by Dixon, Ruby
I wonder if he's found Ruth yet…and I wonder how much hell she's giving him. I hope it's a lot. A whole fuckton of hell. It's the only thing that makes me feel better about knowing that she's gone…that she's going to make him absolutely, utterly miserable.
Mathiras speaks. "We'd head for our ship, of course. The Little Sister's still out there. A bit farther out, so it'd be a bit of a journey, but an escape pod can absolutely make it. It'll take what, two or three weeks, I think, but—"
"Two or three weeks," Alice protests. "In an escape pod? Are you out of your mind?"
"You have a better solution?" Kaspar asks. "This is enemy territory. We should be glad it'll only take two or three weeks to get to a safe ship. Then once we get to the Sister, we can come back. It'll take maybe a week with the stronger, faster engine. Then we can slave the Star to the Sister and find a safe port…and figure out what to do next."
Now, Helen speaks. She looks over at me, worried. "What about the sleepy people? Where do they go if we use escape pods?"
"There's not enough pods," I say softly. "We'd have to abandon them, or someone would have to stay behind to watch over things."
"No one's staying behind," Alice replies quickly, a note of worry in her voice. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Actually." I give her fingers another squeeze, because she's not going to like my answer. "I'm going to stay. No matter what."
Both Helen and Alice turn to look at me.
"Someone's got to stay and look after the stasis pods. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we all left and they ended up dying." I shake my head. "I can stay here and keep things running on the Star. I can send out a message if Straik has a change of heart and comes back. I can protect them if another pirate heads in this direction. If no one's here to guard them, they're sitting ducks."
"So wake someone up," Alice cries, upset. "You have to go with us, Jade. I'm not leaving you behind."
"Me either." Helen sounds dangerously close to tears. "We all stay together. The men can go."
I shake my head. "Someone has to go with them on the pods, remember? So the system will recognize them."
"So, what, you're just going to stay here alone?" Alice looks horrified. "On this big empty ship?"
But Helen's frowning at me. She's already figured it out. "If you stay back, that means only two pods can launch. We'd have to leave one of the men behind."
I glance down the table at Adiron.
He just grins. "You already know me so well, Jade. There's no way I'd leave you alone on this big derelict ship by yourself. The way I look at it, my brothers are going to come back, and I get a month of bonding time with my new ladylove." He leans back in his chair, hands behind his head, and beams at me as if this has been his plan ever since he mentioned the escape pods. Maybe it has been. There's one thing I'm learning about Adiron. He plays stupid, but he's absolutely not.
Alice's lip curls in disgust as she looks over at Adiron. "You are seriously gross. This is not a date! Jade's being selfless—"
He gives her a wounded look. "So am I."
"Alice, come on, now," I say. I'm trying not to blush, but…I did know Adiron was going to stay the moment I said I would. Oddly enough, I trust him, and it fills me with a comfortable sort of sensation to know that I wouldn't be here all alone. That of course he'd stay with me. "It makes me feel better to know you and Helen are going to have someone with you that knows how this universe works. They have a plan. They know what they want to do. More importantly, they know how to operate a ship." I give her a rueful smile and turn to Helen. "The best chance for us to succeed and save everyone is if we split up. Two pods—two pairs—head out for the other ship, one pair stays behind. This way, even if they're betraying us, there's a reason for them to come back. And we all regroup a month from now and we find homes for everyone. Stasis people and all."
Alice and Helen exchange a look. Alice thinks for a moment, then reaches for my hand. She gives me a falsely bright smile. "Just so you know, I hate all of this."
I chuckle, because it's not my favorite either. We've lost Ruth, and now we're splitting up even further. This might be the last time I ever see Alice and Helen again. But I keep my expression calm, because I can lose my shit later. "It's just a month. We can survive a month of bullshit. We have before, and we'll do it again."
Helen takes my other hand and clings tightly to it. I can feel how tense she is, and I imagine this is both frightening and exciting to her. "When should we go?"
