Every evidence of womanly refinement was visible in the elegant chamber. My lady’s piano was open, covered with scattered sheets of music and exquisitely-bound collections of scenas and fantasias* which no master need have disdained to study. My lady’s easel stood near the window, bearing witness to my lady’s artistic talent, in the shape of a water-coloured sketch of the Court and gardens. My lady’s fairy-like embroideries of lace and muslin, rainbow-hued silks, and delicately-tinted wools littered the luxurious apartment; while the looking-glasses, cunningly placed at angles and opposite corners by an artistic upholsterer, multiplied my lady’s image, and in that image reflected the most beautiful object in the enchanted chamber.
Amid all this lamplight, gilding, colour, wealth, and beauty, Lucy Audley sat down on a low seat by the fire to think.
If Mr Holman Hunt* could have peeped into the pretty boudoir, I think the picture would have been photographed upon his brain to be reproduced by-and-by upon a bishop’s half-length* for the glorification of the pre-Raphaelite brotherhood. My lady in that half recumbent attitude, with her elbow resting on one knee, and her perfect chin supported by her hand, the rich folds of drapery falling away in long undulating lines from the exquisite outline of her figure, and the luminous rose-coloured firelight enveloping her in a soft haze, only broken by the golden glitter of her yellow hair. Beautiful in herself, but made bewilderingly beautiful by the gorgeous surroundings which adorn the shrine of her loveliness. Drinking-cups of gold and ivory, chiselled by Benvenuto Cellini;* cabinets of buhl and porcelain, bearing the cipher of Austrian Maria Antoinette,* amid devices of rosebuds and true lover’s knots, birds and butterflies, cupidons and shepherdesses, goddesses, courtiers, cottagers and milkmaids; statuettes of Parian marble and biscuit china;* gilded baskets of hot-house flowers; fantastical caskets of India filagree work; fragile teacups of turquoise china, adorned by medallion miniatures of Louis the Great and Louis the Well-beloved, Louise de la Vallière, and Jeanne Marie du Barry;* cabinet pictures and gilded mirrors, shimmering satin and diaphanous lace; all that gold can buy or art devise had been gathered together for the beautification of this quiet chamber in which my lady sat listening to the moaning of the shrill March wind and the flapping of the ivy leaves against the casements, and looking into the red chasms in the burning coals.
I should be preaching a very stale sermon, and harping upon a very familiar moral, if I were to seize this opportunity of declaiming against art and beauty, because my lady was more wretched in this elegant apartment than many a half-starved sempstress in her dreary garret. She was wretched by reason of a wound which lay too deep for the possibility of any solace from such plasters as wealth and luxury; but her wretchedness was of an abnormal nature, and I can see no occasion for seizing upon the fact of her misery as an argument in favour of poverty and discomfort as opposed to opulence. The Benvenuto Cellini carvings and the Sèvres porcelain* could not give her happiness because she had passed out of their region. She was no longer innocent, and the pleasure we take in art and loveliness being an innocent pleasure had passed beyond her reach. Six or seven years before, she would have been happy in the possession of this little Aladdin’s palace;* but she had wandered out of the circle of careless pleasure-seeking creatures, she had strayed far away into a desolate labyrinth of guilt and treachery, terror and crime, and all the treasures that had been collected for her could have given her no pleasure but one, the pleasure of flinging them into a heap beneath her feet, and trampling upon them and destroying them in her cruel despair.
There were some things that would have inspired her with an awful joy, a horrible rejoicing. If Robert Audley, her pitiless enemy, her unrelenting pursuer, had lain dead in the adjoining chamber, she would have exulted over his bier.
What pleasure could have remained for Lucretia Borgia and Catherine de’ Medici,* when the dreadful boundary line between innocence and guilt was passed, and the lost creatures stood upon the lonely outer side? Only horrible vengeful joys, and treacherous delights were left for these miserable women. With what disdainful bitterness they must have watched the frivolous vanities, the petty deceptions, the paltry sins of ordinary offenders. Perhaps they took a horrible pride in the enormity of their wickedness; in this ‘divinity of Hell,’ which made them greatest amongst sinful creatures.
