The Inept Adept & The Almost Last Unicorn

by Peter Butterworth

  Lac saw some pixies socializing and buzzing around. “The bandits are coming my friends. Have lots of fun.”

  Esme looked at Lac as the two unicorns would only walk down the lane as it was so overgrown and uneven. “The pixies are your friends?”

  “I hope so.”

  ‘As do we all,’ added Chauncey.

  ***

  The black dragon had watched the hillside turn into a mudslide and wondered why. He was flying down from the lofty peaks to the foothills. It was a very unusual occurrence even for a country steeped in magic and magical creatures. Not that the dragon reflected on that.

  What the dragon reflected on was there were two unicorns and a mage. That made him momentarily happy. Very happy. It also made him wary. Very wary.

  The difficulty in trying to kill both unicorns finally penetrated his skull. One unicorn would be dangerous enough but two…? And a mage?

  He wasn’t sure how to proceed. He had heard the stories of the incredible quality of unicorn hearing and of their dexterity in using that awful horn of theirs. He decided he must proceed with more caution.

  One hundred drunken or passed out dwarves was one thing but two unicorns on the move was entirely a different kettle of witches brew.

  He flew high and kept to the west as the magic traveled east. He’d bide his time. It wasn’t like he was starving yet the magic had a commanding pull on him.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The bandits, once they had freed themselves from the mud turned dirt, didn’t spend any time in complaining and took up the chase. Most of the bandits had been in the house wading in the mud when Chauncey’s magic turned it into a solid mass.

  They were in virtual shackles from the thigh or knees down.

  It took some time to dig out their comrades since their tools were somewhere under the rubble. The bandits were not foolish enough to try and tackle two unicorns and what appeared to be a mage without their full complement.

  Plus, they pretty much knew where the hostage would be taken. Back to her father’s farm, of course.

  Once they assembled at the barn they saddled their horses swiftly without rushing. The one problem facing them was that most of their weapons had been in the room which was now filled with four feet of hillside.

  This didn’t bother them in regards to the farming family. They still had those weapons which they naturally carried such as knives and dirks. However, it would have been rather nice to have a crossbow or two to deal with the mage and maybe the unicorns. They did manage to save most of the saddle bags which had been hung up.

  Still they were not too daunted. Powerful magicians were rarely if ever in this part of the borderlands south of the Chrondium Kingdom. As was common knowledge a certified mage was worth his weight in gold but only if he was near that gold.

  Which meant the best practitioners of the art tended to reside in the large cities or castles. It was where the gold was.

  The bandits didn’t overly tax of their mounts since they would have to return to their valley. As it was now completely dark they journeyed slowly to protect their horses. They stopped for a snooze by the pond. They would be up early with time enough to reach the farmstead before their afternoon meal would be needed.

  As early evening drew into night all the –Teners, the complete clan which meant the wives of Hor-, Tor-, and For-, his young child as well as the sister to Esme, left the central area for whatever sleeping quarters they had.

  Lac was apprehensive the bandits would arrive in the dead of night but Hortener believed with the poor condition of the road the bandits would not chance a nighttime raid since the possibility of a horse breaking his leg was too great. Lac’s anxiety was eased but not all together lost.

  The hugs and back-slapping on their arrival and a brief account of how Lac and Chauncey managed to rescue Shastra and Esme made Lac feel like he might have actually done something significant. The women brought out a late supper of mutton, buttermilk and some honey corn bread.

  Lac hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he could smell the aroma of the cooked mutton. He ate with a gusto he had never experienced before. The unicorns were given carrots and Chauncey’s favorite, apples, as well as the fresh fodder.

  Once they were sated they had little else to do but wait. Lac would have been quite content to remain silent as his natural shyness was exacerbated from nearness to Esme and her gorgeous face. Esme was not shy and badgered him with questions. The furthest she had ever been from the farmstead was the valley of the bandits.

  For his part he wasn’t all that interested in telling her about the community where he was from as it reminded him of his failures. Yet, it did allow him to gaze on her lovely features without staring and gawking. Had anyone asked him about Nadilia he probably would have needed some time to recall her.

  When his eyelids closed as he reclined on the hay in the barn his thoughts and image at the front of his mind and dreams was of Esme.

  The next day dawned brightly as if nature was saying be confident, be happy. With the supposed coming of the bandits everyone returned to the central area. There was chatter amongst the throng but it was somewhat subdued. None knew just what might occur once the bandits arrived.

  The –Tener men had taken up arms and awaited the bandits. Lac waited with them as did the unicorns. Lac might have, ahem, been somewhat anxious if he considered what hardened criminals would likely do once they reached the –Tener homestead if he took the time and thought about it.

  The bandits were not in his thoughts. Esme was so outgoing and striking Lac was completely infatuated. This helped in keeping Lac from thinking about the upcoming confrontation. Shastra and Chauncey spent their time nuzzling each other.

