by Sandy Hall
I’m sure Bart will be there, and all my questions will be answered.
CHAPTER THREE
-CARTER-
The big carnival that everyone is going to tonight is a solid twenty-minute walk off campus. Apparently, they’re trying to make it look like the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore, but it’s not really working. Especially since we’re actually in New Jersey and I’d guess 95 percent of the people at this thing know exactly what the boardwalk looks like. And it does not look like this super generic carnival.
Ray and I arrive together, and I keep my eyes peeled for Paisley.
“You’re going to tell her who you are, right?” he asks. I explained the whole situation to Ray on our walk over here.
“Of course,” I say, even though I’m lying. After talking to Thea this morning, I can’t help but think maybe she was onto something. Maybe it’s okay not to be myself, just this once. At least for a little while. It’s not like I purposefully introduced myself to her as someone else. She just misheard and made assumptions.
“But are you really going to tell her?” he asks, eyeing me like he could just hear every word of my thought process. “You look kind of sick to your stomach.”
“I just want a chance to make a better second impression. Middle school Carter was kind of an asshole, as my older sister put it so delicately. But I just want to show her I’ve changed.”
“By being someone else?” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “This is a terrible idea.”
“I need to at least try.”
He drops his hand and shakes his head at me. “Well, she’s right over there,” he says, gesturing.
I turn and find her and her roommate wandering through the carnival games. Paisley looks completely adorable, as usual. She’s wearing a T-shirt that says NOW WHAT?
“Are you coming with me?” I ask Ray.
“I think I’d rather be pretty much anywhere else.”
He walks fast to catch up with some of the other people from our floor and doesn’t look back.
Maybe I should feel bad, but this is such an incredible opportunity. When do you ever really get a second chance to make a first impression? Never.
Paisley catches sight of me then and waves.
I wave back and jog over, unable to keep a smile off my face.
“Hey, Bart,” she says. “I’m Paisley, by the way. I can’t remember if I actually mentioned that last night.”
“Hey, Paisley,” I say, grinning. “I kept hoping our groups would run into each other today.”
“Same,” she says. “But I’m really happy to see you now.”
She twists her hands together in front of her and blushes. I can tell she really means it, and that only solidifies my decision to keep letting her think I’m someone I’m not. It’s not my best plan ever, but it’s not my worst. Just for a little while longer. I’ll tell her later. Like maybe I’ll take her on the Ferris wheel, and when we’re at the top and there’s nowhere else to go, I’ll confess. She’ll have to sit and listen to me for as long as it takes for the ride to end. She’ll understand.
Stef leans and waves in my face. “Hey there,” she says.
“Oh hey, hi,” I say, coming back to reality.
“Well, I’m going to let you guys get to it,” Stef says, awkwardly clapping her hands together, before wandering off.
“She could stay and hang out with us,” I say to Paisley.
“I know. I don’t think she really wants to. I’m sure she’ll run into someone she knows soon enough. I’m pretty sure the entire swim team is here.”
I nod. We smile at each other a little too long.
“So,” she says, gesturing around us. “This is quite the spectacle.”
“That would be one way to describe it,” I say.
We’re jostled by a group of people, so we move out of the way.
“Are you from around here?” she asks.
I should probably stay away from any and all details about my life, but I’m pretty sure I can answer this one without adding to my lies. “Nah, I’m from Delaware.”
She nods.
“All my high school friends go to University of Delaware,” I continue. “And they started orientation last weekend. So I feel…” I pause, looking for the right phrase.
“Out of step with them already?” she offers.
I nod. “Exactly that.”
“All of my friends are scattered at home and other colleges, but I can imagine if they were all in the same place, it would feel weird.”
“It does. I figure I’ll see them when I can, but I’m going to make new friends.” I chew my lip. “Seems like I already have.”
“Maybe even more than friends,” she says, with an adorable little head tilt.
“Seems like it, maybe,” I agree.
I can’t stop smiling.
“So, where should we start?” she asks.
-PAISLEY-
We wander around for a few minutes, looking at the food trucks and the game booths and the ride offerings. It’s a really good carnival and I can see why the student body attends en masse.
“Let’s get something to eat,” Bart says.
“Definitely.” I inhale deeply. “I love funnel cake. I wish funnel cake was a regular offering at each and every meal. I hate that it’s so limited in availability.”
“Weirdly, they used to sell these mini funnel cakes in my high school cafeteria.”
“Were they any good?” I ask.
“There were pretty decent. Because let’s be real, as long as the cake is hot and fried and they put the powdered sugar on at the right second, there’s no such thing as a bad funnel cake.”
We get in line for food at the taco truck and Bart pays. I let him. I really don’t know what I’ve become. Letting a boy buy me dinner. Usually I’d be all like I MUST PAY FOR MYSELF. But it’s kind of like, if he wants to do nice things for me, it makes me feel nice.
I hate myself.
But I like HIM so much.
