The Inept Adept & The Almost Last Unicorn

by Peter Butterworth

  He had never seen two, count them two, golden Crondites. He hadn’t known there were two, count them two, golden Crondites in the whole world.

  He lay on his back under the bridge support and counted the two Crondites on his hairy chest.

  He would never forget the very honorable human Lac from Oakendusk and his unicorn friends. They now had complete and un-tolled access to cross the bridge anytime they desired.

  Ingrus knew he could now afford to have a mate though he had no idea where one might be found. Nor did it seem proper to abandon his post. Yet, he grew optimistic as he counted his golden lucre. A mate would find him.

  ***

  “Shastra, do you know anything about a black dragon in these borderlands?”

  ‘No Lac. I had been a prisoner for many years but I never saw one nor heard mention of one. What do you think it means?’

  “I have no idea. I haven’t learned anything about dragon’s yet. They haven’t been seen in the shire for many years. Chauncey what do you think?”

  ‘I am at a loss to understand. A big dragon would want to eat a large animal and perhaps he is going to try and fish for one of those large creatures which inhabit the sea.’

  They were heading in a similar southeasterly direction. Lac sure hoped Chauncey was right.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Lac felt his body flush. His skin developed goose-bumps as he recognized a landmark. He was home! I’m back.

  He would have yelled it if anyone would have been around.

  The sun was just breaking over the eastern horizon. Though it wasn’t warm as yet it wasn’t cold and the morning air was refreshing.

  Lac riding Rabbit, accompanied by Shastra and Chauncey were heading down the road which would lead them to Oakendusk.

  Lac was aware, though less so than usual, this was the post road which would take him north to the Fonderlak Kingdom and his certification test. He used to fantasize about going to Wompers, the closest, largest town which sported a Wizard’s examination facility.

  Today he couldn’t fantasize about that. He’d had too much experience recently to fantasize about traveling. He knew he’d have no adventures going that way. Seemed so dull and mundane all of a sudden.

  Lac wasn’t feeling cocky and he was not prone to arrogance but he had been changed by his experiences. Maybe not a dramatic transformation but incremental changes did occur which would not have transpired had he not traveled.

  Enough changes to allow him to realize he was somehow different but not so obvious that he recognized in what way the transformation occurred. Lac wouldn’t have thought the difference would be in maturity yet that was a major component in the ‘new’ Lac.

  The road became very familiar but it was different as well. Looking at this well worn byway on the back of his horse was interesting. His horse. That’s right. He now had a horse. Isn’t that amazing?

  As they ambled down the road Howdry called out to them. The farmer had just finished his breakfast and was about to start his daily chores.

  “Hello to you Mister Campher.”

  “Stop for a second Lac. Let me look at you.” Lac stopped and Billy hearing the commotion ran out of the kitchen door. Nadilia came soon after walking sedately or at least as sedately one could walk in a hurry.

  Lac dismounted. Chauncey and Shastra continued.

  Billy hugged him and was saying something but all Lac was aware of was Nadilia coming toward him.

  His heart skipped a beat as he saw her smile and beautiful eyes…and her figure. He realized he had missed her.

  ‘Lac, we will go,’ Chauncey said to him, ‘to the meadow. The buttercups are calling us.’ He waved to the unicorns as they took the right fork.

  “You are well I see Lac,” Nadilia said. Billy disengaged himself from Lac.

  “Lac. I’ll go and get Master Portersbee. I know he’d like to see you.” Billy ran off down the road.

  “Lac I need to feed the chickens and the pigs,” Howdry said. His large hand rested on Lac’s shoulder in the most friendly manner. “Come round after. I can see you’ve…well, I’d like to chat with you.” He gave Lac’s shoulder a squeeze then departed.

  Silence. An awkward kind of silence. Lac unused to social awkwardness since it rarely registered in his one track mind hadn’t a clue what to say to break the silence.

  “Lac, I’ve missed you.” Nadilia said it quietly and demurely and wasn’t making eye contact with Lac.