My lady, brooding by the fire in her lonely chamber, with her large, clear blue eyes fixed upon the yawning gulfs of lurid crimson in the burning coals, may have thought of many things very far away from the terribly silent struggle in which she was engaged. She may have thought of long-ago years of childish innocence, childish follies and selfishnesses, or frivolous feminine sins that had weighed very lightly upon her conscience. Perhaps in that retrospective reverie she recalled the early time in which she had first looked in the glass and discovered that she was beautiful: that fatal early time in which she had first begun to look upon her loveliness as a right divine, a boundless possession which was to be a set-off against all girlish short-comings, a counter-balance of every youthful sin. Did she remember the day in which that fairy dower of beauty had first taught her to be selfish and cruel, indifferent to the joys and sorrows of others, cold-hearted and capricious, greedy of admiration, exacting and tyrannical, with that petty woman’s tyranny which is the worst of despotisms? Did she trace every sin of her life back to its true source? and did she discover that poisoned fountain in her own exaggerated estimate of the value of a pretty face? Surely, if her thoughts wandered so far along the backward current of her life, she must have repented in bitterness and despair of that first day in which the master-passions of her life had become her rulers, and the three demons of Vanity, Selfishness, and Ambition had joined hands and said, ‘This woman is our slave; let us see what she will become under our guidance.’
How small these first youthful errors seemed as my lady looked back upon them in that long reverie by the lonely hearth! What small vanities, what petty cruelties! A triumph over a schoolfellow, a flirtation with the lover of a friend, an assertion of the right divine invested in blue eyes and shimmering golden-tinted hair. But how terribly that narrow path-way had widened out into the broad high-road of sin, and how swift the footsteps had become upon the now familiar way!
My lady twined her fingers in her loose amber curls, and made as if she would have torn them from her head. But even in that moment of mute despair the unyielding dominion of beauty asserted itself, and she released the poor tangled glitter of ringlets, leaving them to make a halo round her head in the dim firelight.
‘I was not wicked when I was young,’ she thought, as she stared gloomily at the fire, ‘I was only thoughtless. I never did any harm—at least, never wilfully. Have I ever been really wicked, I wonder?’ she mused. ‘My worst wickednesses have been the result of wild impulses, and not of deeply-laid plots. I am not like the women I have read of, who have lain night after night in the horrible dark and stillness, planning out treacherous deeds, and arranging every circumstance of an appointed crime. I wonder whether they suffered—those women—whether they ever suffered as—’
Her thoughts wandered away into a weary maze of confusion. Suddenly she drew herself up with a proud defiant gesture, and her eyes glittered with a light that was not entirely reflected from the fire.
‘You are mad, Mr Robert Audley,’ she said, ‘you are mad, and your fancies are a madman’s fancies. I know what madness is. I know its signs and tokens, and I say that you are mad.’
She put her hand to her head, as if thinking of something which confused and bewildered her, and which she found it difficult to contemplate with calmness.
‘Dare I defy him?’ she muttered. ‘Dare I? dare I? Will he stop now that he has once gone so far? Will he stop for fear of me? Will he stop for fear of me when the thought of what his uncle must suffer has not stopped him? Will anything stop him—but death?’
She pronounced the last two words in an awful whisper, and with her head bent forward, her eyes dilated, and her lip
s still parted as they had been parted in her utterance of that final word ‘death,’ she sat blankly staring at the fire.
‘I can’t plot horrible things,’ she muttered presently; ‘my brain isn’t strong enough, or I’m not wicked enough, or brave enough. If I met Robert Audley in those lonely gardens, as I—’
The current of her thoughts was interrupted by a cautious knocking at her door. She rose suddenly, startled by any sound in the stillness of her room. She rose, and threw herself into a low chair near the fire. She flung her beautiful head back upon the soft cushions, and took a book from the table near her.
Insignificant as this action was it spoke very plainly. It spoke very plainly of ever-recurring fears—of fatal necessities for concealment—of a mind that in its silent agonies was ever alive to the importance of outward effect. It told more plainly than anything else could have told, how complete an actress my lady had been made by the awful necessity of her life.
The modest rap at the boudoir-door was repeated.
‘Come in,’ cried Lady Audley, in her liveliest tone.
