“Do you think I can see her?”
“I’m afraid that’s up to her parents.”
Cami
Camille opened her eyes to the subdued glow of the hospital room. Her mother was sitting in a chair next to her bed. Camille tried to sit up, but remembered the leads attached to her chest. She was sore, but her breathing was coming easier.
“Hey, honey. How are you feeling?” her mother asked. “Is there anything I can get you?”
Camille’s mother was in full hover-mode. She always got that way when they were in the hospital, never leaving her bedside, smothering her with questions, fluffing perfectly good pillows, repositioning blankets, requesting second and third opinions.
“Can we go home yet?” Camille asked.
“Not yet, honey. They’re just making sure you’re stable.”
“I’ve been stable since this morning, Mom. I just want to go home.” Camille had a suspicion that there was something her mother wasn’t telling her. “Did you remember to ask Ronnie to come over to take care of Poo?”
“I asked Rene to stop by instead.”
“Mom! You know Poo hates Rene.”
Her mother waved her off. “She’s our neighbor, it’s more convenient.”
“Did you at least tell Ronnie I wasn’t coming in for my shift today?”
“He knows.”
Camille didn’t like the way her mother spoke with such finality. Something was definitely up. “Mom?”
“Honey, please stop worrying. All you need to do is rest.”
Before Camille could object, her father walked into the room.
“Hey, sweetheart. Are you up for some visitors?”
Her mother shot her father a warning glare.
“Who’s here?” Camille asked.
“Ronnie and Nate.”
Camille’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of Nate’s name. It was echoed on the heart monitor by a loud beep.
Her mother stood abruptly. “Ray, we talked about this.”
“Josie, can I speak to you in the hall for a moment?”
Camille watched her parents step into the hall. She read her mother’s expression through the glass walls. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest, her mouth a firm line. Her father’s body language was the opposite, his hand gestures pleading and open.
A few minutes later, her parents walked back in as a united front, pretending Camille hadn’t just witnessed their silent argument through the glass hospital walls.
Her father spoke first. “Camille, we have to ask you something.”
“Okay . . .”
“Did you try to kill yourself yesterday?”
“What?” The heart monitor spiked again. “Why would you say that?”
“I just had a conversation with Nate and his father.”
“And a police officer,” her mother added. “Camille this is serious. Why would you tell that boy you were going to kill yourself?”
Camille was speechless. Betrayal roared through her veins like a tidal wave, but it receded just as quickly. What had she expected? It wasn’t fair for her to leave that burden on Nate. He’d have to tell someone eventually. At least now that it was out in the open Camille could relax. It was taking so much energy to lie to her parents.
“Look, I’m sorry I said that to Nate, but I meant it.”
Her mother looked appalled. “Why didn’t you tell us you felt this way?”
“Because you never listen to me, Mom. You push and push for all these treatments and I’ve done everything for you. But we all know this is it. There’s nothing else we can do. And all the drugs and chemo make me feel like I’m already dead. I just want to enjoy the last few months I have left. Is that really so bad?”
“Yes! Camille, you do not get to give up. I know this is a tough diagnosis but you can’t behave like this. You can’t just try to kill yourself because you had a fight with a boy. You—”
“I didn’t try to kill myself! I had a heart attack, because my body is tired.”
The monitor beeped faster.
“Well you’ll have to excuse us if we don’t believe you, Camille. You’ve been lying to us for months about your medication and treatments. And now you invite this boy into your life with all these bad habits.”
“Nate is not the problem, Mom! You are. I’m done. I don’t know what part of that you don’t understand. I’m going to graduate high school and then I’m done. I’m sorry. But I’ve given you everything I can.”
“And what about what we’ve given, Camille? Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“I’m sorry, Mom. But this is my decision.”
“We’ll see about that.”
Camille’s mother stormed from the room and her father moved to go after her, but Camille called him back.
“Dad?”
“Yeah, honey.”
She felt bad about the exhaustion she saw in her father’s eyes. She knew she was putting him in a terrible spot. But she didn’t have a lot of time. “Do you think I could talk to Nate?”
He smiled tightly. “I’ll do my best, sweetheart.”
28
Nate
When Nate got back to the waiting room, Ronnie was there. He must’ve come straight from the café because he still had his hot pink apron and colorful hair net on. He stood up as soon as he saw Nate, running over to crush him into a hug that filled the air with a fine dusting of confectionary sugar. Nate almost teared up at the familiar scent of sugar and fried dough that clung to Ronnie. It always reminded him of Sweet Thang’s, and Camille.
“Oh Nathaniel, you are a sight for sore eyes. I can’t get any info about our girl outta no one ‘round here.”
“I spoke to her doctor,” Nate replied. “She had a heart attack, but apparently it was mild. She’s in the ICU as a precaution because of her weak immune system.”
“Oh, poor little lamb.”
“Ronnie, why didn’t you tell me?”