  “I’ve missed you as well Nady.” It was true and yet Lac felt guilty in saying it. There had been whole days when he hadn’t thought of her. I was busy, he tried reminding himself.

  “I guess you’ll want to tell everyone of your adventures.”

  “Well, ah…I suppose. I’ll be able to make class so…”

  “It’s Saturday Lac. No classes today.”

  “Oh.” Lac was disappointed. He wanted his instructor and classmates to hear his recounting of his adventures. He’d been practicing in his head so he’d be able to spin a good and entertaining story.

  She took his hand. “Let’s go to the meadow. Everyone will want to hear of your adventures and no sense in repeating yourself.”

  Lac grabbed Rabbit’s reins and the pony fell in behind the pair.

  ***

  The black dragon had watched from his vantage place at the lip of the cave. It was tucked away high up in a large crag and the highest point in the shire. Most times the trees lining the road obscured the magic from him but he shrewdly considered the progress might take his meal to that wonderful meadow.

  Dragons did not have a sense of irony. It hadn’t occurred to him the coincidences in acquiring more magic from the same place where he first tasted magic as ironic. Yet, the fact that it was familiar and had already a wonderful association made his longing for the magic more intense.

  His maw drooled in anticipation.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Lac stood with Nadilia on the edge of the meadow and was amazed. It was not yet seven in the morning but people were skipping, walking and running into the meadow.

  Whole families.

  The meadow from the earliest of times had been where the sheep pastured. As the village gained in residents the sheep were removed so there would be a commons for the growing population. It had been known for generations as Sheep-dip meadow though few remembered that today.

  The meadow was large and to be sure outside of the center of their small village yet it was central for social congregation and interaction.

  And it was Saturday.

  Outside of the farmers who had early morning chores most inhabitants of the village took this opportunity to engage in conversation or games or just hang out. Picnics were common.

  During the high holidays there would be prizes for races, which is where Lac was first noticed. Team sports a swell as pitching horse shoes, tug-of-war and rounders were enjoyed by most. The spring and summer was conducive to all this activity from having such beautiful weather. But so early on a saturday morning?

  “Word gets around quickly,” said Nadilia.

  Lac felt a bubble of pride welling up.

  “When there’s unicorns about people will go for miles to see them.”

  The pride balloon burst.

  ***

  The black dragon continued to watch and wait. The waiting was becoming soooo very difficult. The magic meals were soooo very close. He licked his lips.

  Yet, the unicorns were at the far edge, the eastern edge, of the meadow and there would be no way if they remained there for him to come unannounced as it were. He’d be seen immediately as he cleared the trees on the western edge of the park.

  He noticed that the young mage had arrived. Standing with a female. A plan was forming in his shrewd little reptilian mind.

  ***

  Before long Master Portersbee with Billy in tow entered the meadow. Lac saw Chauncey notice this as did Shastra.

  Lac with Nadilia, Chauncey with Shastra and Portersbee with Billy converged
near the middle of the meadow. Out of deference to the magician the group was given a wide berth and they had plenty of room to themselves.

  “Master Portersbee,” said Lac, “let me introduce you to Chauncey and Shastra.”

  “I’m pleased to make your acquaintance Chauncey and Shastra. Seemed everything came out well?”

  ‘Yes. It did,’ replied Chauncey. ‘I never would have been able to rescue Shastra if it were not for Lac. He is a wonderful mage. I only wish that Barry Ding could have heard about how Lac performed his magic.’

  Portersbee looked at Chauncey with renewed respect, “did you know the wizard Ding?’

  ‘Yes. We traveled together. To this place. It is here that I met Shastra. In this very meadow.’

  “Chauncey would you tell me just what occurred. It might be important to Lac if I have all the facts.”

  ‘I would be happy to. It may take a little time and although Shastra does not mind the company of humans I find I prefer to be a round only one or two who are friends. However, I will persevere so you hear the complete tale.’

