by S. T. Joshi
LUCIA
[Bursting into tears] Then you don’t love me! Then you told me a false-hood! You aren’t a Christian! I—I—I—
[Quite undone by her feelings, she suddenly hides her face in her hands, darts to the left-hand door, swings it open, runs out, and slams it after her]
HELIOGABALUS
[Starting toward the door after her] My dear girl, I—
PAULA
[Resolutely] Let her go!
HELIOGABALUS
But she’ll catch cold out there. Remember, she has on a very light—
CÆ LEST IS
Very light nothing. It’s flannel. Anyway, she deserves to catch cold.
HELIOGABALUS
Really, Cælestis, you are quite savage.
PAULA
Who wouldn’t be, the way we have been treated? [Conciliatingly] But I say nothing against you. I know how you are when such a minx gets after you.
HELIOGABALUS
Let us not discuss it.
PAULA
[Bitterly] No; what’s the use? I have had eighteen years of it—first in the East and now here in Rome.4 I know you can’t help it, poor old dear. One glance at such a doll and you are gone. [To the other wives] And now let us try to forget it. It’s getting late.
[Instantly they begin to take off their outer garments and let down their hair]
HELIOGABALUS
[In alarm] What are you doing?
PAULA
[Grimly] Getting ready to go to bed. We are sleepy.
HELIOGABALUS
But, my dear—look, there is Rufinius still in the room!
[The wives glance at RUFINIUS, scream and try to hide themselves. RUFINIUS, much embarrassed, ducks out of the door]
PAULA
[With a bitter grin] Well, now he’s gone.
[She continues disrobing]
HELIOGABALUS
But, but—this is really quite irregular. Let us wait until we are all a bit less excited, as it were. Now be a good girl. [Wheedlingly] Go back to bed in the North Wing, and let me collect my thoughts a bit.
PAULA
Here I am, and here I stay.
[She throws her girdle over one of the coat-rack s]
HELIOGABALUS
But in a minute Lucia’ll be coming back, and then—
[He frantically begins dressing and racing against the undressers]
PAULA
If she comes back, I’ll bite her again.
[She kicks off her sandals]
AQUILIA
[Emerging in nothing save a short shift] Do you think we would sleep in a bed with such a creature?
HELIOGABALUS
[Drawing his tunic over his head in wild alarm] But the poor girl must sleep somewhere.
PAULA
Let her sleep out in the corridor.
[She drops her outer dress and stands forth in a grotesque chemise, decorated with little blue ribbons. The sight so far appals HELIOGABALUS that disgust is converted into indignation and indignation into re solution]
HELIOGABALUS
Very well, then. If she must sleep out there, then I sleep out there too!
[He is now pretty fully dressed and struggles into his sandals]
PAULA
[Somewhat shaken] You’re not going to leave us?
HELIOGABALUS
[Adjusting his tunic] I am going to leave us!
PAULA
Leave us here all alone?
HELIOGABALUS
Aren’t there four of you?
PAULA
But with not a man in the room?
ANNIA
[Whimpering] Suppose burglars should break in?
HELIOGABALUS
[Sarcastically] Paula can deal with them.
PAULA
[In tears] No, I can’t!
HELIOGABALUS
Then let Rufinius come in. He can have my bed.
PAULA
[With a yell] The idea! Do you accuse me of—
HELIOGABALUS
[At the door to the extreme left] I accuse you of nothing. [Opening the door] And now—
[As he throws the door open, LUCIA is revealed. She has been eavesdrop-ping and is much distraught]
LUCIA
[In a faint voice] I am cold.
HELIOGABALUS
[Uncertainly] I was just coming out to—
LUCIA
[Catching sight of the wives— PAULA in the middle of the floor in her chemise and the other three in bed—she gives a scream and totters toward the centre of the stage. There she does a grand faint at PAULA’S feet]
PAULA
[Leaping back] Oh, my God!
HELIOGABALUS
[Solemnly] You have killed her. She has frozen to death.
