by Lisa Carter
“I want you to know how much I appreciate you letting me stay here, Mr. Jackson, sir, and get to know my—” He blinked rapidly, unable to look at Nash. “Get to know Maisie. I’ve loved it here.”
Nash cleared his throat. “I’ve loved having you here, Jake.”
He allowed himself a swift glance at Nash. “I appreciate everything you taught me about farming. About God.” He sucked in a breath. “You gave me the chance to start over.”
Nash’s eyes pooled. “Jake, I wish—”
“If wishes were apples, you’d be rich, Mr. Jackson, sir.”
A crooked smile briefly lightened Nash’s countenance.
Jake swallowed. “If you’d allow me to stay one more night, I’ll be out of here first light.”
“Pop-Pop?” Maisie called from the living room. “My daddy?”
Jake couldn’t find enough oxygen to fill his lungs. “I—I can’t, sir. Not tonight. Not until I get myself together. I’ll say goodbye tomorrow. Tell Maisie I’m...” He rubbed his hand over the spot where his heart used to reside. “Tell her whatever you think best.”
Nash pulled Jake into a hug. “I want you to know you are the finest young man I’ve ever known. I’d hoped...”
Jake stepped away. “I’d hoped, too, sir. But...”
Anguish rolling over him, he placed his hand on the wall to steady himself. If only he could get to the privacy of his room before he completely gave way. “I think it’s better if I just go.”
This time Nash let him go. And Jake made his escape. To mourn his losses. And weep for what would never be.
* * *
Staring at the ceiling, Jake didn’t sleep that night. Why did nothing good ever last for him?
Lying there, he tried to imagine a future without his baby girl. A future away from the awe-inspiring presence of the mountains. A future without the woman he loved. Callie—perhaps the only woman he’d ever truly loved. Probably the only woman he would ever love.
He buried his face in the mattress. He’d learned his lesson good this time. No more risking his heart. Her betrayal had reopened a scabbed-over wound that had never completely healed.
Jake felt bereft of everything and everyone that for a brief time had made his life actually worth living. Emptiness consumed him.
The childhood tape with his father’s voice played in his head. He’d been right about Jake. This nothingness was exactly what he deserved. He was worthless. Not worth loving.
But that was not what the pastor had said. Nor Nash and Callie.
He punched the pillow under his head. So what was the truth? What was the lie?
With sleep impossible, he rose at the first pink streaks of light. Placing his duffel in the truck, he retrieved Callie’s camera to return to her and ventured out to the orchard in the quiet of dawn. The dew dampening his brown boots, he walked among the apple trees.
Finally slipping into the house, he found Callie alone in the kitchen. He laid the camera on the countertop. “This is yours.”
“Oh, Jake...”
“Where’s your father?”
“Dad’s in the barn. I don’t think he could face any more farewells.” The sprinkle of freckles stark against her ashen face, she looked as bad as he felt. “Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?”
“My daddy!” Erupting out of the hallway, a tiny dynamo of blond energy flung herself at him. Maisie raised her arms.
He hesitated, but he could no more resist those smiling blueberry eyes of hers than he could will his body not to take its next breath.
Jake lifted her into his arms. “What have you told her?”
“I didn’t know what to say...”
He hated how the sound of her voice made his pulse jackhammer.
“I hoped this morning that you...” Callie’s brown eyes were red rimmed. “I’m so sorry, Jake,” she whispered.
He steeled himself for the most painful goodbye of all. “Maisie, Daddy has to go—” He swallowed. “I mean I’ve got to go.”
“’Kay, my daddy. Mowow?”
He touched his forehead to hers. “I don’t know about tomorrow, baby. But I want you to be a good girl for Pop-Pop and Callie.”
Maisie hung on to him, her arms around his neck. “Me big gull, my daddy.”
Jake sank onto the sofa. “Yes, you are,” he choked. “A very big girl that I am so proud of.”
He needed to leave before he lost what little remnant of pride he had left.