  Before the sun had reached very high overhead they heard the clop-clops of many hoofs. Esme had confirmed that there were only eight bandits. Lac tried to consider the odds. Two strong –Teners, two unicorns and a student mage made the odds seem rather long at best to Lac. Plainly speaking, Lac had not been a brawler so was not able to judge accurately their chances in a physical altercation. Plus, he discounted the magic he could produce. Therefore, his estimation strongly leaned to weighty pessimism.

  The three –Teners for their part were highly confident. With two unicorns and a powerful mage on their side it seemed they couldn’t lose. To be honest this was overconfidence due to the fact that magic had a certain cachet to them.

  They had never encountered any magic other than the pixies of the area. So what little magic Lac had already used seemed wholly sufficient. Even unfair for the bandits. The three –Teners were calm and confident as they waited.

  The clop-clops stopped. They heard some noise but nothing distinguishable. Finally they heard clop-clop, clop-clop rapidly coming toward them. They braced themselves.

  Into the clearing a pony charged. A riderless pony. The pony pulled up when he saw the unicorns. All equines had a tremendous respect for unicorns. To this pony Chauncey was the alpha male and the pony approached the unicorn with respect and deference. Chauncey seemed to parlay with the pony.

  The pony seemed to understand his new rider would be Lac and he moved to where Lac was and lowered his head when he reached the mage.

  ‘Lac,’ said Chauncey, ‘this is Rabbit and he is your friend now.’

  “Really? I can have this pony?”

  The unicorn nodded. He rarely spoke when a gesture would convey his thoughts.

  As it was going on to noon Lac asked to spend the night as he thought it might be too late to head back. He asked the –Teners if he, the pony and the unicorns could again use the barn. The unicorns had to have shelter.

  “Just try and leave without enjoying the fruits of our victory,” Hortener said. “We will feast.” Hortener slapped Lac on the back almost knocking him over. Esme entwined her arm around his and snuggled against the youth. She walked him to the only undamaged house. Lac’s face reddened deeply. He was amazed that Esme would be so bold and he was doubly amazed her father wh
ipped neither of them for this display of affection. Lac was growing to sincerely enjoy the company of these people.

  ***

  The bandits gained a semblance of awareness several hours later. They had no idea why they found themselves so far from their base camp…and in the middle of a wilderness! There wasn’t anything in this wilderness to steal. Plus, the settlements which had items of value, at least to them, were in the opposite direction.

  The lack of recollection in getting to where they found themselves was unsettling but the oddity of having one less horse than rider seemed so out of character as to appear mightily sinister. It fueled their desire to leave the area posthaste.

  As it was early evening and they could not perceive any familiarity in the immediate surroundings they led their horses down the road. They walked through the evening and stopped at the pond near their valley. They caught a few hours of sleep.

  With the coming of daylight they felt an immeasurable relief to be heading home, as it were. They mounted their steeds and trotted down the path which led to their valley and their domicile.

  The relief turned to consternation when they entered their valley.

  The house they had called home was completely destroyed. What was unnerving was the remnants of the house seemed to rise out of the solid ground. Perhaps the house had sunk?

  If that was true then the house would not have been in such disrepair, correct?

  No matter how they contemplated the results of some unexplainable agent no sensible or logical conclusion could be reached. Even those with some understanding of magic were at a loss to explain what was quite clear: their ranch house was no longer habitable. What few tools they possessed, saws, hammers, awls, etc were buried under an extraordinary amount of dirt and rubble. Even the shovels they would need to dig out the tools were thus unavailable to them.

  As there were no more trees in the area even if they did possess the appropriate implements they could not build any more structures. The whole valley as far as one could see was denuded of anything but scrub.

  One manifest thing which can be said of bandits everywhere they’ll only stay in an area if it was profitable. As there was no profit in remaining they journeyed north seeking another valley to renew their tried and true activities.

  ***

  The pixies had had so much fun hurling the spells on the bandits that they hoped the bandits would return. Pixies aren’t folk who’ll save for a rainy day. It’s just play, play, play all the time.

  And of course, the pixies were not particularly discriminatory in whom they cast spells upon or played pranks on. They spend as much time harassing each other as they did anyone else.

  Yet, the one thing which did leave a kind of resonance was being called friend. This was something that had never occurred to them before. No one had ever called any pixie a friend. They felt a depth of inner gratification which was a very new and unique sensation.

  New was not a bad thing for pixies. How else would one be able to play a prank on another if the target in question had seen the ruse? The effect would not be so grand.

  Therefore, this new feeling, although not considered in a cognitive manner, had a purposeful momentum. At least for the present time.

  To flex the muscles of this new awareness they sought some faeries who, if human, would be known as raconteurs. The pixies loved to hear these faeries spin their tales. They would be completely engrossed and so rapt that the storytellers generally made out with the gold the pixies inadvertently magicked.

  If the pixies knew they were being spellbound for the reason of creating gold for these faeries it still wouldn’t have mattered though to be fair to the pixies they would have played pranks on these leprechauns and stolen the gold back. It wouldn’t have been due to avariciousness. It’s just what pixies do.

  They enjoyed being the tale tellers for once. They told these faeries about the bandits and the gold in the bandits’ saddlebags. That was all the leprechauns needed to hear.