We grab the end of a picnic table just as the group who was sitting there leaves. I take a sip of my drink and look around.
“I can’t believe school starts the day after tomorrow. I’m totally not ready,” he says.
“I know,” I say.
“I’m taking a history class with a professor that everyone really likes, though. I was talking to people about her at the party last night, and when I told them I had history with Professor Brightly, they all said she’s the best.”
“Cool.” I file that information away for later. “I definitely haven’t studied my schedule closely enough to remember any of my professors’ names.”
“Oh, well this one stuck out because her name is Henrietta Brightly. She sounded like she should teach at Hogwarts.”
I laugh.
As we throw away our garbage after eating, Bart grabs my hand.
I can barely think about anything else. I can only concentrate on the way his fingers feel intertwined with mine. Now I understand why people walked all over high school like this. I always thought holding hands seemed arbitrary and unnecessary, like what’s the point. But I get it. It’s special. It feels good.
“So, I feel like if we’re really going to lean into this whole carnival thing, I should win you a teddy bear or something,” he says.
I balk at this. I haven’t completely lost my sense of self. “Or I could win you something.”
“Or we could compete and see who’s best at something.” He waggles his eyebrows at me.
“All right. I like that idea.”
“What’s your game?” he asks.
“Well, usually I’m better at arcade stuff—claw machine, Skee-Ball, that kind of stuff. But I don’t see any of that around here. What about you?”
“I’m pretty good with a basketball throw or maybe that balloon game?” he says, gesturing.
“I like darts,” I say. “Pointy things sound like the way to go.” I tug his hand in that direction and he follows.
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p; I’m definitely sad to have to drop his hand when it’s our turn.
He goes first. He misses initially, but then hits the next two, winning me a medium-sized prize. I pick a zebra because it’s a little bit cooler than your average stuffed animal.
“I shall name her Debra. Debra the Zebra,” I say, pronouncing zebra with a short e so it rhymes with Debra.
When it’s my turn, I pop three balloons and get a bonus dart, so I pop another.
He’s impressed, so I channel Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. “What, like it’s hard?”
He selects a giant unicorn. I can’t stop laughing.
“It’s so fluffy!” he yells in a silly voice.
With our winnings in tow, we continue to wander until we decide it’s popcorn time. After buying a bucket, my treat, we find an empty bench near the rides and sit down to people watch.
I crunch on a handful of popcorn, while Bart pretends to feed his unicorn.
“What are you going to name her?” I ask.
“It’s a her? How do you know?” he asks, examining the toy. “Is there a certain way to tell male and female unicorns apart?”
“Obviously, all unicorns are women because they are perfect and wonderful,” I explain.
“Oh right, right,” he says, and then laughs. “So what do you think I should name her?”
“I don’t know. That’s up to you.”
“I think I’ll call her … Hula.”
“Hula? Like the hoop?”
“And the dance. She just looks like a Hula to me.”
I laugh. “I’m really glad we have more to talk about than just beer.”
“Me too.”
“I think it’s about ride time,” I say. “But first! A trip to the bathroom.”
-CARTER-
While Paisley runs to the bathroom, I eat more popcorn and check my phone. I have three texts from Ray.
Ray: I can see you two across the carnival. I’m not stalking you. I swear.
Ray: But I can tell that you haven’t told her yet. It’s pretty obvious from the way you’re talking and laughing.
Ray: And I just don’t think this is cool. I don’t want to be that guy. And I hope you won’t hate me for saying so, but you need to set this straight.
Rather than responding to him, I turn my phone off. I know this isn’t the best idea. But like I promised myself earlier, I’ll tell her on the Ferris wheel.
When Paisley returns, she’s ready to roll.
“But what do we do with the kids?” I ask, holding Hula and Debra.
She bursts out laughing. “I think the kids can handle riding with us.”
The ride operators at the tilt-a-whirl and scrambler won’t let us take our prizes on, but there are no such rules at the Ferris wheel.
Paisley holds both of them in her lap.
We get to the top and have to wait for people to get on. It’s now or never. I need to tell Paisley the truth. My hands are sweating so I wipe them on my shorts.
“So,” I say. I have to get as much of it out as I can before we get to the bottom of the ride again. Before she can leave me. “I’m really nervous, but I want to say—”
Paisley interrupts. “I know what you’re going to say, and I just want you to know that I’m in. I like you too.”
“You do?” I ask, shocked.
“I do.” She licks her lips and the ride starts moving again. She puts her hand over the unicorn’s eyes and she kisses me briefly, softly.
“Is that okay?” she asks.
“That’s amazing. That’s unbelievable. That’s incredible,” I say. Before I can babble more, she starts kissing me again and she doesn’t stop until the ride stops. We’re both dizzy and dazed, from the height, from the ride, from the kiss.
As we walk back to the dorm, hand in hand, Paisley keeps up a line of chatter but I have trouble focusing. I’m just so happy that she likes me. It’s like all my dreams are coming true.