Ronnie locked eyes with Nate. “I love that girl like she’s my own. And when you walked in with her that first day, she made me swear not to tell you about the cancer. And Lord if it didn’t almost kill me. But if I had to do it over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Nate scowled. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I was being sarcastic, Ronnie.”
“Well, I wasn’t. Maybe you can’t see it now, but I sure do. You made that girl glow, bebe. I ain’t never seen her so happy as when she was with you. And that is something to be thankful for.”
Nate’s throat tightened. He knew Ronnie was right. Because it was how Nate felt when he was with Camille. Like he was glowing. Like he was alive. “I am thankful, but I just wish I’d known she was sick. I wouldn’t have pushed her so hard to do so many crazy things. I feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not, sugar. But maybe that’s why she didn’t want you to know. Everyone treats Camille different. I think she liked the fact that you didn’t.”
Nate closed his eyes trying to hold back the tears. “I just want to make her better.”
“I know, bebe.” Ronnie hugged Nate again. “Do you remember what you said to me the night I gave you a reading?”
Nate shook his head. He could barely remember which way was up at this point.
“You told me the best things in life are worth fighting for.”
“So?”
“So, the fight’s not over yet, bebe.”
“But she doesn’t want to fight anymore.”
Ronnie cocked his head. “And that’s okay wit you?”
“No, but I can’t fight the cancer for her.”
“And you can’t let the people you love determine how you gonna love them.”
Nate shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I wish I had all the answers, bebe, I really do. But one thing I do know is real love when I see it. And you got it for our girl. Am I wrong?”
“No.”
“Well then you gotta prove it
to her while you still got time.”
“She doesn’t want me around, Ronnie.”
Ronnie laughed. “That hasn’t stopped you yet.”
“This is different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. It just is.”
“Nathaniel, the way I see it, she’s gonna need you now more than ever. Just because she’s dying, don’t mean she don’t deserve you showin’ her how to live.”
Ronnie’s pep talk was what Nate needed. His dad and Ronnie had headed home for the night, but Nate decided to stay. He knew the chance he’d get to talk to Camille was slim, but slim was better than none. Besides, if he went home, he’d do nothing but wish he were back at the hospital.
Around midnight, Nate spotted Camille’s dad at the coffee machine.
“Mr. LaRue?”
Ray turned around, looking a bit disoriented. “Nate. You’re still here?”
“Yeah.” Nate shrugged. “I don’t think I can handle being anywhere else.”
Ray nodded, like he knew the feeling.
“How’s she doing?” Nate asked.
“She’s good.”
“Ray, I know I have no right to even ask, but I have to. Do you think it’s possible for me to see Cami? I don’t even have to talk to her if you don’t want, but I just . . . I would really love to see her.”
Ray put a hand on Nate’s shoulder. “She wants to see you, too.”
Nate was waiting for the but, but Ray was smiling. “Come with me, but keep it short. If Josie finds out I let you see Camille I might be the one in the hospital bed.”
Cami
Camille thought she was dreaming when Nate walked into her hospital room. But his pale expression and lack of smile made her realize it was real. Nate stopped a foot from her bed, looking at her with terror in his warm caramel eyes. Camille hated the look of pity people always gave her—like she was already dead. And it was precisely why she hadn’t told Nate. She never wanted to see him look at her like he was now.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Hey.”
Nate stood there, staring for a moment longer. He looked like he wanted to come closer and she wanted him to. The Nate she knew had no sense of boundaries. He was always sitting too close, holding her hands, smelling her hair. An ache spiked in Camille’s chest, realizing he’d never do that again.
“Cancer’s not contagious,” she said bitterly. “You can come closer.”
“I know. I just figured you probably didn’t want me to.”
“Why?”
Nate rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I sorta told your parents about everything.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. We had a fun chat about it for the past few hours.”
Nate moved closer, pulling up the chair next to her bed. He straddled it backwards in one swift move and picked up Camille’s hand. His warmth spread through her and longing bloomed under her skin. She could feel the apology in the gentle squeeze of his fingers.
“Cami, I’m sorry I told them.”
“Don’t be. It wasn’t fair of me to put you in that position.”
“So you don’t hate me?”
“You’re sorta impossible to hate.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“Us?”
“Yeah.”
“Nate, there is no us.”
“Look, Cami, I know I said some stupid things, but—”
“It is sorta your thing,” Cami interrupted with a smirk.
Nate huffed a laugh. “Yeah.”
“We both said some stupid things, Nate, but I think the best thing for both of us is to just say goodbye now.”
“What? No. Camille, I want to be with you.”
“Nate, I have cancer. What’s the point?”
“The point is that I’m in love with you. I fell for you, Cami, and cancer or no cancer, it doesn’t change the way I feel. And yes, I’m pissed you didn’t tell me. But I’d still rather be near you than anywhere else. And I don’t care if you think I’m stupid, but I’m not ready to give up on us. I want to fight, Cami. Even if you don’t.”
