by Kat Addams
Ma shook her head and slowly stood up. “I’m going to go lie down,” she said, shuffling her feet out the door.
“But, Ma, wait!” Wes called after her.
“Leave her be, son. I’ll speak to both of you in a bit. I think it’s time you both pack up your things. Your ma and I need some time to think.” Westy leaned his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.
“Come on, Weston. Let them have some time,” I whispered, pulling Weston up the stairs.
Wes and Kristy followed behind us, bickering under their breaths.
“You know I would have never left you out to dry, asshole! No matter who Dad signed the papers over to! You would have always been part of my team! That’s what family is for!” Weston turned toward his brother. “Now, look! We both are fucked!”
“Whatever, Weston. You were playing games, bringing her here. You and I are close enough to know that both of us were playing games!” Wes gritted his teeth.
“Mine is real. Nikki is no game for me,” Weston said.
I put my arm around his waist and leaned into him. “You don’t have to explain yourself. Let’s just get out of here.”
“I’m real too!” Kristy said, stomping her foot.
“No, no. You’re not. You’re not even my type. Show’s over. I’m taking your ass home. Couldn’t you have at least been more damn discreet online? What the hell?” Wes shook his head before disappearing down the hall.
Weston and I quickly gathered our things and crept downstairs to an empty kitchen. A scribbled note lay on the table, reading, Love you both. We will discuss this another day.
“We can’t leave without saying good-bye!” Weston cried, pacing back and forth in the entry. “I always hug and kiss my ma and dad before saying good-bye! What if something happens to them, and this is the last time I got to see them?”
“You’re going to have to respect their wishes and give them the space they want. The note said they want to discuss it all another day, so you’re just going to have to let them have some time. I’m so sorry, Weston,” I said, rubbing his back and gently pushing him out the door and into the P-wagon.
My time as a new member of the Banks family was over.
TEN
Weston
My mood was so blown to shit that I didn’t even turn the hydraulics on in the pussy wagon when we left the farm. I’d had everything in my grasp, and yet it’d slipped through my fingers. All of it—even the only part I cared about these days.
“How did you know about Kristy?” Nikki asked on the drive home.
“I looked at the site too. Like brother, like brother, I guess. Or something like that. Anyway, it’s a site full of women who will pretty much do anything for money. I contemplated using it, but the ones I interviewed all seemed vicious and vile. I wasn’t comfortable with being so cutthroat about my approach,” I replied, clenching my jaw.
“Wow, I never knew such a thing existed. I guess we all need to make money somehow. I bet there are some really good ones on there who just need the help to make ends meet too.”
“Yes, I bet you’re right. You’re always right. I don’t open my eyes a lot, but you’ve helped with that. I appreciate it.”
“Thank you. At least I could add a little positivity to the situation. I’m sorry, Weston. About all of it. I did my best. I just don’t think a stripper is a good fit for you and your family. You’re all very sweet and innocent, and I’m … I’m not. I’ve been through too much ever to be a robotic wife and turn a blind eye to the world while raising ten babies. You deserve a nice girl who is going to bake cow patties and shit,” she said.
“You have always been miles beyond what I deserve. There’s no one like you, Nikki. I’m the one who is sorry. I blew it. I should have just dated you properly and seen where it went instead of coming up with this stupid lie. It was dishonest and rather shitty of me to drag you into it. I hate that I hurt you and my ma.” I pushed my foot down on the gas pedal. I needed this nightmare to be over before I told her how I felt—which was that I’d fallen for her. That night we had finally joined as fake man and fake fiancée was the best sex of my life. Not because she blew my mind and I blew my load, but also because I felt something more after that. When I had been getting deep into her, she had been getting deep into me.
“I’m so upset I disappointed your mother. I think I’ll try to reach out to her in time and apologize, if that is okay with you. She was growing on me. Like a real mom.” Nikki leaned her forehead into the window and sighed.
