by David Parker
Another problem with Ted’s habit of comparing himself to his younger-self, and to others, is it often leaves him feeling resentful. Ted’s angry resentments lead him to think up self-statements within his mind like: “Life isn’t fair!” While such thoughts may seem like a natural reaction, they can actually help perpetuate procrastination because it’s much easier to complain about our tasks than it is to act on them.
Likewise, when we feel angry and resentful, we act a bit like the elder lion that roars at the younger lions just to show who’s boss. Once the elder lion finds no one else to prove that he’s “King of the Beasts,” he quickly finds a shady spot and takes a nap. Similarly, after Ted has run, “It isn’t fair—and it shouldn’t be this way!” a few times through his conscious mind, he then does the same as the lion king; he takes a nap!
Lastly, Ted sometimes compares himself to people that, in his opinion, perform better than he does. Usually, they are co-workers of his, and while Ted may be aware of his resentments of them, he may not be as aware that those resentments sometimes register on his face or in his body language.
Once again, as much as we might like to, we cannot automatically change overnight from being habitual procrastinators into “do”-ers. However, please remember that you aren’t under any pressure to change. Instead, just try to be on the lookout for those times when you “compare and despair.” And, should you catch yourself “comparing and despairing,” be gentle with yourself by complimenting yourself for finding this mental trip hazard. Then, try thinking of another way of looking at the same situation. In that way, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you might avoid the pitfalls that can occur when we make comparisons.
Avoid Giving Yourself Vague or Conflicting Instructions for Accomplishing Tasks
Just as some procrastinators fail to keep the promises they make with themselves towards dealing with their tasks, sometimes we give ourselves vague and even confusing directions for how to go about accomplishing our tasks.
Ted, our friend who tends to “compare and despair,” is one such procrastinator who sometimes finds himself stymied by his own logic. For instance, another reason for putting off his housecleaning is because he thinks: “There’s little point in getting started if I’m not going to get it all done.” This is a conflicting instruction because the truth is, Ted’s put off his housecleaning for so long, that it would take a professional cleaner at least two or three visits in order to make his living space look nice.
This sort of self-statement, although very common with a lot of habitual procrastinators, is filled with the kinds of traps and pitfalls that can cause us to cease work before we’ve even begun. When we engage in this practice, we cause ourselves to shut down, and then nothing gets accomplished. Let’s re-examine Ted’s thought from the previous paragraph: “There’s little point in getting started if I’m not going to get it all done.” If Ted continues along this train of thought, here are just some of the roadblocks that he may encounter:
Ted doesn’t realize that his goal is unrealistic. He simply isn’t going to get everything accomplished in just one undertaking.
When he makes up his mind to get down to cleaning, he sees only the big picture, and then he becomes overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.
Ted concentrates on the big picture because he sees only the overall goal as the one that counts. He’s like an army general who wants to win a war, but doesn’t want to engage the enemy in small battles.
By the same measure, if Ted completed a few tasks, he’d likely disregard the results as nil because he failed to get everything done.
Ted expects perfection from himself, which is completely unrealistic. When he attempts to take on one of his tasks, he feels overwhelmed, and then puts it off for another day: “A day when I’m more up to it,” he says to himself. Then, Ted falls into feelings of depression and inadequacy because once again, he’s failed himself.
We can observe that one reason why Ted is a habitual procrastinator is because he always concentrates on the big picture. Yet, in spite of his poor track record at housecleaning, as well as other tasks, he never alters his approach. Instead, he sticks with what he’s already proven doesn’t work for him.
Like many procrastinators, Ted fails to plan. Unfortunately, Ted has yet to realize that when he fails to plan, he plans for failure.
Ted doesn’t know that if he only accomplished a few tasks in his spare time, it would be good enough, and that for a perfectionist like Ted, good enough is great!
Like many procrastinators, Ted fails to tackle his tasks unless he’s forced to by either a deadline or the threat of a penalty.
The remedy for us in situations like our friend Ted’s, is to give ourselves operating instructions that are less vague—and more accurate. For example, let’s look at how a habitual procrastinator like Ted assesses the task of gardening, followed by how a non-procrastinator views the same situation:
The Habitual Procrastinator Says While the Non-Procrastinator Says
“It’s too hot to do this today; I’ll get sunburned. I think I’ll watch a little television and wait for the sun to go down. Then it’ll be cool, and I can tackle it.”
“It’s a hot day outside, so I’ll need to do this in bits and pieces. All I really need right now is to tidy things up a little. I’ll pull those daisies and that patch of crabgrass, and maybe trim the edges with a weed-whacker if it’s not too hot. After that, all I have to do is water it. I can mow it tomorrow.”
Notice the differences between the habitual procrastinator and the non-procrastinator. While both are faced with the same task, their differences have more to do with their attitudes than anything else.