“Sing Mah-mah-may-zee song, my daddy.”
From Maisie’s upturned face, his gaze flitted to Callie.
Her features crumpled. She whirled around to the kitchen island, unable to hold in her tears.
But at least now she wasn’t watching him pour out his heart to the daughter never meant to be his.
Cradling Maisie to his chest, he gathered his courage and one final time inhaled her little-girl fresh-from-the-tub sweetness.
“My daddy...” Maisie prompted. “Sing. Me.”
The ache in his chest became a stabbing throb. “‘M-M-M-Maisie, beautiful Maisie...’”
Her silky curls brushing his jaw, she tucked her head in the curve of his shoulder.
“‘You’re the only g-g-g-girl that I adore...’” His voice scratched low in his throat.
She made a soft sighing sound like a little mewling kitten.
“‘When the m-m-m-moon shines over the cowshed...’”
Nestling deeper into his embrace, she pressed her cheek against the V of exposed skin above the collar of his flannel shirt.
His heart pounded, momentarily deafening him. How could he leave her? How—
“My daddy.” Maisie stirred.
“‘I’ll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door...’” His voice broke.
There was a brief silence except for the ticking of the mantel clock and the stricken sound of Callie’s muffled sobs.
Sitting up in his lap, Maisie placed her small, warm palms against his cheeks, tugging him closer. “I wuv you, my daddy.”
He cupped her face in his hand. “And I will love you always, my Maisie.” With his thumb, he stroked the dimple in her chin.
Abruptly rising, he staggered to his feet.
Monkey legs wrapped tightly around his torso, Maisie clung to his neck. “Take her, Callie,” he grunted.
Callie closed the distance between them. “Please don’t go, Jake.” She reached out to him, but dropped her hand. “I love you.”
Her words were like a kick in the gut. After what she’d done and not done? Now she was telling him that she loved him? He stared at her, incredulous.
Anger surged inside him, tying his stomach into knots. “That would make one of us, then,” he growled.
Mouth trembling, she looked as if he’d struck her.
Something stronger than his anger punched him square in the chest. He shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t true. He did love her.
It was the pain that made him lash out at her, wanting her to hurt as much as she’d hurt him. But he didn’t really want to hurt her.
After he left, he hoped—prayed—one day a good man would make a home with Callie and the child Jake loved more than anyone on earth. Because he loved them, he wanted them to be happy.
Even if happy meant being happy without him.
One arm draped around Jake, Maisie wrapped her other arm around Callie, pulling the three of them closer. A human bridge, joining them together as if they were a real family.
“Where...” Callie moistened her lips. “Where will you go?” she whispered.
Lips he would never kiss again. But the memory of their kiss sizzled his brain.
He scoured his face with his hand. “Perhaps Houston.”
She put her hand over her mouth.
“I’ll send money.”
> She shook her head.
He held up his hand. “Doesn’t matter what DNA she’s got in her veins. I intend to provide for her even though after today, I won’t ever see her again.”
Callie’s eyes widened. “Jake, you can’t do that to her. You can’t walk away like your parents walked away from—”
“It’s not the same.”
“It is the same.” Callie’s nostrils flared. “She won’t understand.”
“Maisie will forget me.” His mouth tightened. “Remember Tiffany? I’m extremely forgettable.”
“Not to me,” Callie rasped. “Maisie loves you. She belongs with you. You belong with each other.”
He stared at her. “What are you saying?”
“I could think of nothing else all night.” Tears ran down Callie’s cheeks. “I’m saying I can’t let you leave without Maisie. She needs to go with you.”
He stiffened. “What about her biological father?”
“Your name is on her birth certificate.” The look in Callie’s dark eyes was unwavering. “Besides, Brandon doesn’t want her, Jake. He never did.”
Jake grimaced. “That doesn’t change the fact that Maisie needs you, Callie. You are her true mother.”
