone’s thrilled, me included, even though I don’t really care what it is. I’m just looking forward to spoiling another little one in the family.
Well, at least from afar, I guess. We’ll see how often I can make it out here once I’m traveling the world again.
The same pang of uneasiness settles in my stomach at the thought, as it has so often this last week, but I brush it aside as I watch Hannah make her way over to me.
“Why are you hiding over here?” Gabe and Hudson’s grandma sits down next to me, putting a small plate with cookies on the armrest. Her gray hair is pinned up in a stylish updo that looks like it would be way too complicated for me to ever achieve.
Charlie and I have joked before that Hannah’s more talented in the styling and fashion department than both of us combined. Talk about having a role model for when we get older.
“Who says I’m hiding? Everyone can see me just fine. You found me, didn’t you?” Our eyes meet for a moment before I look away.
If there’s one thing Hannah is overly good at, it’s seeing straight past anyone’s crap. I don’t need to look at her to know her laser-sharp eyes are on me right now, meaning she probably already knows I’m full of it. Maybe even knows more about what’s going on with me than I do myself. It’s like she has a sixth sense for it.
She nudges my shoulder gently before taking a drink of the juice she brought with her. “I did. The main party is definitely over there though.” She points toward the open kitchen and living room area with her finger. “And you’re huddled over here on the couch, almost as far away from everyone as possible without actually leaving the room.”
My chest expands as I take a deep breath before blowing it out through my lips in a big huff. “Huh. I didn’t notice.” Even I can hear the BS in my response from a mile away. I decide to throw in the towel, not feeling up to pretending right now. Not sure what to say though, I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing’s going on, really.”
“Are you sure? I’m a good listener, you know that.”
A small smile tugs at my lips when I glance over at her. She’s been one of Charlie’s biggest supporters ever since Charlie’s grandmother—who also happened to be Hannah’s best friend—passed away. Not to mention, she’s been a huge cheerleader since I got into town too. But then, so has been the whole Mitchell family.
The entire town is awesome, which I honestly didn’t expect when I came out here to hide and recuperate.
“I know you are. I just don’t know what to say really, but thank you. I appreciate the offer.”
She pats my thigh for a moment before wiggling further into the couch cushions, getting more comfortable. Seems like she’s planning on staying for a while, probably wanting to grill me some more.
“Somehow, I feel like I had a similar situation with Charlie last year—if memory
serves me right. Boy trouble and all that fun stuff.” She looks past me to the kitchen, where Charlie is laughing at something Hudson must have said. “And now look at those two, happy as a clam with Mira and their little baby boy on the way... Anyway, are you excited to leave for New York soon?”
“Yes.” The answer shoots out of my mouth without me even thinking about her question. I also blatantly ignore the mention of boy trouble. Letting out a breath, I play with the rim of the empty cup in my hands. “I guess.”
Her thin eyebrows furrow. “Yes? You don’t look very sure about that. Are there any problems with your dance team, or did something else happen?”
I shake my head, my heart suddenly pounding in my rib cage at an out-of-control pace.
Did something else happen? I want to burst out laughing at her question before breaking down in a puddle of ugly cries.
So much has happened.
Too much for me to even wrap my head around, which is the reason I push it away once more, all the way to the bottom of the denial box. The same way I have been for the past few weeks, everything more than I can handle.
The happy—or at least, somewhat content—mask I’ve perfected over the years comes into place. “No, things are actually a lot better with the team than I thought they would be. It will be fun to see everyone again, and to get back to my normal life.”
My brain is yelling at me. Liar, liar. But what am I supposed to tell Hannah right now? That I’ve been having this weird, nagging feeling in my chest for a while now? The one I can’t even identify. That the thought of going away doesn’t excite me as much as I thought it would? But that’s normal after such a long time away, right?
I decide to go for a little truth. “I guess I didn’t fully realize what I’m leaving behind. But I’m just being silly, ignore me.”
“Hey.” She grabs my hand this time, and I immediately feel a little calmer. Hannah is one of the best and kindest people I’ve ever known in my life.
She’s a mom, grandma, great-grandma, friend—all wrapped into one person—and she always has an open ear for everyone who needs it, ready to offer some great advice. The only time things can slip into dangerous territory is when you try to hide something from her because she’s way too perceptive for her own good, and usually, not one for beating around the bush either.
If Hannah has something to say, she’s going to say it. And you’re going to have to listen.
Sometimes that’s a scary thought, especially when you’re not ready to hear it.
Like right now.
I’m terrified of what might come out of her mouth and hope like crazy she’s going to drop this.
Her fingers squeeze mine once. “It’s okay to feel that way. People nowadays are way too hung up on which feelings are okay to feel and which ones aren’t. Your emotions appear whether you want them to or not, so you might as well embrace them and try to address them properly. You’ve been here for quite a while now, and Charlie has been your friend since you guys were little beans. Of course, you’ll miss her and all of your other friends. It’s totally normal. I’d be more worried if you weren’t sad about leaving.”
My gaze flickers back and forth between watching the words flow out of her mouth and watching her eyes twinkle.
She pats our joined fingers with her other hand before letting go. “The most important thing you have to remember is that this isn’t goodbye forever. You’re always welcome here, always. Whenever you need a break, we’ll be thrilled to have you. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have you here permanently, just like the rest of the family, but I understand your need to go out into the world and make your own footprint in it. You need to follow your heart wherever it leads you. But we’re always just a phone call or a flight away. You hear me?”