PAULA
[Alarmed] I did nothing of the sort. She went out of her own free will.
AQUILIA
[Jumping from bed] Get her into bed, quick!
HELIOGABALUS
[Reaching down and grabbing her under the arms] Get her into my bed.
[The other wives pile out, and help PAULA and HELIOGABALUS to carry her to his bed]
PAULA
[Snivelling] I wouldn’t have hurt her for the world.
HELIOGABALUS
Tell Rufinius to get those two doctors I pardoned.
[PAULA, still in her chemise, rushes to the door, flings it open and exits]
CÆ LEST IS
Rub her wrists.
ANNIA
Have you a key? Try a key at the back of her neck.
HELIOGABALUS
Cover her up!
AQUILIA
Try massaging her ears.
HELIOGABALUS
Go get some water.
[AQUILIA rushes to the door, flinging it open just in time to admit PISO and POLORUS. They come in at a gallop, followed by RUFINIUS, PAULA and a slave pushing a wheeled table covered with huge bottles, rolls of plasters, etc. The scene must move at lightning speed]
PISO
[Idiotically, in great excitement] Which is the patient? [He looks from one wife to another, and then observes LUCIA on the bed] Ah!
POLORUS
[Crowding to the front] Pass me the brandy.
PISO
Brandy? On what theory?
POLORUS
This is no time for theories, idiot! The patient needs help.
PISO
Well, how are you going to help her until you establish the diagnosis?
POLORUS
What could be plainer? A horse-doctor could see that she has fainted.
[He proceeds to pour out a large drink of the brandy]
PISO
[Very learnedly] Suppose it is coma? Suppose she has been poisoned?
[PAULA gives a shriek]
POLORUS
Nonsense! Then where is your cyanosis?
[He proceeds to lift LUCIA’S head and pour some of the brandy into her mouth]
PISO
Stop! I forbid it!
[During this rapid dialogue the three other wives flutter about, and HELIOGABALUS and PAULA crowd close to the bed]
POLORUS
[Continuing with the brandy] I stand on my Hippocratic oath. I insist on the brandy.
PISO
I appeal to your decency. Don’t kill the patient. [PAULA screams again] Let me feel her pulse.
POLORUS
Stand back! You are suffocating her!
HELIOGABALUS
[Losing patience] Here, fools! Give me the goblet.
[He seizes it and pours half of its contents down LUCIA’S throat. She gasps, coughs, gags and then gradually sits up. As she opens her eyes she sights PAULA]
LUCIA
[An exclamation of terror] Oh! Oh! Take her away!
[PAULA hops back in great confusion]
PAULA
[Ingratiatingly] Don’t be afraid, dearie.
LUCIA
[Screams] She tried to stab me!
PAULA
[In g
reat excitement] The idea! I never did anything—
LUCIA
I can see the devil standing behind her!
[PAULA swings about quick ly to look behind her, loses her balance, throws up her arms, and falls down with a crash]
PAULA
Help!
POLORUS
[Rushing to the rescue] Brandy! Brandy!
[A great hub-bub. The wives crowd around]
PISO
[Shrilly, over the tumult] I forbid it!
HELIOGABALUS
Give her air!
[POLORUS applies the brandy jug to PAULA’S lips and she begins to gurgle, gag and blubber]
PAULA
[Still gasping, and rising to a sitting position on the floor] That Christian tried to put a spell on me. She has the evil eye.
LUCIA
[Shrilly, from the bed] There are devils in her! She is like the Gadarene swine.5
PAULA
[Struggling to her feet, assisted by the doctors, the other wives and HELIOGABALUS] Liar!
LUCIA
She is possessed by demons, Cæsar.
PAULA
[Again in great fright] Let me out of here! I feel something coming over me!
AQUILIA
I feel it, too. I—I—
[She flops across the big bed. POLORUS leaps to the rescue with the brandy-jug, but as he reaches her she sits up and knocks it out of his hand]
PISO
[Prancing about] Where is the ammonia? Who has the ammonia bottle?