Her gaze softened, flickering to Maisie. “I think right now she needs you more.” Her eyes locked with his. “I think right now you need her more. I can’t allow you to lose each other again, Jake.”
“But Texas...the job... My future is uncertain.”
“You’ll make it work. I trust you to see to her best interests.” Pulling away from Maisie’s tight hold, Callie dashed the tears from her eyes. “Do you want Maisie in your life, Jake? Because if you do, she’s yours. She’s always been yours.”
“I want her.” He hugged Maisie close. “I’ve always wanted her.”
You, too. But he didn’t say that. Despite everything, he still wanted Callie. More fool he.
That was where he went wrong. He’d talked himself into believing he could have more. That the dream of his heart would come true. That he’d found a home with Callie.
But despite Maisie leaving with him, the little girl’s home should always include Callie.
He shifted Maisie higher in his arms. “I think it would be in her best interests for us to share custody.”
The gratitude on her face nearly felled him. “Thank you, Jake.” She clasped her hands under her chin. “Dad and I can visit you wherever you are or Maisie can visit us here.”
Because of Maisie, he and Callie would be forever tied. But that didn’t disturb him as much as his anger said it should.
He hunched his shoulders. “Whatever you think.”
“I think for the time being, Maisie belongs with you.” She put her hand to her throat. “If you’ll give me a few minutes—twenty tops—I’ll pack the essentials for Maisie. When you get settled, we can ship the rest.”
Maisie stretched out her hand. “BooWoo?”
She couldn’t possibly understand they were deciding her future. Or that it would be a very long time before she saw Callie, Nash and the orchard again.
Callie’s eyes were bleak—she understood enough for the both of them. “Will you wait, Jake?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’ll wait.”
Callie buzzed around the farmhouse, perhaps afraid if she stopped for a second, she wouldn’t be able to go through with it.
But she had the truck loaded in nineteen minutes flat. When Nash came inside, Callie told him about her decision.
Jake felt sure he’d pitch a fit, but he didn’t. Instead, he filled Maisie’s sippy cup with her favorite, ’appy juice. Nash placed a tender, gentle kiss on Maisie’s cheek.
After strapping Maisie into Jake’s truck, Callie handed BooWoo over the seat to Maisie. At the expression on her face, he thought she might lose it. But neither of them wanted to break down in front of Maisie.
Pressing a kiss onto Maisie’s furrowed forehead, Callie took a quick, indrawn breath. Maybe, as he’d done earlier, she was trying to memorize Maisie’s scent, the feel of the child in her arms.
Stepping away, Callie closed the cab door. Looking over the roof of the cab at the torment in her eyes, his legs suddenly wouldn’t support him. He couldn’t do this to her.
“Callie...”
She shook her head. “Go. Now. Please, Jake. Before—” Clamping her lips together, she fled to the porch and her father.
Behind the wheel, he cranked the engine. Nausea licked at his belly. This wasn’t the way he’d wanted things to play out.
Leaning heavily against the railing, Nash’s face was a study in grief. Jake had never wanted to hurt either of them.
This was killing Callie. This was killing him. But they’d hurt each other too much. And now it was too late.
“Bwye, Cawee.” Angling in the car seat, Maisie waved from the rear windshield. “Bwye.”
Pulling away from the farmhouse, he glanced in the rearview mirror as Callie sank onto the step. Shoulders shaking, she buried her face in her hands. And that was the last thing he saw before the truck sped over the rise.
Unlike that first day, today he didn’t stop. He didn’t turn the truck around. Gritting his teeth, he set his face forward.
But his heart was broken.
Chapter Eighteen
Passing the shuttered Apple House, Jake left the long gravel-covered driveway and turned onto the main road. Behind him, strapped into her pink car seat, Maisie whispered to BooWoo in little-girl speak.
Reaching Truelove, he carried Maisie into the police station. He answered a few questions about the incident last night and filled out the required paperwork with the officer in charge. Because of Nash’s standing in the community, it didn’t take long. Like the good man he was, Nash had already called his friend this morning to vouch for Jake.