The procrastinator says to himself, “It’s too hot to do this today,” falling right into the trap of unrealistic goals and expectations. He thinks if he can’t complete it in one go, then it’s not worth doing. So, he comes up with a vague, alternate plan, by thinking, “I think I’ll watch a little television, and wait for the sun to go down.” This is fine, except for one thing: he won’t get around to it because he’ll either become absorbed in watching a program, or he’ll fall asleep on the couch. Either way, he’ll be confronted with two scenarios that he hadn’t planned on: one is that it will be too dark to mow the lawn, while the other is that mowing the lawn in the evening would probably annoy his neighbors. Whichever side the coin lands on, there’s a good chance that the next day Ted will look out at the billowing sea of grass in his front yard and he’ll reel in anguish, loathing, and self-dismay.
Now, notice how the non-procrastinator first assesses his situation by saying, “It’s a hot day outside, so I’ll need to do this in bits and pieces.” Instead of having an all-or-nothing attitude, the non-procrastinator realizes that the sun has put him at a disadvantage, so he alters his plans to fit the situation he finds himself in. He then says to himself, “All I really need right now is to tidy things up a little. I’ll pull those daisies and that patch of crabgrass, and maybe trim the edges with a weed-whacker if it’s not too hot.” By separating his tasks into manageable chunks, he decides how much he can handle and gives himself a bit of leeway, to do more or less, as conditions warrant. Finally, he gives himself permission to temporarily delay completion of the task with: “I can mow it tomorrow.” However, being a non-procrastinator, he knows that if he makes a promise with himself, he must keep it.
Respond to Your Tasks in a Logical Way
Another procrastinator who finds herself sullen and frustrated is Janice, who keeps an oversized and over-stretched garbage bag containing empty plastic bottles propped between the door to her apartment and an adjacent closet. Janice keeps telling herself she needs to bring the bag down to the basement because it’s grown so large that when she arrives home from work, she needs to press her full weight against the door just to open it. The bag also makes it difficult to get to that closet, which is where she keeps her commuter rail pass and pocketbook. So, she battles with the bag both after com
ing home from work, as well as the next morning.
“Oh, I’ve got to take care of this!” she says to herself before leaving for work Thursday morning, but later that evening she returns to do battle with her front door once again. “I’m going to take that bag down to the basement this weekend!” she says. “That’s it!” However, come the weekend, Janice’s mind is on anything but the bag, her front door, the closet, or on going to work Monday morning. So, when Monday inevitably arrives, Janice’s bag of bottles is heavier than ever, and instead of dealing with the bag in a one-time effort by taking it down to the basement, she says to herself, “I don’t have time to fiddle with that now; I’m late!” Later that evening, she finds herself in the same boat as the week before and bemoans the situation once more.
Habitual procrastination almost always takes its shape in the form of cycles of behavior. The cycle Janice finds herself in right now is one of responding incorrectly to the same situation over and over again, but not learning from these experiences that what has happened in the past will probably continue to happen should she continue responding in the exact same way. Instead of observing her unpleasant situation for what it is and changing, Janice floats, and then suffers the consequences of bad feelings and poor self-esteem.
The Primary Goal of Accomplishing Your Tasks Is to Increase Your Self-Esteem
When someone falls into depression, it’s not surprising to hear them say they feel as though they lost whatever self-esteem they had, and the same holds true for procrastinators. Tasks that seemed practically impossible to complete due to habitual procrastination seem even less likely to be accomplished after depression has set in.
Since procrastination means not dealing with one’s tasks, most especially, to the point of completion, if the sufferer has procrastinated habitually for long enough, he isn’t likely to have a long list of recent accomplishments. It isn’t difficult to imagine that anyone caught in that situation might then struggle with low self-esteem.
Luckily, if someone has stumbled in this sense, it doesn’t mean they can’t pick themselves back up. Clearly, a course of action is the action to take; however, it must be done gradually, because people who have suffered with loss of self-esteem can very easily become overwhelmed. Remember too, that small accomplishments can add up quickly into greater amounts of self-esteem. In my own case, if I have no dirty dishes in my kitchen sink, worn clothes aren’t draped over my furniture, and I know my checking account balance—for a person like myself, that state is quite an accomplishment, and achieving it always bolsters my self-esteem.
It’s for this reason that we must keep in mind that for us, our primary goal is not to accomplish our tasks, but to raise our self-esteem. To do that, you needn’t concern yourself over how much or how many accomplishments are necessary, because all it takes is the accomplishment of just one task in order to begin feeling better about yourself.
Be Wary of Making Harsh or Inappropriate Self-Statements
If there’s one question that I’d never like to hear again, it has to be, “Aren’t you being a little hard on yourself?” I’ve heard that from more people than I’d care to remember, and it’s caused me a good deal of bewilderment and frustration when I couldn’t understand why other people were so concerned about me being tough on myself. After all, wasn’t “being hard on myself” a sign of my determination and positive attitude? Well, they were signs, just not productive ones. And that’s part of the problem that we face, because we sometimes do things that we think are productive, yet, despite our best efforts, precious little gets accomplished.