“And me too? You’ll still reach out to me? Even though our whole charade is over? I’d still love to date you. The other night, that meant something to me.”
Stupid, Weston.
“Step back for a minute. Think about what all you could have. I’m not that girl. I’m a taco-making stripper. I’ll not be baking cookies and shit or popping out babies. I’m fulfilled in life with the kids from the cottage, and after a long day of making tacos, the last thing I would want to do is make cow patties. Give it some time. If you think it’s what you want, you know where to find me. We can discuss it all then. I just think everyone needs time.”
“Understood,” I breathed out.
I felt like a knife had gone straight through my heart. Yet again, I had stuck my foot in my mouth. I told the truth and blew it all. If I had kept my lips sealed, we might not have been in this predicament now. I could possibly be getting road head, for crying out loud!
We drove the rest of the way to Nikki’s apartment in a mixture of sad silence and ’80s tunes. After today, I could get back to normal at my own quiet place. There would be no more shenanigans and no more lies. I’d need to apologize later on in the week and explain things to my parents, but for now, my only concern was wading through this fake breakup from my fake engagement.
“I’ll send you a check, if that is okay,” I said, pulling into the parking lot in front of Nikki’s place and popping the trunk.
“You will do no such thing. I failed at this job. You might not have noticed this, but I don’t take handouts. You’ve done plenty. Let me experience family life. I always wanted to do that. You’re a lucky man, Weston.” She leaned over the console and kissed my cheek. “And you too, Dan,” she said, thumping my beard. “Don’t be a stranger at The Steamy Clam. Next lap dance is on me!”
She twisted the fake engagement ring off her hand.
“Keep it,” she whispered, pushing it into my palm.
My fingers curled around it, brushing against hers. “What am I going to do with it? I don’t need it.”
“You’re going to give it to your real fiancée. Someone … deserving. Look, Weston. I can’t apologize enough about the whole situation. I didn’t mean to let it get this far. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or your family,” she said, hopping out of the car.
“I’ll keep it,” I called after her. “But I’m still going to pay you. So, be expecting it. You don’t do handouts, and I don’t do breaking my word. You did the job. A damn good job too. And you, please don’t be a stranger either. Come to Westy’s sometime. I’ll get you and your girls some annual passes.”
“Now, annual passes to Westy’s I can’t pass up. But that will be enough. Thank you, Weston,” she said, pulling her gigantic bag from the trunk.
“Let me help you!”
“No way. You know I got it. I can do it on my own.”
“I know you can,” I whispered as I watched her walk away and disappear into her apartment.
The following week, I threw myself into work. I marketed the Westworld brand to anyone and everyone who would listen. I signed a contract with a new pretzel vendor for Westy’s, hired a few weirdos for our upcoming Halloween freak show, and hired a contractor to draw up some renovation ideas for the hotel so that I could at least pitch my thoughts to my dad.
I hadn’t seen or heard from my parents since Nikki, and I had left a week ago. I also hadn’t heard from Nikki.
I wanted to give her t
he space she’d asked for, but I was only doing it for her. I didn’t need the space. I knew exactly what I wanted. Sure, having a trophy wife at home, making my meals and cleaning my house, sounded pretty damn good to me. But I already had a housekeeper, and I enjoyed dining out. I wanted a partner in life.
My mind kept drifting back to the night Nikki and I’d banged. The way she’d felt when I slid inside of her reminded me of a hot, buttered biscuit—or pie. Cream pie. Fuck, I wanted to give her a cream pie, and now, I’d not have the chance.
I slid my phone out of my pocket and hovered my finger over her name in my Contacts list but ultimately chickened out. Instead, I hopped into my P-wagon and drove to Frannie, the fortune teller.
If anyone had any insight into Nikki, it had to be her. I contemplated contacting her DTF friends, but I’d only met them once, and to be honest, they scared the shit out of me. Frannie was only a slightly safer choice, but she was all I had. Maybe she could give me information from their private talks that would help me be the man Nikki needed.