Jake and Maisie returned to the truck. Leaving Truelove behind them, he headed toward the highway. Maybe when they got to Asheville, he’d stop and get Maisie a snack.
Up with the chickens, his early-bird little farm girl had eaten before he’d made it downstairs. Sick to his stomach, he hadn’t felt much like eating. Still didn’t.
“’Appy?”
His gaze flicked to the mirror.
Maisie pointed at the rows of apple orchards on both sides of the road. He remembered the first time he’d driven this highway. Late summer rolled hay bales had dotted the grassy meadows. Now the fields lay fallow and bare, ready for winter.
The image of Callie’s photo rose in his mind. A picture of the barn and orchard covered in a blanket of snow. And in the backdrop, the ever-present solace of snow-daubed mountains.
He didn’t know where winter would find him and Maisie, but he was pretty sure there’d be no comfort for him there. Or anywhere.
Gripping the wheel, he veered at the fork. He let out a breath, uncurling one hand. He flexed his fingers and tried to relax. Tried to recapture an elusive peace. The peace he’d first encountered at the mountain chapel.
They climbed out of the valley. As the elevation rose, he worked his jaw to pop his eardrums. The towering peaks of the evergreen-studded Blue Ridge flashed by on both sides of the embankment.
He slowed. Coming to a dead end, he allowed the truck to roll until the pavement stopped. He shook his head.
Unbelievable. How had he wound up on the same deserted country road as that first day when he’d been on the way to meet his daughter? Why did he keep ending up here?
He hadn’t known much then. He didn’t know much now. But he did know when he was in the middle of nowhere, lost and going nowhere fast. Was God trying to tell him something?
Maisie kicked the back of his seat with her foot. “Out, my daddy. Out.”
Sighing, he put the truck in Park and let the engine idle. Undoing his seat belt, he put his knee into the cushion, lea
ning over to unbuckle Maisie.
“Come here, big girl.”
He helped her clamber into the front with him. Standing on the upholstery, she planted a kiss on his scruffy jaw. He smiled.
She plopped beside him on the seat. Bouncing a little, she cut her eyes at him, a tiny gleam in their clear blue depths.
He had to fight not to smile. “No more monkeys, Maisie.”
Tilting her head, she fluttered her lashes at him and he laughed. The little heartbreaker was working him. He’d have his hands full with this one in about a dozen years.
Sorrow pummeled him. He’d hoped to raise her with Callie.
But single parent though he was, he’d ensure love encompassed every second of Maisie’s life. His love for her would be as constant as the air she breathed.
Scooting over to the glove compartment, Maisie crawled off the seat. Jiggling the handle, her eyebrow arched. “My daddy?”
On a good day, he could refuse Maisie nothing. And this was far from a good day.
He switched off the ignition. “Let me look first.” To make sure the contents didn’t pose a hazard to a curious two-year-old. “What do we have here, Maisie?”
Opening the compartment, he rummaged, finding extra napkins from a fast-food drive-through. He set aside the owner’s manual. A flashlight... A North Carolina map—he was old-school that way. And...the bunch of mail from the Fayetteville post office. He’d forgotten about that.
He pocketed a pressure gauge. Everything else was junk. “Have at it, Maze.”
Jake rolled his window down an inch so their breath didn’t fog the windshield. A little nippy for early November, but not too bad.
He leaned against the headrest, letting her play for a few minutes. He wasn’t in a hurry. Until he contacted his buddy, he had no place to be.
Birdsong floated through the air. A bright red flash caught his eye as a cardinal landed on a nearby branch. His thoughts wandered.
He could hardly believe the sacrifice Callie had made in sending Maisie with him. His heart had been breaking at the prospect of missing his little girl.
Jake ran his hand over his head. He couldn’t imagine how rough it must be for Callie. He’d expected to drive away alone, but how alone must she feel now?