“Nate . . .” Tears welled in Camille’s eyes. “You’re not stupid and you’re saying all the right things, but I can’t give you what you want.”
Nate brushed away her tears. “You already have.”
“But we can’t have a future.”
“I don’t need one. Camille, you are everything. And I’m trying to tell you that this is all I need. Right now, with you. Every second I spend with you is worth a lifetime with anyone else. You’re it for me, Cami. You’re all I need. For however long that is. Just please don’t push me away.”
“Nate, it’s just gonna make it harder in the end.”
“I know.”
“And I’m not going to change my mind about wanting to die.”
“I know. It’s your life and it’s your choice. But I have a choice, too. And I want to be with you, Cami. For whatever time we have left.”
Camille’s heart hurt worse now than it had when she was having a heart attack. Her heart monitor beeped rapidly.
Nate glanced at the monitor nervously. “Do I need to get a nurse?”
Camille shook her head, afraid to trust her voice, as tears poured down her face. She patted the bed next to her and Nate’s worried expression softened. He climbed into her bed carefully, and she wrapped her arms around him. He held her, whispering soothing words while placing soft kisses on her head. She snuggled into him, drinking in his scent. She squeezed her eyes shut fighting her tears.
Nate settled into the hospital bed, leaning back against the pillows so Camille could lie against him. She rested her head on his chest, soaking in the comfort just being near him brought. They stayed like that for a while, Camille, listening to Nate’s heart until her own mirrored its steady rhythmic beat.
“Nate?”
“Hmm?”
“You make me feel better.”
“Me too,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
Camille felt him release a deep sigh and her own body involuntarily echoed it, freeing stress and tension. It was getting harder to keep her eyes open. “I don’t know if I can do this to you,” she whispered.
“Do what?”
“Drag you into my messed up life.”
“Too late. I’m all in, Cami. It’s you and me together until the end now.”
29
Nate
It was three days until Nate saw Camille again. She was battling her parents over her rights to refuse treatment, and Ronnie was doing his best to keep Nate updated. In the end, the doctors sided with Cami. Since her birthday was only two weeks away, they said it would do more harm than good to start her back on treatment, only to stop again once she turned eighteen. After the doctors ruling, Camille’s mother finally agreed to let her come home.
Nate was practically giddy when he heard the news. And when Camille called him to say he could come over, he was out of the house before he even hung up the phone. He made record time getting to the French Quarter and had to remind himself to take the stairs to Cami’s room one at a time.
He opened the door and his heart jumped to his throat when he saw Camille sitting up in bed with Poo in her lap. Her face brightened when she saw him.
“Hello.”
She laughed. “I feel like you’re always saying that.”
Nate strode across the room and sat on her bed, petting the excited dog who attacked him with affection. Nate leaned over Poo to pull Camille into a hug. “I missed you,” he whispered.
“Me too.”
Cami
Camille clung to Nate, drinking in his warmth and intoxicating smell. She wished she could bottle it and keep it with her always. Just having him in the same room did wonders for her heart. Nate had an inexplicable way of making Camille feel steady.
“So how are things with your parents?” Nate asked.
“Intense.”
“It’ll get better,” he said squeezing her hand.
“How are things with your parents?” she asked, eager to change the subject.
Camille needed to escape the guilt she felt for disappointing her own parents. Being stuck at the hospital with nothing but their worried faces for the past three days had drained her strength. Plus, she knew things had been tense with Nate’s parents since she dragged him into the middle of her cancer drama.
“Pretty good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean my mom was pissed about me skipping school but she’s been pretty understanding given the circumstances. And strangely, this whole thing has brought my dad and me closer. I haven’t seen him touch a drink since I freaked out.”
“Freaked out?”
Nate got that sheepish grin that Cami loved. The one where he scrunched up his face when he realized he’d admitted something he hadn’t meant to. “I sorta went home and trashed my room the day I found out you were sick.”
“Nate . . .”
“It’s fine. We’ve already repaired the drywall. And it forced my dad and I to spend more time together and talk about things. He’s been opening up to me about the divorce and he even says Tyler’s name now.”
“That’s good,” Camille said, snuggling in tighter next to Nate.
She loved Nate’s big heart and the way he always focused on fixing other people’s problems. But it made her feel bad, knowing she was just one more person he had to worry about. And there was no fixing her problem. Camille had agreed to spend the time she had left with Nate, but she was starting to have doubts that it was a good idea.
He kissed the top of her head as if he could sense her worry. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She sighed. “Honestly, I’m thinking I don’t know where to go from here.”
“What do ya mean?”
“I know we said we were in this together, but I feel like I’m taking advantage of you, Nate.”
He sat up and faced her. “Cami, wild horses couldn’t drag me out of here. You’re gonna have to face the fact that you’re not getting rid of me. And I promise, I’m definitely getting something out of this.”
The Boyfriend Series Box Set (Books 1-6): YA Contemporary Romance Novels Page 53