  ‘Where shall I start Lac?’

  “Oh, ah…I guess when we first met the pixies.”

  ‘Yes. A good place to start…’

  ***

  The black dragon launched himself out of the cave. It was only a few miles from the meadow. He hugged the slope of the crag and swung out over the tree tops. He knew want he wanted to do.

  He felt exhilarated.

  And ravishingly hungry.

  ***

  ‘I thought the magic used by Lac though a tad strong was impressive. It gave me confidence to have Lac travel with me.’

  ‘The magic displayed when the hobgoblins came in the nighttime…’

  They heard a man choking, violently choking. All in his party looked at him as did many in the immediate area. Why do people need to look when someone chokes, or slips or does some other less than mundane but not altogether unknown act? Seems to be part of the human condition. All eyes turned in the chokers direction.

  He was on the eastern edge of the meadow with some friends having a bite to eat. He was facing the west. His friends tried to help him by slapping his back. They were chatting and laughing at him as well.

  He was somewhat comical. He obviously wanted to say something as he tried to point with one hand as the other hand was at his throat. The more he tried to talk the less he was able and the more comical he became.

  Even Master Portersbee had to smile.

  Until the screams.

  Lac had never heard screams like that. These screams were the most serious screaming he had ever heard. He had no idea anyone or in this case many anyones could scream so shrilly and forcefully. The screams were incredibly scary. If it hadn’t been such a beautiful calm morning…

  Oddly, the screams were coming from the western end of the meadow.

  Naturally all in the group turned. Almost too late. The dragon was upon them. Billy, Portersbee and Lac hit the dirt. Chauncey’s first reaction was instinctive. He moved and he did so with amazing quickness. No horse could ever move that fast.

  The black dragon sighed relief. He was worried about the big male unicorn.

  Shastra did not move fast enough nor did Nadilia. Shastra was still weak and not even close to full strength. Nadilia was so panic-stricken she couldn’t move.

  The black dragon clutched Nadlia and bowled over Shastra. The dragon picked her up by her rump. He couldn’t allow her to use her horn.

  The dragon leapt into the air.

  Portersbee, on his backside, hurled a fire ball at the dragon. But he didn’t realize how fast this very large creature could get airborne. The fire ball stung the dragon’s claw but hit Nadilia as well. The wounded dragon let out a howl.

  Lac was jumping up and down. He didn’t know what to do. He realized that this was the black dragon Ysiline and Ingrus had warned him about. He felt horrible; in parts of terror at seeing a huge, hungry, maleficent, scary as hell dragon, and other parts of anger and fear for Nadilia and Shastra.

  He had to do something. Something, something…

  He had to do….what he didn’t know. But, but, but, but, but…

  ‘Lac hop on.’

  “Huh?”

  ‘Hop on my back. Quick. We have no time to waste.’

  Lac flopped on Chauncey’s back and swung his leg over to sit astride.

  ‘Hold on. Tight.’

  Lac grabbed a handful of the white mane.

  ‘Tighter.’

  Lac encircled Chauncey’s neck with his arms.

  ‘Are your ready?’

  “Yes. I’m reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady.”

  If someone had told Lac that unicorns were the fastest animals on land he probably would not have believed him. They resembled horses too much. He knew the average speed of a horse so the association though immature to a point was only natural.

  He would of course have been wrong.

  Unicorns are magical creatures. And they are very fast when they want or need to be.

  By the time Lac had finished saying ‘ready’ he was already out of the village. He tried to concentrate on what he was seeing go past. He’d never been this way before.

  They were on a road of sorts heading to the ocean. The ocean to the south and southwest of Oakendusk had tall chalk cliffs and even if there had been someone far away to trade with there was no way to create a port. Not much reason to journey this way.

  Lac gave up trying to identify landmarks. The speed in which they were traveling was just too fast to see any distinctions or distinguishing features.

  ‘Lac get ready. You will see the dragon very…there. Do you see the dragon?’

  “Yes.”

