“ Hail them again and offer assistance, this may get their attention.”
This time the alien space ship responded.
“ On screen,” said the Captain, and a few seconds later they could see the alien. He looked to be very elderly.
“ I am Captain Angus Hemorrhoid of the star ship DVD a representative of the federation of planets. We mean you no harm. Your space ship seems to need repairs, can we offer you some help.”
The alien responded. “ My name is Neff and my space ship is very old, it could probably use some attention.”
“ If you propel it into our cargo bay we will see what can be done. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Before long the alien had landed his spacecraft in the cargo bay and he was shaking hands with the captain.
“ Did you say your name was Hemorrhoid?” the alien inquired.
“ Yes that is my name. Please no jokes, I’ve heard them all.”
“ Thankyou for coming to my aid, forgive me for not responding the first time you hailed me. There are a lot of people in this sector who can’t be trusted.”
“ I understand. We are on our way the closest inhabited planet, you are welcome to ride along while we look at what can be done for your ship.”
“ Why are you being so good to me Captain? I cannot pay you anything, I have no money.” the alien looked worried.
“ We require no money from you, but perhaps you could give us some information.”
“ Do you mean about the planet you’re heading towards? I can tell you the planet is called ‘Kardella’ and the people who live there like to play games all the time. They are a very lazy people. When ever I have visited their planet I am always very happy to leave.”
“ I actually wanted to ask you about time rifts in this area. We need to find the one we went through this morning. We are all much older than we were yesterday.”
The alien almost laughed. “ I too must have been through this time rift. I am not as old as I appear to be. I didn’t know it was a time rift though, I just thought I wasn’t well. My space ship is also unwell it has needed repairs for a very long time. So I’m grateful for whatever you can do.”
“ So I don’t suppose you would know how to find the time rift again?” the Captain asked.
The alien laughed out loud this time. “ I think you know the answer to that question.”
* * * *
An hour later they were orbiting the planet Kardella.
“ How does it look Mr. Sook?” asked the Captain.
“ It has an oxygen, nitrogen atmosphere. From this angle I can see what appears to be colosseums, large theaters, and arenas for games. It all seems to resemble the look of what 15th century France on Earth had, from the information I have read on the subject.”
The Captain looked surprised. “ Mr. Neff said this species were lazy. Surely they can’t be too lazy if they have all this architecture.”
“ Perhaps when we beam down to the planet we will find out more about them.”
A short time later, the Captain, Sub-Commander Kazzie-Spockers and Lieutenant Beani-Poohs beamed down to the planet surface.
The Captain and Beani-Poohs almost gagged when they began to breathe the air. There was a terrible aroma and it caused them much discomfort.
“ Try this ointment inside your nose,” said Kazzie-Spockers, handing the captain a small jar. “ This is how I cope with the smell humans have.”
The Captain and Beani-Poohs quickly put the ointment into their noses and it helped greatly with the awful smell. A few moments later people from the planet came to greet them.
After the Captain had made the introductions he started to tell the people about the time rift and the reason for their visit.
“ We know about the time rifts,” said a man whose name was Keyes. “ We can tell you the exact coordinates to find it again. It is not a problem. We have helped many unfortunate individuals who have unknowingly ventured into the path of this phenomenon.”
The Captain was very relieved. “ I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. We have some people on board our ship that may die because they have aged so much. Please give us the coordinates and we will be on our way. We will return here afterwards to more properly express our thanks.”
The alien looked perplexed. “ Captain I said I would give you the coordinates and I will but we will need something from you.”
The Captain stopped smiling. “ Oh, what would that be?”
“ Captain don’t stop smiling because I said that. I don’t want to upset you.”
“ Okay, I’m listening.” the Captain was now a worried man.
“ Let me tell you about my people. We are a fun loving people and we like to play games, in fact we have devoted our lives to the playing of games.”
“ You must work sometimes, these buildings didn’t erect themselves,” the Captain observed.
“ These buildings were here when my people arrived on this planet. We used to be a warlike people and after we had taken over this planet we put down our weapons of war and we started to play games. We were tired of fighting and decided to embark on other pursuits.”
“ What type of games?” asked Beani-Poohs.
“ We like all different types of games. Card games, puzzles, sport games, if it exists, we play it. We love to learn new games that come our way. One of our favorite games though is what we call the scavenger hunt, and that’s where you can join us.”
“ Mr. Keyes, we would prefer not to play your games. It is very urgent that we get back to the time rift.”
Keyes completely ignored the Captain. “ In less than an hour we will meet in our city square and you will receive a list. Once you have fulfilled the list we will give you the coordinates. There is one thing to consider though.”
“ Oh, what would that be?”
“ You will have to get your items within twelve hours or you will have to play again.”
“ I beg of you sir. Please think of our poor dying shipmates. I promise if you give me the coordinates we will come straight back here and play lots of games with you.”
“ Sorry Captain, I do not trust your word. Other aliens races have fooled me before. No; you will compete in the scavenger hunt with us or we will never tell you where the coordinates are. I’ll see you in the City Square in forty minutes and don’t be late.”
