by Sam Hall
“See if we have any popcorn,” I said. “We can sit down, watch a movie, and make out like teenagers. Salty, fatty carbs for the win.”
Zack gave me a censorious look that promised six am morning runs in my near future, but Lorcan looked so pleased by that idea, I couldn’t regret it.
“Done. Now, should we wait outside with you for lover boy to arrive?”
“He said he’d only be five minutes, so he’s probably already there.”
I walked around the table, reaching up to kiss Zack, hearing the chatter in the pub die down slightly when I did so, but that was nothing compared to when I kissed Lorcan. I didn’t care. It meant I could hear the whistle of his breath, the small groan in his chest all the more easily, but when I pulled away, I just walked out, not bothering to look at how people reacted.
Maybe it was that obliviousness that got me in trouble next.
Declan hadn’t arrived yet, but night had. The air was cooler, the breeze tangling in my hair as I stepped out, while people were walking up the street towards the pub, one pulling away from the pack.
“Paige?”
I looked up at the sound of my name, thinking it was Declan with all the need injected into my name, but it wasn’t. Aidan’s mates hung back, watching the two of us as the big man came and loomed over me.
“Didn’t recognise you, out from under all those enforcers. You coming for a drink?”
I needed to get onto that Jungle group, talk to some other nixes, and find out how the hell this worked, because that same light, bright feeling I felt around Declan or Zack or Lorcan rose when he moved in closer. He was a really solid bloke, the muscular breadth of his chest apparent in that tight T-shirt, and his dark blond hair looked so soft, my fingers itched to stroke it, while his face was all open, sweet, invitation.
So why did I take a step backwards?
His expression darkened slightly, but he smoothed that away quickly. But not quickly enough.
“Everything OK, Paige?”
I looked across the footpath where Dec was hanging out the driver’s side window, looking across the roof of his car at me.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I turned back to the other man. “Look, Declan asked to take me out in that session today, so I need to honour that.”
“Fair enough.” His grin was quick, allaying fears he was going to create a scene. “Maybe I’ll get my chance tomorrow. You’re hearing contender’s propositions?”
Well, I was now.
“Yeah, I’ll get Mason to send word around. Though being a weekday, I guess it’ll have to be after work.”
“Oh, I don’t think anyone’s boss would deter them from fronting up whenever and wherever you wanted them.” Those almost amber eyes held mine, heat flaring deep inside them. “I look forward to talking to you more later.”
I almost shook myself, feeling really weird when that intense gaze was redirected back to his friends. They walked inside the pub, leaving just me and Declan on the street.
“Hey, you look all shaken up.”
A warm hand went to my shoulder, and I found even warmer eyes when I looked up.
“Let’s get out of here, Dec.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter 31
They said that smell was powerful when bringing back old memories, and I saw the truth in that when I got in Declan’s car. It wasn’t the same car, since back then, he’d had a beat-up old station wagon filled with school books and fast-food wrappers. Now he had a big ute, and it was in a considerably neater state, but it still smelled of him. He shot me a shy look when I got in the passenger seat, watching me all too closely as I put on my seat belt. This was just a car, we were just two people going for a drive, something we’d done so many times before. But when his hand went to the ignition, his other to the steering wheel, of course, memories of just what we used to get up to in the old car surfaced.
The motor was humming, the car ready to take us out on the road, but we just stared at each other. Did he feel his hand sliding up my thigh as we devoured the other person’s mouth in the messy, undisciplined ways only horny teenagers could manage? Did he feel that thrill of excitement as he traced the elastic of my underwear, asking for unspoken permission, which I moaned into his mouth? That prickle as his hand slid underneath, just letting me get used to the feel of a foreign finger where no one else’s had been as my core clenched in anticipation of what was going to come next. The parting of my thighs, that sharp intake of breath from both of us when his finger swiped through my sodden folds.
“You’re wet…” he hissed, like I’d just given him the greatest gift.
Of course I was. For all his complaints about giving him boners in class, he had me dripping on a regular basis. I’d been horrified when my slick first came in, then even more traumatised when Dad tried to explain why I suddenly was sporting wet knickers. Nance had stepped in to give me a brisk but damning overview of shifter biology and the expectations on me as heir.
“Your slick is the Mother’s gift to your true mate. You should keep it for him only,” she’d said between tightly pressed lips.
Maybe that was why teenage Declan had looked stunned to find me sopping wet for him, his fingers growing bolder, his eyes widening as I became even wetter.
“Fuck, Paige…” he’d groaned, brushing my clit, then sliding a finger inside me, and my eyes had rolled back as he did so. I’d made myself come before, the internet being way more useful about that than my family, but this had felt so different. That unfamiliar touch stirred something deep in me that—
“OK, what the hell are you thinking about? Because my dick feels like it could smash diamonds. Your scent just went into fucking overdrive.”
I looked up at the here and now, Declan, and saw the man not the boy after a few blinks.
“Sorry, just getting in your car reminded me of what we used to get up to.”
“Fuuuck… I was trying real hard not to think about that. I figured we could grab some takeaway and go up to the lookout and talk.”
