Forever Mark

by Jessyca Thibault

  “Sure,” he said. He had the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face.

  What was I supposed to do, slam the door in his face? A week ago I probably would have, but now I couldn’t bring myself to do that. So I stepped aside and let Kellen walk through.

  I shut the door and then turned around. Kellen was looking at me.

  “Um, I think I should put some pants on,” I said.

  “If you have to,” Kellen responded, smirking.

  I could feel my face flush, this time with no powder to tone down the red. I headed for the stairs.

  “Kiss my ass?” I heard Kellen ask behind me. There was laughter in his voice.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I said without turning around.

  If it had been anyone else, I probably would have slapped them in the face.

  This boy was going to cause me problems, I could feel it.

  Chapter 17

  In the Moment

  When you grow up fast

  And when you grow up young

  You forget what it’s like

  To laugh and to live

  And not care about tomorrow

  Or the next day

  To just be in the moment

  However long it lasts

  Happy and free

  I stomped up the stairs and made my way into my room.

  Okay, pants. I had to find pants.

  I searched my floor for a clean pair, frantically picking pieces of fabric up and tossing them back down. Apparently this week I’d just felt like tossing five billion shirts onto my floor. If only I could wrap them around my legs and call it a day.

  I flopped down on my bed, facedown. Why was this boy doing this to me?

  Wait a minute, I thought, my face mashed into the blanket. Why was I letting this boy do this to me?

  I sat up. I was not going to let Kellen make me nervous. I was not going to change my plans of parading around the house in my underwear just because he was here. He was just another boy, after all. So I called on all of my inner badass (which was harder than usual because I wasn’t wearing any eyeliner and it’s much easier to convince my inner badass to come out and play when I’ve got eyeliner on) and I marched right out of my room and down the stairs. In my underwear.

  Kellen seemed like a good guy, but I wasn’t about to make that kind of call until I’d put him to the test. We’d see if he could keep his eyes above the waist.

  I knew I wasn’t playing fair – honestly, it was like waving a bone in front of a dog’s mouth and expecting the dog not to drool – but Kellen wasn’t playing fair either. He was doing that thing that made me feel that way and it was a way I didn’t want to feel. So game on.

  When I reached the bottom step, I saw that Kellen was sitting on the couch with a bag in his hands. I hadn’t noticed the bag before. I guess that’s what happened when you were, well, temporarily brain-dead.

  Kellen raised his eyebrows when he saw me. “Either I have x-ray vision, or you’re wearing invisible pants.”

  “I decided I’m not in the mood for pants.”

  “Not in the mood for pants?”

  “I’m a girl, it happens.”

  Kellen nodded, smiling.

  “Well, first you want to give me a key to your house, and now you’re walking around pants-less. Man, Carson, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re getting pretty comfortable around me,” he said.

  I was feeling the complete opposite of comfortable, but I couldn’t let Kellen see that, so I rolled my eyes, hoping I was evoking the right vibe. I was aiming for somewhere between “I couldn’t care less what you think” and “Watch your step, bro. I murder boys for fun.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” I said.

  Kellen laughed. “So,” he said, “Is this how you greet all your company?”

  I walked over to the couch and sat down, putting my feet up on the coffee table, my legs on full display.

  Look at my legs; I dare you.

  “I don’t get a whole lot of company,” I said.

  “That’s probably because people don’t know you answer your door in your underwear.”

  Kellen was smirking, but he hadn’t looked away from my face once. Even when I put my legs up and practically invited him to stare at them, his eyes never shifted. I was almost offended. Either I was totally unappealing, or this kid had an inhuman sense of control. I mean, he was a guy. By definition he was supposed to be going crazy.

  Let’s be real; no guy, had that kind of inhuman sense of control. I must’ve been totally unappealing in my natural state.

  I gave up, bringing my legs in and sitting on top of them, putting the game on pause. Maybe I’d be up for a round two later.

  “My mom left a note saying she’d be back in a bit. I thought that was her at the door,” I said.

  “Oh,” Kellen said. He looked kind of disappointed. “Should I go? I don’t want to keep you from hanging out with your mom.”

  I laughed at this.

  “I don’t want to hang out with my mom. And I’m pretty sure she wants to hang out with me even less.” I nodded at the bag in Kellen’s hands before adding, “What’s with the luggage?”

  Kellen looked down and smiled. “Oh, well, I brought some board games over.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “I thought you were just coming to see if I was okay.”

  “I was, but I was hoping you’d let me stay.”

  “That’s a pretty big bag of board games for someone that was just hoping they’d be able to stay.”

  “My hopes were very high.”

  “That’s kind of presumptuous, don’t you think?”

  “I prefer the term ‘extreme optimism.’ So what do you say?”

  I could’ve played hard to get. I could’ve told Kellen to take his board games and hit the road. That would’ve been the easy thing to do. But when I looked at Kellen he was smiling, those annoying yet oddly charming positive vibes just radiating off his face, and I could see the slight chip in his front tooth. And for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say no to that chip.

  “What the hell,” I said. “Let’s play some board games.”