I hurried up the crumbling concrete steps and rang Frannie’s doorbell just as she opened the door.
“I’ve been expecting you.” Frannie smirked.
“Really? That’s scary. Did you see me coming here in that big glass ball thing?” I asked.
“No, I did not see you in the crystal ball. I just knew you’d be here for advice once you and Nikki’s lie backfired in your face. Doesn’t take a fortune teller to know that wasn’t going to work,” she said, motioning for me to come inside.
“Well, why didn’t you warn me?”
“I did! I said, be careful and tread lightly. I also told you that you had a chance, and you being back here alone makes me think you ruined it. Am I right?”
“I don’t know. Everything just blew up. I told my parents about her work at the strip club. I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest and standing up for her. But I don’t think she liked that.”
“No, she did. I’m sure of that. What makes you think she didn’t?”
“Really? She said she needed some space, and she didn’t think a stripper was a good fit for my family and me.”
Frannie snorted. “If she only knew.”
“What was that?” I asked, tugging at Dan and searching the room for that damn black cat.
I felt his eyes on me. He was probably cursing me now.
“You shouldn’t be here, talking to me. You should be talking to your parents. Have you spoken to them since the lie came out? Your fake engagement?”
“No. I’m too ashamed to talk to them.”
“Oh, Weston, Weston, Weston. You’ve got a lot to learn.” She pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Apparently. I’ve learned a lot over the last few weeks. Let’s see. I’m privileged as hell, my mom has some resentment for mom life and was the backbone of Westworld, I can’t trust my brother at all anymore, and there’s such a thing as coochie cream. I feel like all I’ve been doing these last few weeks is learning.” I ran my hand through my hair and sighed.
“You can’t grow without learning. But there’s still much to learn. That’s why you’re going straight to your parents’ house from here. Call them and let them know you’re coming. They have more to tell you. I think what they can do for you will help you get through those walls Nikki has built up around her. The key to Nikki isn’t just you, but it’s your parents too. Especially Ma. I’m betting they took a deep likening to one another.”
“How did you know? I thought they were completely opposite and going to butt heads, but they seemed to get closer than even me and Nikki!”
“Anyone ever tell you that you have mommy issues? Everyone does this. I should have been a damn therapist. Y’all out there, picking folks who are just like your parents!” She shook her head before putting her hands on her hips. “Now, go talk to your ma!”
“What does that mean? Nikki and my ma are polar opposites!”
“Mmhmm. Go. Your answers aren’t here. They are with your family. And your family will be the answer to Nikki. It will all come together. Just don’t put that damn foot in your mouth, ya big goofus.” Frannie stood on her tiptoes to kiss me on the cheek before shoving me back out the door.
I stumbled to my car, drunk on confusion. The thought of facing the firing squad, my parents, after my big, fat lie, had my legs shaking already. I dialed my ma’s number to let her know I was coming.
I cringed as soon as she answered the phone. “Ma, I’m on my way. I need to talk to you.”
“You finally decided to call us! If you ever disappear like that again, boy, I’ll tan your hide! You know how frightening it is for a mother when she can’t get in touch with her kid?” Ma’s voice rose through the phone.
“I know. I’m sorry. Really, I am. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Love you. See you.” I hung the phone up, started my ignition, and crawled the pussy wagon all the way to the farm. I barely tapped my gas pedal, taking my time. This conversation wasn’t one I wanted to have at all. I turned up the volume on my radio and tried to zone out, but my mind kept drifting back to Nikki.
By the time I pulled up at my parents’ farm, I had already relived my entire weekend with her in my head. I thought about the way her legs had wrapped around me, how she’d wanted me to chase her in the mud, how her ass had looked in the air when she unbuttoned her pajamas. My dick grew thick in my pants, keeping me confined to my car. Bessie slowly waddled over to my rolled-down window.
“Moo,” I said.