I turn to Adiron. "Any chance that Straik is going to have a change of heart and turn around?"
His mouth twists in a wry smile. "Doubtful. But even if he does, his ship can just scoop up the pods mid-flight. There's no reason to delay for that."
"Well," I say, and pull my hands from Alice and Helen's grips before they realize that they're getting clammy with sweat. I'm nervous and terrified and determined and resigned and just a little bit defeated. "Let's get this show on the road, then."
32
ADIRON
Jade is a good leader, I realize, as I watch her take care of the others. Alice and Helen both cry, their small packed bags on their shoulders as they say their goodbyes to Jade. She's utterly calm and downright motherly at times, wiping away their tears and giving them gentle pep talks. She hugs both of them for a long, long time, and then waves as Alice steps into the pod with Kaspar, her smile bright. She gives her a thumbs up and I just nod at my brother. He'll be good. It'll take a lot more than a piss-poor corsair like Straik to take us down. I'm not worried. "See you in a month."
Then the pod closes, and activates, and it's Helen and Mathiras's turn.
The qura'aki is practically bouncing with a mixture of excitement and tentative sadness—like she wants to be excited but thinks she should be sad. Jade whispers in her ear, gives her a squeeze, and then smiles at Mathiras.
My brother looks at me. "You sure you're going to be okay here on this ship?"
"I'm going to have an amazing time," I reassure him. In a way, I'm kind of looking forward to it. Now I have Jade's undivided attention for an entire month. Surely that's enough time for her to fall in love with me. "You got everything you need?"
He nods. "We'll be in touch." Mathiras looks over at Jade. "And Helen will be in good hands. I promise you that I'll keep her safe and treat her like my own sister."
"Wait, what?" Helen says as she steps into the pod. There's a hint of a frown on her face.
"I'll see you soon," Jade calls, blowing kisses to a confused Helen as Mathiras steps into the hatch. The escape pod—a room-sized bubble tricked out with all the life support that a pair will need for months—hisses as the door shuts and panels light up. I see Mathiras get to work, strapping Helen into her seat and then moving into his own. Jade keeps waving, remaining in place, and Helen offers her a timid wave before the pod windows go black and then the pod itself detaches from the wall and heads down the chute to eject into space.
The moment the second pod is out of sight, Jade sags, like all the strength has left her body. It's quiet in the ship, and I can only imagine how she feels. First Ruth, now Helen and Alice. I put a hand on her shoulder and rub. Maybe she could use a snack. I like to eat when I'm depressed, because it always makes me feel better. "Do you want to…"
My words die in my throat as she turns and buries her face against my chest. A low sob escapes her, and her arms go around my waist.
Oh.
I hold her tight as she cries into my uniform, rubbing her back and murmuring positive-sounding stuff to her. Things like “you made the right decision” and “everything's going to be fine” when who the kef knows what's going to happen now. Danger and taking risks is just a part of my life, but I guess it hasn't been a part of Jade's.
It makes me want to protect her even more.
"Hey now," I murmur, resisting the urge to bury my face in her fluffy hair and just drink in her scent. "Are you crying because you're stuck with me for the next month? I promise I'll be a g
ood roommate. I might even pick up after myself."
She sob-laughs. "Liar. I saw your quarters. You're a pig."
"That's an earth animal, right? Are they handsome?"
Jade gives another teary laugh, sniffing. "Oh, the handsomest." She pulls back—much to my dismay—and gives me a faint smile. "You're trying to distract me, aren't you?"
"Me?" I pretend to be shocked. "I would never."
She rolls her eyes, but the smile plays at her lips. Jade swipes at her nose, staring glumly at the empty chambers where the two pods were. "Remind me that this is for the best?"