  I hadn’t played board games since I was about seven-years-old, so I didn’t remember much about the board game scene, but according to the commercials on TV, board games were supposed to be family-friendly and light-hearted.

  The people that created those commercials had obviously never played a board game with Kellen Jordan because that boy was the most competitive Monopoly player I’d ever met in my life.

  Everything was fine at first, but then I decided to get creative with the rules.

  “Um, two plus three equals five, Carson. Not twelve,” Kellen said as I moved my top hat around the board.

  I looked down at the five little dots staring up at me from the dice.

  “That’s just a suggestion,” I said. “Kind of like the speed limit. No police, no problem.”

  “Well the sheriff is in town and I say Mr. Top Hat needs to slow his roll.”

  “Miss Top Hat is on a mission,” I said. “And she cannot be contained.

  I then took $500 from the pile of banker’s bills.

  “Now what are you doing?” Kellen asked.

  “I passed Go,” I said, pointing.

  “Okay, first of all, you passed Go illegally. Second of all, it’s $250 when you pass Go.”

  I shook my head. “Holiday bonus.”

  “You have got to be kidding me.”

  “Your turn, sheriff,” I said, pushing the dice towards him. Kellen rolled and landed right on one of my properties.

  “That’ll be sixty-six dollars,” I said.

  Kellen looked at the card for my property. “The rent is twenty-two.”

  “It’s the busy season. My property is in high demand.”

  “You, Carson Reynolds, are a cheater.”

  “I am not. I am an intelligent businesswoman.”

  Kellen put a twenty dollar bill in front of
me.

  “Cheapskate,” I said as I picked up the dice. I rolled a ten and landed right on Illinois Avenue.

  “Well, well, well,” Kellen said. “The tables have turned. That’ll be twenty bucks.”

  “Hmm,” I said. “I think I’m going to pass.”

  “But it’s my property!” he said.

  “Yes, and it’s lovely, but I’m just visiting,” I said.

  “Right, so while you’re visiting you can drop a twenty on the lovely front lawn.”

  “The front lawn isn’t that lovely,” I said, enjoying how frustrated I was making him. “The shrubs could use a trimming.”

  “You have to pay, Carson. Those are the rules,” he said.

  “I don’t have to do anything,” I said. “I play by my own rules.”

  “Well that’s obvious, Miss I-Don’t-Like-What-The-Dice-Says-So-I’m-Going-To-Move-As-Many-Spaces-As-I-Want.”

  The game ended shortly after that. I guess the refusing to pay the rental fee was the last straw.

  So we switched to Scrabble. I think Kellen had it in his head that I couldn’t possibly cheat in a game that was more like a vocabulary quiz than an actual game. Clearly he underestimated my capabilities.

  “J-A-Z-O-Q,” I said, placing my tiles on the board.

  “Jazock?” Kellen asked.

  “No,” I said. “It’s pronounced ‘jazo.’ The q is silent.”

  Kellen threw his hands in the air. “You can’t just throw in silent q’s wherever you want!”

  “This is the English language. I can put a silent letter wherever it fits.”

  Especially if wherever it fit earned me a triple word score.

  “I don’t know what dictionary you’re using, but ‘jazo-silent q’ is not part of the English language.”

  “Well I say it is.”

  “Okay then, what does it mean?”

  I thought for a minute. “It’s a noun. A boy who randomly shows up at a girl’s house with board games.”

  Kellen rolled his eyes, but then smirked. “There’s already a word for that, Carson.”

  “Oh really, and what is that?”

  “Awesome.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re an idiot,” I said.

  “And you’re a terrible board game player.”

  “You know, I thought board games were supposed to be fun,” I said.

  “They are fun,” he said, running his hand through his wavy hair. I got the sudden urge to reach over and run my own hand through the waves. “When you play by the rules.”

  I shook my head, partially to disagree with Kellen, but mostly to shake away the urge to touch his hair. No. The guy had great hair, but no.

  “Rules are meant to be broken,” I said.

  Kellen snorted. “I get the feeling you don’t just break rules, you demolish them.”

  I smiled a little and we just sat there for a few minutes. It was quiet, but not the awkward kind of quiet where you felt the need to say something stupid and meaningless just so you didn’t hear the static in the air. It was the kind of quiet that made you believe it was possible to find a peaceful place in the world.

  “So,” Kellen finally said. “What were you going to do today before I showed up?”

  I nodded at my backpack. “Just catching up on a week’s worth of procrastination.”

  “Interesting,” Kellen said as he got up from the couch and walked over to my bag.

  “What’s interesting?” I asked. “What are you doing?”

  “You just so happen to be looking at an honor roll student,” he said, setting my backpack on the couch next to me. “I love school.”

  “You love school?”

  “Yes,” he said, like it wasn’t the strangest thing on the planet. “I can help you with your homework.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not very smart, especially in math. I don’t understand things right away – sometimes I don’t understand them at all – and no offense,” I said, “but if your board game personality is any indication of your level of patience, then you have none.”

  “First of all, you are smart,” Kellen said, shaking his head. “And second of all, everyone has different personalities for different activities. You’ve got your tutoring personality, your board game personality, your sports personality, your pizza-ordering personality – ”

  “Pizza-ordering personality?”