[He searches for it on the wheeled table, but can’t find it]
PAULA
Let me out! Let me out!
POLORUS
Ammonia your grandmother! Where are the sedatives? Who took the poppy-water? Where is the poppy-water?
[He makes a wild search for it]
HELIOGABALUS
[Quietly] I think you’re right. They need something to calm their nerves.
[He finds and seizes the bottle] Ah, here it is! Ammonia would half kill them.
PISO
I protest!
PAULA
I want to get out of here.
[RUFINIUS tries to calm her]
HELIOGABALUS
One second, darling. [As POLORUS offers her a goblet of the poppy-water]
Now be a nice little girl, and swallow this medicine. It will make you dream beautifully.
PAULA
[Dubiously] What is it, doctor?
HELIOGABALUS
Never ask a doctor what anything is. Remember your manners. He mightn’t know. It will make you dream that you are seventeen, and in love with a gladiator.
PAULA
You’re sure it won’t hurt me?
POLORUS
Oh, absolutely no.
PISO
I—
HELIOGABALUS
[To PISO] Silence! [To PAULA] Now down with it.
[She drinks it, and at once grows somewhat calmer. Gradually she succumbs, and by the time she goes out she is very sleepy]
PAULA
[Smacking her lips] It tastes like—it tastes like—
POLORUS
Exactly. And now for the other ladies. Who’s next?
HELIOGABALUS
[Sharply] Cælestis!
[The wife on the bed struggles up and comes forward]
POLORUS
[The goblet in hand] Ready?
HELIOGABALUS
Shut your eyes!
[CÆ LEST IS swallows the dose without a word]
POLORUS
[Refilling the goblet] Next!
HELIOGABALUS
Come, Aquilia.
AQUILIA
[Doubtfully] It won’t make me fat?
POLORUS
Oh, surely not.
AQUILIA
You’re positive?
HELIOGABALUS
Positive. Down with it. [She swallows the dose] And now little Annia. One, two, three!
[POLORUS fills the goblet again and it goes down immediately]
POLORUS
Ah! So much for that!
HELIOGABALUS
[Herding the wives toward the door] And now you girls try to get some rest, and leave the doctors with poor Lucia. I’m afraid it may be a case for immediate operation. They’ll have to examine her from head to foot.
LUCIA
[From the bed] I won’t have any operation! I won’t be examined from head to foot! The power of the spirit is enough.
PISO
Oh, hardly.
LUCIA
[Petulantly] I refuse to be cut up!
HELIOGABALUS
Now, now, be calm. Look at the other girls. [To PAULA] And now try to get some rest. I’ll come out to see you immediately after the operation. [Moving her toward the door, the others following] Take things easily for—
PAULA
I feel so—
HELIOGABALUS
Yes, yes, but you’ll feel better presently.
HELIOGABALUS
[To POLORUS in a hoarse whisper] Give them all another dose—a double dose. Especially Paula. She has the stomach of a policeman.
[The wives wobble out, followed by POLORUS, the slave with the table of medicines, and RUFINIUS. Only PISO remains]
PISO
[Ingratiatingly] Your Majesty’s excellent suggestion of an operation is—
HELIOGABALUS
[Turning with great deliberation, and kicking PISO in the rear] Out!
[PISO , after an instant of amazement, leaps for the door and disappears]
LUCIA
That Paula is an old hyena, Cæsar. She tried to bite me.
HELIOGABALUS
[He seats himself on the edge of the big bed, his legs swinging in the open space between the two beds. His manner is that of weariness and resignation] Yes, she’s somewhat—explosive. I am afraid she’s sometimes unwise in the use of—er, stimulants?
LUCIA
Afraid? She’s been drunk for months—ever since—
HELIOGABALUS
Yes, she’s taken it very hard.
LUCIA
[Somewhat oratorically] Wine is a mocker. Strong drink is raging.