When we get to the elevators, she pushes the up arrow.
“So when can I see you again? Should we exchange numbers?” This question makes me panic; there’s something about her putting me in her phone under the wrong name that makes me feel totally wrong. Like that’s a line I can’t cross.
“This is so silly,” I say, shaking my head. “But my phone’s dead, and I got a new number and I don’t know it by heart yet.”
She giggles. “That is silly,” she says.
“But let’s meet tomorrow?” I say. The elevator dings.
“There’s more orientation stuff tomorrow.”
“I know, but there’s also the first-year barbecue tomorrow night. Let’s meet there at six?” I say as the doors open.
She kisses my cheek. “I can’t wait.”
-PAISLEY-
I step in the elevator and I stare at him as the doors close.
As soon as the elevator’s moving, I start dancing and twirling around in the small space.
I can’t believe what an amazing night I had.
When I get into my room, Stef is still out. I shoot her a text that’s all exclamation marks and happy face emojis. I consider getting in the shower, but instead I just lie down on my bed and think about Bart. About kissing him, about holding hands.
I should be embarrassed, but instead, I just feel … happy. Completely, totally, genuinely happy.
I roll over and grab my laptop. I open up the scheduling website and search for a history class with Professor Brightly. There’s only one available for freshmen; every other one of her classes requires a prerequisite, so this must be the class that Bart is in. Before I can overthink it, I click on the class and change my schedule, dropping the anthropology class that I was originally assigned.
It’s not like I know what I want to major in. During the placement testing, I was advised to take a wide range of courses this year to figure out what I like and what I don’t like.
I like history. I might as well take a history class.
It’s just a bonus that Bart’s in the same one.
A wonderful, amazing bonus.
I float on a cloud all the next day. I desperately want to see Bart, but he’s nowhere to be found. Not at the activity fair, or the library tour, or the ice cream social.
Thank goodness we made plans to meet up at the barbecue.
After the longest day ever, it’s finally almost time to go.
“You ready?” Stef asks.
“I was born ready,” I say. We’d stopped back at our room after our last orientation event ended to change into jeans and freshen up. I even put on some mascara.
Before we walk out the door, I text the selfie Bart and I took the night before to Lizzie and Madison along with the statement “I think I’m in love” and then I turn my phone to silent.
I look forward to seeing what they have to say later on.
I can’t wait.
CHAPTER FOUR
-CARTER-
The welcome barbecue is being held on the field inside the track near the fitness center. I time the walk over there and adjust my alarm settings accordingly. It’ll take me about seven minutes to get to work in the morning.
As soon as I see Paisley, all thoughts of my 5:38 a.m. wake-up time are forgotten. I make a beeline for her while Ray holds a spot for us at the end of the very long food line. He hasn’t said anything else to me about confessing to Paisley. He hasn’t said much of anything at all.
Paisley and her roommate are busily filling plates. Neither of them notices me until I’m right next to them. Stef nearly drops her plate when she sees me.
“Good lord,” she says. “Make some noise or something.”
“I just wanted to say hi,” I say. “So, hi.”
Paisley turns around and grins at me, her eyes glittering in the early evening light. I can’t believe how cute she is.
“I like your T-shirt,” I say before she even says hi back.
It’s a simple white shirt that says “sup,” all lowercase, in a fancy navy font across it.
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“I figure it’ll start the small talk for me,” she says. “But I have to admit. I didn’t make this one.”
“I appreciate your honesty,” I say. “I’m going to get in line with my roommate, but I’ll find you when I’m done.”
She nods and I walk away, looking over my shoulder a few times, just to smile at her again. This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous.
When I slide into the line next to Ray, no one behind us protests. Maybe people care less about cutting in college.
“I swear the entire freshmen class is here,” Ray says.
“It’s really crowded,” I agree.
“How do you even go about planning something like this?” he asks.
I only hum in response, because the logistics of a barbecue for thousands of people is not in my wheelhouse. I can’t quite work up the interest in it. The line moves at a crawl.
“Did you tell her?” Ray asks, his voice serious.
“Soon, I swear.” He just shakes his head.
When he’s done filling his plate, he stalks off without a word.
I search the crowd for Paisley, and I spot her and Stef sitting along the fence. I walk over, totally forgetting about Ray.
“Hey there,” I say, taking the empty seat next to Paisley.
“Hi there,” she says.
“Ho there,” Stef says, staring at me from Paisley’s other side.
I nod and smile, but I really only have eyes for Paisley.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“It was good,” she says. “Kind of boring. Sad I didn’t see you around.” She shoves the rest of her hamburger in her mouth and that reminds me that I have food of my own to eat. I take a bite and look away. We don’t need to watch each other chew.
She and Stef make small talk for a minute or two, and then Stef excuses herself to go hang out with some of the other first-year members of the swim team. We smile at each other. Things feel more awkward tonight, but that’s definitely my fault.