As the three of them walked away the Captain spoke quietly to Kazzie-Spockers.
“ Have you been able to find out what that awful smell is Sub-Commander.”
“ Yes sir, it’s body odor, or BO as it’s often referred to.”
The Captain was appalled. “ Are you joking? This can’t be true.”
“ Yes captain these people are only interested in playing games, not in any type of hygiene.”
“ I think I’m going to be sick. Do you have any more ointment, I think the last lot is wearing off. I understand what Mr. Sook meant about 15th century France now.”
“ What do you mean Captain?” asked Beani-Poohs.
“ During the Renaissance era the people had many large buildings and colosseums, the rich people were very well off, but they did not look after themselves. The people did not wash, they used perfume to hide the smell and they wore wigs because their hair was ungroomed.”
“ It sounds similar to what we have to deal with now.”
“ Unfortunately, this is true,” sighed the Captain.
* * * *
Ensign Lid-Lidia walked into the sick bay to see how the Finkonians were doing.
“ Ensign, are you feeling well?” asked the Doctor
“ I’m not moving as well as I did yesterday.”
“ Well you are twenty-four years older you know. Now how much older does that make you?”
She cut him off. “ Never mind about that. How are the patients doing? I’m very worried about them.”
“ You always did have a big heart. They are doing about the same for now, but I do hope the Captain is successf
ul so we can save their lives.”
Lid-Lidia nodded her head. “ I will never get over this if they can’t saved. When I think of poor little Beta my eyes well up with tears, I’m so upset.”
“ Try not to think about it, being negative will not help the situation. You better go back to your station Lid. Sorry I mean Lid-Lidia.”
“ That’s okay Doc, you can call me Lid.”
* * * *
The Captain and the others stood in the City Square with a big crowd of people. As the Captain walked around the crowd the smell of the BO was almost overwhelming.
Then Mr. Keyes walked up to a microphone.
“ Welcome to today’s scavenger hunt. We are happy to welcome Captain Hemorrhoid and his officers to join us today. Soon you will be given a list of twelve objects you must find during the next twelve hours. The rules are that you may not use a replicator or any other means to attain your items. You must find them using your wits and your brains. If you are more than the allotted time or you are the last team to bring your items to me, you will be made to play again tomorrow. So don’t be last. Mr. Philly over here will hand you your list and when I blow this horn everybody can start.”
A few moments later the Captain was handed the list and brought it over to the others to look it over.
“ So what do we have to find?” asked Kazzie-Spockers. “ I hope there are no spiders on that list.”
“ No we don’t have any spiders on the list. We have to find 1. A copy of today’s newspaper. 2. A stranger’s signature. 3. A photo taken with a stranger. 4. An Indigenous animal. 5. The fruit of a pyway tree. 6. A brick from the colosseum.
7. A white shell from the sea shore. 8. Name the correct number of windows on the university building….” The captain kept on reading a few more. “ And last but not least No 12...A forgotten man”
Beani-Poohs scratched her head. “ What is a forgotten man? Shouldn’t it say a man who forgot? As in an amnesia victim?”
“ It doesn’t clarify the item I’m afraid… I think I’ll get Mr. Base to beam down here. We need all the help we can get. Look at some of these later items. 10. We will be handed a letter when we load one thousand two hundred pots into a truck and we are not allowed to break any of them, or we have to start again. 11. We have to make bricks out of manure to construct a large wall… We had better get started, the time will go very fast.” He tapped the COM unit on his uniform.
“ Did you wish to speak with me Captain?” asked Mr. Sook.
“ Are you any closer to finding the coordinates for the time rift?”
“ I’m sorry to report that we have had no success with it at all.”
“ Then tell Mr. Base to beam down to our coordinates. We will be needing him.”
A few moments later Mr. Base beamed down and at the same time the horn blew.
* * * *
The Captain got his little team to huddle in a circle so he could assign tasks.
“ Sub-Commander Kazzie-Spockers you can get the signature and the newspaper, the piece of fruit and the photo. Mr. Base I want you to get yourself to the nearest beach and get the white shell then get back to stack the pots and count the windows.”
“ Should I get the ship the beam me to the sea shore captain and back again to save time?” asked Mr. Base.
“ No, I think we will be disqualified if we do that. You’ll have to run there and back.”
“ I will make the brick wall of manure and find a brick at the colosseum and then hopefully I’ll find the animal they’re looking for. We will do whatever else is left after that and check each item off the list as we go. Are we all happy with our assignments?” He tried to look positive.
Beani-Poohs stood saying nothing for a moment and then she spoke. “ Captain aren’t you forgetting somebody? Me for instance, I have nothing to do.”
“ Oh sorry, I forgot to mention. I want you to find the forgotten man. This may be the most difficult assignment to fulfill.”
She looked puzzled. “ But Captain, I don’t even know what a forgotten man is.”
“ Captain!” said Mr. Base. “ May I explain what it is.”
“ Yes please.”