  Don’t feel too badly for the bandits. The leprechauns never took the bandits’ horses or weapons or bulky items. The wee faeries never interfered with the bandits who after all were only trying to make a living.

  The leprechauns just took their gold. Every bit of it. Every opportunity they could.

  ***

  The black dragon was undecided what to do. He could not, just and absolutely could not, let the magic get away.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The lone undamaged house was nicely appointed considering it had first been built and occupied a century ago. It was a large two story building with additions added as the original family grew. One hundred year old chestnut trees surrounded it.

  The chestnut trees provided shade on the hottest days and food in the winter. The farmstead was nearly as old as the village of Oakendusk so the resemblances made Lac very comfortable and put him at ease.

  The –Tener clan was very gregarious in general and quite loud in social interactions. They had originally arrived from the Skothford Shire which is in the southern district of Chrondium. Lac didn’t know anything of Chrondium and enjoyed hearing what the –Teners related of their former home.

  The wives for the most part were from the borderland villages of Chrondium. The borderlands south of Chrondium were similar to Conestebleshire in that they were not a distinct part of the kingdom.

  There were just not enough people to tax let alone pay for services the kingdom would have to provide; postal service, constabulary, justice of the peace, etc. Yet, the borderlands were made of stout former citizens and the kingdom did take an interest albeit an interest without much supervision.

  Needless to say, men of low moral fiber took advantage of this. Yet, the –Teners learned to live with these bandits as they learned to live with the magical creatures. Each was a normal part of life.

  Therefore, those raised on the –Tener farmstead tended to be easy going but garrulous. It was a rarity to find people to chat with so when the opportunity arose the -Tener clan took full advantage.

  Of course, over the years a number of scions moved north to Chrondium depending on their interests. The familial link was still established if loosely connected. Male -Teners would journey north seeking a mate. The women born and raised on the farmstead would generally go north sometime around the age of fifteen ostensibly to marry as well.

  Esme was to have had taken the route north. In practice she would arrive with a dowry and stay with relatives. However, due to the tariff the bandits exacted on the –Teners they didn’t have the money for a dowry.

  Fortunately, Esme was not all that interested in marrying at this time and was content regarding the circumstances. Now, after meeting Lac she had no interest in going anywhere unless it was with the young mage.

  She wondered briefly why that was so but could only recall the way she felt when she spotted Lac sitting astride Shastra. Just the way he sat, calmly with a certain amount of confidence but no arrogance.

  She was amazed at his modesty. If she had even a smidgen of magical ability the whole world would have known. What an incredible thing, to be good at magic. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Lac was tall for his age and taller than many men. He was good-looking enough with his light brown hair and comma hanging over his eyes. Even the shaggy hair growing past his collar was attractive to her.

  “Lac, shouldn’t you have a haircut?”

  “A hair…” he reached back to his nape. “Seems to have gotten long hasn’t it.”

  “I can cut it for you.” Lac sensed this was more than just an offhand comment. The way she looked at him made him weak. It was a good thing he didn’t need to stand presently. He didn’t think his legs could have kept him upright.

  “I suppose we can do that before I leave tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” bellowed Hortener. “Why not tonight? There’s a small hot spring about a mile from the house and you could soak after dinner. You probably could use one after all your exertions. You certainly would sle
ep better.”

  “And I could wash your robes,” said Mullie, Hortener’s wife. “Wouldn’t you prefer to travel with nice clean clothes?”

  “Ah, well…” It would be nice to be clean and fresh and begin the trek back to Oakendusk with clean clothes.

  “Then it’s settled,” said Hortener. “By the way Lac, do you sing or play an instrument?”

  Lac shook his head.

  “Pity.”

  “Father, leave him be,” said Esme. “He hasn’t time for that. He has to practice his art.”

  Hortener smiled as he nodded. He gave Lac a nudge, “she’s a smart one don’t you agree Lac?”

  Lac nodded. He had no idea what to say. He had met her only a day past and their conversations had been mostly pastiming; talking about aspects unfamiliar to the other. Social pleasantries really.

  Lac was very happy when the dessert of fried sweet cakes had been consumed. It allowed him to leave the table. Although he liked these people he couldn’t say he truly understood them. It filled him with a hint of anxiety. Naturally, he would have been much more comfortable with those he had long familiarity with.

  It was odd to Lac that though there were strong similarities between the people of his village and these –Teners there was an awful lot of differences as well. This was the first time he had spent any real time with individuals who were not from his village let alone from another kingdom and he tried to be aware of dissimilarities in inferences but missed most.

  Lac was happy to leave the large kitchen as he was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed by the –Teners, especially Hortener.

  Lac walked down the path to the hot spring. Esme pointed it out and gave Lac a towel and some lye. She told him there was a small man-made pool near so he could cool off if he needed. She’d be by to bring him something to wear to replace his clothes. Then when he had enough of a soak to cut his hair.

  The hot spring was easy to find. It was at the end of the well worn path. A natural spring around the middle of a large hill. He couldn’t tell much about the hill as it was getting dark now but had been told only ferns and a certain type of grass would grow so near the spring. Seemed pleasant. The stars were out in force and beautiful.