  ‘Hurt him.’

  “But what about…?”

  ‘If the dragon reaches the ocean then all is lost.’

  Lac was getting used to the speed and able to sit up a little. With his left arm clutching Chauncey he focused and threw a fire ball.

  The bolt hit the dragon in the tail. By the howl of the dragon they knew it scored and it had hurt him.

  ‘Again.’

  Lac threw the next with more confidence. It hit the right wing of the dragon. The dragon howled. Lac threw a third bolt. His fear at losing Nadilia and Shastra lent him greater strength.

  The third bolt hit the dragon where the right wing meets the body. It did damage. The howling was intense. The dragon lost altitude. He was no longer flapping his wings but was gliding.

  ‘Good work Lac. I believe you have downed him.’

  “Let’s be sure Chauncey. We don’t want to walk into a trap.”

  They followed the dragon. Lac would have liked to throw more fire balls but with the loss of altitude he couldn’t get a clear shot.

  The wilderness gave way suddenly to a very green grass as far as the eye could see. Without any trees. Not a tree in sight. Some small bushes managed to find a way to grow on top of the chalk but precious few.

  Lac knew they were at the chalk hills. Since there was only chalk underneath not much could grow on top. Lac could see an island in the distance. Such a beautiful sight. Lac could hear the ocean. The waves broke directly on the chalk cliffs.

  Lac saw a clear opening and reared back to let the dragon have it.

  ‘Hold Lac.’

  The dragon alit holding both Nadilia and Shastra in front of him. Had Lac unleashed the fireball one or the other would have been hit. Nadilia appeared to be unconscious. Shastra looked injured.

  ‘Do not come any closer unicorn and human.’

  If a dragon talking in Lac’s head was a surprise, and it was, the bigger surprise, at least to him, was how well he accepted it and focused on this foul creature.

  ‘We should come to an understanding dragon,’ said Chauncey. ‘If not we are at an impasse. You do not want me for an enemy.’

  ‘How well you speak for yourself unicorn. What does the human have to say?’

  “I say you let those two go and
we’ll let you go. If you harm them one bit…”

  ‘Now, I do not call that much in the way of negotiation.’

  “I’m not going to negotiate with you.”

  ‘I must have something to gain. You lose much if I have nothing to gain.’

  Silence.

  Not an awkward silence. An angry silence.

  This was not a stupid creature Lac and Chauncey had to deal with. Lac knew he could not outfox the dragon as he had the troll. No amount of vomitus would be able to save the day here.

  ‘I propose a trade,’ said the dragon. If a dragon could smile he would have.

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  Lac’s first thought was, what have we to trade with. But the horror of that thought hit him. He could not speak. He knew as certainly as Chauncey that the dragon knew he was in the cat-bird seat. Lac wondered briefly what on earth is a cat-bird seat? What it clearly meant was the dragon held all the aces.

  ‘I will trade the females for both of you.’

  That was the dragon’s plan all along. Getting hurt was, of course, not part of the plan but he didn’t see why the plan couldn’t be salvaged. It was the major magic he was after. Chauncey had the most magic a unicorn could possibly have. The female was weak and her magic not at full strength. The human male was young but he had impressive innate magic within him.

  Ummm. He’ll be mighty tasty.

  Once he ingested the unicorn and the young mage he would heal very fast. Maybe fast enough to catch and eat the female unicorn.

  The dragon was so very pleased with himself. He was in control and they would have to do his bidding.

  Lac whispered in Chauncey’s ear, “can we block our thoughts so he cannot know what we say?”

  Chauncey nodded his head, ‘yes. But you must speak verbally to me.’

  “Okay. Giving him want he wants is not such a good thing.”

  ‘What do you propose? He will eat both. Soon I think.’ Lac threw his leg over Chauncey’s back and hopped to the ground. He felt better on the ground than on Chauncey’s back.

  “We must make him mad.”

  ‘How?’

  Lac shrugged. He never went out of his way to make anyone angry.