Aladdin Relighted

by Piers Anthony

  Holding the dripping weapon out well away from my body, I made my way slowly back toward Jewel, who continued to distract the ogre. I saw the monster’s enormous tongue come out and slurp across his washboard lips. Was he thinking of sex—or food? I suspected the latter. One grab, and he would have his morsel. He would squish her into pulp, then lick up the juice.

  And I got a wild idea. If the ogre wanted to grab, let him grab!

  “Jewel!” I called. “Diffuse!”

  The monster’s head turned slowly toward me, registering a second morsel. Did he understand me? I doubted it, but I didn’t care. I had the way to take out the monster. If it worked.

  “So the thing can’t touch me?” she called back.

  “Something like that.”

  “But we won’t be able to push the portal gate open if we’re diffuse.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  Meanwhile I started densifying. I held on to the sword, taking it with me, or at least the hilt. I remained amazed by the ambition of my idea.

  In due course Jewel joined me behind the boulder. She had diffused, and I had densified, so that when we touched our hands passed right through each other almost without resistance. “You’re not diffuse!” she exclaimed.

  “Pay close attention,” I said. “I have soaked this old sword in mossflower acid. It should really sting Ogre-face if I can get close enough to strike a vulnerable part.”

  “And make him mad enough to squish us both against the wall like paste,” she said.

  “Maybe not. I think he understands you when you talk. Maybe not perfectly, but he listened and looked.”

  “I should hope so, considering the show I put on.”

  “It was some show,” I agreed. “But now I want you to put on another show. I want you to emulate the queen, with her stinger.”

  “Maybe if I had a real stinger, that would make sense. But the ogre won’t fall for a fake one. He’ll just grab and squish and chomp.”

  “Exactly.

  “I’ll be dead!” she said severely.

  “No. Not in your diffuse state. The ogre can’t touch you, literally.”

  “And I can’t touch him. But that won’t take him out.”

  “This will take him out,” I said, indicating the sword. “Once I get close enough to use it.”

  “On that rhino hide? I am not following your reasoning.”

  I clarified my reasoning. Her doubt converted to amazement. “That just might work!”

  “It had better.”

  “You have a mind like an insane genius.”

  “Thank you.”

  She kissed me on the forehead. Unfortunately I couldn’t feel it; she was cloud-like, while I was totally dense.

  We organized and rehearsed, choreographing our words and motions. This had to be done right, or it would leave us unable to escape this realm. We had to escape, because Zeyn was surely searching for us with rape and torture on his evil mind.

  When we were as ready as we could be, we did it. I stood up, and Jewel stood. Then she stepped into me. Our naked bodies overlapped, so that the two of us stood in the same place. It looked as if she were holding the sword, and as if I had breasts. What I wouldn’t have given to have tried to overlap her like this when we both were the same density! It might even have cured my impotence.

  Then we stepped out from the cover of the boulder. “Hey feces face!” Jewel called. “I am going to drive you out of this cave!”

  The gigantic shaggy head rotated so the tub-sized eyes could orient balefully on her.

  “Know why? Because I’m the insect queen. See my stinger!” She raised her arm, and I raised mine with it, so that the sword seemed to be in her hand. ”Mess with me, and I’ll sting you so hard you’ll cry like a baby! Got that, bone butt?”

  The ogre grimaced. Yes, he understood enough.

  We stepped carefully out toward the exit ramp. It was important that the ogre make his move before we got there, because in our present state we couldn’t use it. Jewel would float through it, and I would densify through it, giving us away.

  The cunning brute waited until we were too far clear of the boulder to run for cover. Then he swept his monstrous horny hand down to grab. Good!

  His hamfingers closed around our body. They didn’t actually touch it, because of our densities, but just at the right time I jammed the tainted sword into the soft pad of his thumb. I hoped the tip remained close to normal density, and the acid with it. This was the acid test.