“ You might remember about five months ago we had a movie night and we watched a very old movie from the twentieth century that dated back to 1936. The movie was called ‘My man Godfrey’ and at the start of the film the female lead in the film was on a scavenger hunt and she had to find a forgotten man. She found a man who had no money and was living at the city dump. He was a bum or a derelict, and in this way he was forgotten by society. Have I answered the question sufficiently?”
“ Yes thankyou.” said Beani-Poohs. “ That helps quite a lot.’’
“ We all have faith in you Lieutenant, just do your best, that’s all we ask. Now we all have our COM badges on so as we finish our assignments we can assist one another. We have less than the twelve hours now, so let’s go.”
Base quickly sprinted in an easterly direction, it was thirty-five kilometers to the seashore but he could run there in ten minutes. On arriving at the beach he looked up and down, finding a white shell would be a challenge as the beach was covered in seaweed.
Kazzie-Spockers found a newspaper very quickly and a few minutes after that she had her signature. She had a device in her pocket for making photos and after that she would get the fruit, no problems thus far.
The Captain ran to the Colosseum managed to pry loose a brick and then he went to the place were he needed to make the wall of bricks with the manure, putting his hands into manure was the last thing he wanted to do. Just before he started his Com badge beeped.
“ Hemorrhoid here,” he replied.
“ Captain do you think you’ll be much longer?” The Captain could tell it was the Doctor.
“ Yes we will be here quite a while yet.”
“ I don’t like the way the Finkonians are looking or the way they are breathing. I don't know how much longer they will last.”
“ Doctor I am doing the best I can. We are on a scavenger hunt. The aliens will not tell us the coordinates unless we do this. I don’t like things being this way and if you only knew the stench we have to put up with. I’m hoping we will be on our way back to the time rift very soon.”
“ So I’d better not take up any more of your time. Just do your best to make this quick. These people’s lives depend upon it.” The Doctor rang off.
The Captain sighed as he grabbed a handful full of straw and mixed it with the manure. The manure actually smelt better than the people of the planet did, he only wished that he had brought gloves with him.
* * * *
Beani-Poohs wasn’t sure where she might find a forgotten man. She thought about what Mr. Base had said about the movie they had seen. So she thought she would start at the city dump, if there were such a thing.
As she walked down the street she stopped a man walking towards her. “ Excuse me, where would I find your city dump?”
“ You must be new here,” replied the man. “ We haven’t had a city dump for more than fifty years.”
“ What happens to all your rubbish?”
“ They dump it in a big hole out in the country.”
“ Does anybody live there?”
The man gave her a strange look, “ Why would anybody live there! The smell alone is horrific, nobody could ever live there.” He walked away.
‘If it’s worse than this smell I understand what you mean,’ she thought to herself.
A few moments later a woman walked towards her. “ Excuse me, do you have homeless people living in this city?”
“ No we don’t.” The woman replied. “ The government found homes for all those people many years ago. You will never find anybody like that on this planet.”
“ So what do you call a forgotten person.”
The woman laughed. “ You must on a scavenger hunt, you figure it out.” She walked away.
‘So what s
hould I do now?’ Beani-Poohs thought to herself. She was determined to fulfill her assignment. ‘I know I’ll ask the ship’s computer. She tapped her Com badge.
“ Sook here,” came a voice.
“ Mr. Sook will you tie me into the ship’s computer, there are some questions I have for it.” A few moments later it was set up.
“ Computer, if a forgotten man is not a tramp or a derelict what else might he be.”
The computer voice was heard next. “ A man who forgot, a man who has been forgotten by his family or friends. A man that has no ties to any community.”
Beani-Poohs thought for a moment, and then suddenly she snapped her fingers.
* * * *
Mr. Base had scanned the beach looking for his white shell with no luck. He could see other teams of people arriving now and he guessed they also were looking for the same thing as him. He watched to see where they were going but they appeared to have no idea. Then he spotted a large clump of rocks about five kilometers up the beach and ran towards it to investigate.
On reaching the rocks he found a small pocket hidden under a large rock where water rushed in and out and it had many shells inside. Quickly he found a white one and started to head towards his next destination. As he was leaving the other people noticed where he had been and ran quickly for the rocks.
At the next destination Mr. Base saw all the pots and quickly but carefully placed them into the truck, he noticed another team who had broken some of their pots.
“ Can we had some of your pots?” asked the man. “ We have broken quite a few of ours and we’ll to start again unless you help us.”
“ That will not be possible,” stated Mr. Base. “ We have to finish each task very quickly. If I give you some of my pots some of my crew mates may die.”
“ I’ve heard stories before but yours takes the cake, give me some pots or I will hurt you.” The man walked angrily towards Mr. Base.
“ That will not be possible either. You will be the one who gets hurt.”
The man lunged at Mr. Base and Mr. Base put his hand on the man’s chest and threw him across the yard. “ Do not attack me again, the next time I will really hurt you.” Mr. Base jumped into his truck and drove to where he was given a card to prove he had completed the assignment. The man he had thrown across the yard walked back towards his truck. “ Well don’t just stand there, we have to start again,” he yelled.
Star Yawns Episode 3. By David Williams. Smashwords Edition. Copyright (2012) by David Williams Page 2