“You mean Makeout Point?”
“Shit, maybe we need to…” His voice trailed away, his eyes dropping down to my mouth and staying there. “Tell me what you want to eat, because if I don’t start driving soon, we’re gonna give the patrons of Stevie’s bar a damn good show.”
“Chicken,” I blurted out, then smiled when I remembered Lorcan’s words. “I feel like chicken.”
One of the things about being a passenger is you’re free to look around while driving. My eyes catalogued the way Dec’s big hands spanned the steering wheel, and I assumed my forearm fetish had somehow been circulated amongst the guys, because he wore an old soft flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I watched the way the muscles flexed as he turned the wheel.
“How fucking hungry are you?” he asked.
“Um…hungry. Why?”
“Because if you keep looking at me like that, I’m gonna assume you want me to feed you my dick, not KFC.” His eyes were darker when they looked at me. “This is a date. I’m not supposed to get my cock out on a first date.”
I thought about what had happened earlier today, then snorted before schooling my face into hopefully a more neutral expression.
“Eyes on the road, got it.”
“And here was I hoping you’d misbehave so I could spank that arse,” he muttered to himself as we pulled into the drive-through.
“What is with everyone focusing on my arse?”
“So it’s not just me. Good to know,” he shot back, then wound down the window and ordered us some food.
“C’mon, let’s get out of the car and go sit on one of the picnic tables,” Declan said when we got to the lookout that showed you a panoramic view of town. “Otherwise, there’s gonna be a whole different kind of finger licking going on.”
His voice was dark and assertive, which deviated enough from the old fun-loving Dec that I stared up at him when he took my hand and led me to the picnic area.
“You sit there, I’ll sit here,” he ordered, pointing to either side of the table.
“What are you worried about? That I’ll jump you?” I laughed as I looked through the bags of food, pulling out items I’d have to run my arse off for later.
“I never forgot about you, not ever, but when you were away, I missed your laugh and the look on your face when we were being dickheads together. I used to ask your dad how you were doing and snoop the gym Jungle page to see pictures of you looking like a fucking bad ass. But since you got back…” He shook his head, a limp chip dangling from his fingers. “You asked if I knotted for you?” I looked across the table at him and found it hard to hold his gaze, all that lazy good humour scrubbed from his face. “It came in when I saw you that first time, at the house. I saw you, Paige, all grown up and looking like you could kick everyone’s arse, and damn, did my dick swell. I thought it was just memories, connection, but when I took a piss, I knew.”
He shook his head, as if that would be enough to throw off this mood, grabbing a chicken burger and taking a bite, but I just waited, watched, knowing there was more to come.
“That story I told at the wake, of you and me? It was a regular feature in my spank bank, I don’t mind saying, but fuck, I’ve never said a word about that to anyone. It was so hot and desperate, the way it is when you’re a kid, but suddenly, I was feeling the same damn way—painfully aware of where you were, how close, and breathing in your scent. I know why Mason’s such a hard-arse, even if I don’t agree with his methods. This doesn’t change what you’re doing, how you’re dealing with us, but Paige…” He looked up at me, his eyes fading silver. “We burn for you.”
“You’re hard all the time?” I asked, feeling twin thrills of fear and arousal. He nodded. “You come hard, but you’re ready to go again minutes later?” Another nod. “And it just doesn’t stop, does it?”
“If you knew what it took to prevent myself from throwing you in the backseat of my car, you wouldn’t have looked at me like that. It isn’t your problem, love. Just wanna be clear on that. I dunno if the other guys have it as bad, because my mind’s flat out digging every scrap of memory of your body touching mine, pulling them up, and presenting them like nuggets of gold at the worst possible time. Memories of you.”
I sighed, feeling my muscles tense, ready to fight an enemy I couldn’t see. I hated this, my call or whatever. It was messing with people’s heads, people’s lives. Surely there was a better way than driving half the blokes in town mad.
“It’s this nix thing. It’ll go away once I work out who my mates are. Then everyone can get back to their lives.”
I heard the burger plop down on the paper, the hiss of his breath.
“You know what? When I heard about it, being a nix, you know what I felt?”
“What?” I asked, a glutton for punishment, my appetite dead as I stared down at the greasy food.
“Relief. There’s something I’d carried with me, known, since we broke up. Do you know what that was?” I shook my head. “You loved me.” It was a declaration and a question all at the same time, and when I looked up, his eyes speared into me. “You loved Mason. For ages, I couldn’t work out how the Mother got it so wrong. Usually, if you got that deep with someone, you knew they were your mate. If you didn’t, if things didn’t progress, then you pulled back and knew it wasn’t right. You didn’t pull away from me because you didn’t love me.”
I stared into his eyes, all those painful ghosts of feelings I’d felt when he’d finally broken up with me rising.
“You pulled away because you loved him too and he was ready to be alpha.”
The ambient sounds of the bush setting slowly seeped in. The creak of cicadas, the hush of wind in the leaves, the late chirp of bird calls. They dragged me back, out of high school, out of heartbreak, back to here.
