by Nora Roberts
anyone else. And he was going to be damn sure she didn’t. Torn between anger and need, he drew her away.
“What—” She had to stop and try again. “What was that for?”
He gathered her hair in his hand to bring her close again. His lips tarried a breath from hers. “As someone once said to me, I wanted to kiss you. Any objections?”
He was daring her. Her chin angled in acceptance. “I can’t think of any.”
“Mull it over. Get back to me.” With that, he propelled her toward the lights and music.
***
She didn’t like to admit that cowardice might be part of the reason she carefully divided her time between the girls and the visiting counselors. Eden told herself it was a matter of courtesy and responsibility. But she knew she needed to have her thoughts well in hand before she spoke privately with Chase again.
She watched him dance with Roberta and wanted to throw herself into his arms and tell him how much she loved him. How big a fool would that make her? He hadn’t asked about Eric, so how could she explain? It hummed through her mind that if he hadn’t asked, it didn’t matter to him. If it didn’t matter, he wasn’t nearly as involved as she was. Still, she told herself that before the evening was over she would find the time to talk it through with him, whether he wanted to hear it or not. She just wanted to wait until she was sure she could do a good job of it.
There was no such confusion about the evening in general. The summer dance was a hit. Plans between the camp coordinators were already under way to make it an annual event. Already Candy was bubbling with ideas for more joint ventures.
As always, Eden would let Candy plan and organize; then she would tidy up the details.
By keeping constantly on the move, Eden avoided any direct confrontation with Eric or Chase. Of course they spoke, even danced, but all in the sanctuary of the crowded mess hall. Eric’s conversation had been as mild as hers, but there had been something dangerous in Chase’s eyes. It was that, and the memory of that rocketing kiss, that had her postponing the inevitable.
“I guess you like her a lot,” Roberta ventured as she saw Chase’s gaze wander toward Eden yet again.
“What?” Distracted, Chase looked back at his dance partner.
“Miss Carlbough. You’re soft on her. She’s so pretty,” Roberta added with only the slightest touch of envy. “We voted her the prettiest counselor, even though Miss Allison has more—” She caught herself, realizing suddenly that you didn’t discuss certain parts of a woman’s anatomy with a man, even with Mr. Elliot. “More, ah . . .”
“I get the picture.” Charmed, as always, Chase swung her in a quick circle.
“Some of the other girls think Mr. Keeton’s a honey.”
“Oh?” Chase’s smile turned into a sneer as he glanced at the man in question.
“I think his nose is skinny.”
“It was almost broken,” Chase muttered.
“And his eyes are too close together,” Roberta added for good measure. “I like you a lot better.”
Touched, and remembering his first crush, Chase tugged on her ponytail to tilt her face to his. “I’m pretty soft on you, too.”
From her corner, Eden watched the exchange. She saw Chase bend down and saw Roberta’s face explode into smiles. A sigh nearly escaped her before she realized she was allowing herself to be envious of a twelve-year-old. With a shake of her head, she told herself that it was the strain of keeping herself unavailable that was beginning to wear on her. The music never played below loud. Uncountable trips to the kitchen kept the refreshment table full. Boys and girls shouted over the music to make themselves heard.
Five minutes, she told herself. She would steal just five quiet, wonderful minutes by herself.
This time, when she slipped back into the kitchen, she kept going. The moist summer air soothed her the moment she stepped outside. It smelled of grass and honeysuckle. Grateful for the fresh air after the cloying scent of fruit punch, Eden breathed deeply.
Tonight, the moon was only a sliver in the sky. She realized she had seen it change, had watched its waning and waxing more in the past three months than she had in all of her life. This was true of more than the moon. She would never look at anything else exactly the same way again.
She stood for a moment, finding the pictures in the sky that Chase had shown her. With the air warm on her face, she wondered if there would ever be a time when he would show her more.
As she crossed the grass, the light was silvery. From behind her came the steady murmur of music and voices. She found an old hickory tree and leaned against it, enjoying the solitude and the distance.
This was what warm summer nights were for, she thought. For dreams and wishes. No matter how cold it got during the winter, no matter how far away summer seemed, she would be able to take this night out of her memory and live it again.
The creak and swish of the back door cut through her concentration.
“Eric.” She straightened, not bothering to disguise the irritation in her voice.
He came to her until he, too, stood under the hickory. Starlight filtered through the leaves to mix with the shadows. “I’ve never known you to leave a party.”
“I’ve changed.”
“Yes.” Her eyes were calm and direct. He shifted uncomfortably. “I’ve noticed.” When he reached out to touch her, she didn’t step back. She didn’t even feel his touch. “We never finished talking.”
“Yes, we did. A long time ago.”
“Eden.” Moving cautiously, he lifted a finger to trace her jawline. “I’ve come a long way to see you, to make things right between us.”