The door was opened with that respectful noiselessness peculiar to a well-bred servant, and a young woman plainly dressed, and carrying some of the cold March winds in the folds of her garments, crossed the threshold of the apartment and lingered near the door, waiting permission to approach the inner regions of my lady’s retreat.
It was Phœbe Marks, the pale-faced wife of the Mount Stanning innkeeper.
‘I beg pardon, my lady, for intruding without leave,’ she said; ‘but I thought I might venture to come straight up without waiting for permission.’
‘Yes, yes, Phœbe, to be sure. Take off your bonnet, you wretched cold-looking creature, and come and sit down here.’
Lady Audley pointed to the low ottoman upon which she had herself been seated a few minutes before. The lady’s-maid had often sat upon it listening to her mistress’s prattle in the old days, when she had been my lady’s chief companion and confidante.
‘Sit down here, Phœbe,’ Lady Audley repeated; ‘sit down here and talk to me. I’m very glad you came here, to-night. I was horribly lonely in this dreary place.’
My lady shivered, and looked round the luxurious chamber very much as if the Sèvres and bronze, the buhl and ormolu, had been the mouldering adornments of some ruined castle. The dreary wretchedness of her thoughts had communicated itself to every object about her, and all outer things took their colour from that weary inner life which held its slow course of secret anguish in her breast. She had spoken the entire truth in saying that she was glad of her lady’s-maid’s visit. Her frivolous nature clung to this weak shelter in the hour of her fear and suffering. There were sympathies between her and this girl, who was like herself inwardly as well as outwardly—like herself, selfish, cold, and cruel, eager for her own advancement, and greedy of opulence and elegance, angry with the lot that had been cast her, and weary of dull dependence. My lady hated Alicia for her frank, passionate, generous, daring nature; she hated her step-daughter, and clung to this pale-faced, pale-haired girl, whom she thought neither better nor worse than herself.
Phœbe Marks obeyed her late mistress’s commands, and took off her bonnet before seating herself on the ottoman at Lady Audley’s feet. Her smooth bands of light hair were unruffled by the March winds; her trimly-made drab dress and linen collar were as neatly arranged as they could have been had she only that moment completed her toilet.
‘Sir Michael is better, I hope, my lady?’ she said.
‘Yes, Phœbe, much better. He is asleep. You may close that door,’ added Lady Audley with a motion of her head towards the door of communication between the rooms, which had been left open.
Mrs Marks obeyed submissively, and then returned to her seat.
‘I am very, very unhappy, Phœbe,’ my lady said, fretfully; ‘wretchedly miserable.’
‘About the secret?’ asked Mrs Marks, in a half-whisper.
My lady did not notice that question. She resumed in the same complaining tone. She was glad to be able to complain even to this lady’s-maid. She had brooded over her fears, and had suffered so long in secret, that it was an inexpressible relief to her to bemoan her fate aloud.
‘I am cruelly persecuted and harassed, Phœbe Marks,’ she said. ‘I am pursued and tormented by a man whom I never injured, whom I have never wished to injure. I am never suffered to rest by this relentless tormentor, and I—’
She paused, staring at the fire again, as she had done in her loneliness. Lost again in the dark intricacies of thoughts which wandered hither and thither in a dreadful chaos of terrified bewilderment, she could not come to any fixed conclusion.
Phœbe Marks watched my lady’s face, looking upward at her late mistress with pale, anxious eyes, that only relaxed their watchfulness when Lady Audley’s glance met that of her companion.
‘I think I know whom you mean, my lady,’ said the innkeeper’s wife after a pause; ‘I think I know who it is who is so cruel to you.’
‘Oh, of course,’ answered my lady, bitterly; ‘my secrets are every body’s secrets. You know all about it, no doubt.’
‘The person is a gentleman, is he not, my lady?’
‘Yes.’
‘A gentleman who came to the Castle Inn two months ago, when I warned you—’
‘Yes, yes,’ answered my lady impatiently.
‘I thought so. The same gentleman is at our place to-night, my lady.’
Lady Audley started up from her chair—started up as if she would have done something desperate in her despairing fury; but she sank back again with a weary, querulous sigh. What warfare could such a feeble creature wage against her fate? What could she do but wind like a hunted hare till she found her way back to the starting-point of the cruel chase, to be there trampled down by her pursuers?