"It's absolutely for the best," I tell her. I move back to her side and put a hand on her shoulder. I want her to get used to me touching her, because I absolutely intend on touching her in the next while…as long as she lets me, that is. And when she covers my hand with her own, I fight the urge to grab her and kiss the kef out of her like they do in the human vids that Zoey loved. Most mesakkah are horrified by mouth-on-mouth stuff, but I think it'd be keffing grand. I'm certainly ready to tangle tongues with Jade and see what it's like. "If you're worried about Kaspar or Mathiras, I can assure you that they really are good guys. Neither one will touch the girls."
She crosses her arms over her chest, hugging herself, and I notice that her clothing is a modified jumper like my own, except the stitches have been pulled out and awkwardly re-done up the sides. It reminds me that everything she has, everything she wears, she's had to fight for and reclaim. Jade is so keffing strong. I'm in awe of her. The human female stares at the spots where the escape pods left just a short time ago, and she seems to be lost in her thoughts. "I've always had them, you know? No matter how scary or wild things got, we had each other. And now we're all separated. I guess I'm scared for me as much as I am for them."
I gesture at one of the remaining pods. "We can go, too, if you want. You know I'll follow you anywhere."
Her smile is faint as she looks back at me. "I can't do that. Those people sleeping in those pods, I have an obligation to them. I'm going to keep them safe and watch over them, because it's what I'd want someone to do for me."
Even though no one did it for her.
"Well, luckily you have me to entertain you in the next month," I tell her with a grand sweep of my arm. "And I am quite the entertaining male, or so I have been told." I grin at her, determined to keep my spirits light in the hopes that I can buoy hers. "I never did get a proper tour of this place. You want to show me the ship?"
She bites her lip, then shakes her head. "If it's all the same to you, I think…I want to be alone for a little bit. I need to process. I'll be fine, I just need to work through a few things."
"Sure. Right. I'll go hang out in my room. Maybe take a nap…maybe rearrange the furniture. Dunno. I'll figure something out." I give her a brash smile. "I can amuse myself. Don't you worry." With what, I don't know, but if Jade needs time to sort through her feelings, I'll give her as much as she needs.
Jade smiles sweetly at me, moving forward to touch my chest. "Thank you, Adiron."
33
JADE
I can't sleep.
I'm tired—exhausted, really—but as time crawls past, my brain won't turn off. I keep thinking about Ruth, and if she's all right or in danger. I think about Alice, her eyes filled with tears as she left in the pod with Kaspar. I think about Helen, who's even now probably trying to get a reluctant Mathiras to kiss her, just so she can experience it. I should probably be the most worried about Helen, because she's innocent, but strangely, I'm not. She'll have so many new experiences she won't have time to be sad or worried. This is all a new adventure to her; it's the others that I stress over.
And I think about the people in the stasis pods, of course. What if no one comes back for us? What if we drift into that ice field? What if it's a mistake to leave them sleeping? Would I want to drift into death in my sleep or would I want to be awake to try to do something about it? I can't wake them up of course—there's not enough food for so many people—but I can still have guilt about it.
In the end, I toss and turn, and when I can't stand it any longer, I get up. I shrug on my robe—some larger creature's modified tunic—and tuck it around me before I go to pace the empty halls of the ship. I head toward the kitchen, past the rec room, and wander toward the bridge. It all feels so empty now. Even before, when it was just the four of us on here, it didn't have that abandoned feeling like it does now. Like I'm the only one left on this end of the universe, all by choice.
Depressing. I know I've done the right thing, but it's still hard.
The bridge is empty, of course, the large windows full of nothing but open space. There's a distant, colorful nebula in one corner, and I know that even though it looks large in the view, it's probably bajillions of miles away from here. No sign of an ice field, though, which makes me wonder if that really was all a lie. It's conveniently “behind” the ship, which means we can't see it, but they swear it's there. I curl my bare toes on the metal floors, wondering if they seem cooler than usual or if it's just my imagination. I stare out the window, sigh, and then turn to leave.
As I do, I see a pair of legs sticking out from under one of the stations. Legs, and a blue tail that twitches ever so slightly.
"Um, Adiron?"
I can hear him sigh from under the desk. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice I was here."