Eden merely tilted her head to the side. “I’m sorry you were inconvenienced, but there’s nothing to make right.” Oddly, the anger, even the bitterness, had become diluted. It had started weakening, she knew, when he had kissed her that afternoon. Looking at him now, she felt detached, as if he were someone she’d known only vaguely. “Eric, it’s foolish for either of us to drag this out. Let’s just leave things alone.”
“I admit I was a fool.” He blocked her exit, as if by simply continuing in the same vein he could put things back in the order he wanted. “Eden, I hurt you, and I’m sorry, but I was thinking of you as well as myself.”
She wanted to laugh, but found she didn’t even have the energy to give him that much. “Of me, Eric? All right, have it your way. Thank you and goodbye.”
“Don’t be difficult,” he said, displaying a first trace of impatience. “You know how difficult it would have been for you to go through with the wedding while the scandal was still fresh in everyone’s mind.”
That stopped her, more than his hand had. She leaned back against the tree and waited. Yes, there was still a trace of anger, she discovered. It was mild, and buried quite deep, but it was still there. Perhaps it would be best to purge everything from her system. “Scandal. By that I assume you mean my father’s poor investments.”
“Eden.” He moved closer again to put a comforting hand on her arm. “Your position changed so dramatically, so abruptly, when your father died and left you . . .”
“To earn my own way,” she finished for him. “Yes, we can agree on that. My position changed. Over the past few months I’ve become grateful for that.” There was annoyance now, but only as if he were a pesky fly she had to swat away. “I’ve learned to expect things from myself and to realize money had very little to do with the way I was living.”
She saw by his frown that he didn’t understand, would never understand the person who had grown up from the ashes of that old life. “You might find this amazing, Eric, but I don’t care what anyone thinks about my altered circumstances. For the first time in my life, I have what I want, and I earned it myself.”
“You can’t expect me to believe that this little camp is what you want. I know you, Eden.” He twined a lock of hair around his finger. “The woman I know would never choose something like this over the life we could have toget
her in Philadelphia.”
“You might be right again.” Slowly, she reached up to untangle his hand from her hair. “But I’m no longer the woman you knew.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” For the first time he felt a twinge of panic. The one thing he had never considered was driving hundreds of miles to be humiliated. “Come back to the hotel with me tonight. Tomorrow we can go back to Philadelphia and be married, just as we always planned.”
She studied him for a moment, trying to see if there was some lingering affection for her there, some true emotion. No, she decided almost at once. She wished it had been true, for then she could have had some kind of respect for him.
“Why are you doing this? You don’t love me. You never did, or you couldn’t have turned your back on me when I needed you.”
“Eden—”
“No, let me finish. Let’s finish this once and for all.” She pushed him back a foot with an impatient movement of her hands. “I’m not interested in your apologies or your excuses, Eric. The simple truth is you don’t matter to me.”
It was said so calmly, so bluntly, that he very nearly believed it. “You know you don’t mean that, Eden. We were going to be married.”
“Because it was convenient for both of us. For that much, Eric, I’ll share the blame with you.”
“Let’s forget blame, Eden. Let me show you what we can have.”
She held him off with a look. “I’m not angry anymore, and I’m not hurt. The simple fact is, Eric, I don’t love you, and I don’t want you.”
For a moment, he was completely silent. When he did speak, Eden was surprised to hear genuine emotion in his voice. “Find someone to replace me so soon, Eden?”
She could almost laugh. He had jilted her almost two steps from the altar, but now he could act out the role of betrayed lover. “This grows more and more absurd, but no, Eric, it wasn’t a matter of replacing you, it was a matter of seeing you for what you are. Don’t make me explain to you what that is.”
“Just how much does Chase Elliot have to do with all of this?”
“How dare you question me?” She started past him, but this time he grabbed her arm, and his grip wasn’t gentle. Surprised by his refusal to release her, she stepped back and looked at him again. He was a child, she thought, who had thrown away a toy and was ready to stamp his feet now that he wanted it back and couldn’t have it. Because her temper was rising, she fell back on her attitude of icy detachment. “Whatever is or isn’t between Chase and me is none of your concern.”
This cool, haughty woman was one he recognized. His tone softened. “Everything about you concerns me.”
Weary, she could only sigh. “Eric, you’re embarrassing yourself.”
Before she could rid herself of him again, the screen door opened for a second time.
“Apparently I’m interrupting again.” Hands in pockets, Chase stepped down from the porch.
“You seem to be making a habit of it.” Eric released Eden, only to step between her and Chase. “You should be able to see that Eden and I are having a private conversation. They do teach manners, even here in the hills, don’t they?”
Chase wondered if Eric would appreciate his style of manners. No, he doubted the tidy Philadelphian would appreciate a bloody nose. But then, he didn’t give a damn what Eric appreciated. He’d taken two steps forward before Eden realized his intent.
“The conversation’s over,” she said quickly, stepping between them. She might as well have been invisible. As she had felt herself being shifted to the middle that afternoon, now she felt herself being nudged aside.
“Seems you’ve had considerable time to say what’s on your mind.” Chase rocked back on his heels, keeping his eyes on Eric.