HELIOGABALUS
A mocker, yes—but also a consoler. Don’t forget that poor old Paula must have time to get used to things. I daresay the new regulations rather oppress her.
LUCIA
You mean she longs for all those old dissipations—those banquets every night, and all that worldly carnality—and this room full of those awful women?
HELIOGABALUS
Exactly, though I doubt that she’d describe it in just that way. You see, she was brought up in Alexandria—a rather lively burg. It’s all a matter of training. Here she had certain responsibilities, certain interesting duties—
LUCIA
Yes, I know what those duties were. They were sinful in the sight of God.
HELIOGABALUS
Perhaps. Nevertheless, they occupied her mind. Let us be just to her. She was competent. She knew her business. I never had any trouble with those girls while she was in charge of them.
LUCIA
Those scarlet women!
HELIOGABALUS
Now you are exaggerating. They are all quite respectable. My marriage to every one of them is, as I’ve told you, sound in Roman law.
LUCIA
But not in the eye of God. The Scripture says “A bishop shall have but one wife.”6
HELIOGABALUS
But I’m not a bishop.
LUCIA
Well, surely no one ought to be allowed more wives than a bishop.
HELIOGABALUS
Granted. But here they are.
LUCIA
Turn them away. Read the Word.
HELIOGABALUS
[A bit irritated] Yes, yes; I have read it. The theory is very lovely. It has affected me greatly; I have adopted it as you know. But here I have these girls legally on my hands, and surely you wouldn’t ask me to—
LUCIA
You should be glad to get rid of them. Such a pack of—of—
HELIOGABALUS
Now, now, I must really forbid you. Paula, of course, is open to a certain criticism, at least æsthetically. And Cælestis is probably no stunner. But among the others there are certainly a number who—
LUCIA
[Tearfully] You don’t love me in the proper Christian way!
HELIOGABALUS
What nonsense! I love you to an extreme degree. [He takes up and kisses her hand] My affection for you is really colossal. But let us be just. Surely it’s absurd to say that all of them are—well, offensive. There are surely exceptions.
LUCIA
[Resolutely] Not one.
HELIOGABALUS
Oh, come now. For example, there is Dacia. I haven’t seen her for these long months, but I remember her quite clearly. Surely Dacia has a certain charm. She is young, she has a good complexion, she sings very acceptably, and she—
LUCIA
I see what is the matter. You are homesick for her and her kind. For her and the old infidel life.
HELIOGABALUS
Not at all. I merely remember her. That’s all. I merely remember. A tooth-some girl. But a lady. Her father was a philos opher in Athens . . . she wasn’t in that crowd. She is naturally affectionate.
LUCIA
And kissing all the time, I suppose. Never a moment for the things of the spirit. Always the flesh.
HELIOGABALUS
Oh, by no means. I really wouldn’t have permitted it. I quite agree with you there. Such things may be overdone. At my age.
LUCIA
But you like it, don’t you?
HELIOGABALUS
[Looking at her sharply] Yes—on occasion. But there is where I agree with you: that is the precise reason why the thing should be limited. [A bit wistfully] If one kissed too much, one would be too happy. And that, of course, wouldn’t do at all.
LUCIA
The happiness of this life is as dust.
HELIOGABALUS
[Grudgingly] So you tell me.
LUCIA
The happiness to come is eternal.
HELIOGABALUS
Well, I hope so. But, you see, my trouble is old Paula’s. I was brought up wrong. I suppose it is incurable. I notice, at times, an almost irresistible lasciviousness—what you call worldliness. [Amorously] When I see you there in your nightie I forget all about Christianity and can hardly resist the temptation to throw my arms around you and give you a hug. I know it’s wrong, but there it is.
LUCIA
[Somewhat shaken] Well, I shouldn’t call it las civiousness. And it isn’t exactly wrong.
HELIOGABALUS
[Ironically] No?
LUCIA
The Scriptures say—
HELIOGABALUS
Ah? Then let us be glad they approve it, little pot-pie. It is pleasant to be virtuous—that is, more or less.