“Mooooooooo,” she called back.
“Really? Well, that’s strange,” I answered her as I waited for my cock to shrivel back up, which took no time at all because I was talking to a cow, who I was pretty sure had just told me that Ma was in a good mood. I didn’t know how I knew this, but it just happened that way with Bessie. I made a mental note to ask Frannie about my ability to speak cow and just what the hell that meant.
Why does it have to be a cow? I wondered as I slammed the car door and slowly pulled myself up the front porch steps. Why can’t I talk lion? Or snake? Or shark? I snickered to myself as I tried to make the noises that I thought sharks made, which sounded a lot like a whale. I probably could speak whale too.
“What the heck are you doing?” Ma asked from the porch swing.
“Ahh! You scared me! I didn’t even see you sitting there.” My heart plummeted into my stomach.
I had been so in my head that I didn’t even notice my parents. That porch swing where they sat was the bane of my existence. I knew I was about to endure a serious conversation when my parents were outside on the porch, and if there was a pitcher of sweet tea, it was even worse. That meant that we would be here for a while. I glanced at the tea on the table beside the swing. No good conversations happened on the porch.
I swallowed hard, clenched my fists, and held my breath as I walked over to them.
“Son, sit down. We need to talk,” Dad said, motioning me toward a chair.
I plopped myself down and wiped a bead of sweat from my brow. “It’s about my giant screwup, isn’t it? About Nikki. I should have told you the truth about what she did. She’s not ashamed of it, and I shouldn’t have been either. I knew it wasn’t something y’all would go for but—”
“Weston! Can you shut that hairy trap of yours for a minute and listen to us? Your dad and I need to talk to you about something.” Ma slapped her palm on her leg.
“Sheesh. I’m sorry. Okay. Go ahead.” I scratched my head and clenched my butt, preparing myself to be kicked out of the Banks’ will for good.
“Your dad and I didn’t meet as high school sweethearts. We met at a club called Bottoms Up,” Ma huffed.
“Okay.” I shrugged my shoulders. “That some type of beer-drinking honky-tonk or something?”
“It’s a strip club.” Ma twisted her palms together before rubbing them down her muumuu.
“What?” I wasn’t sure if I’d heard my mom correctly. She couldn’t have said strip club.
“I worked there—as a stripper. I was a stripper. Your dad was my best customer.” She smiled at Dad before looking back at me and puffing up her chest.
My mouth hung open stupidly.
“You’re telling me that I’ve been thinking we’re the perfect ’50s-style family with a mom who bakes and a dad who runs his own business when, in reality, my mom was a stripper?”
“We still are the perfect family! Heavens! I don’t strip anymore. Look at these veins!” Ma stuck her leg out and pulled up her muumuu, showing me the throbbing snakes she called veins that ran down her legs.
“But why did you hide that then? Why weren’t you ever real with Wes and me? It’s the same thing as when you said you worked so much, building the business, and you got upset that you hadn’t gotten credit. I feel like I don’t even know my own mom! Or dad! Dad? What did you do to Mom? You were what, stuffing money down her drawers or something? This is just insane!” I pushed myself up from my chair and walked to the other side of the porch. I had to look somewhere, anywhere, other than my parents’ faces. I stared down at Bessie, who I could swear was laughing.
Fucking cow-speak curse.
“Because we are from a different era. What I used to do wasn’t widely accepted, if at all back then. I wanted my boys to have a normal life. Once I married Westy, I was able to give up that life for good and put it behind me. Not that I had any issues with it. I didn’t. I still don’t. But for my children, I wanted to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to be made fun of or have any problems arise in the community for you. So … we moved away just a bit and started fresh—me as a ’50s housewife. Building the business gave me a little bit of the independence I craved but nothing like I needed. And now …” Ma tapped her fingers on the table.
“You’re going to strip again?” I shouted, turning back toward them.
“Did you not just see my legs? Focus!” Ma groaned.