I pad over to him, curious. "It's late. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
He slides out from under the station, his uniform rumpled, the collar open and loose. He gives me a boyish grin. "Shouldn't YOU be asleep?"
"I asked first." I nod at the station, because I can see a bunch of wires hanging down. "And I want to know what you're doing. Don't change the subject."
"I couldn't sleep." Adiron sits up, shrugging. "I was worried about you. You seemed real sad that the others are gone and I wanted to fix that."
I move to the chair the next station over. It's mounted to the floor, just like each station's “desk” and covered with a million controls I know nothing about. Everything's covered in a fine layer of dust because we don't know how to use most of the switches. I cross my legs, and as Adiron's gaze goes there, I can't help but feel a little…vulnerable. I'm wearing a knee-length tunic, but no panties and no bra. I wasn't exactly expecting to see anyone tonight, and seeing Adiron's focus makes me feel…strange. Uncrossing my legs would be awfully obvious, so I pretend not to notice. "So you decided to, what, play hide-and-seek?"
He laughs, a look of sheer delight on his face. "Did you play that, too? That was my sister's favorite when she was just a little runt. Man, she crawled into everything." With a smile, he shakes his head. "Nah, I was trying to override some of the systems, maybe get a vid-comm working for you."
That's kind of sweet. "Were you going to surprise me? Is that why you didn't want me to ask?"
"Uh, not exactly. I figured you might not approve of my methods."
"Your methods?"
To answer me, Adiron reaches up to one of the wires, yanks it from its home, and cocks his head, waiting. Then he puts it back into the socket and taps on a button.
I can't help it; I laugh. "Is this your equivalent of 'Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?'"
"Huh?"
"Just a tech support thing on Earth." I chuckle. "So what happens if you unplug a wire and it breaks something?"
"That's why I thought I'd do it while you were sleeping." He grins. "Hide the evidence before you woke up."
I should probably be mad, but I'm just amused. It's not like I'm doing anything with most of these controls anyhow. "I appreciate the thought, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to watch anything even if you get the vid-comm working."
"I know. I like being able to help you, though. Makes me feel less like a useless piece of keffing shit." He sighs and yanks on another wire, staring morosely at it. "I don't want you to be angry at me forever, so maybe if I do a few small things to make this next month bet
ter, it'll help."
"I'm not angry at you," I tell him, surprised he'd think that. "None of what's happened is your fault."
Adiron shrugs. "But I could have done more. I ran into him on the ship last night. I should have asked what he had planned, or stopped him, or something."
"You didn't know," I say gently. "None of us did. If we had, I'm pretty sure Ruth wouldn't have gone over there to spy. Now she's stuck with him…or he's stuck with her."
A reluctant smile curls the corner of his mouth. "They're both probably making each other miserable…or falling into bed together."
"I am very certain THAT is not going to happen."
He tilts his head, regarding me. "You don't think so? Some males like a fiery female. They like someone that fights them at every turn."
"Do they?" I arch a brow at him. "Do you?"
Adiron is quiet for a long moment, and I want to kick myself for asking it. Why do I care if he likes a “fiery female”? I'm not one. I'm definitely more on the calm end of the spectrum. But Adiron gives me a thoughtful look and shakes his head. "I'm into other stuff."
"Like what?" The words come out before I can stop them. Why am I encouraging this? He's made it clear that he likes me. Why do I need to hear it again?
He grins. "Small brown feet, for starters." And his big hand curls around my bare ankle.
I suck in a breath, fascinated at the pulse of attraction that zings through me. It's just a touch. Nothing more. It's a gentle one, though, and it feels good. I'm reminded of how he held me and comforted me when I cried.
And then I remind myself that it's only been two days. It hasn't been enough time for me to see who Adiron truly is. He could be pretending to be this big, lovable goof with a protective streak. The real Adiron will come out in a few days, when the sheer monotony of being trapped on the Star sets in.
So I tug at my ankle, indicating he should free me. "If that hand goes any higher, I'm going to kick you in the face."