  “Think about it, if you’re not super nice to the pizza person they could spit on your pizza or drop it on the floor or put moldy cheese that expired a month ago on it. If you’re nice to them though, you could walk away with extra toppings or free breadsticks.”

  “Free breadsticks?!” I gasped sarcastically.

  “Yes, and don’t mock free breadsticks,” Kellen said, the corner of his lips twitching upwards in a half-smile. “The point is, you can’t judge my tutoring skills based on my board game personality.”

  “Oh, that’s the point of all the pizza talk? I thought it was be nice to the pizza person or you’ll end up with moldy cheese and food poisoning.”

  “CARSON DO YOU WANT MY ACADEMIC EXPERTISE OR NOT?”

  I could tell he was trying his hardest to keep a straight face but it didn’t work, and he started laughing, which made me laugh too.

  “Fine, Mr. Honor Roll, you can help me with my homework,” I said as I began pulling books out of my bag.

  I placed my geometry textbook on the table, vaguely aware of the fact that I was supposed to start tutoring with Bree. Oops. Next I pulled out my English book and a piece of paper fluttered to the floor.

  “What’s that?” Kellen asked as I picked it up.

  I looked at the paper and felt my face get hot. This was clearly not the day to skip the face powder. “Just some dumb thing from therapy,” I said as I crumbled up the Happy List.

  “If it were dumb you would have thrown it away.”

  Yes, I would have. I should have. Clearly I was as dumb as the list.

  “What’s on the paper?” Kellen asked.

  If it was anyone else I’d have told them to mind their own business (probably in more graphic terms), but I could tell that Kellen was just curious and wasn’t trying to be pushy. Besides, he saw Dr. M on a weekly basis. He borrowed books from the woman for crying out loud. He’d probably seen his fair share of Happy Lists.

  I handed over the crumpled up paper.

  “It’s a list of activities that Dr. M thought might calm me down and make me a more positive and bubbly person.”

  “Dr. M?” Kellen asked.

  Oh, right. Dr. This-Is-A-Magical-Land-And-You-Are-A-Majestic-Unicorn wasn’t the name printed on my therapist’s business cards. To most people she was regular old Dr. Windemere. I explained to Kellen how I gave Dr. M her nickname and for a solid minute he just stared at me. Then he burst out laughing.

  “You don’t need to laugh at me,” I said. Suddenly I could hear the echo of laughter I’d heard in the classroom, on the bus, and I felt my guard go right back up. I understood the nickname was a bit much, but laughing at it was kind of offensive. It pissed me off.

  “I’m not laughing at you,” he said, shaking his head and getting out the last of the laughs, which turned into coughs. “I’m laughing because you’re funny. And I don’t even think you know it.”

  It was true – I’d never thought of myself as all that funny. Sarcastic – yes. Snarky – yes. But funny? Someone that could make people smile and laugh? Never. I felt myself soften a little though, taking my guard down slightly. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to, though, because Kellen had already moved on.

  “I think this list is a great idea,” he said.

  “That list is the corniest thing I’ve ever read.”

  “There is nothing wrong with corny things,” Kellen said. “Like corny pickup lines, for example. Everyone loves corny pickup lines.”

  I groaned. “If you
ever ask me if it hurt when I fell from heaven then I will push you into a ditch.”

  “Noted,” Kellen said. “But I was actually going to ask if you were a beaver.”

  “Don’t finish that.”

  Kellen grinned. “Because damnnnnn.”

  Before I could stop myself, I snorted and then choked on the laugh that I tried to hold down.

  Kellen smirked. “See, there’s a corny pickup line for everyone,” he said. “Anyways, corny or not this list actually sounds like fun. Plus, you’ve already done a few of these things.”

  “Like what?” I asked, still recovering from my near-death by snort laughter.

  “Well, first of all, you have made a pretty awesome new friend.”

  “I’ll tell them you said so when they stop by later.”

  Kellen made a face at me. “Somebody forgot to put sugar in their cereal this morning.”

  “I flavor my food with the lost hopes and dreams of souls I’ve stolen.”

  “You are incredibly morbid.”

  “A sprinkle a day keeps the happy away,” I sang with a smile.

  Kellen rolled his eyes. “You also watched a funny movie with me yesterday.”

  “That movie was not funny.”

  “Shrek is a classic!” Kellen yelled.

  “If you say so.”

  Translation: That movie was the biggest waste of time in my life, and I’ve found paint chips funnier than that movie.

  “I do say so. I also say that I think we should finish this list together. I’m the person you started it with so I feel like it’s only right if I’m the person you finish it with.”

  I exhaled loudly. Doing the things on the Happy List didn’t sound like complete torture if Kellen did them with me, but I didn’t need him to know that.

  “Fine,” I said. “We’ll finish the dumb list.”

  Kellen smiled and opened up one of my textbooks. I opened one too and got to work, or at least tried to. It was hard to focus with Kellen sitting right there. After a few minutes, I glanced over at him, and he still had a goofy smile stuck on his face. I looked down at his arms and felt a question burning my lips.

  “So how old were you when you got your first tattoo?” I asked.