“I’m sorry. I’m the fun guy, and here am I, vomiting my feelings up everywhere. Eat your food and I’ll take you back. We can try this again another time if you like.”
I reached across the table, taking one of his hands in mine, staring down at the freckles across the back, the slight smattering of ginger hair, and just held on. Did that small feeling of connection make him settle the way it did me? I hoped so. But when he turned his hand over to thread my fingers through with his, it wasn’t enough.
We’d held each other through so much of the travails of being teens, that was what had been hard about us breaking up. It meant I couldn’t reach for the person I’d been reaching for all this time, that I was in this on my own. Mum had died when I was so young and Dad and my family had clustered so tightly around me, I hadn’t felt her loss that much, so losing Declan was the first one I really remembered. It was so bloody confusing, walking away from one part of myself to go towards the other.
“I think you’re what clued Dad in that I was a nix,” I said finally. “He saw how devastated I was, yet emotionally, I had already been reaching out to Mason. That shouldn’t happen. I saw it as one thing or another, because that’s how I was raised, but what if it’d been different? What if you were my boyfriend all through school and you hadn’t been feeling the pressure to become alpha? What if you could’ve just been the warm, funny, sexy guy who was helping me find my feet as a woman and Mason was the hands off, solid rock he always was? Then when I was ready…”
He wouldn’t have seen it the way I did—Lorcan and Zack’s bodies replaced by his and Mason’s, coming together in my bedroom at home once I was eighteen, nineteen, whenever I felt it was time. What would it have been like, shared between two men that loved me, stroked and teased until I opened, ready for them, taking one swollen knot and riding it to completion, then another? But when I looked up, I saw the aftermath of something similar.
“That kinda hurts, that that choice was taken from me.”
He moved now, coming over to my side, then collected me up and pulled me into his lap. It was funny. I’d been trained to be self-sufficient and confident in my ability to look after my own problems, but there was something in me that loved this—feeling so small and vulnerable when they held me. I wanted to be able to kick arse, and I also wanted big strong hands that stroked my hair and my skin, settling me against them. I wanted us to be strong together.
“I’d have done anything to have what you described, you know that, right? I let you go because I thought—” I shifted in his arms, silencing him with a kiss. We couldn’t do this, get lost in the past, in memories, because while teenage Paige and Declan were gone, we were still here.
It was gentle at first. We were grieving, again, and our mouths told that story. First, there was that rush of Declan, of that tap I’d so firmly turned off rushing back in again. He tasted the same yet different, and I needed to know exactly how. Then we pulled back, our foreheads pressed together, just breathing for a moment.
“Fuck, I never thought I’d get to do that again. Never. I locked it all down tight, thinking there’s no way you’d go out with me again.”
“Dec…”
“This doesn’t have to go anywhere. I might not be your mate, but having this, just this…”
I ran my fingers through his hair, then down to that thick beard.
“We’re gonna see where this goes,” I said. “You might have to come back to the city with us.”
“I’m there, love. One hundred percent. Already talked to a cousin of mine about some possible work at a workshop he owns.”
“You thought about this?” I asked with a smile.
“You know me. I don’t hold back shit. I wanna know.” His grin faded. “I have to know. Am I just buzzing around, bugging you, or is there…?”
He didn’t want to say the words, and neither did I. It was too soon to know, with him, with Lorcan, with whoever I might take as a mate, but considering the possibility he wasn’t? I didn’t want to think about that. Seemingly of the same mind, he swept me onto my feet and dragged me back to the carpark.
“We can’t just leave that mess t
here.”
“We’ll come back for it. We’re not done yet, not for a while.”
He got inside the car, turning it on and leaving me blasted by the headlights, and a familiar tune came from the stereo.
“No,” I said, shaking my head and backing away, but he just grinned as he swept me into his arms, proceeding to move my body into the form Mrs Pfister insisted we practice before the school formal. “No, I suck at this. You know it, I know it.”
“You just never loosened up enough to let someone lead.” He pulled his body against mine. “You can stand on my toes if it helps.”
“You better have work boots on.”
“Steel caps,” he said with a grin. “I’ll be fine. Just let yourself go loose and feel the music.”
That was what Pfister had always said, and maybe if she’d done so with a low-down growl, I’d have listened. Right now, I looked up into those eyes, saw that slow smile, and then we moved.
Zack thought it hysterical that I could master fighting steps way more easily than dance ones.
“We need you doing capoeira, babe.”
I’d just flipped him off and then focussed on taking him down. But I came back to the here and now, feeling the rhythm in our movements like I did an opponent’s strikes, trying to do as Declan said and let go and follow him.
“That’s it.” He nodded encouragingly, placing my arms up around his neck so our bodies were pressed even closer, his hands sliding down to my hips. “You’re dancing.”
“I’m swaying with you while you dance.”
I yelped when he dipped me down, his smile growing wider as I wriggled, then he yanked me back before swirling me around. I remembered this part, that wild swing round and around, until finally, the song ended and we were left panting. He picked me up and put me on his bullbar, stepping between my legs in the next moment.