‘At the Castle Inn?’ she cried. ‘I might have known as much. He has gone there to wring my secrets from your husband. Fool!’ she exclaimed, suddenly turning upon Phœbe Marks in a transport of anger, ‘do you want to destroy me that you have left those two men together?’
Mrs Marks clasped her hands piteously.
‘I didn’t come away of my own free will, my lady,’ she said; ‘no one could have been more unwilling to leave the house than I was this night. I was sent here.’
‘Who sent you here?’
‘Luke, my lady. You can’t tell how hard he can be upon me if I go against him.’
‘Why did he send you?’
The innkeeper’s wife dropped her eyelids under Lady Audley’s angry glances, and hesitated confusedly before she answered this question.
‘Indeed, my lady,’ she stammered, ‘I didn’t want to come. I told Luke that it was too bad for us to worry you, first asking this favour, and then asking that, and never leaving you alone for a month together; but—but—he drove me down with his loud blustering talk, and he made me come.’
‘Yes, yes,’ cried Lady Audley, impatiently, ‘I know that. I want to know why you have come.’
‘Why, you know, my lady,’ answered Phœbe, half reluctantly, ‘Luke is very extravagant; and all I can say to him, I can’t get him to be careful or steady. He’s not sober; and when he’s drinking with a lot of rough countrymen, and drinking, perhaps, even more than they do, it isn’t likely that his head can be very clear for accounts. If it hadn’t been for me we should have been ruined before this; and hard as I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to keep the ruin off. You remember giving me the money for the brewer’s bill, my lady.’
‘Yes, I remember very well,’ answered Lady Audley, with a bitter laugh, ‘for I wanted that money to pay my own bills.’
‘I know you did, my lady; and it was very, very hard for me to have to come and ask you for it, after all that we’d received from you before. But that isn’t the worst; when Luke sent me down here to beg the favour of that help, he never told me that the Christmas rent was still owing; but it was, my lady, and it’s owing now, and—and there’s a bai
liff in the house to-night, and we’re to be sold up to-morrow unless—’
‘Unless I pay your rent, I suppose,’ cried Lady Audley. ‘I might have guessed what was coming.’
‘Indeed, indeed, my lady, I wouldn’t have asked it,’ sobbed Phœbe Marks, ‘but he made me come.’
‘Yes,’ answered my lady bitterly, ‘he made you come; and he will make you come whenever he pleases, and whenever he wants money for the gratification of his low vices; and you and he are my pensioners as long as I live, or as long as I have any money to give; for I suppose when my purse is empty and my credit ruined, you and your husband will turn upon me and sell me to the highest bidder. Do you know, Phœbe Marks, that my jewel-case has been half emptied to meet your claims? Do you know that my pin money, which I thought such a princely allowance when my marriage settlement was made, and when I was a poor governess at Mr Dawson’s—Heaven help me—my pin money has been overdrawn half a year to satisfy your demands? What can I do to appease you? Shall I sell my Marie Antoinette cabinet, or my Pompadour china, Leroy’s and Benson’s* ormolu clocks, or my Gobelin tapestried* chairs and ottomans? How shall I satisfy you next?’
‘Oh, my lady, my lady,’ cried Phœbe, piteously, ‘don’t be so cruel to me; you know, you know that it isn’t I who want to impose upon you.’
‘I know nothing,’ exclaimed Lady Audley, ‘except that I am the most miserable of women. Let me think,’ she cried, silencing Phœbe’s consolatory murmurs with an imperious gesture. ‘Hold your tongue, girl, and let me think of this business, if I can.’
She put her hands to her forehead, clasping her slender fingers across her brow, as if she would have controlled the action of her brain by their convulsive pressure.
‘Robert Audley is with your husband,’ she said, slowly, speaking to herself rather than to her companion. ‘Those two men are together, and there are bailiffs in the house, and your brutal husband is no doubt brutally drunk by this time, and brutally obstinate and ferocious in his drunkenness. If I refuse to pay this money his ferocity will be multiplied by a hundredfold. There’s little use in discussing that matter. The money must be paid.’
Lady Audley's Secret (Oxford World's Classics) Page 36