“I don’t see what business it is of yours how long I speak with my fiancée.”
“Fiancée!” Eden’s outraged exclamation was also ignored.
“You’ve let some months slip past you, Keeton.” Chase’s voice remained mild. His hands remained in his pockets. “Some changes have been made.”
“Changes?” This time Eden turned to Chase, with no better results. “What are you talking about?”
Calmly, without giving her a glance, he took her hand. “You promised me a dance.”
Instantly, Eric had her other arm. “We haven’t finished.”
Chase turned back, and for the first time the danger in his eyes was as clear as glass. “Yes, you have. The lady’s with me.”
Infuriated, Eden yanked herself free of both of them. “Stop it!” She’d had enough of being pulled in two directions without being asked if she wanted to move in either. For the first time in her life, she forgot manners, courtesy and control and did what Chase had once advised. When you’re mad, he’d said, yell.
“You are both so stupid!” A toss of her head had the hair flying into her eyes to be dragged back impatiently. “How dare you stand here like two half-witted dogs snarling over the same bone? Don’t either of you think I’m capable of speaking my own mind, making my own decisions? Well, I’ve got news for both of you. I can speak my own mind just fine. You.” She turned to face Eric. “I meant every word I said to you. Understand? Every single word. I tried to phrase things as politely as possible, but if you push, let me warn you, you won’t receive the same courtesy again.”
“Eden, darling—”
“No, no, no!” She slapped away the hand he held out to her. “You dumped me the moment things got rough. If you think I’ll take you back now, after you’ve shown yourself to be a weak, callous, insensitive”—oh, what was Candy’s word?—“weasel,” she remembered with relish, “you’re crazy. And if you dare, if you dare touch me again, I’ll knock your caps loose.”
God, what a woman, Chase thought. He wondered how soon he could take her into his arms and show her how much he loved her. He’d always thought her beautiful, almost ethereal; now she was a Viking, More than he’d wanted anything in his life, he wanted to hold that passion in his arms and devour it. He was smiling at her when she whirled on him.
“And you.” Taking a step closer to Chase, she began to stab him in the chest with her finger. “You go find someone else to start a common brawl over. I’m not flattered by your Neanderthal attempts at playing at the white knight.”
It wasn’t quite what he’d had in mind. “For God’s sake, Eden, I was—”
“Shut up.” She gave him another quick jab. “I can take care of myself, Mr. Macho. And if you think I appreciate your interference in my affairs, you’re mistaken. If I wanted some—some muscle-flexing he-man to clean up after me, I’d rent one.”
Sucking in a deep breath, she turned to face both of them. “The two of you have behaved with less common sense than those children in there. Just for future reference, I don’t find it amusing that two grown men should feel it necessary for their egos to use me as a Ping-Pong ball. I make my own choices, and I’ve got one for you, so listen carefully. I don’t want either one of you.”
Turning on her heel, she left them standing under the hickory, staring after her.
Chapter 10
The last day of the session was pandemonium. There was packing and tears and missing shoes. Each cabin gave birth to its own personal crisis. Gear had to be stored until the following summer, and an inventory had to be made of kitchen supplies.
Beds were stripped. Linen was laundered and folded. Eden caught herself sniffling over a pillowcase. Somehow, during the first inventory, they came up short by two blankets and counted five towels more than they’d started with.
Eden decided to leave her personal packing until after the confusion had died down. It even crossed her mind to spend one last night in camp and leave fresh the following morning. She told herself it was more practical, even more responsible, for one of them to stay behind so that a last check could be made of the empty cabins. In truth, she just couldn’t let go.
She wasn’t ready to admit that. Leaving the laundry area for the stables, she began counting bri
dles. The only reason she was considering staying behind, she lectured herself, was to make certain all the loose ends were tied up. As she marked numbers on her clipboard, she struggled to block out thoughts of Chase. He certainly had nothing to do with her decision to remain behind. She counted snaffle bits twice, got two different totals, then counted again.
Impossible man. She slashed the pencil over the paper, marking and totaling until she was satisfied. Without pausing, she started a critical study of reins, checking for wear. A good rubbing with saddle soap was in order, she decided. That was one more reason to stay over one more night. But, as it often had during the past week, her confrontation with Chase and Eric ran through her mind.
She had meant everything she’d said. Just reaffirming that satisfied her. Every single word, even though she had shouted it, had come straight from the heart. Even after seven days her indignation, and her resolve, were as fresh as ever.
She had simply been a prize to be fought over, she remembered, as indignation began to simmer toward rage. Is that all a woman was to a man, something to yank against his side and stretch his ego on? Well, that wasn’t something she would accept. She had only truly forged her own identity in recent months. That wasn’t something she was going to give up, or even dilute, for anyone, for any man.
Fury bubbling, Eden crossed over to inspect the saddles. Eric had never loved her. Now, more than ever, that was crystal clear. Even without love, without caring, he’d wanted to lay some sort of