  The ogre paused. A look of slow bewilderment labored to cross his dull puss. Then at last he got the message. “OOOOOWWOOO!!” he howled, yanking back his limb.

  “I warned you, sick sack,” Jewel said. “I stung your filthy paw. One dose probably won’t kill you, because of your size, but I’ve got more where that came from. Want to try for another?” She lifted her arm high, and I followed, waving the sword.

  The ogre considered for about fifteen seconds as his dull brain processed the invitation and its significance. Then he drew back farther and stuck his thumb in his mouth. Naturally that spread the acid to his tongue. After another fifteen seconds he caught on, spat out the thumb, and lumbered away, howling.

  “You big baby!” Jewel called after him gleefully.

  “We may not have much time,” I said. “You densify. I’ll diffuse. Then we’ll run up the ramp and out.”

  “I’ll thicken, you thin,” she agreed. “But put that sword down before we get high on acid.”

  Good point. I set down the infidel sword. It had served its purpose.

  I started feeling odd. Then I realized that we were still overlapping. We were feeling each other’s bodies, and not in the normal sense. “I hate to say this, but I think we’d better separate, at least by enough to give us each our own space.”

  “True. I don’t think I’d look good with a penis.” She half smiled. “Not a flaccid one, anyway.” She stepped out of me and stood gloriously separate.

  “Or I with breasts,” I agreed. “Even such splendid ones as yours.”

  We approached normal density and started up the ramp. Jewel still tended to float, and I tended to wade, but we were zeroing in on the proper range.

  Now we saw that the portal was barred by a portcullis far too massive for us to move. We could not squeeze between the bars. We would have to change densities again to get by it.

  Then the ogre returned. He must have realized that he was leaving perfectly good meat behind. This time he carried a wad of cloth to shield his hand from stings. He wasn’t totally stupid.

  “Hurry!” Jewel said.

  We ran up the rest of the ramp, gaining speed as we adjusted to its density. We reached the portal just as the ogre swung his hamfist at us. We threw ourselves to the sides as that massive club crashed into the portal gate.

  And shoved it out of the way. The brute had unwittingly freed us.

  He drew back his hand for another pass. We scrambled through and into a widening cave.

  We were free. Maybe.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The cave turned into another tunnel, and at the far end of the tunnel we could see bright light. Glorious bright light.

  We picked up our pace, wary for any other subterranean creatures, but, alas, the ogre was the last of them.

  Shortly, the tunnel opened onto a sheer cliff. I pulled up short, gasping, and reaching back to stop Jewel from bumping into me, although, normally, such contact wouldn’t have been a bad thing. In this case, it could have been fatal.

  “What is it?” she asked, and stepped cautiously next to me.

  We both stood at the tunnel’s end, looking down into a misty void. What lay below was most certainly death, or something close to it. What lay before us was only hinted at: the broken remnants of a destroyed bridge. Unfortunately, between us and the end of the broken bridge was about fifty feet of nothing.

  No, not quite nothing. Something screeched from below. I looked down, and up from the mist rose a spectacular wi
nged creature, rising so quickly that I would have had my head bitten off by its long, scissor-like beak if not for Jewel yanking me back into the tunnel. The beast rushed past the cave opening in a blur of red and gold feathers, its bony beak snapping. Wind thundered over us, created by the creature’s powerful downdraft. If there was anything positive about facing a massive and horrific winged creature, it was that it was too massive for the cave itself. Instead, we caught glimpses of it circling outside, emerging in and out of view, and in and out of the swirling mist.

  “By Alla, someone doesn’t want us to leave,” I said.

  “Which is why Zeyn never expected us to take this route. And if we were foolish enough to do so, he would assume we could never survive.”

  Seeing what lay before us, I was beginning to see the folly in this plan. Still, we were too far now to go back.

  “What do you suggest?” I asked.

  “Perhaps the winged creature has a hook in its beak, as well.”

  I looked sideways at Jewel and saw the small smirk on her face. I reached out and took her by the waist and pulled her toward me. She went willingly. “You pick a fine time to jest.”