I simply nod because I can’t find any words right now, trying to blink away my slightly blurry vision.
Just then, Charlie walks over to us. Hannah starts to get up but not before facing me one more time. “You’re young. You’ll figure it out. Just listen to your gut because, believe me, it’s usually right. No matter if it’s about your career or your love life.”
The last part of her sentence hangs between us as she winks at me.
Does she…? Did she just…?
“Come say bye before you leave, okay? Can’t have you forget about little old me.” Just like that, she saunters back over to the other guests, and my best friend takes her spot.
“Everything okay? That looked like a serious talk.” She leans over and puts her head on my shoulder, giving me a quick side hug. “I can’t believe you’re really leaving in a couple days. I’m going to miss you so much. We’re all gonna miss you so much.”
“I’ll miss you and all the other crazy ones too.” I watch Charlie as she tries to get comfortable, finally settling with one of her legs under her butt.
“Aww, Mo.” She engulfs me in another big hug, her arms tightly wrapping around my torso. “You’ll be back before you know it.” Pulling back, she looks at me with wide eyes. “Wait a second. You will come back, won’t you? I didn’t even think about that. Are you planning on living back in New York when you’re done with your tour next year? For some reason, I automatically assumed you’d be coming back here after.” She sniffles once.
The blows to my heart just keep coming tonight, it seems. “I actually haven’t really thought much past my tour. I’ve been so focused on recovering and getting back on my feet that everything beyond that wasn’t really on my radar.”
“Hmm.” Charlie brushes some of her blonde hair out of her face and props her elbow up on the back of the couch, her chin in her hand. Then she stares at me.
When neither one of us says anything after a few moments, she stares at me some more, her eyes slowly turning into little slits. “Well, I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but what about you-know-who?” She looks around the room as if she’d get arrested for saying a specific person’s name.
I sigh, knowing immediately she’s talking about my housemate. “What about him? He’ll be off on his next book tour soon too.”
“I know he is, but that’s not what I was talking about, and you know it. I don’t get you two. His eyes haven’t left you once since you got here, at least not if he could help it. And if I’m not mistaken, you haven’t been any different. You guys keep track of each other, without even realizing it, I think. Has he brought up what’s going on between you guys?” Her voice is slightly higher than before, betraying her attempt at acting nonchalantly.
Shaking my head, I look down at my hands. “Nope.”
“And you won’t say anything to him either?”
My eyes find hers, challenging her silently before the words bubble out of my mouth. “Not really. I mean, what exactly should I say to him, Charlie? He knows I’ll miss everyone—him included. He also already knows he’s my best friend, other than you, and that I like to spend time with him. I’m not sure what else there is to tell? What’s been happening between us doesn’t mean anything, remember. We knew from the beginning we’d part ways at the end of the summer. We knew I’d go back to the team, one way or another.”
“And you’re still okay with that?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. I’ve never been this nervous before, but I’ve also never had a break like this before, so it’s probably just that.”
Charlie closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. “I’ll try and do you a favor by repeating something you asked me last year. If I remember correctly, you dubbed it as a very easy question.”
No clue what she’s talking about. At this point, it could be anything.
“Are you in love with him or not?”
Well, that definitely was not on my list of questions I thought she might ask.
I jerk my head around so quickly, the nerves in the back of my neck zing in displeasure. My muscles tense of their own accord as I stare down one of the most important people in my life. There’s a fluttery feeling in my belly that only i
ntensifies the more her question repeats in my mind.
Are you in love with him or not?
In love...with him.
But before I can wade through the onslaught of thoughts, I’m saved by Hudson, who stops right in front of us with Mira in his arms. I didn’t even realize he was coming over.
Looking up at him, I’m trying my hardest to give him a genuine smile, but I’m pretty sure it’s more of a grimace than anything else.
He looks back and forth between Charlie and me, his smile slowly dimming. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, just peachy.” My voice is so high and squeaky, I’m surprised it’s still audible.
He stares at us for another moment, a million questions in his eyes, before deciding to let it go. For now, at least. I’m sure he’s gonna ask Charlie later on. “People are starting to leave, so I thought you guys wanted to come and say bye.”
I rub my forehead. “Of course, sorry. I’m a terrible sport today. Mind if I borrow Mira? I think I need some baby cuddles.” I stretch out my arms when Hudson shakes his head, amused, and take Mira from him in one swoop. I settle her on my hip, immediately feeling better when she snuggles into my side too.
She isn’t really a baby anymore at two, but her cuddles are still as awesome. “Come on, sweetie, let’s go say bye-bye to some people. Can you help me with that?”
Mira giggles and shows me her wave, while saying, “Bye-bye,” over and over again until I tickle her. Looks like someone’s got her princess wave down pat.
Once everyone left, Gabe walks up next to me. His gaze is intense as he studies me and the few dried tears that probably still cling to my cheeks. I would’ve been fine if my friends hadn’t started crying when they said bye.
Charlie had to take Mira from me at some point, so I could get myself together a little bit, at least. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I have in Brooksville. Talk about a town having an influence on me.
This long break from dancing really did do a number on me and my feelings. Just like I told Charlie earlier.
The Mitchell Brothers Collection: A Feel-Good Romance Box Set Page 53