Many habitual procrastinators have a “mental radio” playing an almost constant stream of negative self-statements with which they berate themselves for not “do”-ing. Through the use of harsh or inappropriate self-statements, this negative internal dialogue not only pushes us too far, but in the wrong ways too. We do this because we fall into the trap of putting unrealistic expectations upon ourselves; and while our internal dialogues may sound sensible to ourselves while we’re listening to them, they’re mostly unachievable for a variety of reasons.
Our friend Ted has a similar problem with household cleaning. During the workweek he tells himself, “For once and for all, this weekend I’m going to whip my apartment into shape!” When Ted tells himself that, it only follows in his mind that it must “do”-able, otherwise, why would he think it?
Was Ted’s self-statement true, or could it actually be a bit deceptive; being more complicated than he would otherwise have hoped? In addition, if his self-statement was inaccurate, could that also pose a barrier and prevent him from taking action?
Remember: Our self-statements are the instructions that we give ourselves. Let’s examine Ted’s self-statement by breaking it down into its components to see if it provides him with good instructions:
The Components of Ted’s Self-Statement: “For Once And For All, This Weekend I’m Going To Whip My Apartment Into Shape! What Is Needed
Dusting.
The physical energy to move objects around, and get in close to the dusty surfaces with a cleaning cloth.
Scrubbing and/or mopping floors.
Ted needs to move furniture around, get hot soapy water, and then get clean rinse water.
Organizing and/or filing.
He needs to devote a good bit of time for deciding what goes where, and to neatly place it all into file folders.
Throwing old things out.
Ted will need the emotional energy with which to “let go” of items that, though unnecessary, could be of significant sentimental value.
Finding new ways to use the space that had been taken up by the things he just threw out.
The physical energy to move furniture and household items back where they belong.
So, how “simple” did that sound to you? This is an example where someone prevents himself from taking action because what he’s told himself during the previous week while at work has little to do with the real work of getting it done.
The self-statement, “For once and for all, this weekend I’m going to whip my apartment into shape!” is what my father would have called “a pipe dream.” While this self-statement cloaks itself in the guise of good intentions, it can actually prevent the procrastinator from taking action because it’s more of a fantasy statement than anything else. As we all know, it’s fine to dream of fantasies—they’re a pleasant distraction, but we cannot live an adult life in a full-time fantasy world.
Although there are some individuals who can order themselves to whip their apartments into shape in almost warrior-like frenzy, not everyone is like this. Habitual procrastinators like us can inadvertently order ourselves to become still and frozen in our tracks, because we communicate with ourselves in the wrong way. Our mission is not to become “warriors” or to “stop acting like lazy jerks,” as some procrastinators have said to themselves. Instead, our goal is simply to gain a more balanced life.
You’ve probably seen the manager of a major league sports team face reporters after losing a crucial game, and then praise his team for their effort by saying something like, “Well, we did our best.” We can learn a great deal about positive self-talk from observing how others handle difficult situations. If, instead of putting ourselves down, we objectively examine our behaviors with the aim of finding the cause-and-effect relationships for our inaction, we’d then realize the opportunity to see our negative behaviors in a new light. With this approach, we can begin separating our past from our future by communicating with ourselves in better ways, learning to be patient with ourselves, giving ourselves better instructions, and acting in new ways.
Understand That There Will Be Consequences for Your Inaction
As habitual procrastinators, we generally don’t like being told what to do, or when to do it—that seems to be our nature. It doesn’t matter if the pressure is coming from external sources, such as bills we’ve put off, or our internal voice telling us that we need to clean up our place. However,
it’s also natural for many of us to feel depressed, anxious, and even victimized by our tasks and responsibilities. Some procrastinators feel as if they’re being followed by a black cloud. If we reach the point where we rarely accomplish any of our tasks because of the multitude of things needing our attention, we may feel overwhelmed. The inevitable result of this is feeling helpless and hopeless.
However, if our backs have been pressed up against the wall by the negative consequences of an undone task, we might respond to the pressure like soldiers on patrol who’ve suddenly found themselves under attack. When there’s absolutely no recourse, we fire back at our tasks with action: not consistent and prolonged action on one task after another, but just enough action to win that particular battle. Unfortunately for us, those battles and our chosen method of combat take their toll on us, and we then become casualties of habitual procrastination.
In a sense, we become battle-fatigued and, like experienced soldiers, we learn to practice the tactic of avoidance, which we do on an almost constant basis. Unfortunately for us, this only worsens our procrastinating ways by strengthening and reinforcing them. We fight against our tasks by ignoring them, whatever the task may be; moreover, we especially avoid those tasks that appear complicated, unpleasant, or make us feel uncomfortable. Yet despite our best efforts, “The Forces of Consequence” cold-heartedly use the extraordinary powers they have at their disposal. For example, they can shut off our electricity simply because we’ve been late paying our bills, and they can also stop us from taking our car out of our driveway just because our inspection sticker has expired.
If we are to begin changing our ways, we not only need the willingness to change, but also a calm and rational understanding that it is we ourselves who have placed ourselves in these battles as the result of our own procrastination. In other words, there are consequences that come from our procrastinating and, for many of us, they are the emotional ills of depression and anxiety that follow us around like that proverbial black cloud.