  “And you pick a fine time to hold me close,” she countered, and she lay a long-fingered hand over my forearm. Her touch was blessedly warm and comforting.

  We looked at each other for a long moment. Perhaps if we were in our mortal realm, we would have felt the pressure to find and save her son in time, but here, in Djinnland, we were out of time, so to speak.

  And as her hand slid up my forearm, I was struck with an idea.

  “We are still in Djinnland!” I said. Indeed, I could sense my heightened form weighing down on my knees and lower back.

  She nodded. “No one ever said King Aladdin was a fool.”

  “No, I mean, yes, but if we are Djinnland we can still diffuse.”

  She narrowed her eyes, and then they widened again. “And perhaps diffuse so much that we float out over the gorge, safe from falling and the winged creature.”

  “It is worth a try,” I said.

  Her smile told me that I was onto something. And now she made her slowly moving hand reach up to the back of my head where her fingers ran through my hair. She pulled me in close with surprising strength and our mouths met in a deep and satisfying kiss.

  When she pulled away, I was left gasping and mildly aroused. In fact, more than mildly. By Allah, there was hope for me yet. Jewel seemed to sense what she had done; indeed, she had no doubt felt what she had done. She smiled impishly.

  “Shall we diffuse, my king?”

  “After that kiss,” I said, shaking my head and tucking Lamprey’s lamp in my belt. “I shall have to work thrice as hard to diffuse now.”

  She giggled and we spent the next few minutes focusing our thoughts on all things light and weightless. I found that my idiot thoughts were focused on Jewel and her body and her lips, and I saw that I was lagging behind. Jewel was already so diffused that I could see through her. Indeed, she veritably floated before me.

  “Now, now, Niddala,” she said playfully. “Focus.”

  And so I did. I tore my eyes away from her and focused on what had prompted me to diffuse back when we had first entered Djinnland: the mist. Soon, I felt my body lighten.

  “More,” said Jewel. “Keep going.”

  I watched the mist swirl and churn, doing my best to ignore the flying beast. I wondered what it would be like to be mist, to be free of a heavy mass entirely. Such freedom, indeed.

  “Good, good. More.”

  I saw myself as mist. I saw myself as nothing, in fact, and soon I felt unburdened completely. Soon I felt as light as the air itself.

  “You have done it, my king. Shall we go?”

  I led the way trepidly. But floating a few inches above a tunnel floor was a far cry different than floating above a bottomless canyon. To propel ourselves we made swimming motions with our arms and legs, and quickly we were out over the swirling mist. The great winged creature, who had been flying above us, saw us, spotted us, even in our diffused state, and tucked its wings in and dove down.

  “Hang on,” I said.

  “To what?”

  Its long, snapping beak passed through us, just as the lionserpent’s jaws had. The sensation was an odd one at best, one that sent a shiver through me.

  We continued flying while the great raptor continued attacking. It was all I could do to hold my thoughts on all things light, while swimming over certain death and with a blasted devil bird snapping its beak through me.

  But we managed, and none too soon.

  As the broken edge of the bridge drew closer, I felt myself densifying naturally. I was returning to my natural state in the mortal realm.

  “Hurry!” I urged, swimming rapidly.

  It was truly a race to the edge of the bridge before we had solidified so much that we no longer remained afloat. And the denser we became, the more we were prone to the creature’s attacks.

  I felt myself dropping. Jewel dropped, as well, but not as much. I was heavier and denser naturally. I swam hard, pulling at the air with my hands, willing myself forward.

  I heard thunderous flapping behind me. The creature was bearing down on me, on us. Surely we would soon be dense enough to be vulnerable.

  We swam. The raptor flapped. The broken edge of the bridge appeared before us—

  Jewel made it, alighting smoothly on the damaged edge, but I didn’t. Not quite.

  As I dropped, as I felt my stomach rise up to the back of my throat, I reached out and just managed to grab the crumbling edge of the broken bridge.

  “Look out!” screamed Jewel above me.

  I raised my legs just as something massive and powerful swept below me, brushing past me so hard that I nearly lost my grip. The beast’s great beak and snapped shut so hard that it sounded as if its bony jaws had shattered. It screeched angrily below, banking to port and making its way back toward me.

  A hand reached down from above. Jewel’s hand. Was she strong enough to hold me? I didn’t know, but I also didn’t have enough time to debate. I grabbed her hand and she pulled. I swung my legs up and over the shattered section of bridge.

  We both flattened ourselves as the great bird passed overhead, and then we were running as fast as we could, through the broiling mist that hung over the bridge and to the mortal realm.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Suddenly the mist abated. We were emerging from a cave in the side of a mountain. Familiar trees and grass grew on the rocky hillside. We were back in the mortal realm!

  I turned around to make sure there was no pursuit. But I saw nothing. We were on a vague little path that twisted up the mountain with no sign of any cave.

  We both threw ourselves down and kissed the blessed turf. Then we sat up and kissed each other. She was soft and sweet and wholly divine.

  “Do I take this to mean—” I started.

  “Not until after you rescue my son.”

  Oh. Yes. Of course. She was merely motivating me with the hint of how she could be once I completed my end of the deal. “After,” I agreed.

  “But you know, when you return to your rightful place on the throne, you may not find me so interesting. I am no longer young, and I am well used. I gutted my rapists, but the damage was done.”

  So it had been rape, not seduction. That made a difference. “I’m not interested in returning.”

  “You have to return. You were a fair to middling king, but much better than what’s likely to take your place. King Huran, whom you appointed, lacks verve. He won’t last much longer.”

  “I’d rather be with you.”

  “You’re too foolishly romantic. What would it take to persuade you?”

  “You as my queen. With your guidance I might well be more than a fair to middling king.”

  That set her back. “That’s a steep price. I thought all you wanted was your manhood back.”

  “That, too,” I agreed. “Originally.”

&nbs
p; “Save my son, and I’ll give you that. In fact I’ll be your concubine, if you want. But I’m wary of marriage.”

  Well, that was half a loaf. Best not to push too far, lest I lose my gains. “You have reason.” I looked around. “I’m not sure where we are, but it looks familiar.”

  “The other side of Abu Bakr’s property.”

  “You must have an excellent awareness of terrain!”

  “Thank you.”

  “We’d better get down to see him. Then—”

  “Then on to Samarkand. We’re back in real time now, and that’s limited.”

  “Yes. Let me check with Lamprey as we walk.” I set off down the path, and Jewel paced me. Maybe with luck there’d be narrow places, so I could do the gallant thing and let her precede me, and I could appreciate her backside in motion.

  “Check first with Faddy. He’s a better companion.” An obscure expression crossed her features. “Compliment him. I think he can do more for you than he has before, if so inclined.”

  “He’s an ifrit. He obeys my directives.”

  That obscure expression still hovered close. “Ifrits may be a bit like women. They perform better when treated like people.”

  What did she mean by that? “Why?”

  “Even an animal does better when granted a modicum of respect and encouragement. Think of your experience with horses.”

  Now she was making sense. A well trained, well treated horse was a vital asset. I rubbed my ring.

  Faddy appeared, floating to my other side. He was no longer invisible, as he knew I was no longer concealing him from Jewel. He was a halfway handsome figure of a middle-aged male, with an ugly turban. “Thank you for a nice visit home, master.”

  “You’re welcome. Your messages helped.”

  “You understand that they were watching me.”

  “Yes.” Then, heeding Jewel’s suggestion, I larded it on. “You behaved in a loyal, sensible manner.”

  Faddy paused. I could tell he was significantly pleased. “Do you need me any more, now that you have recovered the Ifrit Iften?”

  “I’ll always need you. You’re great company. Do you have any advice?”